And with an appropriately dusty bang that left everyone with glitter in their mouths, Fran morphed back to her normal fairy size.
She whipped out a mirror and looked at herself.
‘Excuse me, fans, WHY DO I HAVE A JELLY HEDGE FOR HAIR?!’
56
Moo
As they were leaving, Tiga spotted something lying on the ground, in amongst all the goo of the melted jelly castle, and just to the left of the thirteen angry-looking toads.
She walked over and picked it up.
The lollipop from Moo’s cart. She gently shook it, expecting the badly painted face to spring to life. But it didn’t. She tucked it in her pocket.
‘Come on Tiga, quickly!’ Peggy yelled from the train. ‘The track over the Badlands was a twist of one of their wishes and it’s disappearing!’ Parts of the track were glowing and fading, turning translucent in the dimming light.
Tiga looked up at the carriage and spotted the jelly horses crammed in there, covered in Fran’s glittery dust. ‘How come the jelly horses are still all right?’
Peggy shrugged. ‘Something to do with the fairy dust? I don’t really know. Let’s not question it too much. ’
Tiga looked up at them and realised something. ‘How did you all get back up there so quickly?’ The one carriage that had dislodged was lying empty on the ground. Fluffanora and Tiga’s mum and everyone else were sitting in another carriage now.
‘The levitating one,’ Peggy said, pointing to Felicity Bat, who was sweating and wheezing her way towards Tiga. ‘Right,’ she said breathlessly. ‘Last one. ’
RITZY CITY POST
* * *
* * *
RAILWAY WORKING AND
FRAN WORKING ON
LIFE STORY
* * *
* * *
The Sinkville Express isn’t breaking every five minutes! All the carriages seem to be staying on the tracks rather than falling to the ground for absolutely no reason whatsoever. So take a trip on the Sinkville Express today!
In other news, Fran the Fabulous Fairy – once again fairy-sized – is making a film about her ordeal with famed Patricia the producer in Brollywood. Details of the film remain top secret, but our reporter went to ask Fran some questions at her caravan.
Reporter: Fran! It’s me, the Ritzy City Post reporter. I just wanted to ask yo–
Our reporter was blasted with glittery dust and was too caked in it to finish – or start – the interview.
57
That Little Tube …
‘You did it, Tiga!’ her mum said, twirling her around in the kitchen.
Tiga was relieved to be back to normal life – just some dinner, her mum, and an assortment of items of bewitched clothing called Dennis.
Fluffanora, Mrs Brew and Peggy were there too, while Felicity Bat took care of Linden House for the evening.
‘Will Fran be joining us?’ Gretal Green asked.
‘I’ve missed her,’ Mrs Brew said. ‘Genuinely, even the screaming I LOVE YOU, MRS BREW. ’
Tiga laughed and scooped a huge spoonful of jam from the jar. ‘She’s getting her beauty sleep. They start filming her new show tomorrow. Some real-life thing. I’m going to go and watch her rehearse in the morning. ’
‘Well, that’s exciting,’ Mrs Brew said, hugging Tiga’s mum’s arm. ‘We should arrange a date to see it at the Silver Screen Cinema when it comes out. ’
Lucy Tatty knocked on the kitchen window. ‘Tiga, Peggy, Fluffanora! Come and play in the fountain! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT WITCH WARS!’
Tiga turned to her mum, who cackled. ‘It’s a Silver City tradition to play in the fountain. You must go, Tiga! Sometimes it opens up at the bottom and you’re whooshed to this secret underwater village that’s great fun. ’
‘Come in for dinner first,’ Tiga said. Lucy gave her the thumbs up and came careering into the kitchen. She squealed and climbed on to the seat next to her. ‘You’re like the big sister I don’t have yet. I’m obsessed with yoooou. ’
‘What do you mean that you don’t have yet,’ Fluffanora said. ‘A big sister would be older than you, so you’d have her already. ’
‘Oh yeah!’ Lucy Tatty said. ‘I forgot they have to be older. I always just think it’s taller. Oh, Tiga,’ she said, handing her Gloria Tatty’s drawing of Moo. ‘My gran wanted you to have this. ’
Peggy rolled a large map out on the table. ‘That reminds me! I’m going to build in the Badlands. Have all sorts of houses and things there! And thirteen toads, of course. ’
‘Can they cause trouble as toads, the Karens?’ Gretal Green asked.
Peggy shook her head. ‘They can’t even speak. Oh, and there will be two very cool jelly horses, covered in Fran’s dust. ’
‘They’re still covered in glittery dust?’ Fluffanora asked.
‘I’m afraid they’ll melt if I remove it,’ Peggy explained.
‘Well, quite,’ Mrs Brew said.
‘And guess what I’m going to call the place?’
‘The Badlands?’ Fluffanora guessed.
‘No, no!’ Peggy said, laughing. ‘Lucy, you’ll like this. I’m going to call it Glormoo!’
They all stared at her.
‘You know … because Gloria and Moo … Glormoo?’
‘Eh, yeah, well,’ they all muttered awkwardly at once.
Fluffanora placed a hand on Peggy’s arm. ‘I’m sure once you have a nice sign up for it, it’ll sound better. ’
‘It sounds good, I thought. You know, just off on holiday to ride jelly horses in Glormoo. You can’t beat a day in Glormoo,’ Peggy mumbled to herself.
‘What about Tatty Moor?’ Tiga suggested. ‘It sounds less … weird?’
‘Yes,’ Peggy said slowly. ‘I like it. And we can have a grand hotel there called Glormoo! Yes, Glormoo Castle. ’
‘Look at you, being all fancy,’ Fluffanora said, flashing Peggy a smile. ‘Building castles. ’
Tiga watched as her mum turned and lifted a small test tube from the kitchen counter. She stared at it for a moment and then shook her head. With a flick of a finger, she sent it sailing towards the bin.
Tiga gulped down some jam and leapt in the air to grab it.
‘You’re going to get rid of it? I thought it was one of your best inventions!’
‘It only causes trouble,’ Gretal Green said. ‘I don’t think I’ll be making more fairies any time soon. At least not while Fran is around. ’
‘I suppose. Fran is very sensitive,’ Tiga said. She was starting to love all the weird and wonderful inventions and didn’t want her mum to feel she couldn’t experiment. Tiga clutched the test tube tighter. She stared down at the picture of Moo, running her hand over it. She remembered the little wooden lollipop she’d brought back from the Badlands. ‘Wait,’ she said, grinning. ‘Do you think we could make one more small thing?’
58
Fluff My Hair and Call
Me Maggots
On the set of Fran’s new film, witches were putting the finishing touches to the miniature model of Ritzy City. It was perfect, with immaculate detail – everything from the little lamp posts and flowerpots to the tiny shop signs.
Tiga sat on a director’s chair in the corner giving Fran the thumbs up.
‘Now, Fran, if you could just squash that model of the Brew’s fashion boutique with your shoe and scream “AAAARGH!” that would be great. ’
Fran held a hand in the air, looking horrified. ‘Patricia the producer, I would never squash Brew’s. ’
‘All righty, let’s move on to your next line, when you run around bellowing through your gigantic mouth …’
‘Die, witches, die,’ Fran said, reading the script slowly. She placed it on the ground and looked at Patricia the producer. ‘This isn’t a true-life story at all, is it? YOU’RE MAKING A HORROR FILM OUT OF MY ORDEAL!’
Patricia and Crispy looked guiltily at their shoes. ‘But we’ve made a replica Karen toad and a squidgy pony with state-of-the-a
rt fake jelly,’ Patricia the producer tried.
‘Well, I will not be a part of this! I would never do a horror. Crispy tried to get me in her Toe Pinchers film and I said absolutely not! Not even if I get to play all the parts. ’
‘That would be impossible, to play all the parts,’ Crispy said quietly, but Fran was on a roll.
‘And another thing. I am the best fairy actress in all of Sinkville, have we all forgotten that? Who else holds the award for Best and Only Fairy Film of the Year? No one, because I am still quite literally holding it!’
She held it up and waved it about.
‘My film Toe Pinchers won the award for Special Effects That You Could Do Yourself at Home,’ Crispy said proudly.
‘CRISPY, THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING,’ Fran scoffed, floating towards the door.
Patricia the producer coughed. ‘We think it’ll win more awards if it’s a horror. ’
Fran paused. ‘Awards? More than one?’
Patricia the producer nodded.
‘Well, Patricia, fluff my hair and call me Maggots! I’ll DO IT. ’
Tiga smiled. Sinkville was finally back to normal.
Fran’s jelly hair wobbled as she bounded across the set.
Well, almost.
Look out for
Bad Mermaids
A new series by Sibéal Pounder
March 2017
‘Fabulous fairies and fashion-forward witches’
Guardian, Best New Children’s Books, Summer 2015
‘The craziest and funniest book I’ve read in ages’
Andy Stanton, author of the Mr Gum series
‘I couldn’t put this book down and will recommend it to all my friends’
Evie, age 8, for lovereading4kids.co.uk
‘Silly spells, delectable dresses, magical mishaps and ridiculous riddles, this is a witch story like no other – and it’s a blast!’
Bookseller
‘I’m a big fan of the main fairy’
Fran the Fabulous Fairy
‘Fizzing with fun’
Daily Mail
Bloomsbury Publishing, London, Oxford, New York, New Delhi and Sydney
First published in Great Britain in October 2016 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
50 Bedford Square, London WC1B 3DP
This electronic edition published in September 2016
www.bloomsbury.com
BLOOMSBURY is a registered trademark of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Text copyright © Sibéal Pounder 2016
Illustrations copyright © Laura Ellen Anderson 2016
The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced or
transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying
or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 4088 8034 0
eISBN 978 1 4088 8033 3
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Witch Glitch Page 12
