by Lisa Ladew
Understanding crossed his face and he laughed too. The laugh turned his face from handsome into extraordinary. She felt the bottom drop out of her heart in a swooping sensation.
“No, not Opie,” he responded.
She peered at him again, mock concentration on her face. “Dick?” He laughed again and shook his head. She tapped her finger against her chin and looked towards the ceiling. Fastening her eyes on him again she exclaimed, “I know, Adolf. You look like an Adolf.”
His face went blank, unreadable. He leaned close to her and said, “My grandfather’s name was Adolf.”
Katerina recoiled, appalled at herself. A blush skidded across her cheeks. “I’m sorry!”
He laughed and held up his hands. “I’m just kidding. His name wasn’t Adolf.”
Katerina’s mouth dropped open and he laughed again. She didn’t know whether to feel angry or relieved or amused.
He held up his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it. My first name is Gerald. There’s nothing wrong with it, I just never really liked it.”
Katerina recovered. She smiled and even laughed a little. She’d asked for it and he delivered. That was actually pretty good. She took another long swallow of her beer and appraised him, happy he had come to sit down at her table.
“Me too,” she said.
“What?” he asked, looking confused again.
“I go by my middle name also. I don’t like my first name either.”
“What’s your first name?”
“I’m not telling. Besides, you don’t even know the name I prefer yet. I’d hate to tell you my real first name and then that’s what you start calling me.”
West nodded. “Fair enough. What’s your name?”
“Katerina.”
“Katerina,” West repeated to himself, a thoughtful look on his face. West fixed the full force of his gaze on her, and once again she was struck by his handsomeness. “That’s a beautiful name.”
“Thank you,” Katerina breathed, her heart beating quickly.
“Would you like to dance?” West asked, his eyes flicking to the dance floor and back.
Katerina didn’t even have to consider. Anything to keep this conversation from ending. Again she was struck by the fact that she felt the best she had all day. Thank goodness for beer and conversation. She took his hand and let him lead her onto the dance floor, not even looking for Jordan. She was having a good time finally and she was glad Jordan had brought her.
The song playing was a slow country ballad that Katerina didn’t recognize. West stopped at an open space on the dance floor and pulled her around to face him. She stepped willingly into the circle of his arms and allowed herself to melt into him. She liked him. And she had just met him. This never happened to her but she was so glad it was happening tonight. He smelled good. Like strong soap and pleasant spice. Their bodies fit together nicely, even though she only came up to his chest. She hated being short, usually. Right now she didn’t mind. She could feel his corded muscles under her hand and pressed against her stomach. She leaned into him, not bothering to wonder why and how this felt so right, so quickly.
“You’re here with your friend?” he asked.
“Yeah, she wanted to take me out tonight. I don’t get out much.”
“How come?”
She shrugged in his arms. “I work too much I guess.”
He laughed. “I know that story. I’m here with my friend too. He talked me into coming tonight because he says I work too much.”
She grinned up into his face, about to ask him what he did, when the song ended. A boot-kicker came on and the people on the dance floor jostled them, trying to get into place to line dance.
“I don’t know how to line dance,” Katerina told him.
“Okay, let’s sit this one out if you want to.” He led her off the dance floor and back to her table. Katerina took the last swallow of her beer and realized she needed to head to the ladies room.
“I need to go to the restroom,” she said shyly, pointing aimlessly. He smiled and pointed in the opposite direction. “It’s that way”
“Oh, thanks.”
“Before you go, could I…” He looked down and a slightly sheepish grin surfaced on his face. “Can I get your number? You know, just in case the bar catches on fire and we have to evacuate and we get lost and don’t see each other again?”
Katerina noticed a slight reddening on his cheeks and thought it was adorable. He was shy? Embarrassed? She wouldn’t have imagined it. She would’ve thought he was a smooth operator all the way around. A lady-killer. But unless the blush was nothing more than a stellar act, he wasn’t very good at this.
She hadn’t given her number out in years. When the plan was pre-med, and then medical school, she had steadfastly refused to date, knowing men could only distract her. But hadn’t she just admitted to Jordan that medical school was no longer a guarantee? That it was almost an impossibility? So what was stopping her from dating? From giving out her number? Nothing.
“Sure.” She pulled a pen out of her purse and dug out a piece of scratch paper, quickly jotting down her cell phone number and handing it to him.
He took it with a smile and held out a card to her. “Just in case you want mine.”
She took it and thrust it in her purse without looking at it. “Thanks. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back.” She hurried to the bathroom, cursing her small bladder.
Chapter 6
Katerina hurried to the bathroom, trying to be as quick as possible. After only a moment, she realized she was feeling poorly again. As quickly as the weights of the images had seemed to lift from her before, they settled back in place like they deserved to be there. The images! That was why she’d felt so good earlier! Her mind had belonged to her again. She tried to think back to when they’d first disappeared, but she couldn’t quite do it. She was being distracted.
Liquid brown eyes. Blonde ponytail. Red lipstick.
Katerina groaned in the stall, heedless of who might hear her. She’d felt so good just a few short moments before. Why wouldn’t these horrible pictures in her mind go away? Why were they haunting her? Who were these women? What happened to them? Why was she seeing it? She raked her fingernails down her cheeks, feeling her sanity slipping. Her mind seemed slightly fuzzy, indicating that she still had a bit of a buzz from the beers she had drank, so it hadn’t been the beer that had held the freak show at bay for a few blessed moments.
She pushed out of the stall and splashed water on her face, noting the dark bags under her eyes. She couldn’t live like this. It had only been a day, but she couldn’t take this for even one more hour. A black cloud of dread settled over her head. She could almost see it. These pictures would kill her if they didn’t go away. And she was supposed to start a new job tomorrow. One in which concentration and a clear head were paramount. But she had neither. Was this how people went crazy?
A woman jostled her at the mirror and she stepped back. Jordan. She had to go find Jordan and ask for a ride home.
She pushed out of the bathroom and walked purposefully back to her table. West was there still. She felt bad that she was going to abandon him, right as they were getting to know each other, but what could she do? Maybe a good night’s sleep would make all this go away.
He looked up and waved at her, smiling. As their eyes locked, calm settled back on Katerina. She felt better. Like she could finally take a deep breath again. She did, sucking in smoky air. She didn’t care. She wanted oxygen. It was making her feel better. She managed to smile back at West weakly.
When she got to the table, West looked at her with concern. “Are you okay?”
She sank into her chair and considered. She felt decent now. Thank goodness. “Yeah, I think I am. We should dance.” Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to be pressed up against him again.
West smiled, surprise in his eyes, but led her back onto the dance floor where the jukebox spouted John Legend sing
ing All of Me. She swayed to the music before he even pulled her into his arms. But then he did, and she sank into them more willingly than the first time. She laid her head on his chest, hoping he didn’t think she was too forward. Suddenly she just wanted to be close to him, this big, strong man she’d just met who made her feel so good. They moved around the dance floor and the next time Katerina opened her eyes she saw Jordan, dancing a short way away. Jordan flashed her a huge smile and a thumbs up. Katerina smiled back, knowing she wasn’t doing this to make Jordan happy. She was making herself happy.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” West murmured into her hair. “You seem, I don’t know, sad or uncomfortable.”
Katerina looked up into his face, surprised. “You can tell that about me already?”
He smiled. “I can see it in your eyes.”
Katerina’s guard dropped away completely as she contemplated what this man she had just met said. She felt hugely connected with him, like she had known him forever, like he was her best friend and protector. He smiled down at her and his perfectly-carved lips drew her to him like a magnet. Reveling in her clear mind, she refused to think about what she was about to do. She refused to contemplate if it was a good idea or not. Instead, she acted.
She stood on her tip toes and curled a hand around the back of his neck, urging his head towards hers. She saw surprise in his eyes for only a fleeting moment, and then a vast rightness and acute longing replaced it. He inclined his head and slowly maneuvered his lips towards hers. The moment stretched and lengthened. She felt an unspoken question in his unhurried pace. Are you sure? She tried to signal back with her eyes. I’m positive. And then his lips met hers and her eyes slid closed. A bright blue flare of good and right and everything-she’d-ever-wanted exploded in her brain, but she allowed it to pass without contemplation. She was more interested in how her body was responding. Her nipples instantly hardened and she could feel every press and friction-full slide they made under her shirt and against his chest. Her lower belly flooded with heat and pulsed hotly. Sweet tingles ran up and down her spine. She heard herself making faint noises of longing in the back of her throat. His lips were exactly the right combination of soft and firm, with his stubble rasping deliciously on her skin. She opened her lips, inviting him in with a quick dart of her tongue into his mouth. He responded quickly, his own tongue meeting hers. Her nose filled with his clean scent. His mouth tasted like beer. She curled her fingers in his hair and lost herself completely in the moment, losing touch with the music, the bar, the fact that a world existed outside of West and Katerina. Katerina and West.
The kiss went on for what seemed like an eternity. They’d stopped dancing. They were standing stock still on the dance floor, with couples swirling around them. He brought a hand up into her hair and plunged it in, seeming to delight in the sensation. Katerina found her breath coming heavier, and she felt like she couldn’t get enough. Hesitantly at first, she ground her center against him, thrilled beyond belief when she felt a thick length behind his zipper.
She never remembered being this turned on by anyone in her entire life. Not even in high school when the hormones flowed like water. She was thrilled that he wanted her too.
Finally, he broke the kiss and stared deep into her eyes. “Want to get out of here? Maybe get a cup of coffee? Or take a walk?”
Katerina took a moment to catch her breath. She did want to get out of here. But she didn’t want to take a walk. She wanted to take this man someplace private and have her way with him. A small part of her mind clambered at this information. That wasn’t who she was. That wasn’t what she did. And besides, she didn’t even know him. And he was someone that she could date. Someone that she could build a relationship with. Did she want to take the chance of ruining that with one night of sex? Hot as it probably would be?
Another part of her spoke up. Why would a night of sex ruin anything? He didn’t seem like a player. There was no guarantee he would call her if she didn’t take him home. And there was no guarantee he wouldn’t call her if she did.
And it was unlikely he was some sort of rapist or murderer. Who would try to pick up victims at a cop bar? He was probably a cop, anyway. Not that cops were always 100% law-abiding, but she had always had an incredible intuition about people. She had always known, even when she was a little girl, whether someone was a good person or not. It was a gift she had. All she got from this guy was goodness.
Katerina opened her mouth, not sure what she was going to say. “Why don’t we go to your place?”
Something flashed in his eyes and at first she couldn’t identify it, but as he pulled back slightly and searched for words, she knew what it was. It was rejection. He didn’t want to take her to his place. Crushing disappointment and embarrassment flooded her. She dropped her eyes and all at once the horrible events of the day crashed in on her, heavier than ever. Hot tears prickled behind her eyes.
She pulled away from him. “Never mind, it was a stupid idea. I’ve got to get out of here anyway, I have to, ah, work in the morning.”
Katerina stepped through the crowd, looking desperately for Jordan. If she had to, she would walk home but hopefully she didn’t have to. She could hear West yelling behind her. She walked faster and ducked behind a couple, hoping to get away from him.
She was going to cry, and soon, and she didn’t want him to see it. If only she hadn’t given him her number already. She never wanted to see him again. There were a few things she was sensitive about. Her complete lack of money was one of them. Being rejected was another. Her day had put her on such edge that she had even less ability than normal to deal with it. Desperation clotted her brain. Where was Jordan?
Finally, she recognized Jordan’s blonde curls, pressed against a man in a corner. She rushed over, interrupting them.
“Jordan, please can you take me home right now.”
“Katerina, what is going on? What did that guy do?”
“Nothing. I don’t feel good. I want to get out of here right now.”
Jordan threw a glance at the man she’d been all over. He raised his chin. “I’ll drive you both.”
Katerina tugged on Jordan’s hands. “No, Jordan, please. I don’t feel good and I want to be alone. Just drop me off at home and then you can come back.”
“Okay.”
Jordan turned to the man and whispered something in his ear, then followed Katerina outside. Once the door closed behind them, Katerina breathed a sigh of relief, happy that West hadn’t found her before she got out of the bar. She never wanted to see him again in her life. She wanted to forget this night and day had ever happened.
Liquid brown eyes. Blonde ponytail. Red lipstick.
Chapter 7
West took one last trip around the bar, then finally admitted to himself that Katerina was no longer inside it. He hurried out the door to look for her. He quickly threw a glance in both directions, but the sidewalk was empty. Disappointment exploded in his chest. What happened?
He grimaced and called himself a dozen different names. He knew what had happened. She had correctly interpreted the look in his eyes that said he didn’t want to take her home. She probably thought he was married. And if he had taken her home, she definitely would’ve thought he was married. His house was still exactly the same way it had been on the day that Stephanie died. It was almost a shrine. Stephanie’s pillow was still on the bed, her clothes were still in the closets, even her car was still in the garage. In fact, if he were to admit the absolute truth to himself, she was the reason he had gotten rid of his dirt bike. When she was alive, she had always hated the thing. She never said so, and never had asked him to get rid of it, but he could tell that she was scared it was dangerous and reckless and juvenile. And after she died, regret about ignoring her unspoken wishes consumed him, so he sold it.
He looked to the dark sky and wondered how he ever had been such an idiot. Of course Blaise had been right. He had been stuck in the past. But now he was ready.
&nbs
p; He pulled out his phone and texted Blaise. Sorry, B. I’m heading home. Call you tomorrow.
He walked two blocks to the parking lot where his truck was and then drove home on autopilot, making his plans.
Once home, he pulled the moving boxes out of the garage where they’d been neatly flattened and stacked since they moved in. He set them up in the living room and started tossing things in. He picked his favorite picture of them on their honeymoon and left it up on the wall, but everything else went either into a box marked storage, or a box marked giveaway. His long-haired tabby cat, Nina, meowed piteously and wound around his legs while he worked. He ignored her. Normally, he could not resist her attempts at attention, but this evening, he barely noticed her. He had work to do.
West emptied the closets. He took Stephanie’s pillow off the bed. He went through every item in her office and decided what to do with it. Some of it needed to go to her sister.
He could barely stand it. Tears flowed down his face most of the night. He felt like he was killing her all over again. And now he knew why he had never been able to do this before. She was really gone. Gone forever. He’d never hear her voice again. Never touch her skin. Never smell her perfume. It was like ripping out his heart, on purpose.
Finally, at 5:30 in the morning, it was done. He’d said his final goodbye. He piled the boxes that would be donated into the back of his truck and planned to drop them off at a charity before work the next day. He’d call someone to come and get her car. Hopefully he could donate that too.
He stumbled into his room, eyes burning, and set his alarm for 1 o’clock. Luckily, he worked the afternoon shift that day, so he could still get a few hours of sleep.
He pulled Katerina’s number out of his pocket and placed it gently on the nightstand.
Just before his eyes closed for good, he said only one prayer. Please Katerina, allow me to explain.
Chapter 8
Katerina rolled over heavily and forced her eyes open. The clock said 1:15. She put a hand to her head. She’d just slept for over twelve hours, but she didn’t feel rested at all. In fact, she’d slept right through her alarm and now was running late, but it didn’t seem to have made any difference. She tried to jump out of bed and hurry to the shower, but her body felt full of sand and like it weighed 500 pounds. Why did she feel even worse than she had yesterday? Slowly, she forced herself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She had to be at her new job by 2:45 for the afternoon shift. As she made her way down the hallway, her dreams started to come back to her.
