by Max Henry
We’re Belle and Zeus.
We’re a love that almost never was but became too strong to deny.
We’re everything that makes my heart happy. Complete. Content.
“Look at me,” Zeus growls, hips thrusting with sharp strokes.
My lips part, his thumb and forefingers pinched under the points of my jaw. I force my eyes to stay open through the climb and meet his gaze.
He doesn’t need to say any more; it’s there in his eyes.
And I fucking feel it to my core, welcoming the rush it provides, welcoming the way our connection doubles my high as I fall apart, heels digging into his back to urge him closer, deeper … more.
Zeus follows, barely able to stop himself from crushing me as he collapses into my arms.
His back shakes, a gentle chuckle sounding from where his head rests on my shoulder. “Hey, baby.” He lifts his head, smiling and still very much inside of me. “How was your day now?”
I grin, rolling my eyes when the first babble of Sera waking cruises down the hallway. “Better.”
One last thrust before he pulls out. “Only better?”
“Do that again later, and I might upgrade the rating.”
He gestures for me to stay where I am, returning a minute later with a warm cloth to help me clean up. A low growl rumbles from his chest as he takes in the sight of me buck-naked, sprawled on the sofa where I wait.
“I’d do it again right now if we weren’t expecting company.”
“We’re what?” I snatch the washcloth from his hand and shove it between my legs before starting the dash for our bathroom. “When?”
“Soon.” He laughs, the sound echoing through the house as he follows toward Sera’s room. “Mike’s dropping the car off.”
Shit. He could have told me that before we started.
At least I locked the door.
FOUR
Zeus
The scene before me is a fucking oxymoron if I ever saw one. The sunrise casts a heavenly glow across the sky, shades of yellow and orange seeping out from behind the fluffy white cloud overhead. A sparrow hops around on the branch of the tree at the end of the driveway, whipping its tail left and right while it titters to another bird I can’t see in the foliage.
I’d call it a perfect morning to be leaning out on our porch with a hot brew in hand, yet there’s one fucking eyesore ruining it all.
The damn Honda.
I glare daggers at the fucking car while I sip my black coffee, hoping the caffeine will give me the clarity I need to figure out some solution for this fucking issue that doesn’t involve cash I don’t have.
The epiphany never comes. An empty cup does instead.
I re-enter the house to find Belle in the kitchen, fixing a mug for herself while Sera lies on her back under the baby-gym in the living room.
“Wondered if that was where you were.” She gives me a warm smile.
Adoration I don’t deserve.
“You’ll need to get going if you want to be at work on time.” Belle spins to swipe a click-seal container of food off the counter. “I made you something for lunch. It’s not much, but it’s better than a Marmite sandwich again, right?”
Fuck. “Thanks, dove.” I take it from her and carry it to the fridge. “I called in for the day off, though.”
“What?” None of the previous warmth remains in her tone. “Why?”
“I need to fix the Honda,” I snap a little blunter than intended.
I turn to find her behind me, arse against the counter with her arms folded high on those milky tits. “You need the hours, Zeus.”
“And you need a working car.”
Her brow furrows, eyes averted to the floor. I know I won’t like what she says next. “I thought I could ask Sharon if she can go without hers until the weekend.”
Take a deep breath. My gaze fixes to the incomplete renovations in the adjacent living room before falling to where Sera lies on the floor, oblivious to the tension in the nearby kitchen.
“No.”
Belle’s eyes widen.
“You aren’t asking her.” There’s no way in hell I’m letting Belle admit to her old man that I can’t take care of his girl.
Not after the shit I went through to get her.
“For God’s sake, Zeus,” Belle hollers after me, stalling my path to the bedroom to get garage clothes on. “Set your pride aside and admit we need the help!”
Knuckles tight, I turn and address her in the most level tone I can manage. “My pride is all I have left.”
“Is it worth this, though?” She throws her arms wide, indicating our barren cupboards and incomplete redecorating.
“You want me to give up the one damn thing I have that makes me feel as though I’m worth something?” I growl. “If I admit I can’t take care of you and Sera, then what? Huh? You want that kind of pressure again?”
Nostrils flaring, she takes two measured steps toward me. “It has to be easier than what we deal with now, don’t you think?”
“No.” I search her tear-rimmed gaze. “And if you think I’d rather quit and call defeat, then you still don’t know me all that well.”
She turns away, our baby girl grizzling as the unrest pollutes the air. I breeze past the girl I’d do anything to keep and head for the one I couldn’t bear to fail.
Confused eyebrows and chubby, grabby hands greet me when I lean down to scoop Sera off the floor. She has Belle’s brown hair and my blue eyes. A combination that sounds dull to most, but one that creates nothing but a stunning masterpiece, in my opinion.
“Hey, girl. You had breakfast?” I tickle her under the chin, earning a smile as she tries to duck her head away.
“Yes,” Belle snaps on her way back to the abandoned coffee mug. “But it wasn’t enough.”
“What do you mean it wasn’t enough?”
“I mean,” she grates out through a stiff jaw. “I’m not producing enough to fill her anymore, Zeus.”
I glance again at the weight in my arms and cede that our girl has been growing quite fast lately. “What does that mean, then? Do you want to introduce solids?”
Belle sighs, one hand plastered to the counter while she hovers the brew under her lips with the other. “I have. She has one meal a day, but I can’t fill in the gaps until she adjusts.” Her eyes close, same as Sera’s. “She’ll need formula.”
Goddamnit. Stifling the groan that aches to be set free, I nestle Sera into my left pec and head for Belle. “How long have we got?”
Belle tugs the collar of her sweater from her body, snapping her head back to peer down at her breasts. “Oh, gee. The gauge is broken. I’m not sure.”
“Cut the lip,” I growl, startling my baby girl. “Your best estimate. Can you feed her for another week? Two?”
“I don’t know!”
Belle leaves me in the wake of her storm, making a beeline for the bedroom with her coffee. The slam of our door echoes soon after.
I’m being unfair—I know it. She can’t be expected to know what her body will produce day-to-day, and especially on the shit I know she eats. My issue isn’t that our baby will go off the tit, it’s that we can’t afford the alternative. Those tins are powdered gold. What we’d spend on one of them could feed Belle and me for two days solid.
Fuck.
Belle had a valid point, too: Sharon would be more than happy to let us use her car. But I’ve kept the illusion up for this long that we’re doing fine, I’m not having John discover the truth now.
I said I could take care of Belle, and I fucking meant it.
Jodie. I absently rock side to side with Sera, mulling over the option. I could trust Jodie to keep details to herself, but could I trust John not to notice Belle in a different car and ask questions?
A risk we’d have to take if I’m to get my woman mobile and myself back to work.
With the sweet smell of my baby girl’s hair and the weight of her head on my shoulder, I take a step out to the back deck and
juggle my phone in one hand. The chill on the shaded side of our house tickles my bare chest, yet I wrap Sera tighter in my arm and make sure she’s as comfortable as can be while I hit the button to dial my ex.
“Hey,” she croaks.
“Morning.”
“Hell, Zeus. It’s a bit early, don’t you think?”
“It’s breakfast time,” I argue.
“At six-thirty in the morning?” She snorts a laugh. “Maybe for you. Why are you calling so early?”
“I’m just going to get to the pointy end,” I say. “Can Belle borrow your car for a few days?”
She lets out a laboured sigh. “I’d love to help, but what am I supposed to use?”
“You’ve got two vehicles, haven’t you?”
“Yeah,” she says. “But the other one is Eric’s work ute. He’s in it all day, every day.” Shit. “I’d work around it, but I have Bradley.”
How the fuck it slipped my memory that she has a damn eighteen-month-old to think of when I hold my child in my arms, who’d fucking know.
“Yeah. You’re right,” I cede. “I didn’t think about that.”
“What’s going on?” I catch the cry of the boy in question in the background.
“I need to fix Belle’s car to get it running again, and it could be a day yet if the parts aren’t in stock.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“Alternator.”
“Damn.”
“Uh-huh.” I set a kiss to Sera’s sleepy head. “Sorry I called so early.”
“I wish I could help, Zeus. I really do, but I’m stuck.” She pauses. “Can she use an Uber in the meantime when she needs to go out?”
“Yeah. Probably.” Not that we could afford one. “I’ll let you go.”
I cut her off before she can ask any more questions and pocket the phone in my rugby shorts. The saying goes that money doesn’t buy happiness, and I agree with that one hundred per cent, but it sure as fuck alleviates stress.
Every morning I get up, and from the minute I open my fucking eyes to when they fall shut at night, I’m thinking in dollars and cents. I’m tired of it. Sick of the chains it binds. Just one month. One week, even, where I cold whip my bank card out and not think twice about it.
That’s all I want.
To be able to provide for my family as the man of the house should.
A simple request from a simple man.
Or at least, it should be.
FIVE
Belle
His footsteps echo back and forth through the house, Zeus’s deep voice muted through the walls as he mutters to Sera. I feel like a right bitch, holing myself away in our room, but damn it all, why can’t he see that we’re seconds from hitting bottom with such force I’m not sure either of us can recover this time around?
We’re out of options, and my freaking brain hurts trying to come up with a solution from nowhere.
“Fuck my life.” I flop back on our unmade bed, arms wide, and stare up at the ceiling.
I was supposed to be working from home by now with Sera in daycare three afternoons a week. My business is two-thirds set up, taunting me as yet another failed project.
What the hell have I achieved since leaving home? Dating a lying, cheating douchebag and travelling for a while?
Having a kid that I can’t afford to feed?
My throat thickens with shame that I refuse to show in front of anyone else. We’re all responsible for where we are in life, or at least that’s what I keep reading on those motivational posts people like Jodie share in the spirit of encouraging others.
The problem is, they make me feel worse when I think that this crapola situation is of my own doing.
They de-motivate me, not urge me to get up and going.
Because why try when you’re destined to fail?
And there’s your problem, girl. I’ve allowed myself to slide into this pessimistic default mode, always expecting the worst and hoping for the mediocre. Where did the girl with stars in her eyes go? The one who returned to New Zealand ready to forge ahead with her dreams?
I guess shit-filled nappies and sub-standard paycheques smothered her.
“Dove?”
I roll my head and face the door; sure if I stare hard enough at it, I can pick out his stubborn face on the other side. “What?”
His sigh seeps under the gap at the floor. “I’ve put Sera in her playpen. I need to go out and price a new alternator.”
I launch from the bed and stride over to the door, ripping it open on its hinges. “Where are you going to get it? You know we can’t afford the genuine part.”
His typically expressive eyes meet mine with an eerie emptiness. “Trying the wreckers at the south end first.”
I should back down, but … “What are you going to pay with? Our grocery money?”
Zeus lifts his hand and gestures toward the garage with his thumb. “Got some stuff I can scrap for a few extra.”
I can’t stomach this. I don’t want to hear about it, let alone talk about it. “Fine.”
He stays mute as I breeze past, heading for Sera.
The internal garage door closes followed soon after by the sound of his bike as he roars toward the street.
I focus on the shine in Sera’s eyes as she pushes a wooden bee around on the carpet, forcing the worries from my mind with my hands jammed between my legs. Kneeling as I am, seated on my heels, I can feel how damn bony my arse is these days. I managed to put weight on while in America but all it took was eight months of inadequate eating for it to disappear and then some.
Sera blurs, her innocence melting into a pool of smudged colours as the tears muddy my vision. For once, I let them fall. There’s only so long I can stay strong before the stress of fooling myself becomes too much to bear.
I can’t pretend everything’s okay. It’s not okay. I can’t lie and say that it’ll all work out in the end, because I’m not sure it will.
I’m drowning, and the only person who can save me is swimming in the wrong direction.
“Belle?”
I jerk from my spiral with a hiccup, hastily swiping at my unmade face with the back of one hand.
Jodie stands hesitantly in our entrance, Bradley perched on her hip. “Is Zeus home?”
I shake my head, forcing shaky legs to hold me as I rise to greet her. “He went out for a bit.”
In a few quick steps, she has Bradley set down beside Sera, concern clear in the furrow of her brow. “What’s going on, honey? Zeus called and asked if you could use my car, but he went strange after I said I couldn’t spare it.” She turns to face me and sighs. “I came over to see what the hell he’s up to now.”
My chin quivers, despite my best attempts to school my features. “My alternator went.”
“He said.”
“He’s gone to the wreckers to see if he can get another one.” I put the kitchen counter between us, fussing unnecessarily with the drying bottles in the dish rack.
“Belle,” she says softly, edging toward the opposite side. “While he’s not here, speak your mind, hon.”
I stare at the granite beneath my fingers. “Zeus hasn’t been getting many hours, and I’m unable to return to work because I have Sera to look after.” I force a smile, but she isn’t buying it.
“All you had to do is call, and I’d take Sera for you.”
“It’s not that easy when I feed her,” I hedge weakly.
“You’ve got bottles.” Jodie points to the obvious before me. “And if you need to express, I have a near-new pump you can use.”
I have nothing.
“What’s the real reason?” Jodie leans a little closer, ducking her head to see my face.
“I can’t return the favour,” I admit. “I don’t want to ask for something if I can’t reciprocate.”
“For fuck’s sake,” she mumbles, turning away. “What is it with you two and your stubborn pride? There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it.”
; “The point is we shouldn’t need it,” I say a little louder than necessary.
Bradley startles, unaccustomed to my raised voice.
Jodie glances his way and, satisfied he’s okay, continues. “You two had an unconventional start,” she explains. “So, it only makes sense that things won’t be straight-forward now.” Jodie returns to the counter, leaning both elbows on the surface. “Be honest with yourself: Sera wasn’t planned. Fuck—Zeus wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids. Financially, you weren’t ready for her.” She straightens, lips in a flat take-no-shit smile while I stare at her, shocked. “It doesn’t make you less of a mother if you admit it, Belle.”
She’s dead on the money, but it still doesn’t mean I want to hear it put so bluntly. “I don’t regret her.”
“I didn’t say you did.” She sighs, moving towards the kids. “I just want you to admit that nobody expects you to have it all together, and nobody thinks any less of you if you don’t.”
I collapse back against the counter behind me, folding my arms across myself. “What do we do, then? Zeus isn’t getting any extra work any time soon, and I can’t do much while Sera is small.”
“Where are you stuck?” Jodie asks, making herself at home in an armchair.
“Daycare costs,” I list off on my fingers. “Sterilising equipment, a thermal printer for the studio here, and ink.” I bark a short laugh. “Food.”
Jodie sighs, shoulders drooping. “If I give you money for groceries—”
“Zeus will want to know where it came from.”
“Then I talk to the dufus,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “If need be, I’ll add in a slap across the face for good measure to wake him the hell up as well.”
I duck my head to hide my smile. I’d like to see her try.
“If we get the car fixed, then that’s most of my stress gone,” I admit in hushed tones.
“And then what?” Jodie flicks her curly blonde hair out of the way and positions herself to see me better with one arm over the back of the seat. “How are you going to make sure you don’t end up here, in this situation, again?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.” Sera cries out in frustration at a plastic ring she’s managed to trap on the wrong side of the bars.
