It’s a new start.
You know you won’t be TR anymore? You’ll be TH, but I figure you’ll keep the screen name. I know they bother some of the other girls, but I like them. The timeline of it all, winding down to just you, then VE0914, and you once more. The last of us. The one of us that stopped it all.
It all comes back to you, and I want to be like you someday. Strong and living and capable of being with someone. I’m getting closer. I’ve had four good days in a row thanks to you.
You know that you deserve to have as many good days in a row as you can manage, right? You don’t need to keep apologizing for them. You deserve to be happy, Thalia. So enjoy your wedding day, tell us every blissful fucking part of it. Let us soak in the possibilities, the hope, the love and the joy. Let us absorb it. Don’t be so afraid to tell us how good life can be again because all it does is remind us we can find it too. You’re not rubbing it in, you’re lighting the way.
Can’t wait to hear all about it.
Beth’
Thalia’s breath shuddered as she tried her best to avoid breaking down into sobs. Another series of thank you comments from Beth, another snapshot of her reclaiming her life piece by splintered piece, coupled with so much love and support.
The last of us.
No one had quite put it that way, not in all the time on the site, but it was the truth. If she let herself, Thalia could still remember the sticky sensation of Marcus’ blood drying on her skin, and there had been times when she had summoned that memory like a shield. A shield against nightmares that happened so infrequently now that she almost felt free of them.
Almost.
Leaning back against the rack behind her she ran a thumb over the piece of corset that covered her hip, deftly hiding the gauze beneath that protected what had once been the Williams brothers’ symbol — but now it was something so much more. So much better.
Tapping the reply button, Thalia wiped her cheeks, drawing on the strength that Beth seemed confident she held inside.
‘Beth, I don’t know how many times I have to ask you to stop thanking me. Every time I see you post is thanks enough, it’s more than I ever expected. You talk about me being strong, but it’s you that talks with so many of the others about the things they could never write outside of here.
It’s like you always say… some things are meant for family and friends, some things for therapists and doctors, and the rest of the shit goes in here.
I think we’d all be crazy, or crazier, if you weren’t always around to respond and tell us that you feel it too.
As far as the mark, it’s gone! I’m still in a state of disbelief over it, but JH did exactly what I asked. He gave me a brand to burn away the ink forever, and it’s beautiful — or it will be when it finishes healing. For a while I was sure he didn’t believe that it was what I wanted, or that he hated the idea of permanently marking me after everything, but he did it. For me.
I’m pretty sure my therapist had something to do with it, you know AR can be pretty feisty when it comes to repeating the same damn words I’ve said to JH a hundred times. But you’re always saying how WE can say it, but until a doctor agrees it’s like we’re not speaking at all. Fucking annoying, but in this case it worked.
While that’s getting better with JH in general, on this one I definitely needed AR on my side. The way we did it was beautiful too, and it hurt, but less than I thought it would. I’ll have to tell you the whole story in another message.
Today feels surreal. There are so many people I love here, but I still don’t feel like I deserve it. Not when so many of you are still in so much pain. It feels like I’ve cheated somehow, taken a shortcut through the trauma, and I’m leaving all of you behind.
I’m happy, really seriously happy — but at the same time there’s a part of me that isn’t. And I think that’s okay. It feels right to remember where I could have been without JH on the day I marry him, because it makes me love him even more.
Thanks for the message, Beth. I was thinking about you especially.
-Thalia’
Sending the message made her even more aware of the strange little hollow spot behind her ribs. The spot that worried about the other girls, that got anxious when someone hadn’t checked in. The page titled Fighters had a list of every girl that had been lost. Those that had died before she and James had ever turned over the evidence to INTERPOL, and those that had still been unable to cope when they were found. It wasn’t a long list, but it was a powerful one, and the bottom of the page had a simple line: We remember all of you. You will not be forgotten.
The corset was digging painfully into her ribs, the plug prodding her with the memory of James’ incredible hands on her, and she felt the tug of a smile at her lips. James, the one the girls all knew only as JH, was a hero. Her hero, and she now wore the brand of his initials instead of the tattoo Marcus had embedded in her skin. The small heart shape on the brand had obliterated every shred of the ink the Williams brothers had placed there.
She belonged to James, body and soul, and soon it would be official in the eyes of everyone they knew, legalized with papers, registered forever.
Thalia Hawkins.
It had a nice ring to it.
Smiling, she had started scrolling through the other posts about therapy appointments, nightmares, stories the other girls had shared — and then the red dot appeared next to her inbox again. This time when she opened it and saw Beth’s message, she smiled, but the smile quickly turned to panic when the short message appeared:
‘Shouldn’t you be getting married right now?’ – BD0211
Heart racing, Thalia closed out of the browser and saw the time. “FUCK!” she shouted, yanking herself off the floor with help from the rack.
Pushing the closet open she stumbled into the hall to find her bridesmaids milling around outside of their dressing suite. Analiese was on the phone, one hand tangled in her hair as she paced, Maggie was shouting at Chloe and Lauren to go downstairs to find her.
Walking towards them with the tablet clutched to her chest, it was Julie who saw her first. “Where the bloody hell have you been?” her voice was high pitched, screeching, and five pairs of eyes landed on her, just before the rest of them exploded.
“The wedding starts in twenty minutes!” Maggie ran towards her, lifting the long lavender dress away from her heels. “Get yer ass in here so we can get ye ready!”
“Where were you?” Chloe asked, holding the door open as all the girls funneled her back inside.
“I was, um, there were people that wanted to talk to me. First James, and then Evelyn. She gave me these earrings?” Thalia tucked her hair over one ear, offering the beautiful jewelry up as some sort of excuse. “See?”
It was Maggie who ripped the tablet from her arms, holding it out, her cheeks flushing bright red. “Those earrings are lovely, but I talked to Kalen! I know exactly what ye were doing, and ye dinnae have time for this!”
“Please be careful with it!” Reaching for the device, Thalia whined as Maggie tucked the tablet under her arm and huffed.
“Of course I will be careful.” Maggie rolled her eyes before she pointed at Thalia. “But Kalen knows ye went off hiding, and he knows Ailsa told ye to. She’s in her own kind of trouble with him, but while he’s been keeping James in the dark for ye, he told me to tell ye that ye have a date with his paddle after the honeymoon.”
Lauren and Chloe giggled by her dress where they were carefully checking it over. “At least it’s not us in trouble for once.”
“Just ye wait, I haven’t spoken to Brad yet, and Master Sean hasn’t met ye either Chloe. I’m sure ye will make quite an impression.” Grumbling, Maggie stormed over to her bag to tuck the tablet away, and then she planted her hands on her hips. “Girls, we have ten minutes to get Thalia in this dress and her hair and makeup done.”
“Curling iron is still hot!” Analiese answered.
“I’ve done makeup in less time,” Julie added, and Tha
lia noticed her friend had managed to squeeze into the dress, although it comically looked like she’d stuffed a basketball in the front of it.
“Skirt off!” Lauren called, and Thalia turned just in time to see her and Chloe coming towards her. The pale blue skirt was ripped down her legs, her calf swatted by one of them to make her step out, and then came the petticoat. The weight of it settling on her hips as Lauren stepped behind to tie it closed.
BAM. BAM. BAM.
Heavy-fisted knocks landed on the door and Analiese ran for it, yanking it open. High-pitched squeals preceded Kalen’s booming voice, a toddler under each arm. “Blessing, I cannae keep them entertained and look for — Thalia?” Her name became a question as his eyes landed on her, and the moment he sat the twins down they bolted into the room.
Thalia raised a hand, nervously waving as Chloe put her in the ivory heels. The kids were loose, crashing over everything with the grace of newborn deer learning to walk. Red headed tornadoes, Noah was in the most precious tiny version of a tuxedo, and his twin sister Ava was in a fluffy lavender dress with the biggest tutu and a huge bow buried in her curls.
“Ye brought them HERE?” Maggie shouted, turning to snag Noah’s arm as he ran past her carrying someone’s underwear.
“What did ye want me to do? Yer mother is dealing with the caterer with Henry, and I couldn’t very well drag them all over Hampton Court House trying to find one errant submissive!” Kalen’s voice was booming as he stomped into the room, somehow missing every bit of clothing on the floor as he scooped up a squealing, giggling Ava. Tucking the toddler on his hip, his eyes landed on Thalia. “Ye are due one hell of a punishment. Ye know that?”
Wide-eyed, Thalia tried to catch her breath. “What did you tell James?”
“NOTHING!” he shouted in answer, and Chloe and Lauren chose that moment to carry over the huge ivory gown.
“Arms up,” Chloe said, ignoring the chaos around them, and just as the ivory silk and lace descended over her head, Thalia heard Ava’s high-pitched cry start.
“Ach, princess, yer Da isn’t mad at ye. Look at me, are ye not the prettiest lass here? Aye, of course ye are! Dinnae cry, Ava. Please?” Kalen’s voice had become soft and gentle, cooing to his baby girl as he tried to calm her, and as Thalia’s head came free of the bodice of the dress, she saw him bouncing her. The little girl tucked against his barrel chest, wrapped in his huge arms, that mop of red curls tucked under his chin. Quietly, he started to hum some lullaby, and Thalia found herself smiling.
“Don’t go smiling at me now, Thalia. I didn’t tell James because it’s his wedding day too, and I won’t be the one to make him panic wondering where in the bloody hell ye are.” Kalen shook his head, rubbing Ava’s back with one massive hand. “Ye don’t have a clue how much he worries about ye, how much it bothers him to let the security team go, and then ye go and hide on yer feking wedding day?”
“KALEN!” Maggie snapped, covering Noah’s ears.
“Sorry, yer damn wedding day.”
“Not better,” Maggie hissed.
Growling, Kalen muttered under his breath, but Thalia interrupted before anyone else could speak. “I’m really sorry, I had no idea how late it was. I should have been more responsible. Thank you for not worrying James, it would have ruined the day.”
“Yer d—” Glancing at his wife, Kalen sighed. “Yer right, it would have. So now ye need to get ready and get downstairs so he’s not waiting at the altar wondering if Jake needs to call in helicopters.”
For a moment Thalia almost laughed, but then she realized that was exactly what would have happened if she’d disappeared. With Peter and his detail on the premises, along with Jake, there was not a doubt in her mind that if Kalen had let James know no one could find her that she would have heard helicopters overhead, and seen brawny men in tuxedos searching the building in no time. “I’m sorry,” she said again, her voice jumping as Lauren and Chloe worked to close the back of the dress.
“Good.” Taking a long slow breath, Kalen held his hand out for Noah’s who grabbed onto one of his dad’s fingers, arm stretched high above his little head. “Ye look beautiful, I’ll go tell the men that ye ladies need just a few more minutes.”
“Thank you, Kalen!” Thalia shouted as Analiese brushed out her hair.
Maggie kissed her husband quickly before pressing another to the forehead of each twin, and then she hustled them outside. Kicking the door shut, she stood with arms crossed, a furious blush still high on her cheeks. “See?”
“I know I messed up, and when have I ever argued a punishment?” Thalia tried to stay still as the girls moved around her. Chloe and Lauren fluffing the dress, tugging at the petticoat underneath. Analiese stood to her right curling her hair, while Julie starting laying out makeup on a nearby table.
“I think ye should be grateful there’s two weeks between now and that punishment, because I think if he had the paddle with him today ye’d be unable to sit for the Wedding Breakfast.” The wicked little smile on her lips had Thalia smiling in return, but at the mention of the breakfast she paused.
“Wait, did Kalen say your mom was working on an issue with the catering?”
“They got a flat tire on the road. Pretty much anyone with a car had to drive out to help get the food here.” Julie stood from the chair by the little vanity table, one hand resting on her belly. “Maggie’s mum has a rental car here so she offered to help. From what I understand it was quite a caravan.”
“Oh my God!” Thalia groaned and Analiese swatted her shoulder.
“Be still or I’ll burn you.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time this week!” Lauren laughed, and Maggie lifted her eyes from texting her phone.
“Bloody hell. The catering is fine, I’ve been talking to mum, they’re setting up outside, but how is yer brand? I forgot to check it earlier.” Concern drew Maggie’s brows together, but Thalia shrugged.
“A little sore, but fine. We changed the dressing this morning.”
“Good. Analiese, can ye do Thalia’s hair with her in the chair so Julie can do her makeup? We really need to hurry up.”
“Of course.” They helped her find her seat, but she ended up with a mountain of lace and silk in front of her. The girls scrambled to find enough cloth to cover the expensive dress and protect it from the makeup, and then Julie started working.
Hair tugged one way with the curling iron, chin tilted another by Julie, Thalia just relaxed and let them do what they wanted.
After all, the only thing that really mattered was that she was marrying James, and she hadn’t ruined the wedding day by hiding in a supply closet.
If she could just make it through the ceremony, it would be so much easier — oh God. The ceremony. Thalia’s heart was instantly racing again, trying to push Julie’s hand away from her lips so she could speak. Finally, her friend grumbled and let go.
“I’m trying to get you ready for your wedding! What the bloody hell is so important?” Julie snapped.
“My freaking vows!”
Chapter Four
“What about the vows?” Analiese asked, tucking the comb for the veil into her hair, and Thalia tried to turn but both girls stopped her.
Groaning in frustration, Thalia waited for Julie to stop applying lipstick, but when she finished and Thalia opened her mouth to speak, a tissue was shoved between her lips. “Press,” Julie commanded, and she did, blotting them against the tissue with a growl.
“My vows, I didn’t get to finish putting them together!” Thalia raised her voice, pointing blindly behind her. “I think they’re still in the chair. James came while I was working on them, they’re not done!”
Maggie appeared in her line of vision, smiling as she clapped her hands together in a perfect mimic of Kalen calling attention at Purgatory. “Thalia, yer just going to have to speak from the heart then, because yer all ready.”
“But—” Thalia started to argue as everyone was helping her get upright. Tossing the rand
om fabric that had protected the dress on the floor, they fluffed her petticoat, adjusted her hair, and suddenly her head swam.
She was about to walk down the aisle.
She was about to stand in front of one hundred and twenty-eight people… and she had absolutely no fucking idea what she was going to say.
They started to guide her out the door and she had the urge to dig her heels into the floor to stop them, as if she could freeze time long enough to think straight, to put together the right words for everything James was to her.
“We’ve got to go,” Analiese had her elbow, tugging her into the hall, and Julie took her hand on the other side, showing the radiant smile that had been missing most of the day.
“Trust me, it will fly by. Just look straight at James, lock eyes with him, and the rest of the room will disappear.” Tilting her head, Julie seemed to think for a moment. “It’s kind of like playing in public, actually. Focus on your Dom, not the onlookers.”
Chloe laughed, her mocha skin glowing against the soft lavender dress, dark curls in a voluminous, beautiful array around face. “Yeah, Thalia, just don’t drop to your knees at the front, okay?”
“That’s another one on the list,” Maggie chided, flicking Chloe on the arm. Then Thalia’s Matron of Honor locked those vibrant blue eyes on her. “Ye have loved James for a long time now, right?”
“Yes,” Thalia whispered, trying to fight the earliest inklings of a panic attack that had her lungs feeling even tighter behind the corset.
“And ye know that James loves ye more than anything in this world, right?”
Nodding, Thalia found herself bracing her hands on her hips, digging her fingers into the brand hidden under layers of clothes just to feel the spike of pain from the healing flesh surrounding it. The dull ache spread as Lauren rubbed her back, and the whine of air entering and exiting her lungs had hushed everyone. Each of the girls stood quietly, eyes soft as they watched her.
Tying the Knot (Thalia Book 4) (The Thalia Series) Page 4
