She put her things on the table and looked Kirk in the eye. “Are you satisfied with the outcome? With my being cleared of involvement?”
He sighed deeply. “More than you probably realize, yes.”
“I’m glad. I would hate to think you still suspected me.”
He looked at her again. “Why is that, Sally?”
“Because, despite everything, we still are going to have to raise a child together.”
Was it her imagination, or was there a shaft of disappointment visible in his aqua-colored gaze?
“I would like to think that we can handle this thing between us with civility, if nothing else,” she continued.
“Civility.” He nodded. “When I look at you, civility is the farthest thing from my mind.”
His voice dropped a level, and Sally felt the intensity of his words as if they were a physical touch. She fought for control again, determined not to allow herself to fall victim to her confused feelings for this man.
“My father told me about your dad and why he asked you to join forces with him. What he couldn’t tell me is why you agreed.”
* * *
Here it was, his opportunity to begin to mend fences with Sally. It had been such a relief when she’d been cleared of wrongdoing that he had come straight here tonight instead of calling her into the office in the morning. His motives hadn’t been entirely altruistic. He’d missed her and ached to see her again. He’d spent every day wondering what she’d be doing, how she was feeling and hoping like hell she was looking after herself properly.
She deserved his honesty now more than ever before.
“I had several reasons,” he said carefully, looking directly into Sally’s eyes. “One of which was the fact that I had always held your father in very high esteem. He owed my mother and me nothing, but when my dad died your father helped Mom and me get a fresh start—away from the memories that made my mom so miserable, away from the shame that she carried in her heart that she couldn’t help her husband or prevent him from killing himself.”
He looked at Sally, searching for recrimination or disgust in her eyes. Instead he only saw compassion. It gave him a ridiculous sense of hope. He took another deep breath.
“That sense of helplessness was one I struggled with, too. You see, the whole time I’d been growing up, it was with a kind of barter system where I’d convince myself that if I kept my room clean and tidy, my mom wouldn’t cry that day or my dad wouldn’t fly off into one of his temper rants. Or I’d convince myself that if I did well at school and got good grades, my dad would smile and play ball outside with me rather than lie on his bed shaking.
“It became vital to me to control everything around me, to do whatever it took to coax a smile from my mother’s face, to keep my father calm when he was at home, to deflect the attention of the neighbors on the nights when everything turned to shit. And then to act like nothing had happened each time the police came and took Dad away. I learned that if you wanted things a particular way, you had to do certain things in repayment—that you had to earn any good thing that you wanted in your life. And yet, with your father, he didn’t expect anything in return for aiding my mother and me. He just wanted to help.”
Kirk looked at Sally, wondering if she could even begin to understand the depth of his gratitude to Orson for all he’d done.
“Dad has always had a compassionate heart,” she replied. “I think it’s helped him do so well, but he tempers it with drive and determination. He doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and he won’t tolerate injustice or laziness.”
“Exactly. I actually used HIT as my business study in college—I guess you could say my family connection led me to being a little obsessed with understanding everything my father had been a part of before it all went so wrong. Through that, I grew even more respect for your father. In fact, I modeled my own business structure on what he’d done—and I modeled myself on how he’s lived. When he approached me and asked me if I’d consider merging Tanner Enterprises with HIT, I could see more than one benefit for both of us. Structurally, it was a solid, sensible decision that would benefit both companies. But personally...he said he needed me, and I finally had a way to pay him back for all the good he’d done for Mom and me over the years.”
Sally looked at him, her eyes glistening with emotion. “Kirk, I’m so sorry your childhood was so awful. I wish it could have been different for you.”
“I don’t. Not anymore. It helped to shape me into the man I am now—it helped me know exactly what I want from life and where I want to be.”
“Ah, yes,” she said with a soft smile. “Your plan.”
“Hey, don’t laugh. Everyone needs a plan, right?”
Sharing this with Sally felt right. He felt as if a weight had lifted from him.
“So, what happens to HTT from here?” she asked. “Now that you know I’m not the leak?”
“We keep investigating,” he answered in a matter-of-fact tone. “And we will find the perpetrator. It’s a deliberate criminal act, and they must be held to account.”
“And what happens now with us?” she asked unsteadily.
“What do you want to happen?”
“Kirk, I don’t know how to cope with this. I don’t know who I am with you.” She felt lost, afraid to speak of her feelings, but she forced the words out. “You made me believe things about myself that first night we were together that gave me confidence and strength. When I found out who you were, all that confidence in myself shattered and made me doubt my attractiveness and appeal all over again.
“You see, I may have grown up with more than you did, and certainly without the uncertainty you had when your father was alive, but because of who I am and who my father is, there have always been expectations on me. Expectations I haven’t always been able to fulfill. You’ve seen the worst of it, the fear of public speaking—”
“But you’ve made inroads on that, Sally. I saw you at that sustainability presentation. You were totally in control.”
She smiled. “Well, not totally in control, but better than in the past, I’ll accept that. Until I fainted, anyway.”
“But even that wasn’t you. It was your pregnancy, not your fear.”
She nodded again. “Even so, I ended up delivering what everyone there expected me to deliver. Failure. It’s something I’ve made rather a fine art of since my mother’s funeral. I had written a poem for her. All I had to do was read it, but I couldn’t. I choked. I couldn’t even tell my mom goodbye the way I wanted to. Now, whenever I get up to speak to a group of more than two or three people, I’m back there in the chapel, standing there in front of all those expectant faces—disappointing all those people and failing my mother’s memory.”
Her voice choked up, and tears spilled on her cheeks. “Even remembering it—” She shook her head helplessly. “It feels like it was yesterday. It never goes away.”
Kirk was at a loss. He knew from Orson that Sally had had professional counseling to help her deal with her phobia—and that it had been unsuccessful. He reached for her hands, holding them firmly in his and drawing her to him until she was nestled against his chest. He felt her body shudder as a sob escaped from her rigid frame. He put his arms around her and stroked her back slowly, offering her comfort when words failed him. He felt her draw in a deep breath and then another.
“I’ve failed my dad, too. And that’s the worst of it. I wanted to be his trusted, dependable right-hand man more than anything in my life. I pushed myself in college, I interned at HIT—I did everything I could to be an asset to him, rather than another disappointment. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he’s never made me feel as if I’ve let him down. In fact, I don’t think he ever expected me to join him in the upper echelon at HIT. Sometimes I think nothing would have made him happier than if I’d just stayed at home and taken on my mother’s ol
d positions on the boards of the charities she supported. He’s always told me he will support me in whatever I decide to do. But I wanted to support him, too.”
“He values your input, Sally. Never think for a minute that he doesn’t.”
“But he doesn’t turn to me. I’m not there for him the way I should be. At least not in his mind. When push came to shove and the company needed help, he turned to you.”
Again, Kirk was lost for words. There really was nothing he could say in response to what was an absolute truth. Sally’s father loved her. But he didn’t see her as the strong, capable woman she truly was—the woman hidden behind her fears and insecurities. Somehow, he had to help Sally fight past her demons, to achieve the goals she’d set herself. He, more than anyone, understood how important those personal goals were.
Sally tried to pull away, and he reluctantly let her go. She sat up and dashed her hands over her cheeks, wiping away the remnants of her tears and visibly pulling herself together the way he had no doubt she’d done many times before.
“Listen to me blubbering on. It must be pregnancy hormones,” she justified with a weak smile. “I hear they wreak havoc on a woman.”
“Hey, you can blubber on me any time you need to,” he said. “Sally, I don’t want you to ever feel you’re alone in any of this.”
“This? The pregnancy or the fact that you suspected me of being the company mole?”
She said the words with flippancy, but he clearly heard the hurt beneath them.
“It’s little excuse, but I had to follow procedure when the evidence pointed to you. I already knew you couldn’t possibly be the leak.”
“Well, it certainly didn’t feel like you were sure I was innocent at the time.”
“I’m sorry,” he said frankly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you when we met, and I’m sorry I put you through these past few weeks alone. I know it’s little consolation, but I was massively relieved when it was proven, without doubt, that you were in the clear. It was also vital to the integrity of the investigation that we be seen to follow all the right procedures.”
He winced. The words coming from his mouth were so formal, so precise and correct. They weren’t the words he wanted to say at all. He wanted to tell her how much he’d missed her, ached for her—how much he wanted to hold her and show her how he felt about her.
“You’re right, it is little consolation, but I’ll take it. Which brings me back to my earlier question—where do we go from here?”
He knew exactly where he wanted to go. Right into her arms. For now, he hoped actions would speak louder than words. He reached a finger to her cheek and traced the curve of it.
“I know where I’d like us to go,” he said softly.
Her pupils dilated. He leaned forward. Her lips parted, and her eyelids fluttered closed as he sought her mouth with his own. When their lips connected, he felt his body clench on a wave of need so strong it made him groan out loud. Sally’s hands were at his shoulders, then her fingers were in his hair, holding him close as he deepened their kiss—as his tongue swept across her lips and he tasted her. Every nerve, every cell in his body leaped to demanding life, and he swept his hands beneath her sweatshirt, skimming over her smooth skin, relishing the feel of her. Wanting more, wanting her.
She arched toward him, and he tore his lips from hers to trace the line of her jaw with small kisses, then down the cord of her throat. He felt her shiver in response, felt her fingers tighten. He pushed the fabric of her top up, exposing her lace-clad breasts to his gaze. With one hand, he slipped one breast from its restraint. Her nipple was already a taut pink peak. He bent his head and caught the sensitive flesh between his lips, flicking the underside with his tongue and coaxing sweet sounds from her that drove him mad with need.
Kirk scooped her up into his arms and walked with her to the bedroom. After that, time blurred but sensation didn’t as they rediscovered the physical joy they promised each other, and when pleasure peaked, it was the most natural thing in the world to fall asleep locked in each other’s arms.
* * *
“Marry me.”
Sally barely had her eyes open, and those two little words were echoing in her head.
“What?” Her voice was still thick with sleep.
“Marry me.”
“Good morning to you, too,” she said, rolling out of the bed and grabbing her robe from the back of a chair.
“I mean it, Sally. You can move in with me now—my house is huge and designed for a family. If you don’t like it, I’ll buy something else. We can create the nursery together. Plan for the future together. Travel to work together. It makes perfect sense.”
Did it? Shouldn’t a declaration of love come with a proposal of marriage? Shouldn’t it sound better than being just the right thing to do?
“I’ll think about it. I...I’m not sure I’m ready for marriage.”
“Hey,” he said, pushing up to a sitting position—and Sally had to avoid looking at him as the sheet dropped to just below his waist. “I didn’t think I was ready, either, but we can make it work. We have a lot going for us.”
“In bed, maybe,” she admitted, tying the belt on her robe tightly at her waist. “But we still hardly know each other.”
“We can learn about one another better if we’re living together.”
“You’re persistent, aren’t you,” she said with an evasive laugh. “I need time. We don’t have to rush. I said I’d think about it, and I will.”
Kirk rose from the bed, the sheet falling away to expose his nakedness as he walked toward her and lifted her chin with one finger. His lips were persuasive as he kissed her, coaxing hers to open so he could explore her mouth more intimately.
“I’ll be waiting for your answer,” he said, his voice—and a very specific part of his anatomy—heavy with desire. “Shall I wash your back in the shower?”
And just like that she was putty in his hands. Hands that were already at the sash of her robe, undoing the knot and pushing the silk from her shoulders. Hands that roamed her body, cupping her breasts and tweaking at her nipples until they were tight points that sent shivers through her body as his palms skimmed their hardness. Hands that moved lower and pressed against the other nub of sensitive flesh at the apex of her thighs until she was quivering with need.
Needless to say, they barely made it into work on time. Even though her hair was pulled back into its usual ponytail, it was still damp. Sally hoped no one would notice and jump to the right conclusion, especially as she and Kirk had been seen together.
As she walked through her floor, she was welcomed back by several members of her team, who appeared genuinely concerned for her. It was gratifying. She was a part of this, a part of these people and what they did here. But she wanted more than that. She wanted more, period. She wanted a sense of certainty that she was working to her full potential, that she was achieving something worthwhile for herself, on her own merits.
If she agreed to marry Kirk, wouldn’t she simply be absorbed into the life he’d created for himself? How would she maintain her hard fought for identity? How could she expect her colleagues to treat her as an equal rather than as someone they had to watch themselves around? And then there was her goal of moving up the professional ladder. Who would believe she earned a promotion when she had things nicely sewn up between her father and Kirk?
On a more personal level, Kirk had admitted modeling himself on her father, both professionally and personally. She already had one overprotective father in her life—she didn’t need another person sheltering her constantly. When—if, she corrected herself firmly—she married, she wanted to be treated as an equal by her partner.
Kirk had already made it more than clear that he wanted to be her protector and provider. That sounded to her as if what she brought into a marriage didn’t even r
ate a consideration on his revised grand plan. And, when it came to working together, based on Kirk’s standing within HTT and his grasp of what the company offered and how they could remain current and relevant into the future, his knowledge and experience far exceeded her own.
Doubts flew at her from all directions. Maybe she never really would be any better than who she’d always been—the woman on the eighth floor who stayed in the background and allowed others to get the credit for her ideas.
Over the course of the day, as she caught herself back up on her projects, she found her mind wandering backward and forward until she was almost dizzy with it all.
As she sat down in her office to the lunch Kirk had packed for her before they’d hurriedly left her apartment, she forced herself to reevaluate her goals. After a great deal of deliberation, she had to recognize that, no matter what, she wanted to be a part of Harrison Tanner Tech now and in the future.
When Benton took her home that Friday evening, she was still in turmoil. Over the weekend, she spent time making a list of all the reasons why it would be good to marry Kirk Then, she made a list of why it wouldn’t work.
“No matter which way you look at it, great sex does not equate to a great marriage,” she said out loud once she was done. “And great sex does not equate to lifelong happiness, either.”
By the time she went to bed on Sunday evening, she felt sure she’d reached her decision. Now it was just a matter of telling Kirk.
Twelve
Kirk had been in the office since five this morning. Staying one step ahead of the mole was a challenge he enjoyed getting his teeth into. The only thing he’d enjoy more would be unmasking the traitor and seeing them punished to the fullest extent of the law.
In the meantime, the company was running smoothly and the merger activities were fully on track. This week was shaping up well, and he was relieved that Orson would be back in the office full-time starting today. The man’s recovery had been steady, and he’d been itching to get back to his desk full-time.
Little Secrets--The Baby Merger Page 12
