‘Would you fix this blasted flower thing, it’s wilted?’ Eddie grinned at Brenda as they stood outside the church waiting for the photographs to be taken. Silently, Brenda repinned her ex-boyfriend’s carnation on his lapel. She could smell his aftershave and the clean familiar scent of him. She had to fight the urge to put her arms around him and rest her head on his shoulder.
‘There you go,’ she murmured. ‘It’s fine now.’
‘Great stuff; Now the fun starts and we can enjoy ourselves. How is it going anyway?’
‘Great, great,’ she said airily. Not for anything would she let him know how she felt. As they walked down the aisle, she vowed to herself that if anyone was going to do the running it was going to be him. Pride was all she had left now that he had this new woman. Pride would have to get her through the day. He had deliberately not looked at her during the exchange of rings and that hurt. Well to hell with him. He’d had his chance. If he thought she was going to dance attendance on him all day he had another think coming. Fix his wilted flower indeed, she thought indignantly.
‘You look very well, your hair suits you like that,’ he remarked chattily.
Is that right? she was tempted to drawl sarcastically. She just couldn’t understand how he could stand there chatting as if she was just some close acquaintance. She’d been to bed with him, for God’s sake.
‘Thanks, I got it done for the wedding,’ Brenda said. Not wanting Eddie to get the impression that she’d got it done to impress him. ‘Look, excuse me for a minute, Eddie, I just want to go over and talk to Shay for a minute. He doesn’t know anyone here.’
‘Oh, yeah, yeah, sure,’ he shrugged. ‘I’ll just go and have a chat with Anna, she’s in the same boat.’
Brenda knew she was being petty but she was glad she’d got Shay’s name in first. Let Mister Eddie Fagan see that he wasn’t the only one who could go and get a new partner.
‘Hi Shay.’ She slipped her hand into his and hoped Eddie was looking. ‘Once the meal is over I’ll be able to come and join you.’
‘Don’t worry about me, everybody is being very nice,’ he assured her. ‘Your ma and da are lovely.’
‘I know.’ Brenda smiled. ‘I just wanted to see if you were OK, it can be a bit of a drag when you don’t know people.’
‘I’m fine.’ He smiled at her, his brown eyes warm and friendly. ‘Did I tell you, you look gorgeous in that dress. And I like what you’ve done to your hair. I’ll be lucky to get a dance, I suppose.’
‘Go on with you, Shay Hanley, I’ll probably have to drag you onto the dance floor.’ Brenda snorted.
‘You’d better go, the photographer looks as if he’s about to have a nervous breakdown,’ Shay remarked. ‘It’s tough being a bridesmaid.’
‘You can say that again.’ Brenda laughed as she turned away and began walking towards Kathy and Kenny. Out of the corner of her eye, she was aware of Eddie looking in her direction. Let him look, she thought triumphantly, gazing straight ahead of her. I hope he’s eaten alive with jealousy. Was there a chance of that, she wondered, or was it all just one-sided? He obviously knew about Shay, no doubt Kenny had told him that she was bringing someone to the wedding. She was dying to have a good look at the girl he’d been talking to. But she didn’t want to be caught in the act, so to speak. She’d have to choose her moment.
She got her chance while Kenny and Eddie and Kenny’s brothers were being photographed. The girl was making jokey comments to Eddie about his monkey suit. Brenda, who was standing to the side out of Eddie’s line of vision, was able to have a good look without being noticed.
Her first reaction was one of slight shock. This Anna wasn’t much to look at. Brenda had been expecting someone stunning, for some reason. But this fair-haired girl with the pear-shaped figure was rather ordinary-looking. Brenda felt somewhat miffed. What did this creature possess that she didn’t? Brenda was taller, and in spite of her recently acquired half-stone, thinner. She had better hair. She didn’t have freckles either, which Anna possessed in abundance.
What did Eddie see in her? A heart-stopping thought struck her. Maybe Anna was better in bed.
Would you just stop it, Brenda Myles! she ordered crossly. She was her own worst enemy.
‘Everything OK?’ Kathy slipped an arm through hers.
‘Of course.’ Brenda smiled.
‘What do you think of her?’ Kathy inclined her head in Anna’s direction.
‘I thought she’d be a bit more glamorous, to be honest,’ Brenda confided.
‘Hmm . . . Farrah Fawcett she ain’t.’ Kathy grinned. ‘And you look great today. Did Eddie say anything?’
‘He said he liked my hair,’ Brenda said glumly.
‘Cheer up, wait until you’re dancing around the floor with him. You never know what might happen,’ the bride declared as her husband came over and announced that he was posing for no more photographs.
‘But we’ve got to get the ones of the in-laws together,’ Kathy protested.
‘Sorry, I’ve had it,’ Kenny growled. ‘“Right foot pointed, elbows tucked in, eyes on me.” We’ll be here all day listening to that crap. People are getting hungry. And I could do with a pint.’
‘Kenny Lyons, don’t you dare spoil my wedding day.’ Kathy glowered. Brenda discreetly moved away and left the newly-weds to their first marital row.
Several hours later, having been wined and dined, everybody was in great humour again. The meal was delicious, the speeches funny, but now it was time for the dancing and Brenda could feel her insides knotting up. She watched Kenny take Kathy in his arms and, as the band played the old Nat King Cole hit When I Fall in Love, she got a lump in her throat that nearly choked her. Her best friend looked radiantly happy as they waltzed around the floor.
Will it ever be me, waltzing around the dance floor with my new husband, Brenda wondered forlornly.
‘Come on, Brenda, we’re next. Let’s show them how to do it.’ Eddie took her by the arm as the band started to play Shake Rattle and Roll. She was laughing and breathless when they finished jiving and when the band started to play It’s Now or Never and Eddie’s arms were around her like in the old days. As they waltzed around the floor, now crowded with other dancers, Brenda rested her cheek against Eddie’s and savoured their closeness.
‘It’s like old times,’ he murmured.
‘Yeah,’ she agreed wistfully and then, before she could help it, the words popped out. ‘I miss you like crazy, Eddie,’
His arms tightened around her. ‘I miss you too, Bren, we had good times. But we can’t go back.’
She finished the dance with him and excused herself. She headed towards the ladies’ toilet and, having made sure she was quite alone in the safety of the cubicle, Brenda sat on the lid of the loo and cried her eyes out. She was just beginning to compose herself when she heard the outer doors open. Brenda heard a voice she recognized. It was Denise Boyle, a girl she and Kathy had been to secondary school with.
‘Kathy looks terrific, doesn’t she?’ Brenda heard her say.
‘Gorgeous, the dress is out of this world.’ The other voice was that of Jilly Clarke, also an ex-classmate.
‘Brenda’s put on a bit of weight though, hasn’t she?’ Brenda nearly fell off the loo seat in horror when she heard this. She could hear the sound of hair being brushed and perfume being sprayed. Jilly’s voice drifted into the cubicle.
‘You know I think she still fancies Eddie. Did you see the way she was looking at him when they were dancing? Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve.’
‘But sure she’s going with that other bloke and Eddie’s going with Anna Saunders,’ Denise retorted.
‘That doesn’t mean anything,’ Jilly scoffed. ‘Eddie dumped her. I bet she’d have him back at the drop of a hat.’
‘I always thought Brenda and Eddie would be the first of the gang to marry. You could have knocked me down with a feather when I heard they’d split,’ Jilly declared.
‘Hmm . . .
I bet you could have knocked poor old Brenda down with a feather too, and to think Kathy and Kenny, of all people, made it first.’
‘Wouldn’t really fancy Kenny Lyons myself, to be honest.’ Denise giggled. ‘I wouldn’t like him all over me in bed.’
‘Well you won’t have to worry about that, will you? He’ll be all over Kathy tonight. Come on, let’s see if there’s any talent out there. If Brenda and Kathy can get fellas so can we!’ Tittering raucously they exited the ladies leaving Brenda shocked and outraged.
‘Fucking bitches,’ she swore, her cheeks burning against the palms of her hands. She took a couple of deep breaths. Had she been so obvious? What had Jilly said – ‘wearing her heart on her sleeve?’ Brenda sank her head in her hands. Why in the name of God had she blurted out to Eddie that she missed him like crazy? Talk about making a doormat of herself. Where was her pride? She would have gone home there and then except she knew that Kathy would never forgive her. Brenda took another deep breath. She was going to make that catty pair eat their words, she thought grimly. And she was going to salvage something of the disaster with Eddie. She marched out the door of the cubicle and splashed cold water onto her blotched face. Then she took out her make-up bag. Thank God she’d had the presence of mind to bring it in to the loo with her.
Slowly, and with great care, Brenda redid her make-up. No-one must know that she was having anything but a ball. The first people she encountered when she walked back to the reception were Jennifer and Paula.
‘You look brilliant.’ Jennifer smiled.
‘Very nice,’ added the blonde bombshell, who was dressed in a figure-hugging black dress that clung in all the right places. Although she was the same age as Jenny, Paula was light years ahead in terms of sophistication, Brenda thought sourly, unimpressed by the lukewarm ‘very nice.’ Well at least Jenny hadn’t noticed anything so she must look OK, she thought with relief. Now to go and put on the act of her life. ‘I’m just going to dance with Shay, I haven’t had a chance to be with him all day. See you later. Have fun,’ she told the younger girls.
With her head up and her shoulders back, Brenda walked over to where Shay was sitting. ‘Come on, Shay Hanley,’ she said briskly. ‘You’ve been getting away with murder . . . now you’re going to dance.’
For the next three hours Brenda danced, sang, and gave the impression that she was having the night of her life. Even Kathy was fooled. When they went upstairs so that Kathy could change into her going-away outfit, she said warmly, ‘I’m so glad you enjoyed my wedding, Bren. I was very worried you wouldn’t, with Eddie and everything.’
‘I’d a lovely day, Kathy,’ she assured her. Not for a minute would she spoil her friend’s illusion. Kathy’s mother arrived with Beth and the rest of her sisters and they had no more time to talk. It was only when she tossed her bouquet at Brenda and left the hotel in a flurry of hugs and kisses that Brenda’s composure started to slip.
‘Are you OK?’ Shay asked as tears glittered in her eyes. Brenda shook her head, unable to speak.
‘Come on. Let’s take a walk in the grounds,’ he murmured, leading her out through a side door. The breeze was cool against her hot cheeks, and in the dark Brenda bowed her head and let the tears fall. Shay stood protectively in front of her with his arms around her.
‘She’ll be back from her honeymoon in two weeks,’ he tried to soothe her. ‘I suppose it’s a bit like a sister getting married. Is it?’
Brenda nodded, silently. At least Shay thought it was because of Kathy that she was crying. He hadn’t connected her tears to Eddie.
‘Don’t cry,’ he said kindly and she leaned her head on his shoulder. Any shoulder was better than none, even if it wasn’t Eddie Fagan’s.
‘I think I’d like to go home,’ she said shakily.
‘Right then, we’ll go so,’ Shay said briskly. He was mightily relieved that she wasn’t going to take him dancing in Leeson Street as she’d suggested earlier. He wasn’t much of a dancer, discos weren’t his scene but Brenda really liked to boogie. A few hours on his own with her suited him down to the ground. He’d had enough socializing for one day.
‘I’ll get your bag and stuff and tell your ma and da I’m taking you home, why don’t you sit in the car?’ Brenda nodded. They walked over to the car park and Shay opened the door of his Ford Cortina. Wearily Brenda sat in and rested her head on the head rest. Her head was throbbing, but at least the ordeal was over. Brenda knew without a doubt that Kathy’s wedding was one of the worst days of her life. All she wanted to do was to go to bed and blot it out of her mind for ever.
Chapter Forty-Three
‘You take your first tablet on the first day of your next period and continue taking them for twenty-one days. Then you take a break for seven days and after that you start your next pack. Keep an eye on your weight and don’t smoke,’ the lady doctor in the Well Woman Centre instructed. Brenda nodded and slid the slim pack into her handbag.
‘If you’ve any problems come back to us. You’ve got to come back every six months to renew your prescription and to have a check-up. OK?’
‘Right, thanks,’ Brenda murmured. She was glad the ordeal of examination was over. It was the first time she’d had an internal examination and smear test. At least it had been done by a lady doctor, she’d have died if it had been a man, she thought as she left the clinic. She ran up the steps onto Leeson Street and avoided the eyes of passers-by. Brenda was feeling uncomfortable. She’d gone to the clinic to get on the contraceptive pill. The worry she’d endured when she’d been sleeping with Eddie was unforgettable. Never again would she put herself through that trauma.
She saw a 13 bus heading across Leeson Street Bridge and raced across the street towards the bus stop. What a stroke of luck, at least she wouldn’t be hanging around for hours waiting for a bus. She headed upstairs. There weren’t many other passengers on the bus, it was late evening, between the rush hour and the time when people started going into town. Settling back in her seat she drew out the pill packet and studied the literature that accompanied it. She was a bit apprehensive about going on the pill. According to the contra-indications she could suffer headaches, and perhaps a blood clot. Brenda was also feeling rather guilty. Pre-marital sex was a sin, according to the Church, and here she was, taking steps to prevent pregnancy and lead a life of debauchery.
Well not a life exactly, she thought wryly. A fortnight would be a more accurate description. In two months’ time she was going on her first foreign holiday and if the chance to have a foreign affair came her way, she was going to grab it. She’d listened to girls at work who had indulged in two weeks of passion with hunky sexy Spaniards. Being manless and almost twenty-four was bad. Being celibate was a disaster. Sometimes it seemed to Brenda that everyone in the country except her was having a relationship.
The last time she’d had sex was with Eddie. She and Shay had never got that far. She’d broken it off with him three months after Kathy’s wedding. Much to his dismay. Shay was a nice bloke, but she just wasn’t interested and that was the truth. If she couldn’t have Eddie, she didn’t want anyone, she’d decided. There had been a few casual dates with other fellas but nothing that lasted. Now, she was almost twenty-four. Practically middle-aged. She was constantly thinking about sex. Brenda remembered her nights of passion with Eddie. If some sexy Latin male in Puerto Carlos decided to seduce her, and she really fancied him, she had made up her mind to enjoy every minute of it. Hence the visit to the Well Woman Centre. Of course she hadn’t told them she was going to have a foreign affair. They might think she was a slut. She’d fibbed and said she was getting engaged soon and wanted to be protected in case she and her fiancé decided to sleep together. The doctor told her she was very sensible.
If only she knew, Brenda sighed as the bus conductor appeared at the top of the stairs and she shoved her bits and pieces back in her bag guiltily. Sensible wasn’t the word to describe her. Horny was much more appropriate.
‘I think I’m
going to be sick,’ moaned Joan Regan from the seat behind Brenda as the coach careered along a winding stretch of the Costa del Sol.
‘Here’s a sick bag,’ Brenda offered. She had taken the precaution of swiping a few from the plane. She felt a bit queasy herself. It was all that drinking. They’d spent an hour in the bar at Dublin Airport lowering shorts and then they’d ordered drinks throughout the two and a half hour flight. She wasn’t used to drinking that much and the twisting and turning of the coach wasn’t helping.
‘Be careful in the sun with those pale skins,’ the courier was saying from the top of the bus. ‘Use plenty of suntan lotion and don’t do too much sunbathing for the first few days or you’ll end up like lobsters. Drink is very cheap here. San Miguel is the most popular beer. But be careful, you’ll get drunk a lot quicker on it because of the heat and dehydration,’ the glamorous blonde cautioned. Brenda looked at her admiringly. Her skin was golden, her hair had lovely highlights that shone even in the subdued lighting of the coach. She looked very healthy and athletic and had a terrific figure.
Brenda looked at her pale milky-white limbs. Having a tan invariably made you look better and she was going to take it easy and not get sunburned on her first few days. She settled back in her seat and peered out the window. It was pitch-dark. All she could see was a swift blur of whitewashed or terracotta houses, their shutters closed against the night. She was dying to see what it was like in daylight.
It had been incredibly exciting getting off the plane and feeling the cloying heat of a midsummer Spanish night. The sound of the crickets fascinated her. It was all so different . . . so foreign.
Brenda felt giddy and happy. The further the plane flew south, the giddier and happier she’d got. It seemed that all her mundane little problems fell far behind her. This was living. Sipping drinks in airport lounges. Browsing through the duty-free. Treating yourself to perfumes and make-up. Brenda treated herself to a bottle of Laughter and some Charlie lipstick and matching nail varnish. She felt a bit like a film star, in her glamorous sunglasses and her white jeans and black T-shirt. She’d been nervous when the plane took off but none of the others seemed to take much heed of it so she took her cue from them and relaxed.
Foreign Affairs Page 37
