‘Did you have a nice day?’ she drawled. ‘I bet it wasn’t half as nice as mine.’ Then she stalked back into her room leaving the pair of them stunned.
She stayed in her room for the rest of the evening. There was no sign of Rachel by eleven so Paula and Jennifer decided to have an early night. As she lay in bed, Jennifer could hear the thrum of the bouzouki from the taverna across the beach. Tonight she found it irritating. She fell into a restless sleep and was wakened by the sound of footsteps walking across the balcony. She heard Brenda’s french doors open, heard a murmur of voices and soon after the sounds of passionate lovemaking. She buried her head under her pillows and tried to sleep.
Rachel and Ken walked hand in hand along a moonlit beach. The bad weather had given way to clear starry skies. The warm breeze was laden with the scents of hibiscus and jasmine.
‘This was one of the nicest days of my life.’ Rachel smiled.
‘Mine too.’ Ken turned and kissed her.
‘I wish you weren’t going home tomorrow night,’ she murmured. ‘We could have had a lot of fun.’
‘I know,’ Ken said regretfully. ‘But that’s the way it goes on holidays. Ships that pass in the night kind of thing. But you’re going to come and visit me, aren’t you?’
‘If you come and visit me?’ Rachel said.
‘I’ll do even better than that. When you get your new house, I’ll do all your carpentry work for you. Now what better offer could you get than that?’ Ken laughed.
‘Are you serious?’ Rachel looked at him in amazement.
‘Sure. Why not? I’ve never been to Dublin. You could show me around.’
‘I’d like to do that,’ Rachel smiled.
‘I suppose I’d better get you home,’ Ken said. The small beach wasn’t far from the villa. He put his arms around her and kissed her again. Rachel responded with pleasure. She’d almost forgotten what it was like to have a man’s arms around her. The last man who’d kissed her was Harry and that had been a long time ago. Their kisses became more ardent. Ken hesitated and then put his hand on her hip. Rachel didn’t stop him. She didn’t want to stop him. She wanted to spend the night kissing. She wanted to make love properly. She wanted to take that final step and get it over with. She didn’t want to die wondering.
‘I’ve condoms in my bag,’ she whispered.
‘What?’ Ken looked at her in amazement.
‘I’ve some condoms,’ she murmured, beginning to feel very embarrassed.
‘Have you?’ he asked in delight.
‘Well it was just when I was coming on holiday . . . You have to be careful these days.’
‘I know,’ he said smiling.
‘I’m not very experienced,’ she said hastily in case he thought she was a fast woman or something and expected a spectacular performance.
‘Me neither,’ Ken said sheepishly. ‘But we could practise. There’s a rug in the car.’
‘Let’s get it,’ Rachel said. She felt much more relaxed than she’d ever felt with Harry. Tonight she really felt in control.
Ken was very gentle. He was a bit nervous too. Rachel found that endearing. It didn’t hurt half as much as she’d been led to believe. She experienced some very pleasant tingling sensations that gave her mild pleasure. She was a bit disappointed that she wasn’t overwhelmed with orgasms, and sand had got up her bum, which was very irritating. Making love on a beach might look romantic in films but it had its drawbacks. At least she’d done it with someone she liked and didn’t feel threatened by, she thought happily as she cuddled close to Ken. She wouldn’t die wondering. And the label virgin no longer applied. The closeness afterwards had been the nicest part of it all.
Dawn was breaking when Rachel slipped quietly through the front door. She and Ken were meeting the following day for lunch in the taverna on the beach. She yawned tiredly. All she wanted to do was fall into bed, but she had to have a bath. There was sand in every orifice. She was towelling herself dry, standing by her window, when she saw a man walk out through Brenda’s balcony door. Rachel’s eyes nearly popped out of her head when she recognized Yiannis walking down the steps.
Obviously she wasn’t the only one having a foreign affair, Rachel thought in surprise. It wasn’t any of her business, anyway. She was in no position to judge. Rachel pulled on her nightshirt, closed her wooden shutters so that the room was cocooned in darkness, got into bed and promptly fell asleep.
Chapter Ninety-Five
Paula sat sipping coffee and eating fresh bread rolls and honey. It was a beautiful morning after the miserable weather of the previous day. She was alone. She’d woken around seven and gone out to sit on the balcony in her towelling robe. Only the sound of birdsong broke the silence. She gazed at the barren forbidding Albanian coastline across the narrow stretch of water that separated it from Corfu. It fascinated her. Ferries and cruise liners sailed serenely past on their way to and from the bustling ports of Brindisi and Piraeus.
Paula found it hard to believe she’d been in Corfu for a week. An eventful week at that. She smiled, remembering Brenda’s tirade. In three days’ time, she would be winging her way home. And what had changed? She’d made no decisions. Was Jenny right? Paula twisted the belt of her gown and frowned. If she’d had an affair with Nick years ago would they have stayed together? Had she grown more in love with him over the years, because he was forbidden fruit? Was it more lust than love? She couldn’t deny she yearned for him and always had since her schooldays. But it was much more than that, whatever Jenny said. It had to be. She didn’t see Nick as just a challenge. Paula sighed deeply. But it was over. Love, lust or whatever. It had to be. Jenny was right about one thing. She’d wasted a hell of a lot of years coveting a love that would never be hers. It had been selfish of her. Once she’d found out that Nick was involved with Helen, that should have been the end of it. Instead she’d wallowed in her secret misery and fantasized about something she had no right to fantasize about. She had totally indulged herself, nurturing secret hopes and desires. Jenny’s words rang in her ears. It was a bitter pill to swallow. Thinking about Helen and the way she’d deceived her and undermined her relationship with Nick made her feel horribly guilty. No wonder Helen had been so eager to accept her explanation of the events of that night. To have thought that Nick betrayed her would have been bad enough. To have thought that he’d betrayed her with Paula would have been utterly unbearable.
Paula had a sudden urge to phone Helen and talk to her and tell her that she missed her. After breakfast, first thing, she’d call her aunt and tell her she was thinking of her.
A few hours later, she dialled the number and hoped that Nicola would answer. She missed her goddaughter.
‘Hello,’ an unexpected voice answered the phone. Paula was so surprised to hear Nick’s voice she remained speechless for a moment. For a brief second she was tempted to hang up, but that would be a cowardly act and Paula was no coward.
‘Hello, Nick,’ she said quietly. ‘I wasn’t expecting you to be at home.’
‘Helen’s gone to the dentist, she has an abscess, and Nicola’s got a bit of a cold on her, so we didn’t send her to playschool,’ he explained.
‘Oh . . . I’ll catch her later then.’
‘Was it anything important?’ The line was so good, it was as if he was in the next room to her.
Paula sighed. ‘No . . . no, I only wanted to say hello. I’ll see you, Nick.’
‘Paula, we should talk,’ Nick said quietly.
‘What is there to say, except I’m sorry?’ Paula said.
‘Look, the most important person we have to think about is Helen, would you agree,’ Nick asked gently.
‘Oh yes.’ Paula agreed with him whole-heartedly.
‘She’s very unsettled these days. She needs lots of reassurance from me. Do you think we could try and act as if nothing happened between us? I want her to think everything is normal.’
‘That’s the best idea.’ Paula tried to keep her voice steady. ‘
That was why I brought Kieran when I came to say goodbye.’
‘I didn’t behave very well that day, Paula. I apologize,’ Nick said firmly.
‘Well that’s settled then.’ Paula’s tone was crisp.
‘Paula . . . I just want to say something and then we’ll never speak about it again.’
‘All right,’ she said quietly. Her stomach was in knots. She heard him take a deep breath. This was probably where he was going to tell her that she was the lowest most unprincipled woman he’d ever met.
‘If I hadn’t been involved with Helen . . . It could have been wonderful for us. You’re very special. I just wanted you to know that. But it’s something I can’t and won’t dwell on any more. If I do, it will only lead to a life of unhappiness for me and Helen. I think it’s the same for you. We’ve got to go forward.’
‘I know,’ Paula said softly. ‘Goodbye, Nick.’
‘Goodbye, Paula,’ he said and then the phone went dead.
It was as if they had both said goodbye to the past just then, Paula mused. His words had given her great joy. He had acknowledged her love. And he’d forgiven her. The dreadful feeling of heaviness and sadness that she’d experienced since the night of the party lifted. She felt strangely free. Tears prickled her eyes.
No! Paula thought firmly. No more tears. It was over. All of it. She had to get on with life. She walked into the bathroom and slipped into a swimsuit then went and stood at the pool and arched her arms. She broke the water with scarcely a ripple and began to swim. They had three days’ holiday and then she was going to get her act in gear. She had a new project in mind. It would take a lot of work but it would be just what she needed. Paula sliced through the water with vigour. Her mind was racing. Later she would get pen and paper and work on an outline of her new plan. After fifteen lengths she felt ravenous so she climbed out of the pool, dried off, and settled down to coffee and another roll and honey with Jennifer, who had arrived downstairs for her breakfast.
Jennifer squinted in the sun as she cast a glance up at Brenda’s and Rachel’s bedrooms. It was almost eleven, and there was no sign of either of them.
‘Did you hear Rachel coming in?’ she asked Paula, who was lying on her front reading Vanity Fair.
‘Nope.’
‘I’m going to say something to Brenda about bringing that fella in to the villa. It’s a bit much.’ Jennifer scowled.
Paula sat up and pushed her Ray-Bans up on her head. ‘Leave her be, Jenny. It’s not as if he’s around the rest of the place. He uses the balcony steps. He’s not pushing it. We don’t want another full-scale row.’
‘I just think it’s awful. She’s got three children and Shay at home,’ Jenny burst out. She was very troubled by Brenda’s affair.
‘Jenny, Brenda’s got to lead her own life without any interference from you. If she’s not worried about it, you’re daft to be sitting there getting into a state.’
‘What if she gets pregnant? What about AIDS?’
‘I don’t think she’s that stupid,’ Paula said firmly. ‘Now for heaven’s sake will you relax, Jenny, we’re going home on Saturday.’
‘I know,’ Jennifer said. ‘Sorry. You’re right.’ She lay back against her lounger and picked up her book. It was ridiculous of her to be worrying about Brenda, when her sister obviously wasn’t the slightest bit concerned about herself or her marriage.
Brenda stood at her window looking out at Jennifer and Paula chatting and relaxing. No doubt they’d had a few words to say about her. Let them. They didn’t have to live her life, she thought bitterly. On Saturday she’d fly home to kids, a husband, a part-time job with not much likelihood of ever having a luxury holiday like this again. For the last week she’d felt like a rich film star. As she lounged beside the pool, she’d pretended all this was hers. On Saturday she’d turn into Cinderella again. It was that thought that had tipped her over the edge into Yiannis’s arms. She didn’t feel particularly guilty.
If she’d slept with someone like Tom, her next-door neighbour, or Kenny, Kathy’s husband, she would feel guilty. But Yiannis was part of this fantasy of the last week. She’d been able to pretend that she was someone different from boring old Brenda Hanley. She was someone exotic and glamorous, someone like Paula.
No doubt the blonde bombshell was looking down her pert little nose at Brenda’s affair. It was all right for the likes of Paula, who could travel the world and had a big car and a posh apartment and whatever man she clicked her fingers at. She wouldn’t know what it was like to be trapped in a rut so deep you couldn’t dig yourself out of it.
Brenda gave a deep sigh. There was no point in skulking in her room and missing a glorious day, especially when she had only three days left of her holiday. She had a quick shower, put on her bikini, wrapped her sarong around her and, with head held high, stepped out onto the balcony.
Jennifer watched her sister come down the steps and marvelled at her nonchalance. Brenda just couldn’t give a shit. She’d ruined Jennifer’s holiday with her carry-on. She had a nerve bringing a stranger into the villa and spending the night with him. She was Jennifer’s guest in the place. She should have behaved with some propriety.
Brenda sauntered over to the side of the pool.
‘Morning,’ she said airily. ‘Where’s Rachel? How did her date go?’
‘She’s not up yet,’ Jennifer said curtly. Resentment surged. ‘And I’d appreciate it if you and that Greek wouldn’t make so much noise at night.’
‘Did we keep you awake?’ Brenda drawled.
Jennifer was furious. ‘Yes you bloody well did,’ she snapped.
‘Dear, oh dear,’ Brenda said sarcastically.
Paula rolled onto her back and sat up. Her eyes were like flints. ‘Cut it out, Brenda,’ she said coldly.
‘You mind your own business.’
‘It is my business, Brenda. I’m the one whose name is on the contract for this villa. So who comes and goes is my responsibility. And to be frank I think we’d all prefer if you went to Yiannis’s place in future for your . . . trysts.’
‘I suppose there’d be no problem if you wanted to bring someone back. It’s just because it’s me,’ Brenda said angrily.
‘I don’t have affairs on holidays,’ Paula said mildly as she lay back against her cushions and pulled her sunglasses down from the top of her head.
‘Oh listen to the born-again virgin,’ Brenda sneered, not believing a word of it.
‘I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of AIDS, Brenda, but I find the whole idea of it very scary if you don’t,’ Paula retorted.
‘Aren’t you even afraid you’ll get pregnant?’ Jennifer couldn’t contain herself.
Brenda got up from the side of the pool, where she’d been dangling her feet. She stood looking down at her sister with the strangest expression on her face.
‘Well aren’t you?’
‘Oh for God’s sake, Jenny! I am pregnant. And I hate it. I feel so trapped and afraid. And I know you want to be pregnant and you’ll probably hate me even more than you do now, but I can’t pretend to be happy about it. Just when I’d got some bit of a life for myself. Now I’m back to square one. It’s not fair. You want a baby. I don’t want this one. But what difference does it make what we want? We just have to put up with it, don’t we?’ Brenda burst into tears and ran back up towards her room leaving Jennifer and Paula staring after her in dismay.
Chapter Ninety-Six
‘Why, Paula? Why?’ Jennifer paced up and down the terrace. ‘I would give an arm and a leg to be still pregnant with my baby. Why couldn’t I have been left with my baby? Why can’t poor Brenda get on with her life?’
‘I don’t know.’ Paula shook her head. ‘I’m sorry now I let fly at Brenda. No wonder she was so moody.’
‘You didn’t say half the things I said to her,’ Jennifer said glumly.
‘Well she deserved some of them even if your timing wasn’t exactly the best,’ Paula said gently.
‘I’d
better go up to her,’ Jennifer said.
Brenda was lying on her bed sobbing her eyes out. Jennifer went over and sat beside her and rubbed her back lightly. She pitied her sister from the bottom of her heart. Jennifer knew how delighted Brenda had been to get her part-time job and to have the children settled in school. She’d have to give up work now. It would be almost another five years before she’d have any sort of freedom again. It was a long time.
‘I’m sorry, Jenny. I know it must be very painful for you,’ Brenda wept.
‘It’s all right,’ Jennifer soothed. ‘I understand what you’re going through. It must be an awful shock for you. Are you sure you’re pregnant? Have you had it confirmed?’
‘I know, Jenny,’ Brenda hiccuped. ‘I always know even before I go to the doctor. I get dizzy almost straight away. And boy, have I been dizzy!’
‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ Jennifer asked. ‘At least we’d have known why you were . . . at least we’d have known,’ she finished lamely.
‘How could I tell you and you after losing your baby? I couldn’t do that to you. I didn’t even mean to blurt it out now.’ Brenda rubbed her eyes.
‘I’m glad I know,’ Jennifer said firmly. ‘You’re my sister. I want to help. You should tell me when you’re miserable.’
‘That’s pretty much always.’ Brenda sniffed.
‘It’s not that bad, is it?’ Jennifer said. ‘Aren’t you at all happy?’
Brenda sighed. ‘I suppose I am. I love my kids and Shay, whatever you might think,’ she added defensively. ‘It’s just my life seems so mundane and boring. When I look at you and Paula, especially Paula, I feel dull and uninteresting.’
‘But you always wanted to get married.’
‘I know. I thought it was the ultimate goal. I thought to be left on the shelf was the greatest disaster that could happen to a girl. And I look at Paula and Rachel, even, and wonder how I could have been so stupid.’
‘But you didn’t like working. You hated Bugs Bunny.’
‘I know,’ Brenda agreed.
Foreign Affairs Page 73
