“I’m only saying that I don’t think we should cut off any options right now. We’ll be cautious.” He got up from the chair. “Do you want something to drink? I’m gonna grab some water.”
“Water’s fine.”
I spun around in the chair, staring out the window into the darkness that had fallen outside. Celebrating Litha was nothing that I wanted to do and going through the ceremony to enter the Witch Avenue order was definitely not a priority, but Logan was right. If there was more of a connection tied to black magic, there was a high possibility someone in our coven might have played a part in it. I hoped that wasn’t the case, but I probably shouldn’t shut down that possibility.
Logan came back in with some water for us both, and I scooted back to the desk feeling pretty empty. I would need to start pumping myself up to get ready for the ceremony. Logan sat back down.
“Triss, you’re going through so much, and you won’t let it out. It’s okay to cry,” he whispered, his gaze catching me off guard.
“I won’t cry. If I cry, it’s like I’m giving up on the idea of my mom being alive,” I stated, looking directly into his eyes as coolly as I could.
“You do shed tears. I felt the dampness through my shirt when we were in the park,” he uttered, his eyes searching mine for confirmation. “Don’t do this to yourself, Triss. You can’t hold everything in. It’s not healthy. I saw you putting on a brave face for Jenny and Angela, not one tear shed. Don’t go down that path. It’s hard to return from.”
I could feel my throat constricting, and there was nothing I could do stop it. I spun the chair to look out the window. I knew he’d felt loss. His father passed away several years ago. I kicked myself for not returning Logan’s letters all those years, yet he continually wrote. I’m not worthy of this kind of devotion.
“Why?” was the only word that I could choke out.
“Why what?” Logan asked.
I turned back around to face him, my eyes full of the tears that I hadn’t allowed myself to release. He jumped up from where he was sitting and came to me, kneeling in front of me.
“It’s okay, Triss. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe. Let it out,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he brought me forward to meet his embrace, his fingers combing through my hair.
I couldn’t stop the loss from escaping. Regardless of whether my mom was alive or not, she wasn’t here now, and I needed her. The tears had no intention of stopping, and I let my body and mind collapse into Logan’s kindness, not ever wanting to leave.
Chapter 10
There was a light tap at my door. I was still in bed and wasn’t sure I wanted to leave. Even the sunshine was blazing through my bedroom window attempting to motivate me to no avail. I had left the curtains and window open, creating an icebox in spite of it being June, and that was only one of the many factors keeping me snug under my blankets.
“Triss, you up?” Logan’s muffled voice came through the door.
I froze. I almost certainly looked like I fought with the sheets all night, and he was probably looking as good as he normally did. Guys were always so lucky with their effortless look. My mom and I constantly had running commentary on that. My stomach tightened a little as my mom flashed easily in my mind only to leave me with confusion.
I didn’t want him to see me this way. Granted, he’s already seen me at my worst covered with the remnants of insanity from the flower shop incident, so it probably couldn’t get much worse. Then I stopped myself. What does it matter? We were going to be roommates and nothing else. I’ve got to get over this. Forcing myself to get past the mind games, I popped up. He’d be seeing me like this all the time and I shouldn’t care.
“Yeah, kinda!” I mumbled. “You can come in.”
I wrapped my blanket around my shoulders for warmth and more covering.
The door opened and in walked Logan in well-worn dark jeans and a grey and white checked shirt open to reveal a black T-shirt underneath. He looked incredible. He was all ready to start his day, and here I was hoping to stay in bed all day.
“Happy Birthday, Triss.” He stood in my bedroom, his eyes analyzing mine for a reaction to the greeting.
“Thanks, Logan.” I smiled at him, forcing myself to look away. No one should be allowed to look that good this early in the morning. I wondered why I stopped writing him back a couple of years ago.
“I’ve got a little something for you out in the hall,” he mumbled, bringing me back to earth. “Is it all right if I bring it in?”
“Sure!” My interest was completely piqued.
“Awesome!” He sounded relieved.
Great! I must be a real wreck if people were afraid to even give me a birthday present.
He spun around, and it was hard for me to ignore how absolutely built he looked from that angle. This roommate thing was going to be tough, but it had to be done. It certainly would make it easier if he would maybe find someone quickly, and then I wouldn’t be plagued with these feelings that kept encroaching in my thoughts.
Slapping me out of my maze of emotions was Logan, attempting to make it through the doorway back into my room, carrying not just one thing like he implied but several gifts. He had a huge bouquet of flowers in one arm and a ton of brightly colored balloons in the other all squeaking as they rubbed against each other. I also spotted a box under his arm and an envelope too.
The flutter started in my stomach with a shiver and then exploded into full convulsions at the sight of Logan attempting to bring me out of my doldrums.
“Logan! You didn’t have to do this,” I blurted out, but I couldn’t hide my delight.
“Yeah, I know.” His deep blue eyes were stirring with mischief. God, that look was starting to drive me crazy.
I grabbed the flowers and took a deep breath in, letting all the fragrances swirl around me.
“These are gorgeous!” I squealed. “How’d you get all of this stuff this morning?”
“You like?” he asked, his smile getting wider by the second.
“I love, Logan. It’s really sweet of you,” I whispered, tears began welling up as I stared at the balloons. My mom always got me balloons.
“I remember how you loved balloons all those years ago and kind of hoped you still did.” His eyes caught mine once more, not letting go.
Setting the flowers on my bed, I reached for the multi-colored strings attached to the balloons when my fingers graced his, and a shock of electricity ran through my system. I looked up at him quickly wondering if he sensed it and judging by the way he was looking at me, he did. Once again, I found myself full of grief thinking of my mother and full of guilt for thinking about anything other than my mother as these feelings flooded my body.
“Don’t cry, Triss.” He placed his thumb under my eye, gently erasing the tears as I looked up at him. His skin was very soft and distracting. He made things so easy in a very difficult time.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Everything is beautiful and very thoughtful.”
“I haven’t even given you the box or card yet,” he laughed, moving over to my bed to sit and making things feel just normal enough that I could regain my composure.
I walked the balloons over to the dresser and placed the weight they were tied to on a magazine I’d been attempting to read for weeks.
“I hope I didn’t freak you out. I wanted to make it as special as possible under the circumstances. You only turn eighteen once.” His eyes caught mine.
“Funny how that works,” I remarked, walking over to my bed.
He grabbed the flowers and moved them to the other side of the bed, so I could sit down. I wondered when I would stop feeling so conflicted around him as I plopped down on my bed.
“I hope I’m not weirding you out,” his voice was not as confident as it usually was, and it pained me a little thinking I could have this effect on him.
I sighed and caught his eyes and smiled.
“As long as this isn’t lingerie, I thi
nk I’ll be fine,” I said, smiling at him, pointing at the box.
“That’s the Triss I remember!” he laughed.
“In sixth grade? Please! I wasn’t talking about lingerie.” I jabbed his arm lightly, not expecting the charge I felt by the exchange.
“No, you weren’t, but it’s kind of nice to hear you talking about it now.”
The flutter came back, and this time, I let myself enjoy it. Maybe it was okay.
“So do I get to open it?” I teased.
“Into it now, huh?” His eyes sparkled.
“Yep. Hand it over, buddy!” I laid out my hands.
The white box was sitting on his lap, and he picked it up and placed it on my hands. It was really light, but it shifted slightly. The box had a mint green ribbon tied beautifully around it, and a pale yellow card sticking out from underneath the ribbon.
“It’s pretty lightweight,” I said.
“Go on. Open it. It’s a hint about today’s adventures. I’ll explain. Open it,” he said excitedly, his eyes full of anticipation.
I had no idea what he was talking about, but I was thoroughly intrigued.
Tugging at the ribbon, I finally snapped it with both my hands. I picked up the card, and he stopped me.
“No, do the box first,” he said, softly touching my hand, sending chills up my spine.
“Okay,” I whispered. Surprised by my reaction, I looked over at him and saw that the level of interest he held in his eyes was far more than I might be able to return. My heart fell a little, as I began building my walls up again.
I put the card next to me on the bed and focused on the package once more. Lifting the top of the box from the lower portion, the first thing that greeted me was a layer of pale blue tissue paper with a silver sticker securing the paper.
“You are so slow at this!” he exclaimed.
I laughed and very slowly and deliberately glided my hand along the tissue paper, looking up and smiling at him at the same time. Not able to take it any longer myself, I opened it up and couldn’t believe what I saw.
“Oh my word, Logan. I can’t believe this. How did you get all of these?”
“I’ve got my ways.”
There were beautifully framed photographs of my mom and me up at Stampede Pass. It was the last camping trip we had taken with Logan and his family before they moved.
“Logan, this means so much. How did you get these?”
“My mom and dad took a ton of pictures on that trip, and I’ve always known where they saved them. I intended on bringing them with me for you when I came out here for college, but they seem to have even more importance now.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead, his soft lips lingering on my skin.
“Thank you,” I whispered, half wanting him to kiss me elsewhere, and the other half scolding myself for letting such thoughts enter my mind.
He backed up and grabbed the card.
“Now this,” he ordered, smiling at his little victory, and handed me the envelope.
I tore open the envelope, and a cute puppy on its back, printed on the front of the card, warmed my heart. I opened the card and Logan had written something I couldn’t say no to.
Stampede Pass today with me
&
Dinner tonight with me, my mom, and your aunt!
Happy Birthday!
Always on your side,
Logan
I looked back up at Logan. His breathing had slightly changed, and his eyes were desperately searching mine for something. Acceptance maybe? His smile started to diminish with every second that passed, and I realized he was taking my silence for refusal, and it meant nothing of the sort.
“Thank you for the privilege to start over with you after all of these years. I don’t think I deserve a friend like you, but I’m certainly grateful for it,” I told him, scooting closer to him.
“No, Triss. You’ve got that backwards. I’m lucky that you’ll allow me to be in your life,” he whispered, and kissed the top of my head.
“I beg to differ,” I shot back.
“Of course you do,” he playfully sighed. His smile reappeared. “Now your aunt and my mom are downstairs preparing a breakfast for you before we leave. So get ready quickly and meet me downstairs in ten.”
“Not fifteen?” I asked, smiling.
“That’s right! You were a control freak!” he exclaimed, glaring at me, trying not to smile. “Ten, unless you want charcoal instead of pancakes.”
And he left my room like that, leaving me wanting a lot more of something, but I wasn’t sure what.
Chapter 11
We pulled into the parking lot for day hikers at Stampede Pass and parked. We had made it up the mountain in a little over an hour with Logan’s driving technique, which included a promise to myself not to look at the speedometer.
“This an okay surprise today?” Logan asked, opening his door.
“I think this hits the spot,” I said, slowly feeling a little like my old self again, climbing out of the car.
“I packed everything in your pack, and I put some of your pencils and drawing paper in my bag in case you saw anything you needed to sketch,” he said.
I was completely blown away.
“How did you know I loved to draw?”
“Well just because you didn’t like to write me back, didn’t mean your mom ignored me,” his eyes were sparkling, but it wasn’t because of the sun’s rays.
“Wow, you certainly know how to make a girl feel lousy!” I teased, trying to scowl at him. “Or wonderful. I can’t quite figure it out with you.”
“I’m trying any method I can, Triss! If guilt will work, I’ll take it.”
He came around to my side of the car and helped me strap on my pack, and then he secured his. He must have missed shaving today. I kind of liked it. He caught me staring at him, and I immediately blushed. I couldn’t get his hopes up. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
“So you wanna lead the way?” I asked, trying to shift the attention away from my ogling.
“You’ve been here more recently than me, Triss. I’ll follow your lead. Do you want the map?” he asked, grabbing it out of his back pocket.
“No, I’ll stick to the trails.”
The mountain air was immediately beginning to center me. Logan might have known me better than I knew myself. We walked over to the trailhead and started our hike up the Pacific Crest Trail.
The temperature was a little brisk but would be perfect as we started our climb. The native huckleberry bushes were sprouting out of the old stumps along the trail and the wild strawberries were rampant. It was a beautiful sight. The trail was pretty well kept and easy to navigate.
“Thanks for this and for everything, Logan. It means a lot,” I finally said.
“I thought you might like getting away. I know it always helped clear things up for me after my father’s death,” he uttered nervously.
I nodded and snuck a peek at him, and again, his eyes were dark.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked.
“Did you come up with anything on that weird letter number combination in my mom’s planner?” I asked, switching topics but only slightly.
“No, I haven’t figured anything out yet. Sorry,” he grimaced. “I know we will, though. I actually brought you up here for another reason too.”
“What’s that?” I asked, squinting over at him.
“I wanted to teach you some protection spells, and I thought it would be better away from your aunt and my mom. I don’t know that they would approve.”
“Why wouldn’t they approve?” I was mystified; slowing my pace, I looked back up at Logan and concern had washed over his face.
“Because my way of teaching you will ensure that you’ll actually be protected.”
Silence fell between us, and I stopped walking. I didn’t know which to be more concerned with, the fact that I was in danger or that I was walking a very fine line between the two worlds of magic, so I chose the easy one.
“You believe I’m in danger?”
“I know you’re in danger.” His voice was sullen.
“How can you know that?”
“I’ve just got a feeling, and my feelings are usually right when it comes to stuff like that.” He wasn’t boasting. I could tell it almost pained him to say it aloud.
“You mean because of what you dabbled in briefly?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the complete picture.
“Yeah, because of that, Triss. But I’d like to redeem myself a little and put some of what I learned into protecting you and finding your mom. Seeing you in such disarray with smashed flower pieces all over your body didn’t exactly help calm my fears. When I saw you that helpless and desperate, I vowed to teach you at least some methods to protect yourself.”
“You’ll be teaching me black magic?” I said. My voice was almost harsh.
“Oh, never would I do that to you, Triss! Not without your permission. It’s exactly the opposite! It’s just that since I’ve seen the other side of things, I can teach you techniques that are far more effective than what some would like you to believe. Some pieces of magic are more parts wishful thinking than anything, and I want you to be able to steer clear from rubbish and focus on the undeniable principles that work. I won’t lead you in a way that you don’t want to go. I promise, Triss, because honestly I don’t want to go there either.” He grabbed my hand. “You know I wouldn’t do anything to put you in harm’s way, right?”
I nodded slowly and looked away. His eyes were far too intense right now. It wasn’t like he was trying to teach me black magic, but I was anxious, maybe fearful. Believing I needed things like protection chants made everything seem a little bit different in life, including finding my mom.
I let go of his hand and turned to look at him, hoping his expression had changed.
“I will let you teach me what you need to teach me, but if I find out that anything I have learned is—”
He interrupted me.
Lonely Souls Page 8
