“If you gonna shoot me then get it over with, you’ll feel like an ass once you find out it wasn’t me!” Tony yelled back. You could tell Kemp didn’t really want to shoot him by the look in his eyes. He looked at him like a brother.
“Me feel like an ass? That’ll never happen. You should feel like an ass for thinking that you could get away with this bullshit!” he yelled. His finger was now firmly on the trigger. His face was in knots and his eyes showed the anger that was flowing through his body. A few seconds later, he shot him twice in the chest. His body fell into the wall behind him and slid down to the floor. Blood was smeared down the wall and forming a puddle beneath Tony’s body on the floor.
“Damn, this shit gonna fuck up my carpet!” Kemp said before putting his gun down on the desk. I still hadn’t budged. I was waiting for him to give me an order. He walked over to the phone and dialed. I didn’t know who he was calling at the time but I’d find out a few minutes later. “Help me wrap this nigga up, they’re coming to get him in a few minutes.”
I got up from the chair and helped him wrap Tony’s body up in plastic. I was still in shock. I had seen Kemp kill before but never someone as close to him as Tony. He was trying to prove a point, which was that it didn’t matter who it was—if he was crossed—they would be taken care of. To me, this was a valuable lesson, which would aid me in situations like these. Kemp taught me that you couldn’t trust anyone regardless of how close you were to them.
As I stood here waiting for Kenyon, all I could think about was Kemp and this lesson. Though Kenyon wasn’t close to me, he was one of the workers and I didn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. He didn’t respect me the way that he did Kemp and I felt like I had to prove a point. I wanted people to fear me the same way they feared him. My mind was racing as I dialed his number one last time. He still didn’t answer. A minute or two later I heard footsteps nearing the door.
“Yo’, what the fuck took you so long?” I yelled as soon as his face was revealed through the opened door.
“My bad, I got caught up with some personal shit. I’m here now, here’s the money,” he said walking over to the desk and dropping the black duffel bag full of money on the table.
“Personal? What personal shit would you be handling while you’re carrying my money?”
“I said my bad, damn! All the money is there.” He pointed to the bag.
I walked over to him and stood close enough where he could most likely feel the heat from my body. “Don’t let that shit happen again.”
“All right, it won’t.” He stood firm in his position as if he didn’t fear me. This added fuel to the fire but I relaxed. I didn’t want him to know he was pissing me off. “Do you need me for anything else?”
“I’m not done talking—why the fuck are you cutting me off?”
“I’m not cutting you off, I just have some shit to handle. If you don’t need anything else I can go take care of it.”
“I didn’t say I was finished, I’m still trying to figure out why you would make a detour with my money.”
“I’ve already said my bad, I’m not gonna keep saying it, man. It won’t happen again.” Kenyon was getting angry which only pissed me off more. Why the fuck was he angry? To me that meant he had something to hide.
“Who are you yelling at? You don’t have any reason to be upset, you’re the one lollygagging with my fuckin’ money in the wings. You should have dropped that shit off first.” I was repeating myself and I hated it. I just wanted to make sure this nigga knew not to play games with me.
“Look, I’m not no sucka Black, you’re not gonna be talking to me like some fucking young boy. I told you what happened and that’s that. You don’t have to keep repeating yourself either because I heard.”
I felt just like Kemp did when he faced Tony that day. I wanted to blow him away but I had to think about it. Was killing him going to prove anything? I couldn’t let him disrespect me like that, though I would definitely lose more respect like that. I’d worked too hard to gain what I had and I’d be damned if I’d let one nigga ruin it. “I’ll talk to you however I see fit. You work for me, nigga, don’t ever forget that!” I yelled.
“How can I? You keep reminding me.”
His sarcasm was taking me to a level of anger that I was trying to avoid. My fingers were gripped tightly around the .45 that was in my hand. Sweat was forming on my forehead from the adrenaline rushing through my body. JB was sitting there with his eyes glued to Kenyon’s back. He was waiting for one of us to make a move. I couldn’t even respond to what he’d just said. He didn’t respect me and it didn’t matter what I did at this point. For me, there was only one option: killing him. With a quick hand motion, I raised the gun and shot him in the chest. He stumbled before I released four more shots, forcing him down to the ground. JB didn’t budget, almost as if he knew what I was about to do before I did it. I gave him a look, which meant get help to come take him out. I walked back to the desk and sat down. I placed the gun on the desk and grabbed a cloth to wipe the blood that I felt resting on my face.
JB left out of the office and shortly returned with a couple of the runners, some rope, and a bunch of plastic. I still sat silent at the desk. I hated the fact that I had to resort to murder. I hoped that I could keep him around regardless of his attitude toward me after he believed Kemp was alive. He actually was a good soldier his loyalty just didn’t lie with me. After they wrapped him up and took him out of the room the female we used to clean up messes like these came in and begin cleaning up the blood that was left behind. I got up to leave the room and walked straight into JB, who was on his way back in.
“I know this ain’t a good time, but it’s somebody I want you to meet.”
“You’re right, it ain’t a good time, so can we do this later?”
“I wish we could, but with Kenyon being gone I need you to meet this dude like yesterday.”
“I just shot this nigga and you’re already trying to replace him.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do? I can’t handle the work on both ends alone.”
I stood there for a second thinking. He was right, I couldn’t expect him to handle Kenyon’s area. He had to be replaced or shit would get out of hand. At this point I had to think rationally if I wanted things to get back on track. Putting too much work on one person would only hurt the situation. “All right, where is he?”
“Out front, his name is Money.”
“Money? I think I heard that name before. Is he the one that holds down the corner outside of Papi’s?”
“Yeah, that’s him,” JB said as we walked toward the exit. I couldn’t remember where I knew him from at the time but I knew that it would come back to me eventually. We exited the building where Money was standing, leaning up against a Ranger Rover. I was impressed; for a nigga that holds down one corner he seemed to be doing especially well. It also made me wonder what the hell he needed me for. Naturally, I was a suspicious dude but I figured I’d give him the benefit of the doubt since I trusted JB.
“Money, this is Black. Black, meet Money.”
I reached my right hand out to shake his. I nodded my head before speaking. “So JB tells me that you want to work for me.”
“Well, I was thinking more like a partnership. I do pretty well on my own block so I definitely don’t want to work for anyone. I figured we could work together to knock all the other hustlers out of the box.”
What the fuck is he talking about? I thought. Why the hell would I begin a partnership with a nigga I don’t even know? I must look like a straight fool.
“A partnership? What makes you think I need a partner?”
“I didn’t say you needed one, but you could only benefit from having me on your team. I know you don’t know me and if a nigga I ain’t know came to me the same way I’d be skeptical too. But on some real shit, I’m one of the toughest soldiers out here. You won’t find another me, for sure.”
“Maybe we can work something out. I’
m not sure if it’ll be a partnership but I’ll figure it out once I get my head straight. I got a lot of shit on my mind right now and I can’t really make that kind of decision. Give JB your contact information and I will get back to you by the end of the week.” Though most of what I said was true. I wanted to wait until I did a little research. I didn’t really trust what he was saying. I didn’t want to hear too much more of his pitch because him being my partner was out of the question. Niggas like JB had been down with me from day one and I hadn’t given them that opportunity. They’d look at me like an asshole if I let this nigga slide in so easily.
“Cool, I appreciate it,” he said, reaching out to shake my hand.
“I’m out, JB, call me if something’s up. I’ll be back shortly.” I walked over to my car and began my drive home. I had so much on my mind and so much to straighten out. I had just killed someone. In the past I’d shot at a couple of people and had hit a few but had never killed anyone. It was a different feeling, one of triumph. I felt like I could do anything at that point and I planned on using this no-tolerance method from that point on.
Chapter 9
Diamond
Where I Belong
I sat on the steps, both eyes full of tears. They had just handcuffed Johnny and took him off to jail. I was losing my best friend and there wasn’t anything that I could do to stop it. Did I cause this? If I hadn’t pushed him so hard maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I could remember the blood all over him and he ran to my house to tell me what happened. It was a vision that I’d never be able to erase. I heard banging on the back door. It was almost midnight so I knew it could only be him. By the sound of the knocks I could tell that something was wrong so I hurried to the door to answer it. It was pouring outside and he stood there in jeans and a T-shirt soaked with rain and blood. He stood there frozen as I stood on the other side of the threshold with the same look.
“What the hell happened, Johnny?” I said as tears instantly formed in the wells of my eyes. I grabbed hold of him to make sure that he wasn’t hurt.
“I did it, I couldn’t take it anymore. I did it,” he said as he walked through the door and began pacing. Water was dripping all over the place, leaving little blood-tinged puddles all over the kitchen floor. He was disoriented and filled with anger. I had never seen him so upset. Each time I tried to touch him he’d snatch away and keep repeating the same thing over and over again. I didn’t know what it was that he’d done at that moment but I knew it couldn’t be good.
“Babe, what did you do?” I was crying at this point. I wanted to console him but at the young age of sixteen I didn’t know how. I thought about movies and TV shows to see if I could remember how they’d done it. My mind was drawing a blank and my instinct wasn’t helping much either.
“I did it, I fuckin’ killed him. I did it.”
“Who did you kill?”
“My father, he can’t hurt us anymore.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did he just say he killed his father? The only thing I could think of doing was holding him. I wrapped my arms around him and held on tight as we cried together. I felt like my world was crashing down. He was going to be taken away and I’d probably never see him again.
“It’s all my fault, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I had to. I couldn’t let him keep abusing us. I had to stand up and be a man.”
Stand up and be a man was what I’d always told him. I told him that he’d never be a man if he couldn’t stand up for himself and protect his sister. I pushed him and now his life was over. I stood there holding him close without saying a word until I heard police sirens and saw flashing lights. A few seconds later there was banging at the door. I opened the door after Johnny gave me a nod. The cops pushed me aside and burst into the house, immediately putting handcuffs on him. My mother and aunt had since woke up and were standing in the living room with me. My mom was clueless as they dragged him out of the house. I cried and tried to free myself from my mom’s grip to get one last hug. He was out of the house and into the car before I could get to him. I sat on the steps looking on as they drove away. My head was buried in my knees.
“Come on in, baby, and get out of those pajamas, you’re soaked.”
I didn’t budge as if I was glued to the steps. My body felt like I was drained of the energy that I had. “Diamond, come on, sweetie it’s late and you have school tomorrow.”
School? Was she serious? I’d just witnessed something that would probably stay with me forever. The look in his eyes when he spoke those words reminded me of those serial killers in movies. There was no feeling behind it. It was as if he didn’t care that the man he’d just killed was his father. How could you murder someone and not give a damn? I know that he did it to save them from abuse but even still, he should have cared. After a while my mother just sat down beside me and placed her hand on my back. I sat there until I was all cried out and exhausted so much so that I had to lie down.
I didn’t get up for school the following morning or the rest of that week. I cried all day and night. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up and it would all be gone. I wanted to be able to hold him at night when he’d sneak over and make love to me. I wanted to laugh with him and smile when he told me how much he loved me. I missed my best friend and letters would never fill the void.
Now all of these years later I realized how much I needed a father. I didn’t know it back then but I knew now how important it was to have him around at times like those. My mother tried but I was never as close to her as I was to him. I missed him being there to console me when I was upset so when he walked away I felt the same way I did the night they took Johnny away.
I thought about it long and hard. I had to talk to my real mother and figure out why she gave me away. The explanation that my father gave me wasn’t quite enough for me. I mean, I had come to the realization years ago that my mother didn’t want me but with the information my father had given me I felt a lot different. I always prayed that I would meet her and finally feel like I was somewhere that I belonged, but once I heard the words that were coming out of my father’s mouth I didn’t quite feel the same. I was hurt. It was a hurt that I couldn’t really explain. I couldn’t imagine a pain much worse than this. To know that I was the result of an affair and then to be dumped by the woman that ruined a happy home was worse than just being rejected. Even if she had just given me up for adoption and disappeared I wouldn’t have felt as bad as I did. She not only left me fatherless but motherless. The only mother that I’d known pretty much committed suicide because she was so stressed about their breakup. I believe that any woman would be devastated about taking care of her husband’s love child to keep their marriage together only for him to leave anyway.
I told my father that I wanted to meet both him and Pam together. There were a lot of unanswered questions and some things that I needed to say. I wanted them to know how they ruined my life. I wasn’t going to let them back into my life that easy. They needed to suffer the way that I had all of the years that they were gone. Black tried to talk me out of it, saying that I didn’t want to dig too deep because I’d most likely find out things that I didn’t want to know. I didn’t care honestly, I needed to know where I came from. Even if it hurt, I’d figure out a way to get over it just like every obstacle that had been thrown my way.
I told them that I would come over to their house for dinner. I was nervous especially since I would be meeting Pam for the first time. What would she look like? How would she react to seeing me? There were so many questions going through my mind I could hardly relax on the drive over.
I arrived at a large row home in the Northeast part of Philly. There were two cars in the driveway, a black Lexus and a white Acura. Somebody must be doing pretty well, I thought. I wasn’t going to jump to conclusions but if they were over here living well while we struggled in North Philly all of those years I’d be disgusted. I parked on the side street and walked over to the door
. I almost turned back around but the motion lights came on. I didn’t want to get caught running away from the door so I stayed. I rang the bell and heard footsteps nearing on the opposite side.
“Glad you made it,” my father said, opening the door with a huge-ass Kool-Aid smile on his face. “Come on in,” he motioned with his hand.
I slowly walked inside and took a quick survey of the area. Everything was perfect, not even a pillow was out of place. I moved in just enough for him to close the door and stood still.
“Don’t be scared to go in further. We won’t bite.” He laughed.
I didn’t join in. This wasn’t a situation that I could laugh about. I didn’t find anything humorous about meeting up with them.
“Pam, she’s here!” he yelled out. A few moments later I heard shoes clicking against the hardwood floor. When I saw her face I knew—I knew that I belonged to her. She was beautiful and had a body that was pretty close to flawless. She had a bright smile with perfect white teeth and long, silky hair. I was almost her spitting image. I stared at her from head to toe. She was dressed in designer gear and flaunted diamonds everywhere. She looked exactly as I hoped I would when I reached her age.
Tears streaming down her face soon joined her smile. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I was hesitant about hugging her back. Eventually I gave in but it wasn’t genuine, not on my part anyway. I felt like hugging her back was the right thing to do at the time.
“I never thought I’d get a chance to see you this way. I wanted this day for so long.”
She backed away while holding onto one of my hands and looking me up and down. “You’re so pretty, you look just like me when I was your age.”
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