I wanted, ached, to slam my fist into Nathan’s smug face, but I remembered my instructor’s words. “Your anger will boil to the surface again. Take a breath. Remove yourself from the situation if you can’t calm down. Then come back to it when you have control over yourself.”
“I can’t talk about this with you now.” I turned to leave but froze when he spoke again.
“Really? You’re running away? When are you gonna stop being the fucking screw up of the family? You like to play like you’re a man but you’re really still a little boy. You need to grow the hell up.”
“No, what I am is determined not to be like Dad. I’m leaving because all I want to do is smash my fist into your fucking face until you stop saying stupid shit about my woman. But sometimes being a man means walking away.”
I crossed to the front door. I wasn’t leaving. I just had to get out of this room and take some time to cool down. I didn’t trust myself around anyone at the moment.
Chapter 17
Hope
I bit my lip as I surveyed the backyard. The word didn’t do the area justice. From the fenced pool to the manicured gardens to the winding path leading to the pool house in back—they had another house—the space was far from what I’d call a backyard. But I didn’t see Ryan anywhere.
“How’s it going?”
I jumped as Rachel sidled up to me. “It’s good. Your house is amazing.”
“It’s Austin’s but thank you. I only moved in a few weeks ago. I swear sometimes it doesn’t feel real.”
“I know what you mean.” I’d thought the same about me and Ryan a few times before. And that was before my pregnancy test came up positive.
“They’re a little overwhelming at first, but they really are a great group of guys. And Wendy is awesome. She’ll be by a little later. I think she’s working at the diner still, but I swear it’s not like the TV show. They’re pretty low key most days.”
“Good to know,” I murmured.
“Telling Ryan’s girl all our secrets?” Austin asked as he stepped up behind Rachel and wound his arms around her.
“Only the really good ones.” Rachel smiled and ducked her head as Austin nuzzled the side of her neck.
“Oh Christ, get a room you two.” Nathan groaned as he stepped into the backyard.
“We would but we have company right now.” Austin smirked. After giving Rachel one more kiss, he stepped away and accepted a beer from his brother.
I felt the scorch of their passion and obvious love for each other. They were sweet, but honestly, kinda hard to watch. It only underlined how far Ryan and I had to go. We weren’t there yet, but I really, really wanted to be.
I felt a different, unpleasant tingle and turned to find Nathan surveying me from head to toe, almost like he was looking for something not to like. I gave him a hesitant smile that he ignored as he turned to follow Austin to the grill.
Rachel tilted her head. “And some are slower to warm up than others. Can I get you anything? Something more substantial to drink? It’ll help you make it through the night with this crew. Trust me.”
“I’m good.” I tilted my bottle of water. “I think I’ll stick to water tonight, but thanks.”
“Sure.” Rachel smiled, but I could see the question in her eyes. Was I a killjoy? Some religious nut? I was afraid to even think the “P” word in case I’d somehow telepathically send it to her.
“Found you.” Ryan laughed as he walked to my side. “Everything okay?” He smiled at me, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. The fake smiled bothered me, and I wanted to know what was going on.
“We’re fine.” Rachel tucked her long, brown hair behind her ear. “I was just getting ready to tell Hope the real dirt on the Burns boys.”
Ryan snorted. “Pretty sure the whole world has seen us at our worst already. Not much dirt left.”
The smile fell from Rachel’s lips. I struggled to find something to fill the awkward silence when a little boy came running across the grass screaming, “Mommy!”
Rachel shook her head as she crouched down to hug the little boy. “You’d think he hasn’t seen me in years.”
“Homework is taking up most of your time here lately.” A middle-aged woman in a wheelchair said as she rolled toward us on the winding cement path. “He’s missed you.”
“Thanks, Mom. Guilt acknowledged and accepted.” Rachel rolled her eyes as she hugged her little boy. “Hopefully things get easier after finals here in a few weeks.”
“It wasn’t a criticism, Rachel. I know how hard you work at school and at keeping this little guy alive.” Her mom tossed a smile to the group. “I’m just going to go hangout at home and leave you kids to your party. Night.”
“Goodnight, Mom. Thanks for watching him.” Grasping him under his arms, Rachel lifted her little boy up and he wrapped around her like a monkey. “Hope, this is Wyatt.”
“He’s a cutie.” I couldn’t help but smile at the adorable little boy. “Hi, Wyatt. How old are you?”
“I’m four.” Wyatt grinned with his entire body. “Are you Ryan’s girlfriend?”
I stuttered along with my heart as I didn’t even know how to answer that.
Ryan chuckled next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Maybe, kiddo. I’m trying to convince her.”
Rachel’s eyes widened as she pressed her lips together.
I had a feeling I was making the same face. Ryan had said so much with just a few words. But before anyone could acknowledge the comment, Wyatt screamed, “Austin! Austin!”
He wiggled down from Rachel’s arms and tore across the yard to where the rest of the men were gathered around the grill with beers in their hands. Without pausing, Austin bent down and scooped Wyatt into his arms—beer and all—and kept talking to the guys. Wyatt wiggled in his arms like a puppy and butted his head against Austin’s shoulder.
“Excuse me. I think I need to rescue Austin.” Rachel said as she backed away. Her eyes flickered to me, and Ryan’s arm around me, before she turned and headed for her family.
But instead of taking her child from Austin’s arms, she stopped at his side and Austin wrapped his other arm around her, his beer resting against her hip. They looked like a family unit.
My eyes felt mysteriously misty. I surreptitiously swiped at my eyes then mentally cursed myself for touching my mascaraed lashes.
“You hold up all right while I had a little chat with Phil?” Ryan asked, tearing my attention away from his family.
“Yeah. Your family is pretty great.” Except for Nathan, who was kind of a dick, I finished silently. “Everything okay with you? You looked a little frustrated when you came out here.”
Ryan looked down and toed at his boots. My face burned as I realized he didn’t want to tell me what was going on. Right. So much for girlfriend fantasies. I don’t know why I expected—
“I don’t even know where to start,” Ryan muttered, interrupting my internal dialogue. “There was shit about my dad. Shit with my brother. Brothers. Two of them. Maybe I should start shit with Austin and make it a complete set.”
I pressed my lips together, unsure of what to say. I’d never had problems like that with my sibling. “I uh, do you want to talk about it?”
Ryan pause then shook his head. “Not here. Later.”
“Okay.”
“Just… Let me know if Nathan does or says anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
What the hell? My eyes widened. I wondered if I should tell him about the dismissive little stare down session we’d had. I didn’t want to make anything worse for him and his brothers.
So instead I nodded and didn’t say anything about it.
We stood there for a moment in silence that was surprisingly comfortable considering we were both clearly a little uncomfortable with Nathan. Ryan’s arm wrapped around me with everyone else chatting a dozen feet away. It felt like an alliance. Ryan and me against the world. Or most of his family, anyway, given the way Nathan and Dylan ke
pt tossing us looks.
Maybe this family thing wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped it would be.
A few minutes later, the moment was broken as Austin hollered, “Food’s ready. Everyone get your asses inside and eat.”
The rest of the night passed in a blur of good food—shrimp skewers, pasta salads, and fruit—good company, and alcohol for everyone but me, Ryan, and Wyatt. The latter disappearing upstairs with Rachel after dinner and not returning with her thirty minutes later.
I think the combination of food and alcohol mellowed everyone. Ryan was calmer and teased his brothers about work and stories from their childhood. Nathan even relaxed some and stopped glaring at me.
But mostly I’d remember the way Ryan’s arm felt around my shoulder or when he’d reach out and casually rest a hand on my thigh when I sat next to him at dinner. Immediate warmth enveloped me always followed by little electric sparks. By the end of the night I felt like a live wire, buzzing with a mixture of sexual tension and aching need. And for once I couldn’t blame it on alcohol. It was all Ryan.
I hoped he felt the same way as I did, otherwise this would be long night. I wondered if I had any triple A batteries at home...
We sat side by side on the sofa, me all but sitting in his lap as he absently traced random patterns over my jean clad thigh. I swear it felt like his finger was on my skin and not touching my thick, scratchy jeans. His voice was a distant rumble as he talked to Austin. The vibrations of his chest under my cheek were soothing despite the storm his absentminded fingers caused.
Suddenly Ryan jolted, jarring me from my spell, and I sat up with a wince.
Ryan’s stubble rasped against my temple as he murmured in my ear, “Sorry, were you sleeping, beautiful?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Maybe you should head home.” Austin rumbled from the other end of the sofa. “She looks half asleep.”
“No, really I’m fine,” I weakly protested.
“Yeah, I think we’re gonna head.” Ryan jostled me as he stood up, pulling me up as well and clutching me to his side. “See you guys, Monday. G’night.”
Ryan wrapped an arm around me, and I smiled apologetically at everyone as we made our way to the door.
“Thanks for letting me tag along.” I gave a smile, awkward wave, hampered by Ryan’s arm around me. “It was nice meeting you all.”
“I wouldn’t call it tagging along.” Rachel smiled. “Not if Ryan has his way.”
The rest of the group hooted.
Austin grinned. “Ryan and Hope sitting in a tree. F-U-C—”
“Language!” Rachel scowled.
“What?” Austin laughed drunkenly. “I was spelling it, not saying it. Besides Wyatt is sleeping. Maybe we should head upstairs and do a little of our own F-U-C—”
“And that’s our cue to leave.” Ryan saluted the group. “Night, all.”
The crew murmured their goodbyes and we walked out the door to the sound of Rachel and Austin’s laughter.
“Uh,” Ryan’s lips quirked. “Are you sure you wanna be in with a family like that?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah. They’re pretty great actually. I really like Rachel. I’m sure the rest of your family will grow on me with time.”
“Like a fungus. Right. That’s a pretty apt description of my family.”
I rolled my eyes, but I was smiling as we walked toward Ryan’s truck.
“Bro!” Dylan shouted behind us. “Wait up!”
Ryan huffed in annoyance but stopped and turned, waiting for Dylan to catch up.
“Whoa. I shouldn’t drink and run.” Dylan groaned after he stopped in front of us. “It really fucks with my equilibrium.”
“Was there a point to this or did you just want us to watch you run drunk?” Ryan scowled. “Kinda got things to do tonight, Dyl.”
“Yeah, yeah. I need a ride home. I caught a lift here with Austin.”
“Seriously?” Ryan scoffed. “Call an Uber. I’ve got to take Hope home.”
“I don’t mind,” I cut in. Looking between Ryan and Dylan, it felt like something else was simmering beneath the surface. Ryan was definitely pissed at his brother and not because he’d asked for a ride. “Um, I kinda wouldn’t mind seeing your place again. That is, if it’s all right with you?”
Ryan stared at me for a moment then slowly nodded. “Okay. Sure, I’ll take you home, Dyl. But you’re riding in the back seat.”
Dylan raised his palms. “Hey, I’m not trying to get between you and Hope. I just want to get home in one piece.”
Ryan shook his head and then, still holding my hand, led the way to his pickup parked at the curb. When we reached his truck, Ryan opened my door for me and helped me into the cab. A silent Dylan scrambled into the backseat of the crew cab as Ryan closed my door and circled the truck to his side. Ryan tossed his brother an annoyed look as he settled behind the wheel.
Just as Ryan started the truck, Dylan piped up from the backseat, “So I take it no one else knows we’re going to be uncles?”
Ryan shook his head. “How drunk are you?”
Dylan snickered. “Just enough to really enjoy pissing you off in front of your girl.”
Ryan raised his eyebrows at me. “I swear, I told him we weren’t telling anyone else about the baby yet.”
“It’s fine.” I hitched a shoulder. “They’re family, right?”
“Right,” Ryan muttered. “No matter how much I wish they weren’t sometimes.”
“Hey! Can we stop for In-N-Out? I’m starving!” Dylan moaned.
I shook my head and smiled at Ryan. “Kind of a preview of what having a kid will be like.”
“Because drunk Dylan isn’t far off from a toddler?” Ryan laughed. “Agreed.”
“I think the two of you are gonna make a gorgeous baby.” Dylan snorted with laughter behind us. “Gorgeous. Does that sound weird to you guys? Gor-ge-ous. Genius? What was I saying again?”
I giggled the rest of the way to Ryan’s condo. Maybe having a family wouldn’t be all bad.
Chapter 18
Ryan
I was ready to kill my brother. Literally and figuratively. By the time I’d pulled up to our condos he’d told us all about the last girl he’d hooked up with—down to the color of her nipples—and we listened as he tried to pronounce chiaroscuro. I only knew what he’d meant because we’d been living together when he took those art classes at the community college. But between Phil apprising me of Dylan’s name-dropping and him horning in on my alone time with Hope with his never-ending babble, he was testing the limits of my anger management skills.
“Oooh!” Dylan exclaimed as he clamored out of the truck. “I’m gonna order Postmates! Later.”
I sighed with relief. At least he knew when to make himself scarce. Eventually. Although it was probably more due to his drunken hunger than manners.
Turning to Hope, I smiled wryly. “Do you want me to take you home?”
“I’m exactly where I want to be.” Hope smiled back at me.
I closed my eyes in relief that Dylan hadn’t actually fucked up tonight for us. I gave her a wolfish grin. “I’m glad to hear that. Sit tight for a second.” I bailed out the driver’s door and jogged around the truck to her side. Opening Hope’s door, I shook my head. “Sorry about Dylan.”
“Don’t be. He was fine. Funny. And at least he didn’t puke in your truck.”
“Yeah, it’s probably a good thing we didn’t stop at In-N-Out.” I grabbed Hope’s hand and led the way to my front door. “He’s gonna be pissed when he finds out that Postmates doesn’t do In-N-Out.”
“Hmmm, maybe lock your door.”
“He’s got a key.” I pulled out my own and unlocked the door. Pushing it open, I held out a hand for Hope to enter first then followed behind. I flicked on the lights and locked the door behind us, hoping that Dylan wouldn’t use his spare. I had a feeling I didn’t want him walking in on us thirty minutes from now. “So…”
“So.” Hope turned to fa
ce me and raised her eyebrows.
And I had nothing. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. “Want something to drink? I have sodas and alcohol-free cider and—”
“And water,” Hope finished for me with a smile. “Every kind I can imagine, I remember. Thank you but no.”
“Okay.” I shoved my hands into my front pockets to keep myself from reaching out and touching her, holding her. I just wanted to put my hands on her, but I’d promised that we’d take this slow. So how slow was slow?
And how did I ask that without sounding like a horny tool?
Hope watched me with a slight smile curbing her lips. She tilted her head like she found my twitchiness curious. “So.”
“So,” I repeated.
“I think we need to find a different word. Or something to say to fill the awkward silence between us.”
“Want to sit on the couch and talk?” I offered.
“Because we’re doing so well with conversation so far?” Hope asked with raised eyebrows.
I shrugged as I ducked my head. I didn’t know what to say, and it was frustrating. Usually I was confident, arrogant even, when it came to women. I knew many found me attractive. Between the time I put in at the gym and my attitude, I’d never really had to work to get attention. I didn’t have much experience at keeping it though. Up until now I’d always been fine with moving on after a few weeks when the initial spark had cooled.
Now, more than anything, I wanted to push past that spark and get to know the woman beneath and have a relationship with Hope. But damned if I knew where or how to start.
“Did you have fun tonight?” I asked. “The guys weren’t too crazy, I thought.”
“No, I mean yes, I had fun and no, the guys weren’t crazy.” Hope laughed. “So no and yes.”
I laughed lightly as I searched my brain for something, anything to say.
Hope tilted her head. “Everything okay?”
“I uh, yeah. Sorry. I don’t know what to say. We had this whole vibe going on at Austin’s house just a few minutes ago, and I don’t know how to get it back.”
Fast: A Pregnant by the Bad Boy Romance (Burns Brothers Book 2) Page 14
