I nodded. “I just wanna have another walk through before we leave—make sure I’ve got everything.”
“Okay. I’m gonna run this first load down. Wait for me to help you with the rest.”
I smiled and shook my head. As soon as my mom had heard about the baby, she was all that’s too heavy, let me carry it. She was sweet, but it was starting to feel over the top. A couple boxes wouldn’t kill me or my baby.
Which was why, after one more walk through and once I saw how few boxes she’d left behind, I hefted all three and headed for the elevator.
T-Bone had given me the place fully furnished, and it was a bit sad to see how little I’d acquired. All my worldly possessions only filled two suitcases and five boxes. I’d left anything that wasn’t mine. I didn’t want a single thing to remind me of that asshole. I might still have to live with having his DNA, but I sure as hell didn’t want anything else from the bastard.
He’d torn my world apart, and all I had to show for it could be moved by two women in a single trip. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so sad. I know Ryan would’ve found some joke to make given all this.
But he was lying in a hospital bed because of me.
Tears burned my eyes but I blinked them back. I wasn’t going to fall apart now.
When the elevator doors opened, I really, really wished I’d waited for my mom. Goldie leaned against the far side studying her long, fake acrylic nails with fascination.
I took a step back.
“What? You suddenly too good to ride with me?” Goldie drawled with the fakest smile I’d ever seen. “Because that’s not what I hear. Good girl done gone and got herself knocked up. Oldest, stupidest story of all time.”
My eyes narrowed, and I hoisted the boxes higher up in my arms before I stepped onto the elevator. Dropping the boxes at her feet with a thud, I glared back at her. “You just ride this thing up and down all day long, hoping to see me?”
Goldie flipped her hair. “Don’t know why you think I’d want to see your skank ass.”
“Since you live on the third floor, I don’t know what you’d be doing up on five.”
She froze for a second before a huge smile curved her lips. “You think I’m here for you?”
“That or you’re up here to visit Knuckles.” I gave her my own evil little smile. “But that doesn’t make sense because you’re with Rags. Right?”
She blinked slowly a few times at all I left unspoken. I knew about her and Knuckles. Given the numbers of times I’d seen her on my floor, I knew she wasn’t up here to borrow sugar, and until now, I’d kept that to myself.
Silence pulsed through the remainder of our short ride to the lobby. I have to admit, it felt so very good to make this bitch sweat.
My evil smirk spread into a full-blown grin as the doors slide open to reveal Rags standing just outside stabbing at the button with a thunderous frown.
Someone was about to get what was coming to them. Finally.
“Goldie.” The pure anger in his voice would’ve made anyone flinch and hide, but I stepped past him without a qualm. “Where the fuck have you been? You weren’t at the clubhouse, and you weren’t in our apartment. What the fuck?”
I stopped at the entry and turned to face the couple. Goldie was stuttering as she tried and failed to placate her angry man. I basked in the pleasure of seeing Goldie get her due.
Right up until Rags raised his hand.
Shit.
“Hey, Goldie?” I called.
Rags froze before running his raised hand over his bandana pinned hair like that was all he intended to do. But we all knew. He was an asshole just like the rest.
If it was possible, Goldie shrank a little more as she sent me a silent panicked plea with her eyes.
“Thanks for the help with packing. I really appreciate it.” I hefted the boxes in my arms as I shoved the door open with a hip.
She sagged a little and closed her eyes in relief. Then tilting her head in acknowledgement, she straightened and met my gaze across the lobby. “No problem, Hope. I erm, hope you’re happy wherever you land. I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”
I lifted a shoulder and smiled back at her.
Rags didn’t acknowledge me or my alibi for his woman. I could’ve been a ghost for all he cared.
And that was when it really sank in. I was cut out of their life. Not that I’d ever really fit into it in the first place. Nor did I want to anymore.
It still kinda hurt. These people were supposed to be my home. My family.
I shook it off and headed for the parking lot.
As the door fell closed, he continued to rant. “Next time, answer your damn phone. I’ve been calling you—”
“Who was that?” My mom asked as she took the boxes with an irritated expression.
“Just saying goodbye to an old friend.”
“You should’ve waited for me like I told you. You really shouldn’t be lifting anything right now in your condition.”
“Okay, Mom.” I cupped my hands over my stomach. The doctor hadn’t said anything about lifting. I’d kinda thought my mom had been overdramatic, but maybe I should’ve listened to her.
“That’s everything?”
I nodded.
“You ready to roll then? Cal and Sage should be at the hotel soon. I know Sage is really eager to see you again.”
“Uh, I’ll meet you there? I need to go say goodbye first.”
“Honey, do you really think that’s smart?” My mom frowned. “You’re already under a lot of stress. I really don’t think you should add to it.”
“I have to, Mom. It won’t be any easier the longer I wait, and I can’t face myself in the mirror until I admit the part I played in all this. I need to look him in the eyes and tell him goodbye—that he can’t be in my life anymore.”
“They might not even let you see him.”
“I know, but I have to try. For myself and my baby.”
She shook her head in frustration. “I wanna be pissed at you, but we all know where you get that stubborn nature.”
I froze. Was she really comparing me to him right now? After all I’d—we’d—been through?
“Your grandmother used to say I was as stubborn as my father. But she was a pretty stubborn old bat too.”
I huffed out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “I would’ve liked to meet them.”
My mom sighed. “My life is full of regrets, but that’s not one of them. They weren’t good people, honey.”
I gave my mom a forced smile. “I’ll meet you back at your hotel? Text me the address please.”
“Will do.” Mom stepped forward and pulled me into a tight hug. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I rested my head on her shoulder for a moment and whispered, “I’m so sorry I ever came here to him.”
Mom’s arms tightened convulsively. “Everyone makes mistakes. All you can do is learn from them and do better the next time.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
* * *
I’d never even been to traffic court, so getting through all the procedures to visit someone in county jail was definitely an eye opener. First of all, it was bedlam. So many people here to visit a loved one being held. The children were especially heartbreaking. Little girls and boys fussing and occasionally crying in the waiting room while their steely eyed parents tried to placate them.
I was a child visiting a parent in jail, but at least I had the choice to be here. And after today, never again.
After giving my name and detailing my relationship to the inmate, I handed over my ID, and stepped through the metal detector. And because this was the day that kept on giving, I got searched too. I almost turned around then, but I wasn’t one to run from a fight. I stayed and was rewarded with an endless wait in a tiny room filled with screaming kids and annoyed parents.
When they finally called my name, I was led to a long, narrow room just like in the movies—with a long glass wall with telephones att
ached and separated by partitions.
My dad had officially become a cliché.
I sat where the guard pointed and waited, bouncing my knee in nervousness to pass the minutes.
And then he entered.
Wearing the requisite orange jumpsuit, he was escorted by an armed guard. Even though I knew I was safe on my side of the glass, my heart pounded when his eyes caught mine and hardened. He stopped short. I knew he hadn’t expected me and was tempted to leave, but the guard prodded him on the arm and smirked as he said something. T-Bone didn’t acknowledge whatever had been said, but he continued toward me then sat at the chair opposite.
I silently thanked the maker of the glass wall and fought the urge to shiver.
T-Bone stared at me through the glass and didn’t move to pick up the phone. I stared back, not wanting to let him see me sweat. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the guard frown and move toward T-Bone.
I grabbed the phone and held it to my ear. After a beat, he did too.
“You’re not what I was expecting.”
“Ditto.” I bared my teeth at him. “I guess we both should’ve known better.”
“Nah, I meant now. Today. When they said my daughter was here, I thought it was one of the girls from the club. A few of them like to call me daddy.” He smirked in a way that made me nauseous. “Never thought for a second I’d ever see you again.”
“After today, you won’t.”
His expression didn’t change. Who was this man? He wasn’t the one who’d spent time getting to know me at college in Oregon. Or the one who’d been adamant that I move into his building. Where was that sweet guy who just wanted to know me?
“Was it all a ruse? You coming to see me in college? All those dinners out and time spent hanging together? Didn’t any of it mean anything to you?”
I don’t know why I’d started with that. I’d come to tell him off—let him know that I never wanted to see him again—but the words that fell from my mouth sounded like a lost little girl. I burned to take them back, but I didn’t want to look any weaker to this man than I already had.
He shrugged. “Some things are more important than family. Like respect. And now your man knows that.”
“Do you seriously think anyone will ever respect you now? You’re going to rot in here.”
He hitched a shoulder again like it didn’t bother him.
And I just saw red. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what you think, what you want, or what you plan to do about me. Because I’m done. You’re not going to be in my life or my baby’s life. This one here, who will grow up in Sacramento with the last name Burns, will never call you grandpa.”
His eyes darted down to my belly where I rested my hands like I could protect my baby from him. When his gaze met mine again, I swore there was some emotion there, but maybe that was wishful thinking.
“My mom had to run away to get you out of her life, but I’m not doing that. Because you’re as good as dead to me. I’m done. Keep you and yours the fuck away from me. I’ve learned from the best, and I’ll do whatever it takes to protect me and mine. So you can all fuck off out of my life. I’m done.”
I slammed the phone back onto the receiver and pushed my chair out with a harsh scrape. The entire time I kept my eyes on him, never flinching even when his eyes narrowed. Then I blinked as I turned and walked away.
There was some kind of scuffle behind me. A few guards shouted and footsteps pounded. But I didn’t turn to look. He didn’t deserve that.
I was done.
I just hoped Ryan wasn’t.
Chapter 28
Hope
I wanted to go straight to the hospital, but when I exited county jail my mom, Cal and Sage were standing in the parking lot. Tears streaked down my face quick and fast. My breath hitched in my chest as Sage tore across the parking lot and all but tackled me in a hug. The next thing I knew my mom and Cal were there, their arms around us too.
I hadn’t seen Cal in almost a year since I hadn’t gone home for Christmas last year. But something about seeing his craggy face, his graying blond hair and his familiar scent of Old Spice had me crying harder. We’d had a strange pseudo relationship. I’d resented him showing up in our life, taking so much time from my mom, and then slowly accepted him. I’d watched jealously as he bonded with my brother over cars and TV. He’d always been there, but not so much for me. But he’d been a great father for Sage. And apparently what my mom had needed too.
“I am so sorry, Hope,” Cal murmured. “I know it doesn’t mean much to you, but I feel like I owe you an apology.”
“What?” I blinked up at him in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“I know I wasn’t a very good stepfather. And to be honest, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, so I wasn’t there for you. Fuck, I was the definition of absent.” He sighed and looked away. “I guess what I’m saying is that I wish I’d been a better stepfather, and then maybe you wouldn’t be in this whole mess.”
I shook my head. “None of this was your fault. All of this is on him and some on me too, but not you. Or Mom. Or Sage. I don’t want any of you to feel responsible.” I shoved my hands into my pockets and rocked back on my heels with a smile. “And besides, if I hadn’t come to Sacramento, I never would’ve met Ryan. And you wouldn’t be a grandfather in six months’ time.”
“What?” Sage shrieked. “You’re gonna have a baby?”
I nodded as a stupid grin swept over my face.
“You want me to be its grandfather?” Tears glistened in Cal’s eyes. “Me?”
“Of course. Ryan doesn’t have a relationship with his father and well—” I tipped my head toward the building I’d just left. “You might be all we’ve got, but you’re also the best we could ask for. You might not have thought you’d done a good job, but you’re the kind of guy I want my child looking up to for a grandpa.”
“Grandpa.” Cal nodded slowly. “Sounds like a great title to me.”
I smiled back then had to close my eyes as the parking lot swam around me.
“Hope!” Sage shouted.
Then the world really did tilt as someone—Cal no doubt—swept me into their arms.
“I’m fine.” I protested weakly. “I gotta get to the hospital and see Ryan.”
“The only place you’re going is to bed,” Cal retorted.
Mom sighed as she ran a hand over my head. “You need to take care of yourself, honey. You and the baby.”
“But Mom,” I protested weakly.
Cal bent down and plopped me into the back seat of my mom’s hatchback. “No excuses. You’re under too much stress. You need to sleep. Ryan will still be there tomorrow. We’ll all go and meet him.”
“Great,” I muttered after he shut the door. I leaned against it and closed my eyes for a second. “I’m sure Ryan will be thrilled with the invasion. If he even lets us in.”
Then I let the overwhelming exhaustion take me.
* * *
After a night I’d spent totally unconscious and then breakfast with my entire family the next morning, I conned my mom into dropping me off at the hospital with plans to meet up that afternoon. If all went well.
I knew when I exited the elevator on Ryan’s floor that it wouldn’t go well.
Dylan, Sabrina, Nathan, and Austin all sat in the tiny lobby next to the elevator. And all their eyes swung to me the second I got off the elevator. Their opinion of me was all over their faces.
Judas.
Too little too late.
But Nathan’s was carefully blank.
“Hey,” I murmured with an awkward wave. “How’s he doing?”
Dylan and Austin just blinked and stared at me with their angry expressions. Sabrina shook her head and looked away.
“He’s doing better.” Nathan replied.
“Nate. What the hell are you doing?” Austin hissed.
Nathan rolled his eyes. “I’m telling Ryan’s girlfriend and the mother of his unborn b
aby how he’s doing.”
“Like she really gives a shit.” Austin shook his head. “Where was she all weekend? And why the hell hasn’t she answered any of our texts?”
“What’s with the Greek Chorus act?” I waved a hand. “I’m standing right here. How about you just ask me?”
“Fine.” Dylan stood to face me. “Where the hell have you been?”
“When they discharged me, I knew we wouldn’t be able to see Ryan for a while, so I went back to my apartment to pack up all my stuff. As you all know, my dad had been paying for my apartment. But after he beat and almost killed Ryan, I didn’t want anything to do with him. So I packed it all up and went to tell him that in person. I told him that he won’t have any place in my life or my baby’s life, and he better keep his asshole friends away from us. Then, my mom made me eat and go to her hotel where I’ve been sound asleep for the past fifteen hours. I got here as soon as I woke up. And tomorrow I’m going to find a lawyer and see what I can do to make that all legal and official.”
Austin tilted his head. “Our lawyer is already on it.”
“Well, I’ll get my own restraining order, too.”
“And the texts?” Dylan asked.
“I don’t—” I patted my pockets and realized I didn’t even have my purse. “I don’t know where my phone is. Probably with my purse at the bottom of a box at my parents’ hotel. I don’t even remember the last time I saw it. I didn’t know I was missing any texts from anyone. I’ve been kinda running on adrenaline for the past few days.”
“That’s not acceptable.” Nathan stood as well
I flinched. For some reason I’d really thought I had him in my corner. But now it looked like I’d have to fight for all of their approval before I could even get into Ryan’s room. Where I no doubt had another battle on my hands. That familiar feeling of exhaustion dragged at me again. It was only 9 AM.
“You need to take better care of yourself. You and your baby.” Nathan glowered. “Ryan will be pissed if anything happens to you. Either of you.”
I closed my eyes as a wave of relief swept over me.
“Did you eat breakfast?” Sabrina asked. “I can get something from the cafeteria if you’re hungry.”
Fast: A Pregnant by the Bad Boy Romance (Burns Brothers Book 2) Page 23
