by Paty Jager
“Hello?” said her out of breath mother.
“Mom. It’s me.” Tears burned in her eyes at the happy shriek from her parent.
“Carina. Oh darling, I’ve been so worried. I didn’t care what Georgie said, I still needed to hear you are well from you.”
“I am doing fine.” As good as can be expected having fallen in love with my employer and his children.
“I’m so glad! Tell me all about the family you’re working for. And don’t leave out any of the details.” She heard her mother moving. Ever since she bought her the cordless phone, her mom would make tea while she talked and then sit in her favorite antique chair and sip while she listened. These were the same actions of her childhood. When she’d come home full of the exploits from her day, her mother went through the same routine, sans telephone. The memories warmed and made her melancholy for the innocent days of her youth.
Carina told her of the children. How smart and fun they were and giving a brief sketch of Brock.
“Oh, they all sound delightful! Will you be able to come home for the holidays?”
The idea hadn’t crossed her mind. Holidays weren’t something she looked forward to anymore. She thought of her mother’s excitement when she thought she’d have a grandchild to shop for. The ache which had started to ebb now emerged to strangle her heart.
“I don’t know, Mom.”
“Surely, your employer can tend the children while you come home. You have to be here. Otherwise—I’ll have no one.” Tears laced her mother’s voice.
“I’ll see. Mom, what I really called about is selling some antiques.”
“You don’t have any antiques. Your apartment looks like a junk dealers retreat.”
“You know that apartment was temporary, and I didn’t have the funds to furnish it. The antiques belong to my employer. He would like to sell some.” She didn’t want to tell her mother why. Helping the man sell his heirlooms, she secured a place by his side for a while longer. Something she both cherished and feared.
“I can’t help if I can’t see them. E-mail me some pictures along with information about the pieces, and I’ll shop them around.” She swallowed. “Is the only reason you called because of this?”
Carina slumped in the chair. Lie and make her mother feel better or tell the truth?
“No, mom. There was a storm the day I arrived and they just fixed the phone lines.”
“You have a cell phone which I have tried numerous times.”
“This is a remote area. My cell phone doesn’t work out here.”
“Then how did you call Georgie?” The accusation in her mother’s voice made her feel eleven again.
“Mom, I was on the phone with Georgie to tell her I made it when the phone went out.” She rubbed her temple, wanting the conversation to end.
“Give me your number there so I can contact you after you send the photos.”
This was her mom’s way of being able to contact her whenever she wanted. She loved her mother, but her clinginess was part of the reason for the drastic change in her lifestyle.
“Okay.” She recited the number and hoped Brock didn’t mind her mother calling several times a day from here on out.
“It was so good to hear your voice darling.”
“You too, Mom.”
“I love you and miss my only living relative.”
“I know. I love you too. Take care and I’ll send those pictures as soon as I can.” Carina hung up the phone wishing for siblings her mother could expend some love upon.
She stretched and listened. The house was dark and quiet. Brock headed up the stairs to put the children to bed when she entered the office to make the phone call. She didn’t want to venture out of the safety of the office and run into the man. Dinner had been a silent, awkward meal. Even Maddie hadn’t chattered.
If she planned to stay on after her month, there had to be rules put in place. She opened the desk drawer, pulling out a sheet of paper and pen. Tapping the pen against her chin, she tried to think of what would constitute a good rule.
The only one she could think of was the one which brought her body back to life. She couldn’t write that down on paper. What if Maddie came across the paper?
She stood, squared her shoulders, and knew what had to be done. Her mouth went dry as she climbed the stairs to the second floor and knocked on Brock’s door.
He didn’t open the door with abandon as he had the first night of her arrival. The door opened enough for him to stick his head out.
She cleared her throat. “We need to talk.”
He glared at her. “What about?”
“The rules we need if I’m going to stay.” She didn’t dare allow her gaze to drift anywhere other than his eyes.
The door opened and he waved her to enter. Unintentionally, she scanned down his bare chest to the top of his low-riding, flannel pj bottoms. The man had the most perfect abs she’d ever seen. Swallowing the saliva building in her mouth, she jerked her gaze back up to his face. The smirk on his face stimulated the anger she needed.
“Put a shirt on and follow me down to the living room,” she said, turning to leave.
“Why can’t we discuss this here?”
“I don’t want Maddie to hear the conversation.”
“Do you plan to yell?” The snicker in his voice had her hands clenching.
“No. However, you should know her well enough to know she wanders around at night checking on you and Tate. I don’t want her checking on you and finding me in your room.”
His chin dropped nearly to his chest. She smiled smugly and headed for the stairs. He’d meet her in the living room and have questions. He didn’t even know his daughter looked in on him. Just like a man. Perry slept through everything too. How many nights had she tried waking him after having nightmares … Shivers wracked her body. This wasn’t the time to think about the pain and guilt.
She turned on a light, sat on the straight-backed chair next to the sofa, and waited.
Brock stepped off the last stair softly so as not to arouse Carina, who appeared deep in thought. The single lamp illuminated the lines around her eyes and at the corners of her mouth. Whatever she was thinking brought her pain. Panic hit him. She planned to leave. He needed her to keep this family together. If she wasn’t here Johnson would win.
She couldn’t leave. He’d agree to all her rules. And whatever it took to keep his family together and Carina in his house. The last thought hit him like a slap across the face. He didn’t want her here solely for the family. His days wouldn’t be filled with her smiles and optimism if she left.
Taking a stance to the side of her chair, he cleared his throat. Her head snapped around and a swear word whispered out between her parted lips.
Brock chuckled. So his prim and proper nanny could utter a cuss word.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that.” She pulled her legs up under her on the chair in a protective gesture.
“I wasn’t sneaking. You told me to come down and I did. I can’t help it if you were off somewhere else.”
The snap in her eyes lessened as she pushed her unbound hair away from her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so confused right now.” Her shoulders sagged.
Brock lowered to sit on the edge of the sofa. He leaned forward, tipping her chin with a finger so he could see what emotions swirled on her face.
She pulled back. “That’s the first rule.” Her back straightened. “Don’t touch me.”
Brock yanked his hand back. “I don’t understand? I won’t hurt you.” Did she despise him so much?
She sighed, but wouldn’t meet his gaze. “I know. Just please don’t touch me.” Her chest heaved under the tight, blue sweater he’d admired all day. “I will stay as the children’s nanny if you don’t touch me in any fashion while I’m here.”
He started to make a comment, but she raised her hand to stop him.
“I can’t give you any clarifying answer other than, it is a rule I want established.” S
he glanced at him and quickly looked away, her cheeks were flushed and lashes lowered. He smiled. This had to do with their kisses. She didn’t want to get involved knowing she would leave when her services were no longer needed.
He understood her reasoning. It made sense, not only for her, but himself as well. Letting her into his home was enough, he didn’t have room to let her into his heart. Beth and the kids were all he had room for. Though, he wouldn’t mind relieving the ache in his loins with Carina.
At the thought, he hardened and his face flushed. He cleared his throat and rose to stand by the fireplace. With his back to her he said, “I’ll follow your rule. Are there any others?”
“Not that I can think of at the moment.”
“Then I’m going to bed.” He turned from the fireplace and strode across the room, stopping at the bottom of the stairway. “Good Night.” Without waiting for a response, he took the stairs two at a time. He headed straight to the shower to douse his body in cold water just as he had as a teenager when he lusted after Beth.
Thirteen
Brock pulled off his cowboy hat and wiped at the sweat beading on his forehead. Every morning for the past week, after checking on the cattle, he and Maddie worked on the indoor arena. Boards hung loose around the edge and leaks in the roof had packed the ground in a couple of spots. It hadn’t been used since Beth’s accident.
He stood back looking at the area. Her accident hadn’t happened here so why had he let this go? You let more than this arena deteriorate since her death. His conscience was right. He’d also let his heart shrink—until Carina showed up. He smiled thinking of her cooking and taking care of Tate. Watching her every day and not touching was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he’d followed her rule and wasn’t going to make things harder if she decided to leave.
Just thinking of her leaving felt like a punch to his gut.
“Daddy! Can I ride in here now?” Maddie entered the arena leading her mare, Cookie.
“It’s all yours,” he said, picking up the last of the tools. He stepped out of the building and into a flurry of snowflakes. Damn. The weather forecasters had been right for a change. He’d hoped the snow would hold off a couple more weeks. Good thing he had the arena finished. The cows would require feeding and closer watch since they were due to start calving.
Carina came out of the house bundled in a coat and looking up at the large flakes floating out of the sky.
Brock smiled and detoured toward her. “I know you get snow in Chicago,” he said, watching with fascination the joy on her face.
“Sure. But it isn’t the same. These are pure snowflakes falling on wide open spaces.” She pointed to a flake on the ground. “You wouldn’t get a chance to see that single flake in the city. It would be trod on or run over by a car or bicycle before you could notice the perfection of it.”
Perfection. That was the woman admiring the snowflake. “How does someone so wrapped up in the small things in life survive in the city?”
She glanced at him and smiled, warming him and hugging his heart. “You look for those little things that make you happy and cling to them.” She nodded to the arena. “Is it done?”
“Yeah, Maddie’s taking a spin on Cookie.”
“Can I see?” she asked, apprehension shining in her eyes.
Did she think he wouldn’t allow her in the building? “Sure. Let me put these tools away.” He walked over to the shed, put the tools in their proper place, and joined her at the entrance to the arena. The muffled thud of hooves in the worked up ground, the creak of leather, and the snorting horse echoed in the large building as the girl and horse cantered around the pen.
Carina walked to the gate and looked over. Maddie and her horse went round and round the soft, dirt floor. They moved effortlessly. Watching the two made her yearn to ride even more.
She glanced at Brock standing beside her. A loving smile tipped the corners of his lips as his gaze followed his daughter. Did he see his beloved Beth? Would asking to ride make him think she was trying to be like his deceased wife? She didn’t care what he thought. She wanted to ride a horse and look free and happy like Maddie looked right this moment.
Carina cleared her throat and asked, “Now that the arena is finished could you teach me to ride?”
His smile faded.
Without looking at her he said, “Now that the snow is here, I’ll have to feed the cows and check on them more often. The first calves are due soon.”
She grabbed his arm and pulled him around to look at her. “Why do you refuse to teach me to ride? If I’m here in the arena and you are present, how can anything happen to me?”
“Why do you want to ride?” His voice was gruff.
“I’ve always wondered what it would be like.” She watched Maddie glide by. “It looks like fun and something I think I would be good at.”
Willie T entered the building. “You must have finished, I hear the sound of hooves.” He stopped beside them. Carina forced a smile.
Brock turned to the old man. “You have great timing.”
“No, he doesn’t,” Carina said, shoving her hands on her hips and squaring up in front of Brock.
“Ah, what is this squabble about?” Willie T asked.
The smile and the sparkle in the old man’s eyes only fueled her anger. “This man is being stupid and obstinate.”
“I’m being practical.”
“No, you aren’t. I have given you twenty-four/seven nanny service. The least you can do is give me riding lessons.”
“So, that is what this is about.” Willie T whistled and Maddie and Cookie came over to the gate. “Come on. Let’s go see what your brother is up to. Your father and Carina need time to work something out.”
“I’ll go with you,” Carina said, moving out of the way of the gate as Maddie dismounted and walked through.
“No.” Willie T put up his hand. “You will stay here and get this talked out. From what I can see, this is something you both feel strongly about. You both need to see the other’s side and make a decision.”
Brock glared at the man, while Carina watched both men. Was this something they planned? She wouldn’t doubt it. Willie T probably didn’t think she should ride either. Thinking both men ganged up on her only angered her more. The nerve of the two, thinking they knew what was best for her. They didn’t even know her.
When Willie T and Maddie left the building, she turned to Brock. His mouth was set in a firm line as he stared out at the arena. His jaw twitched.
She grabbed the sleeve of his coat and pulled him around to look at her. “Did you put him up to this?”
“Up to what?” He growled, glowering down at her.
“Don’t tell me he isn’t on your side about me learning to ride.” Shoving her hands on her hips again, she tilted back on her heels to glare into his challenging eyes.
“Willie T doesn’t take sides.” Brock looked her up and down. “You don’t need to learn how to ride. It won’t do you any good when you go back to Chicago.”
“You don’t care what I do when I leave here. You just don’t want to teach me. Fine. I’ll ask Willie T, and you’ll be free to tend your cows.”
He glared at her. The twitch in his jaw became more pronounced. “Willie T won’t teach you either.”
“Why not?” Why was he being so…so infuriating.
“Because I’ll ask him not to.”
“Why? What is wrong with me learning to ride?”
He stood still, staring at her, his eyes unflinching.
She sighed. “Why can’t you see this is just something I want to do? I’m not trying to be like Beth or take her place.”
“You couldn’t.”
His words sent shards of ice piercing her heart. That was it. He believed she was trying to take his beloved Beth’s place. Tears formed before she could turn away.
“Damn. I didn’t mean it that way.” He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her against him. Kissing the top of her head, he moa
ned. “You are fire where Beth was a soft breeze. I have never compared you to Beth. I only see you for the passionate, full of life woman you are.”
Carina’s heart thudded in her chest. “Then why won’t you let me ride?”
“I don’t want to lose you too.” The agony in his words sliced through her anger, her resolve to remain unaffected by him slipping out of her grasp.
“You can’t possibly lose me by my riding a horse around an arena. I’ll just keep going around and around in a circle with no way out.” Her attempt at humor lifted the corners of Brock’s mouth.
“You are one sassy woman,” he said, kissing her neck.
“And you are one stubborn man.” Carina wound her hands in the hair at the back of his neck, knocking his hat to the ground, and dragging his lips to hers.
The fire that fused their lips buckled her knees. Sagging against him, she locked her arms around his neck. He scooped her into his arms. She continued kissing him while he carried her to the stall where the hay was stacked.
He lowered her to the bales, lying down next to her. “I’ve wanted to kiss you like this for a long time,” he said, running his hands through her hair and drawing her mouth to his.
The softness of his lips and urgency of his kiss made her lightheaded and yearning for more. His mouth traveled from her lips to her jaw, down her neck. Oh, the glorious sensations his touch spiraled through her.
She ripped the snaps open on his coat, needing to touch his skin. Dragging his shirttails out of his pants, she skimmed her hands under the flannel and across the firm muscles of his back.
“I’ve dreamed of this,” he whispered, pushing her coat aside and lifting her T-shirt. Her breath caught when the cold air touched her skin followed by his warm, strong hands sliding up her sides. Her nipples tightened and tingled when his hands slipped behind her, releasing her bra.
