by A. P. Jensen
“Emma?” a male voice said in alarm.
Emma opened swollen eyes and stared wearily up at a ruggedly handsome guy with short-cropped blonde hair. He crouched beside her in black jeans and sweater. Muscles rippled beneath his shirt as he took off mirrored sunglasses, revealing worried misty green eyes.
“Ben?”
Emma drove one handed with the other cradled in Ben’s lap. He wrote words on her palm with his finger, a habit he started when they dated in middle school. He spelled “happy” on her palm and she glanced at him, only to find him staring intently out at the moonlit road- he’d done it unconsciously. Ben was her first everything- crush, boyfriend, kiss and more. They dated all through intermediate and high school, but went their own way after graduation. Ben stayed in Bellingham while she and Anna headed off to culinary school. When she and Anna returned to open up the bakery, Ben was their first customer.
Emma’s parents sang off key with the radio in the back seat and she and Ben chimed in every now and then. Emma grinned like a fool as she navigated the car on the winding road back into town. Headlights from the car behind glinted on the diamond ring on her left finger. She couldn’t believe she was engaged. She had it all- family, career and soul mate. What more could she ask for?
“So,” Emma’s mom said, poking Ben’s shoulder. “When are you two going to put us out of our misery and set a date?”
Emma glanced at her mom in the rearview mirror. “Mom, you know I want everything to be perfect!”
Ben rolled his eyes at her parents. “I would marry her at the courthouse, but between her and Anna, it’s impossible. They have a wedding notebook the size of a dictionary.”
“Anna would kill me if I get married at a courthouse. Plus, we just acquired the space for the second bakery in the city and-”
Emma’s mom threw her hands up in the air while her father leaned forward and patted her on the shoulder.
“That’s my baby. Always ten steps ahead of everybody else.”
“She’s gonna work herself into an early grave!” Her mom protested. “Ben, the first things you need to do as Emma’s husband is throw away her planner. She has everything so planned out, she’ll drive you crazy. I had to train her father to have fun-”
“Hey!” he protested.
“It’s true,” she continued blithely. “He’d be a workaholic if I let him.”
“Better run, Ben,” Emma said archly.
Ben raised her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “Never.”
The mood in the car was merry and light. Emma concentrated on the narrow, twisting road. On her right side was a solid wall of rock covered in vines. On the opposite side of the road was a cliff lined with a flimsy fence.
As her parents giggled like lovesick teenagers in the back seat, Ben leaned towards her.
“Em, when are we going to get married?”
“I told you, I’m not sure yet. I still have to reserve a place and business-wise, it’s not a good time right now.”
“You can’t take a week off to get married?”
She shot him an exasperated glance. “Not right now. We need to plan the wedding and I’m focusing mainly on the second bakery and-”
“This isn’t how it’s always going to be, right?”
She shot him a level glance. “I don’t think so, but I care about my company. I’m going to give it all I’ve got.”
“I know,” he said. “You haven’t changed, have you?”
“No. I like to plan everything. I’m a rigid stick in the mud.”
Ben laughed. “I can’t wait to get married. I’m going to convince you to sleep in late and-”
Appalled, Emma took her eyes off the road to stare at him.
Her mom shouted from the back seat. “Emma! Watch out!”
Emma jerked her eyes back to the road just in time to see a car stopped in her lane, hazard lights flashing. There was nowhere to pull off. She was going too fast to avoid the car in front of her.
She ripped her hand from Ben’s grasp and tried to swerve, but headlights showed another car coming in the opposite direction and she couldn’t afford a head on collision. She slammed on the brakes and an instant later, the car behind plowed into them. The horrible sound of screeching metal filled the air. The momentum of the crash stole her breath and her face slammed into the steering wheel. She heard screaming and her seatbelt locked to stop her body from flying through the windshield as both cars crashed into the car with its hazard lights flashing. She held onto the wheel, praying they wouldn’t all go over the cliff.
CHAPTER FIVE
Horrible memories battered her senses. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Ben. Her heart pounded with a mixture of love, rage and betrayal. He looked exactly the same and it ripped at her insides. So much changed between them in so little time.
“Are you hurt?” Ben demanded, voice panicked.
“What are you doing here?” Emma’s voice was husky from crying.
She was in shock. She hadn’t seen him since her parent’s funeral. Wounds she thought were healed tore open and bled. Her body began to tremble in reaction and the fury that flashed through her banished the cold.
“You’re not hurt?” he repeated.
“No. I fell asleep. What are you doing here?”
The worry on his face faded and he looked towards the tombstones. “I wanted to pay my respects.” His face closed off and he ran a shaking hand over his face. “Damn it, you scared me.”
She wanted to scream at him, to hit him, but she did nothing. She was afraid if she started, she wouldn’t stop. She rose from the grass. It was stupid and childish, but she didn’t want him anywhere near her parent’s tombstones. Things may have worked out differently if he helped- maybe her mother would still were alive. Her hands clenched into fists and she turned away. Seeing Ben after all this time rubbed her raw.
“Emma.”
She didn’t stop. She crossed her arms over her chest and started back on the path that led back to where her car was parked. She walked briskly and tried to brush off emotions that bubbled and strained to be set free. She sucked in deep breaths of cold air and let it swirl around in her chest. She knew she would see him eventually and that moment finally arrived. She faced him and survived.
“Emma.”
A hand closed over her arm. Emma jerked away so violently, she nearly toppled onto the grass. She regained her balance and when she met his eyes, her jaw clenched against the need to rage at him.
“Don’t touch me,” she hissed.
If he left her alone, she would stay in control. Seeing Ben brought up the moment of impact, screams and the image of her parents covered in blood.
“I gave you two years,” Ben said, voice rough with his own anger.
Emma stalked up to Ben until their faces were less than six inches from each other. He stiffened, but didn’t back away.
“There’s not a day that passes where I don’t think about it. You think two years is enough time for me to get over losing my parents?”
“I was hoping it would be enough time for you to forgive,” he said solemnly.
Emma stared at him, speechless. He cleared his throat and ran his hands through his hair.
“What you needed that night, I couldn’t-”
“How can you know what I needed that night?” Emma shouted. “You weren’t there! You left me-”
She clasped her hands over her heart, which splintered into pieces all over again. Tears filled her eyes, which pissed her off even more.
“You have to listen to me. I won’t say sorry anymore because I’ve said it too many times in the letters and phone calls you don’t answer. I wanted to see you, to talk-”
“Talk about what?”
She couldn’t stop the way her voice raised and cracked. This man she loved, that she would have given her life to, deserted her when she needed him most.
Ben refused to back down. “Emma, I love you. We’ve known each other all our lives. I know how much y
ou loved your parents.”
“You don’t love me!” She shoved against his chest and he took a step back. “And don’t you talk about my parents!”
“You think you’re the only one who can’t sleep at night?” he shouted angrily. “There was nothing either of us could do.”
“You mean there’s nothing you would do. What if that had been me bleeding in the middle of the road? Would you have walked away from me and said there was nothing you could do?”
He swallowed hard and took a step back. Emma went after him and jabbed him in the chest.
“Instead of me on the pavement it was my mother. I needed you to be there for me! I wanted to stop the blood from gushing out of her.” Emma felt bile rise in her mouth. She stopped and bent over, trying to catch her breath.
“She was bleeding too much. She didn’t have much time-” he began.
Emma shook her head and saw tears splatter on the sidewalk before she looked up. “I already knew my father was gone. You think I needed to hear you tell me my mother only had minutes left? I was covered in her blood. I begged you to help me.”
Ben was white as a ghost and though she saw the torment and guilt in his eyes, she couldn’t find an ounce of sympathy in her heart.
“You should have been right beside me, supporting me as my mom died in my arms.” Emma swallowed hard. “I had to call 911, I had to tend to the others in the accident that died that night. You were a mile away, just like that driver that saw it all happen and continued on his way. You don’t love me.”
There was a ragged hole in her heart where her parents and Ben had been. She thought her family was complete and in an hour, all three of them had been irrevocably taken away from her. What Ben did that night, closed him off from her forever. Over time, she stitched her heart back together, but seeing Ben tore open the stitches and left her wide open.
“I dream about it every night,” she whispered. “I couldn’t have done anything different. I could’ve slammed on the brakes two seconds sooner and we’d still get sandwiched between both cars. The impact from behind still would have taken my dad instantly. My mother would still have bits of metal in her.” Her voice broke, but she didn’t stop. “I never blamed you for the accident, but I can’t forgive you for not helping. Even if my mom only had a minute to live, what would it have cost you to help me push down on her wounds? To slow the way blood gushed out of her? Your job was to be there for support and you did the worst thing possible.” Tears poured down her cheeks. “I would give anything to talk to them for a few minutes, to hear them talk and laugh.”
She felt so drained. She needed someone to hold her and tell her she would get past the pain.
“Just stay away Ben,” she said hoarsely.
This time, he let her go. She slammed her car door and rolled down the windows because she felt suffocated. She needed to talk to someone. She couldn’t be alone right now. She started towards the bakery, but she didn’t want the staff to see her this way. She didn’t want their pity. She turned towards home, miserable, grief stricken and horribly lonely. Emma’s heart skipped a beat when she saw Peter’s BMW in the driveway. She was so surprised, she thought she was hallucinating. Regret, love and need balled in her stomach. She was too upset to think about their impending breakup. Right now, she needed him. Nothing else mattered.
Even as she pushed open her car door, Peter came onto the porch. He wore a white dress shirt and slacks. He looked out of place on her well-worn porch, but she didn’t care. She ran to him. She was the surprise on his face, but he didn’t hesitate when she hurled herself at him. She buried her face against his chest and he held her tight, just the way she needed.
“What’s going on?”
She shook her head. He carried her into the house. When he tried to take her into the living room, she finally spoke up.
“Upstairs.”
He hesitated. “Are you sick?”
“Just take me upstairs.”
She clutched him because he was the only thing keeping her anchored. He kept her locked in the present rather than the familiar, cold nightmare that would overtake her the moment she was alone. He didn’t ask any questions and she was grateful. He set her on the bed and she wrapped her arms around his waist and kept her face pressed against him.
“You didn’t answer my calls,” he said.
Emma didn’t reply.
“I forgot our anniversary.”
“It’s fine,” she muttered.
Peter eased back a little and cupped her chin with one hand and tilted her face up. He examined her face for several beats.
“You look tired.”
He didn’t know the difference between her being devastated versus tired. She would look at that as positive. Less questions that way.
“Are you okay? What happened?”
Emma didn’t answer. She wouldn’t tell Peter about her encounter with Ben or that her parents died on this date two years ago. That was her burden to bear and she wouldn’t bother him with it. They didn’t have that type of relationship. Right now, she needed to know she wasn’t alone. She pulled her sweater over her head and saw his eyes drift over her.
“You’re not angry?” he asked carefully.
In response, she stood up and pulled off her jeans. She began to unbutton his shirt and he let her. When she was done, she dropped his shirt on the ground and raked her nails down his abdomen. One hand cupped the back of her head as their lips met. His hand skimmed over her flat tummy and squeezed her breast. Emma moaned into his mouth and Peter’s lips curved. He pinned her to the bed and groaned at the feel of her naked beneath him.
She reached for the button on his slacks, but he pulled away and unzipped only enough for his cock to spring free. She arched to put him where she wanted, but he shifted, taunting her. Her nails scrabbled over his back.
“Peter, please,” Emma moaned.
He slid into her and watched her eyes close and mouth drop open in pleasure. He loved the way she responded to him. She didn’t keep anything back from him in bed. She gave herself completely and it was addicting. God, why had he stayed away from her for so long? He wouldn’t last. Emma knew him too well. She pulled him down and bit his neck. He surged into her and she gasped. One hand fisted in her hair as he looked down at her.
“Do you want me?” he hissed.
She opened her eyes and gripped his sides. “Always.”
Make me forget, she thought and he did.
Emma sat on the porch and sipped coffee as she watched the sun reflect off the lake below. The grass was wet with dew and birds chirped in a nearby tree. She woke wrapped up in Peter’s arms. She savored the moment before she got up, showered and made coffee. She was glad it was her day off. She wasn’t herself and she still felt off kilter. The seesaw of emotions experienced in the past two days left her numb.
Last night changed nothing for her. She knew she had to let him go. Their relationship wasn’t what she wanted it to be- like Anna or Georgina’s. She wanted her man to be there for her, to stand with her when times got rough. She and Peter had chemistry, but it didn’t go deeper than that. Everyone in her town knew what happened two years ago. They knew the significance of this date and they gave her sympathetic looks and rubbed her back, but the man she dated for a year had no idea… and he didn’t want to know either. He wanted a willing, warm woman. He didn’t want the sticky feelings or history.
She would rather be alone than be in a relationship that was only skin deep. She was grateful he was here, that he’d come to see her when he realized he forgot their date. That was uncharacteristically sensitive of him. There were several moments when he looked at her last night, sensed there was something behind her urgency for him, but he didn’t push. He gave her exactly what she needed- passion, comfort and peace. That was enough.
“Hey.”
She got to her feet when she saw him standing behind the screen door. He wore only his boxers. She pushed open the door and accepted the soft kiss he pressed on her
lips. She hugged his warm body to her and rested her face against his chest for a moment. She couldn’t help herself. Yearning filled her. A limbo relationship wasn’t that bad, right? Then she remembered Georgina and Leo and tamped down her love. She deserved better and so did he.
Peter poured himself a cup of coffee and settled in the living room. She perched across from him on the arm of the love seat and he frowned.
“Thanks for coming to see me,” she said.
“I’m sorry I forgot. It won’t happen again,” Peter said.
She pondered for a moment. She hadn’t left a message so… “Tommy called you, didn’t he?”
His face gave nothing away. “I can’t say.”
“Damn, Anna. She has a big mouth.”
“You should have told me,” he said, tone faintly reproving.
Emma sputtered into her coffee. “I called a week ago to remind you and I called the night of. Your phone was off.”
“I screwed up bad, didn’t I?”
“What’s done is done.”
Peter heard the distance in her voice. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“You don’t need to make it up to me. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“It was our one year anniversary. It is a big deal.”
She braced herself and said every man’s least favorite sentence. “We need to talk.”
“Okay.” When she was silent for a minute he bit out, “What’s wrong with you?”
The hand on the mug shook. “Nothing.”
He sensed he wasn’t going to like this. When had Emma ever initiated a talk? Never. “I can tell you’re not okay. I forgot about you and I feel like shit. The anniversary just never crossed my mind.”
Because it doesn’t mean anything to you, she thought. “I think we should break up.”
“What did you say?”
“I think it’s time. We’ve run our course.”
“We’ve run our course,” he repeated.
“We live in different cities and we both have a business to run. You’re always on the go and we were bound to come to an end sooner or later.”
