by Irene Brand
Chapter Five
Jacob had attempted to hide his distress so that Aimee wouldn’t feel bad about saying the wrong thing to him, but as soon as he drove away from her house, reaction set in. A few blocks from her house, he pulled over to the curb, stopped the vehicle and slouched over the steering wheel.
His resentment of his absent father was one of the hardest situations he faced in living a Christian life. And when this resentment surfaced, he didn’t even feel as if he was a good counselor. How could he counsel clients who had a grudge toward family members when he knew he hadn’t forgiven his father for abandoning him? He’d prayed often for the grace to forgive his father, so why couldn’t he put it behind him?
Aware of how his father’s abandonment concerned Jacob, several times Gran had suggested that he search for his father. The last time the subject was mentioned, Gran had said, “For all you know, your father may be dead, or perhaps he was involved in a situation that made it impossible for him to contact you.”
“Well, if that’s the case, there isn’t any need to search,” Jacob had replied.
“But you’re certain to have other relatives. Perhaps grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins,” Gran had quietly insisted.
“I don’t even know where his family lived. If only Mother had told me more about him before she died. I think I remember asking her questions a few times, but she ignored me. She could have at least told me that.”
As Jacob pulled back onto the road and headed home, he realized that he resented his mother’s silence even more than his father’s desertion. She should have leveled with him about the trouble between her and his father.
And as he thought of their conversation, Jacob knew that Aimee had a point. He did have hard feelings toward his mother, too. He resented his father for abandoning him and his mother, and he blamed her for dying before he was old enough for her to answer some of his questions. He drove into the garage, turned off the engine and leaned his head on the steering wheel.
“God,” he moaned in distress, “I can’t carry this burden much longer. Give me some guidance. This is ruining my life.”
Jacob had almost kissed her. Why did he draw back? Aimee was alarmed at her own reaction. She’d wanted him to kiss her! What had happened to her? A week ago she was perfectly satisfied with her life. Now, it seemed like everything had gone haywire.
She had been content to live out her life as a mother, eventually a mother-in-law and a grandmother. Now, after seeing Jacob Mallory a few times, she wondered if that was enough. She finally had to admit to herself that she was lonely. She knew she was no longer satisfied with her life as it was.
As she undressed for bed, Aimee made up her mind that Samantha was still her first responsibility, and always would be. She’d have to be very cautious if there was going to be any room in her life for a friendship with Jacob. Still, as the week passed, Aimee was disappointed when he didn’t call, and she wondered if it was already too late to guard her heart.
Although she had intended to return to Memorial Church on Sunday, when she woke up on Saturday with Jacob on her mind, she wondered if she should go. Was he annoyed because she had questioned him about his family? Since he hadn’t called, she guessed he didn’t want to see her. Or did he think she was expecting more from him than he was willing to give? If he was interested in her only as a possible volunteer for Substitute Siblings, she didn’t want him to assume she was pursuing him by showing up at places where she knew he would be.
So on Saturday afternoon when Erica called and invited her to ride to church with her the next morning, Aimee turned her down. “I haven’t visited my folks for a few weeks, so I’m going to see them tomorrow. I’ll go to their church. That will make them happy. They haven’t approved of the way I’ve neglected worship.”
When Samantha came upstairs for dinner, Aimee said, “How about going to see Papaw and Grammy tomorrow?”
“All right, I guess,” Samantha said.
“Let’s leave early enough to go to church with them.”
“Hey, what’s up, Mom? Why are you pushing church at me all of a sudden?”
Aimee felt her face flushing. It was hard for her to come up with the words to explain to Samantha about the time she’d spent with God a few nights ago. But she had to let Samantha know that she intended to follow the teachings of the Bible more closely in the future than she’d been doing for several years.
“I told you a few days ago that I haven’t been a very good mother. One of the things I’ve neglected is your spiritual life. I want you to understand that God is real, that He loves you, and that He wants a relationship with you—and with me.”
Samantha stared at Aimee for a few seconds and then lowered her head, seemingly embarrassed.
“I’m going to attend Sunday worship regularly from now on,” Aimee stated, “and I intend for you to go with me.”
Samantha stirred uneasily in her chair, chewed on her lower lip and said hesitantly, “Mmm, I’ll go with you tomorrow. But no promises about next time.”
“It isn’t a matter of promising—it’s called parental responsibility. When I haven’t been attending worship, I didn’t expect you to go without me. Now I realize that I’ve been wrong. Spiritual growth is just as important for a mother to promote as seeing that you have the proper food to grow physically.”
“Aw, Mom, do we have to talk about this now? I’ve got tons of things to do.” Samantha started toward her room.
“Please sit down and listen to me,” Aimee said. “If you were skipping classes at school, for your own good I’d see that you stopped that. It’s just as important for you to have spiritual training. I expect you to start going to Sunday worship.”
Samantha studied her mother’s face momentarily, as if wondering if she could change her mind. Apparently, she decided she couldn’t.
“Okay, I’ll go, but I won’t like it.”
Aimee nodded. “I’ll call Mom and Dad and tell them we’ll be there tomorrow.”
As Jacob went about his work, exercises and private meditations all week, Aimee often intruded into his thoughts. Several times he started to punch in the digits of her phone number, only to lay the phone aside. He kept hoping she would call him first, perhaps to discuss their participation in Fun in the Sun Day. As the days passed, he decided she wasn’t interested in him.
But as the weekend approached, he remembered that Aimee had indicated she would come to church again. When Sunday morning came, he headed to the church with enthusiasm and hope. When Erica came into the foyer and Aimee wasn’t with her, his spirits plummeted. He didn’t ask Erica why Aimee hadn’t come. If he asked about Aimee, she would probably read too much into his question. He found himself distracted during the service wondering why she wasn’t there.
On his way home, Jacob decided he was acting like a teenager, rather than a man who’d been making relatively intelligent decisions for several years. Because Aimee was a widow with a teenager to raise, he knew she had a lot of difficult decisions to make in regards to her daughter. They should probably just be friends for a while. Right? They could be friends, and friends call to see how their friend is doing. He felt as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders, and as he pulled into the driveway, he took out his cell and dialed her number, anticipating her pleasant, lilting voice.
He felt like a deflated balloon when he got her answering machine. “You’ve reached the home of Aimee and Samantha Blake. Leave a message, please.”
So sure that he would reach her, Jacob was at a loss for words. He considered disconnecting without saying anything, but if Aimee had caller ID, she would see that he’d called.
“This is Jacob Mallory,” he said at last. “I missed you at church this morning. Talk to you later.”
He disconnected, wondering if he had used the right approach. He hadn’t asked her to return his call, so if she didn’t want to see him again, she wouldn’t call back. Please, God, let her call back.
Aimee’s plea
sant day with her parents lifted her spirits considerably. Ed Ross had been the mail carrier for thirty years on a rural route out of Benton, and her parents lived on a small farm about a forty-five-minute drive from Aimee’s house.
Papaw and Samantha went fishing in the afternoon. While her mother knitted an afghan, Aimee relaxed on the couch. For some reason, she was in a nostalgic mood, and she turned the conversation toward the past, mentioning some of the good times she’d enjoyed with her parents, wondering if she had provided enough pleasant memories so that she and Samantha would some day reminisce like this. All in all, it had been a good day.
The light on the answering machine was blinking when they entered the family room, and Samantha rushed to pick up the message while Aimee took off her coat and hung it up. She had started toward her bedroom when she heard Jacob’s voice. She turned quickly into the family room. Samantha stood staring at the phone and turned to her mother as Aimee hit the replay button.
Aimee’s spirits soared as she listened. “This is Jacob Mallory. I missed you at church this morning. Talk to you later.”
Although she told herself it was nonsense to get so much satisfaction from a voice mail, she couldn’t deny the ripple of excitement that went through her at the sound of his voice. When the message ended, she pushed the stop button and turned to face her daughter, who had a suspicious look in her eyes.
“Jacob Mallory again?” Samantha exclaimed. “Do you like him, Mom?”
“I don’t know. As a friend. I’ll be seeing him some over the next few weeks. I’m helping him with a Siblings outing at Pioneer Park. We could use your help, too.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” Samantha said disgustedly. “Are you going to call him back?”
Aimee shrugged. “Probably, but not right now.”
Samantha tossed her head defiantly and ran downstairs.
When Aimee heard the bedroom door slam, she knew that their friendly day had been only a reprieve. Although she wanted to return Jacob’s call, if she had to choose between his friendship and her daughter, there could be only one choice. Samantha.
But her heart didn’t seem to agree. If she didn’t return his call, she was convinced Jacob wouldn’t contact her again. Aimee felt sure that he was interested in her, but if Erica said he only dated women casually, she needed to go slow. Since Jacob had been rejected by both his father and mother, it was obvious to Aimee now that he couldn’t open himself to similar treatment by a woman. Still, if she allowed Samantha to call the shots on the issue of Aimee even making friends, she would try the same tactics again and again. Her daughter wouldn’t control her if Aimee could help it, so she decided to return Jacob’s call.
Since Samantha could easily listen in on their conversation if she used the house phone, Aimee went to the bedroom and picked up her cell. She found Jacob’s home number on the business card he’d given her at the Siblings meeting, kicked off her shoes and lounged on the bed before she punched it in.
Jacob answered on the second ring.
“Hi, Jacob. This is Aimee, returning your call.”
“Thanks for calling back,” he said, and she thought she detected his pleasure at her call. “I missed seeing you at church this morning.”
“Samantha and I visited my parents today, and we went to church with them. They live a few miles out of town. We haven’t been home very long.”
“Is your dad a farmer?”
Laughing a bit, Aimee says, “He plays at being a farmer. They own about forty acres that belonged to my maternal grandparents. He was a rural mail carrier for years, and he rented the farmland then. When he retired, he bought some farming machinery and a few cattle, and he spends his time puttering around on the farm.”
Aimee wondered if she was babbling too much about her happy family when Jacob obviously hadn’t had one. She quickly changed the subject. “How’s your grandmother?”
“Keeping busy as usual!” he responded, and she imagined a smile crossing his face. He obviously doted on his grandmother. “I hope I have that much energy when I’m her age. We have several new children eligible for adult mentoring, so she’s been trying to match them with a willing person.”
“I’m still planning to help with Fun in the Sun, but I feel that I should do more. Until school’s out, I can’t help Stella in the office, but I might be able to entertain someone on Saturdays. How often would I need to contact the child?”
“That’s up to you. As I said before, most of our children aren’t orphans, but for various reasons, they need some extra attention,” Jacob explained. “What you do can be as simple as calling on the phone, taking a child to a movie, inviting her to your home to bake cookies or taking her shopping. It depends on the age and situation of the child, as well as what the adult is able to give. Since you have a daughter, it would probably be natural for you to befriend a teenage girl.”
“I’ll think about it,” Samantha said.
Jacob didn’t respond, and she continued, “Well, I’d better stop talking and prepare for tomorrow. Mondays are not the best days at school—too many cranky kids and tired teachers who’ve tried to do a week’s work in two days. Thanks again for calling. I’ll plan to be at church next Sunday.”
“I’d like to see you before then, if possible,” Jacob said slowly. “Do you have any free time?”
Aimee’s heart skipped a beat. “Not until the weekend, and maybe not even then. I think Saturday is the date for Samantha’s cheerleading squad to have a car wash to raise money. The parents usually go along.”
“Maybe another time, then.”
Aimee sensed his disappointment, or was it only an echo from her own heart? Although she didn’t know how deep her interest in Jacob was, she did want to explore the growing feelings she was developing for him.
“Actually, I’m home most weeknights,” she reconsidered. “As soon as dinner is over, Samantha usually goes to her room, and I’m basically alone. If you want, you’re welcome to stop by some night. That would give us an opportunity to make plans for Fun in the Sun activities.”
“Count on it,” Jacob responded with added warmth in his voice. “Tuesday looks like a good time, but I’ll call you to make sure.”
After she hung up, Aimee laid the phone aside and covered her face with her hands while a jumble of confused thoughts and feelings tumbled over her. Was it a mistake to invite Jacob to her home? What would Samantha read into that invitation?
After she undressed and prepared for the night, Aimee sat in her lounge chair, extended the footrest, leaned back and closed her eyes.
Four years from now, Samantha would graduate from high school and be ready for college, and she might choose to go to school in Florida near Steve’s family. If that happened, Aimee would be alone for the first time in eighteen years.
She had guided Samantha’s life the best she knew how, but she could see that it was time now to prepare for her own future. If the house seemed quiet when Samantha was away overnight, what would it be like when she was gone for months?
Aimee was tired, but the way her thoughts were racing, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She picked up Steve’s Bible from the nightstand, knowing that the answer to any problem could be found in God’s Word. She closed her eyes. “God,” she prayed, “guide me to a scripture that will point me in the right direction. Although I’ve been Your follower for years, I’ve not been in close fellowship with You like I should be. I want to change that.”
With her eyes still closed, she turned the pages randomly. She opened her eyes to see that her hands had stopped at the third chapter of the first Book of Kings. Recalling some of the passages she had read in the Old Testament, it seemed an unlikely place to find the answers she looked for. But believing that God had directed her, she shrugged her shoulders and explored each verse in the chapter.
It was part of the story of Solomon, one of the noted kings of the Israelites. Solomon had asked God for wisdom to guide his people, and his wish had been granted.
Perplexed, Aimee whispered, “But, God, how can I apply this to my own life? I don’t have a multitude of people to guide—only one young girl and myself. What are You trying to tell me?”
She scanned the chapter again, and understanding came when she read the words “So give your servant a discerning heart…to distinguish between right and wrong.”
Aimee considered what she had read and understood that she would need to show good judgment in the decisions she made concerning her relationships with Samantha and with Jacob.
“God,” she prayed, “I’ll rely on You to give me that understanding. I don’t suppose even Solomon made the right call every time. He wouldn’t have known in advance the situations he would face, either. So instead of worrying what I should do four years down the road, I just need to take this—with Your help—one day at a time. Right?”
As she slipped under the covers and turned out the light, Aimee’s heart was strangely at peace. To trust God completely, she had to stop worrying about every move she made. She had to realize that she wasn’t strong enough physically or spiritually to prepare in advance for every situation that would come up.
It was difficult for Aimee to admit that she needed help, but she acknowledged the necessity to depend on God, especially in her relationship with Jacob. But how would she respond if it was God’s will that she avoid him?
Chapter Six
Since it wasn’t definite that Jacob would visit on Tuesday night, Aimee didn’t mention it to Samantha. All day long she fought to keep her mind on her work, which wasn’t easy, when she considered that their meeting tonight could be a turning point in her budding relationship with the first man she had been attracted to in more than ten years.
