by Jesse Joren
"I didn't hear anything about snow."
"Probably not. It depends on where you're getting your news."
He sounded so smug that I had to laugh.
"You know how Southerners are on snow and ice. Are you ready for that?"
"I'll survive. And there's a place where we can have dinner. It's not fancy, but it'll be open."
"Is it good?"
"Let me put it this way," he said. "I hope you like squirrel."
Chapter Twenty-Seven
"I just have one question," I said as we drove though swirling snow. "Why can your sources predict the weather so accurately when the official sources can't?"
"They could," Hex said, driving with a smooth assurance that made me feel safe. "But even the weather gets political sometimes."
"How so?"
"Even scientists get into pissing matches about whose data is more accurate. Then you have managers who have to mediate and try not piss anyone off. All that compromising results in a forecast that's wandered completely away from the data."
He gave me an ironic smile. "Want to screw up a project? Make a decision by committee. Me, I just go with what raw data tells me."
"How do you have access to that kind of data?"
"It's not my fault if they have insecure servers. They're paid with taxpayer dollars. They're betraying public trust if they can't put their egos aside and do their jobs."
Probably I should have been offended on some moral ground. That was the trouble with Hex. He said things that should be shocking, but I found myself agreeing with his logic.
"What do you think of the snow?" he asked.
"Beautiful."
I was looking out of the window as falling snow frosted the pine forest we were driving through. No other cars were on the twisting road, but the Land Rover gripped the snow with a firm hold.
"By the way, I have a surprise." Hex's voice was casual, but he was suppressing a grin. "The auction is on."
That made me take a long gulp of the hot chocolate we'd bought at the last convenience store.
"When?"
"Tomorrow night. We'll need to drive back to Atlanta tonight. We have a long flight."
"We do? Where are we going?"
"Paris." His grin finally escaped as he gave me a wicked look. "Unless you've changed your mind."
"You just caught me off-guard. As intended."
"Guilty," he said with no sign of remorse. "There will be plenty of time for details on the flight. You'll be ready."
Would I? Somehow I thought this dark fantasy would be played out in Atlanta, close to what I considered as home ground. Paris was a shock.
Hex's hand closed over mine on the console. "Don't worry. I'll make sure you're safe."
His eyes seemed to reflect the swirling snow outside. "Until it's time for you not to be safe," he added. "But that's another story."
--
The Rabbit Hole was a classic Southern diner. From the faded wooden sign on the road to the comfortable booths patched with duct tape, there were no pretenses here.
"Like I said, not very elegant, but the food is really good," Hex said as he slid across from me in a two-person booth.
I looked for a menu and didn't see one.
"Today it's turkey," he added. "Or you can have turkey. If that's not something you like—"
"Let me guess. I can have turkey?"
"And whatever they decide to serve with it. One year it was squirrel hash. Another time it was possum gravy. You never know what their special will be."
I looked at him closely, but he only smiled.
"As long as there are cranberries in there somewhere," I said, wondering if roadkill was about to show up on my plate. "It's not Thanksgiving without cranberries."
"They feed those to the possum," Hex said with a grin.
Again I had that feeling that I had somehow stumbled into another girl's life. I loved when he was like this, playful and relaxed. His eyes had swept the room when we came in, a habit I now realized was simply second nature to him.
Sometimes Hex was like several different guys all rolled into one, with me left to decide which one was real. Maybe they all were, and my job was to keep up and enjoy them all.
A stout older lady with silver hair and a sweet face came to our table. "How y'all doing?" she beamed.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Audra," Hex said, charming her with a smile. "It's good to be back. This is Eva."
My heart did a happy little flip-flop at the obvious pride in his face. "Nice to meet you, Audra."
"Same to you, hun. Y'all want sweet tea or a Coke?"
"Tea," we both said.
"Awright. Shouldn't take too long to get everything out."
"Is it…are you having possum gravy this year?" I blurted.
She looked both startled and slightly repulsed.
"No, honey, we don't serve that here. We got some real good giblet gravy, though."
I glanced at Hex and he laughed, a gotcha shining in his eyes.
"Nice to see you again, Calvin," she said as she left our table.
"She doesn't seem senile," I said, "so let me guess. An alias?"
"It was a while back," he said. "I'll never be secret-free, Eva. All I can promise is that if I'm keeping some, it's for your own safety."
I had asked him for truth no matter what, and he was trying to honor his promise. I could live with that, if that was the price to feel whole and alive and happy. There were worse deals in the world.
"Whatever you say, Calvin," I retorted.
Hex laughed his rare, booming laugh, startling Audra as she was serving our tea. A generous splash landed on his sleeve.
"I am so sorry," she fussed. "Let me get a towel."
"Not a big deal. A few paper towels will get it."
Hex leaned across to give me a quick kiss before heading to the bathroom. Still clucking, Audra wiped up the spill and left with another apology.
Our booth faced the door, so I had a clear view when a trio of young men came into the restaurant, laughing and talking. They were sweaty and wind-burned under a dusting of snow. As they slid into the table near me, they jingled like pockets full of change.
Something about that sound made the smile freeze on my face. I was suddenly tense, but I didn't know why. Then I realized that the sounds came from harnesses they wore over their clothes, metal hooks and nylon straps.
How many times had Michael made that sound, had that same look of dirty exhilaration as he returned from conquering another rocky cliff? These guys were climbers – not surprising since north Georgia was full of good places for thrill-seekers.
"You scared the hell out of me on that last descent," one of them said. "That line didn't look like it was going to hold."
"I didn't think so either," his friend admitted. "A hundred feet straight down. That shit would have hurt."
All three of them snickered. The closest one caught my stare.
"Hey girl," he said with a friendly grin. "We got an extra seat. Wanna sit with us?"
My lips felt as cold as the snow that was still falling outside. "No, thank you. My boyfriend will be back in a minute."
At that moment Hex slid back into his seat. He gave the trio a brief assessment before dismissing them.
Audra appeared with a tray high over her head. She began to load up our table with delicious-looking food that deserved better than the paper plates being used to serve it.
"Y'all enjoy, and just let me know if you need anything else," she said, hustling off with the empty tray.
"This cranberry sauce is great, even if they do serve it in plastic cups," Hex said, reaching for napkins. "Last year they had this relish that —"
He broke off as he saw my expression.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I whispered.
Everything.
"Bullshit. You're white as salt. Were they bothering you?"
He glared at the table next to us.
"No."
Even
though the restaurant was open and airy, I felt smothered. The rich smell of the food seemed too cloying, sending a queasy twist through me.
Hex was watching me, then he stood up.
"We're leaving," he said, throwing a fifty on the table.
"But the food just came—"
"Fuck the food," he said. "You look ready to faint."
He steered me out of the restaurant, through the thickening snow. Once we were inside his truck, my hands were shaking so badly that he had to finish closing my seatbelt.
The afternoon was darker now as the snow fell heavier, but the Land Rover was steady on the white and twisting road. Hex drove in silence while I stared out the window, the postcard scenery completely lost on me.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, sick that I had ruined this beautiful day. Sometimes, I felt like a complete jinx.
Hex made a sharp turn, snow crunching under the tires. I opened my eyes to a whitewashed vista spread out before us. He let the engine idle, warm air pouring soundlessly from the vents.
"Scenic overlook. Never more true than today." He gave me a piercing look. "What happened back there?"
"Just me, being an idiot," I said with a shaky laugh. "It's nothing."
"We have enough gas to sit here for a hell of a long time."
There was a loose thread on my red vest. I used it as an excuse to look down and pluck at it.
"Those guys were climbers," I said at last. "There are a lot of good spots around here."
The sharp light of understanding came into his eyes. "They reminded you of Michael. No wonder you were upset."
"It's not only that. There are things you don't know about me," I blurted. "Not even with all of your digging into my life."
For a moment the only sound was the snow's papery fall against the windows.
"So tell me," he said. "What don't I know?"
My heart sank. Once I told him, his love and concern would turn to disgust. It was too late to back out after making a fool of myself.
"You know about Michael," I said at last, "but what you don't know is that it's my fault he's dead."
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Michael was one of those guys who attracted people without even trying. Everyone wanted to be close to him.
His best friend growing up was Brody. He was the kid everyone knew was going to end up with a football scholarship. Good-looking, athletic, and the swagger to go with it. He was so different from my brother, one of those "opposites attract" things.
Brody was in and out of our house as long as I could remember. When I was ten, he caught some boys oinking at me and making me cry. He cussed them out with some good vocabulary for a thirteen-year-old boy.
Maybe that's when I started crushing on him, but to him I was just the girl who always wanted to tag along. In high school I started writing his name in the back of my notebooks, just to see how "Eva Carlisle" looked.
When I was a senior, both of them came home from school for Christmas. Mike was at Auburn for the engineering program, and Brody had gotten that football scholarship as a cornerback for the Crimson Tide. He was a Big Man on Campus, and he knew it.
Brody brought home a girl named Carolyn, a pretty blonde in pre-law. I wanted to dislike her because she was with him, but I couldn't because she was so nice.
Then on Valentine's Day, I got a text from Brody, being very flirty and asking me to be his. I told him to stop being gross, but I probably re-read that text about a hundred times.
I asked him about Carolyn, and he said they weren't together because she was dating someone behind his back. Then he said he hadn't been able to stop thinking about me since Christmas.
He toned down the swagger and acted almost like a boyfriend. Several times he said I should come down to Tuscaloosa and visit him. One night he sent me a message:
i think im falling in love with u eva
My squeal brought my mother, Annette, upstairs to see what was wrong, and I threw my phone under my desk. She hung around looking suspicious, and the whole time I was sure that he was anxious and waiting for my reply.
As soon as Annette left, I fished out my phone and texted him.
i think i love you 2 brody
I hit SEND, and a reply came back almost right away.
who the fuck are you talking to???
Mike and I had also been texting earlier, and I sent Brody's reply to him by mistake. Sometimes the cellular gods can really screw you over.
I pretended that it was a prank, and he didn't say anything else. I sent the message to Brody where it belonged, and then there was a lot of mushy stuff that would make you lose your lunch, if we'd eaten any.
The next morning Mike was there for breakfast. He'd driven all night to get home, and Annette was too glad to see him to ask many questions.
When he got me alone, he told me off. He said that being a half-assed football star had changed Brody. He had treated Carolyn like crap, and she left him for someone else. Then he looked embarrassed and said that Carolyn was now dating him.
He told me to stay away from Brody, and I agreed, but the whole time I was thinking of that "I love you" text.
As soon as Mike left to go back to school, I went upstairs to check my phone. There was a message waiting:
how's my girl this morning?
I respected Mike's opinion, but I decided that he was wrong about Brody. Maybe it was Carolyn's fault. She'd taken one look at my brother and left poor Brody in the dust.
One Sunday in late April, I got a text from him:
visit me next weekend? spring dance. be my date.
I knew it would be easy to pretend to be going to the beach and go to Tuscaloosa instead. So the next weekend I was driving south with a fluttery feeling in my stomach.
Michael would kill me if he found out, but how would he know? Brody had promised not to say anything.
He got me a room at a pretty two-storied little hotel called Ivory Tower. It was ready when I got there, and Brody called to say that he was going to be a gentleman and wait for me down in the lobby.
Brody was there when I came down the stairs. I hadn't seen him since Christmas, and he knew he looked good in that tux. I had a new pink dress, and he was looking at me like I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.
He kissed me, just once, and that was it. I was in love when I climbed into his Mustang. Maybe tonight would be the night I stopped being a virgin. That thought was terrifying and wonderful.
"Let's get something to drink before dinner," he said. "I know a place you'll love."
I was eighteen. He could drink but I couldn't, at least not legally. It seemed like he read my mind.
"Don't worry," he said. "We're going somewhere that even Mike would approve."
He took me to a juice bar called Juke, full of college students. The special was something called the Berry Bryant that was guaranteed to make your lips Crimson Tide red, or your money back.
Brody made a big show of telling the guy behind the counter to make mine extra-special. Then he gave me that all-American grin.
"Extra special like you, Eva. You're my girl."
The juice was cold, sweet, and stained my mouth as promised. I wasn't even embarrassed when Brody leaned over the table and kissed me again.
Everything was perfect. The pink dress was pretty on me, and I felt almost like I belonged there with the in-crowd. Brody was everything a girl could want, and by some miracle, he wanted me back.
--
My hands were braided together in my lap, and shivers racked me in spite of the warm air pouring through the vents. I risked a glance at Hex. His face was impassive, but his eyes were furious.
"Come here," he said, opening his arms.
There was just enough room to half-recline into him and put my head on his chest. As he wrapped his arms around me, his strength and warmth began to replace my chill.
"You're probably wondering what this has to do with Michael," I said.
"I have a damn good idea," he said,
"but this is one of those times I'd like to be wrong. Go on."
Part of me regretted ever starting this story, but now the genie was out of the bottle. All I could do was tell the rest as the clean white snow fell around us.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
After we finished the juice, Brody took me on a ride around campus. I was already accepted at Auburn like Michael, but now I wondered if Tuscaloosa was in my future.
When I yawned, I told Brody he should have gotten me a triple espresso. I remember what he said next.
"Don't worry. You're gonna watch the sun come up."
"I love you, Brody." Those words just sort of slipped out. It felt even better saying them than texting them.
He smiled. "You're cute."
"Do you love me too?"
"Sure. Why not?"
I should have waited for him to say it first.
---
Then I woke up. My phone was ringing.
I grabbed for it, but it wasn't on my bedside table. In fact, there wasn't a bedside table either. I remembered that I wasn't at home.
My phone was blinking on the pillow next to me. Its clock said that it was 6:19 a.m. I had a throbbing headache, and my voice sounded like I had a bad cold when I answered.
"Rise and shine!" Brody was never that chipper before noon. "I said you'd see the sun come up, and I keep my promises."
Last night was a gray wall of nothingness. We had been driving down the road to the dance. I had been sleepy. That was all I remembered.
Brody laughed. "Have some water. It'll help your headache."
Part of me already knew what happened. My hands started shaking.
"What did you put in my juice?"
"Nothing. It was just made extra-special." His voice turned mocking. "Because you're my girl, Eva."
"Damn you, Brody. What was it?"
"Didn't you like it?"
For weeks I'd been dreaming about kissing him. Now I wanted to reach through the phone and punch him in the face.
"What did you do?" I demanded.
"Nothing you didn't like."
"I'm calling the police."
"Do you think I'm that stupid? I wore a rubber."
"You're a liar."
"Whatever was in the juice will show up in a blood test," I said.
