“Yes.” She had to force herself to meet his gaze when he looked up.
He nodded, took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay. See you just after six then?”
“Sure.” She walked to the door just as Rob came back in.
“Thank you, Miss Stark,” Rob said.
She nodded and left the room, relieved it was over.
For the first time in several years, she left the office at exactly five o’clock. Suddenly she missed Amy, who would have been quite gleeful at seeing Miss Stark exiting the building at such an early hour. Perhaps it might have helped to talk things over with her, although of course Amy knew nothing about what had happened when Coco was seventeen.
She walked home slowly, thinking about Sasha. She’d criticised Sasha for finding it difficult to connect with people, but wasn’t she exactly the same herself? She had hardly any friends, only Amy. No social life to speak of. That was her own choice, of course, born out of her wish to look after her mother.
For the first time, however, she thought she could understand her mother’s anger at Coco’s refusal to let her go. Would she want her own daughter, if she were ever to have one, to have a similar life? Of course she wouldn’t. The thought was horrifying, and Coco’s breath caught in her throat at the realisation of the guilt her mother must be feeling.
But she pushed the horror away, refusing to accept it. Their situation couldn’t be any other way—she couldn’t let her mother go into a home, just couldn’t. Her father’s plea to her rang in her ears. And besides, she was never going to have a daughter, or a son for that matter, so the whole topic was irrelevant.
A sweep of sorrow engulfed her, so powerful and so sudden she had to bite her lip so she didn’t cry out. She stopped walking, the pedestrians still striding past, cars whizzing by on the road, but in her mind the Earth seemed to have ceased turning.
She’d never have children. She knew it instinctively. This thing with Felix was fleeting, like the seasons, and once he’d gone that would be it.
For a brief—a very brief—moment, she let herself imagine what would happen if he got her pregnant. Would it be a boy or girl? With her blonde hair, or his dark locks and warm brown eyes? She imagined herself holding the wrapped bundle to her breast while he looked down at them, tenderness in his eyes. A hunger consumed her that she’d never experienced before, and she wrapped her arms around herself defensively, unaccustomed to feeling broody.
And then it passed and she was left with an underlying sadness. That life wasn’t for her. If she told Felix she was pregnant he’d probably have a coronary before getting on a plane and flying as far away as possible. Oh, no doubt he’d do the right thing and pay his child support, but he wouldn’t want to be tied down, to be a father.
She shoved her hands in the pockets of her coat and carried on walking, refusing to think about it anymore. She was going out on a date and she had to get ready, and that was as far as she’d let herself think.
Chapter Forty-Two
Felix was waiting in the bar where he’d arranged to meet Gene at five thirty. Gene walked in, scanned the room, saw him and walked over.
“Gene!” Felix said. “My old China, good to see you.”
Gene shook his hand and raised an eyebrow. “Sorry?”
Felix grinned. “China plate. Mate.”
Gene rolled his eyes, and then the two men laughed and bear hugged.
They’d been friends for a few years, since Gene had left the army and returned to Auckland, and Felix had come home from England. Not quite as tall as Felix at six-one, Gene still had the build he’d developed in the forces, slender and muscular, even though Felix knew that physical exercise wasn’t as easy as it had once been for his friend. When he was younger, Gene had been a sprinter and a decathlete, and he’d represented New Zealand on several occasions in international competitions almost to Olympic level, but an Afghanistan bomb resulting in a bad leg wound had put paid to any dreams he might have had of winning a gold. His new role as head of his own large security firm appeared by its nature to be more sedentary, but Felix knew Gene got bored sitting behind a desk and often took jobs on himself, which obviously kept him fit enough.
“Happy birthday,” Gene said. “Old man.”
“I’m younger than you,” Felix pointed out. Gene would be thirty-one in January.
“True. Don’t worry, the big three-oh’s not as bad as they say. Kind of like Y2K—it’s all hype.”
Felix grinned and clapped him on the shoulder, and they both ordered a drink. “You look good. Busy?”
“Surprisingly so.” Gene leaned on the bar and ran a hand through his short, dark hair, just a shade too long to be a buzz cut. “Seems like there’s always a call for security. We’re branching out into online stuff now too. Physical and internet security, you know?”
“Great idea.” Felix smiled as the barkeeper passed him the glass of Mac’s Gold and he took a long swig. “Moving with the times?”
“You have to, don’t you? Or things move past you.” Gene took his Steinlager and paid the barkeeper, then said, “Cheers.”
“Cheers.” Felix took another draught, sighed and smiled at his friend. “It’s good to see you—it’s been a while.”
“I know.” Gene leaned on the bar. “Too long.”
“Where’s Mel?” Felix glanced at the doorway, half-expecting Gene’s girlfriend to walk through. “She coming later?”
Gene looked into his glass. “We, ah, broke up.”
Felix sighed. “Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“You or her?”
“Kinda joint. More her.” He shrugged and took a swig of the lager. “Can’t say I blame her. My heart wasn’t in it.”
Felix frowned. “Your heart’s never in it.”
“Takes one to know one, mate.”
Felix gave in. He could hardly talk, he thought—at least, if he didn’t bring Coco into the equation. “Yeah, I suppose so.” They drank in silence for a while.
Gene hadn’t been the same since an ex cheated on him. Privately, Felix felt that Gene’s anger when he found his girlfriend in bed with another guy was more due to his pride being injured than actual sorrow at losing the girl. He’d never seemed that into her—had never seemed much into any girl since Felix had known him. His wounded leg probably had something to do with that, Felix thought. Of course he hadn’t known Gene before the incident, but being blown up and watching two of your mates die had to do something to a man. It seemed to have hardened him, and the incident with the girl had only increased Gene’s cynicism and inability—or refusal—to get involved with anyone beyond a surface attraction.
Gene took another swallow of lager and wiped his top lip. “So, tell me about Coco.”
Felix studied his glass. “Tallish. Slim. Blonde. Beautiful. Sexy. Smart.” He thought he’d better stop there before he started turning Shakespearean, and concentrated on drinking his lager.
“I see.” Gene’s eyes gleamed. “Why’s this one different?”
“I don’t remember saying she was.”
Gene smirked. “Yeah. Whatever.”
Felix put down his glass and played with the beermat. “I’m only here temporarily. I’m back to Auckland Monday night. It’s only a thing.”
“It’s more than a thing.”
“It’s a thing, a brief thing.”
“Dude, seriously. You didn’t stop talking about her over the phone. I haven’t heard you talk like this about anyone but Lindsey.”
Felix closed his eyes. Shit. If even Gene was picking up on it, he knew he was in trouble.
Gene finished off his drink. “Come on. I want to meet her. Surely she can’t be all that. I’ll note down all her faults and give you a list later, and you can meditate on it over the weekend.”
Felix opened his eyes and laughed. “Yeah, all right.” He finished off his own drink. Gene was right. She wasn’t perfect—no girl was perfect. He just needed to focus on all the problems between them rather than
the good things and everything would be fine.
They caught a taxi to Coco’s house and both of them got out to knock on her door. Felix ran a hand through his hair as he waited. The afternoon had been unpleasant. He’d worried about upsetting her, and the insinuation that she’d had an affair with Dell had unsettled him. At least they’d parted on good terms, and he loved that she’d been thoughtful enough to buy him a present. But half of him wished he hadn’t invited her out this evening. He’d find it difficult to relax, he was sure, and he always enjoyed going out with his brother and friends.
The moment she opened the door, however, all his worries fled. She looked stunning, dressed in a short white summery dress that showed off her beautiful legs, and she’d done something to her hair so it fell down her back in golden waves. She smiled hesitantly, and his heart swelled. How could he have thought the evening would be better without her?
“Hey,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek, breathing in her light, flowery perfume as he did so.
“Hey.” She lowered her lashes, her cheeks turning a becoming rosy pink. “Happy birthday, again.”
“Thanks.” He turned to Gene, whose eyes looked about to fall out of his head. “This is Gene. G-E-N-E.”
She laughed and held out a hand. “Hello, G-E-N-E. Pleased to meet you.”
“Likewise.” Gene shook her hand. Then, as she turned her back to them to shout goodbye to her mother and Frances and close the door, he looked across at Felix and mouthed Fuck!
Felix smothered a grin and smiled at her as she turned back. “Ready?”
“Sure.” She looked nervous but excited, and he held her hand as they walked back to the taxi.
“So how do you two know each other?” she asked once they were seated inside and heading toward the restaurant.
Gene, sitting in the front, turned in the seat to talk to them. “We met when McAllister Dell hired my security firm to install a new security system in the building, not long after Felix joined them.”
She nodded. “Felix told me you represented New Zealand in the decathlon. That’s amazing, I’m so impressed.”
Gene smiled, and Felix gave a silent chuckle. His friend was already won over by Coco’s charm. Funny how even though she was known as the Dragon at the firm and she could obviously be hard and strict when she wanted to be, she also knew how to turn on the charisma when she wanted to.
They talked for the five minutes it took to get to the restaurant, Felix holding her hand all the while, and he couldn’t help glancing down at their hands occasionally, at her fingers linked with his. There was no doubt in his mind that he’d lied to Gene—for him, this was much more than a fling. Yes, he hadn’t known her for long, and thinking about it was pointless because he was returning to Auckland on Monday, but he couldn’t change how he felt. No other girl he’d dated since Lindsey had made him feel this way. He thought about her all the time when they were apart. He only had to see her and he lit up like a Christmas tree. On the surface he talked to her and Gene and laughed and joked with them both, but inside he was thinking, what am I going to do when it’s time to leave? How can I bear to never see her again?
They pulled up outside the restaurant and got out, paid the taxi and went inside. Gene had booked a family restaurant as both Rusty and Toby had young children. The place buzzed with noise and laughter, the air filled with the smell of chicken, fries and ice cream.
The waitress directed them through to a table at the back next to a children’s play area, and Felix grinned as he saw his brother and his wife, and Faith and Rusty, sitting waiting for them.
Everyone stood and came over to give him a hug and say happy birthday. He introduced his brother to Coco first. Slightly taller than himself, built—as Felix always told everyone—like a brick shit house, and with a thatch of dark curly hair, Toby Wilkinson was a couple of years younger, and in spite of his newly married status, still retained some of his boyish mentality.
“Felix! You old fart.” Toby clapped his brother on the back.
“Charming.” His wife, Esther, came forward to give Felix an apologetic smile before laughing and kissing him on the cheek. “Good to see you.”
“You too.” Felix smiled at her warmly. Her four-month bump was clearly visible, and the two of them glowed with shared happiness. “How are you feeling?”
“Better now the sickness has gone.” She pulled a face. “Faith passed on some good home remedies though, which helped.”
“I’m an expert in vomit now,” Faith said cheerfully, wrapping one arm around Felix and planting a kiss on his cheek. Average height and slender with long brown hair, Faith was a sweetheart who Felix had grown to be very fond of over the years.
He laughed and placed a gentle kiss on the head of the baby in her other arm. The tiny girl snuffled and squirmed, and Faith smiled and said to her, “Pippa, it’s Uncle Felix. Look! He’s come to see you!” The baby sneezed and they all laughed.
“How’s parenthood?” Felix asked, liking that the baby smelled of powder and shampoo rather than the more unpleasant smells he’d always associated with kids.
“Great.” Rusty held out a hand and they shook. “If you don’t mind only having two hours sleep at night and feeling like a zombie half the time.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Faith scolded. “He loves it really.” She turned to the woman waiting shyly at Felix’s side and smiled. “You must be Coco. It’s lovely to meet you—Felix has told me so much about you. I’m Faith.”
“Oh,” Coco said, and blushed as they shook hands. “Pleased to meet you.”
Felix shot Faith a wry glare, knowing perfectly well what a matchmaker she was, and introduced Coco to everyone else while Gene also kissed and shook hands. Then, the welcomes over, they started taking their places at the table.
But he’d forgotten one person.
“Uncle Felix!”
Felix turned and grinned as the tiny three-year-old boy came running out of the children’s play area to launch himself at Felix’s knees. “Charlie boy!” He swung the toddler up into his arms. “Crikey, look how big you’ve grown. You’re almost as tall as me!”
Charlie beamed and planted a wet kiss on Felix’s cheek before enveloping him in a fierce hug. “Daddy said it’s your birthday.”
“It is. I’m thirty.”
“You’re an old man,” Charlie said, and everyone laughed.
“Charlie,” Esther scolded. “That’s not very polite.”
“True, though.” Toby grinned.
“You’re not far behind,” Felix reminded him, seating himself at the table with Charlie on his lap. “So what’s for dinner then?”
“Chicken nuggets!” Charlie said with delight.
“Chicken nuggets it is.” Felix gave him a squeeze before putting him down so the boy could run off again to the tiny slide and ball pit in the play area. He’d grown incredibly fond of the boy since Toby had met up again with Esther the previous February and brought her up to the Northland. They’d had an affair several years before and parted, only for Esther to fall pregnant afterward. It had been a bumpy ride for both of them, but it had had a happy ending.
How strange the way things went. Felix had wondered not so long ago whether Toby would ever settle down, but here he was, happily married with another one on the way. It gave him hope that one day he might also find happiness.
His glance slid across to find Coco watching him. They exchanged a small smile, but he could read the sadness in her eyes that he was sure was reflected in his own. No doubt marriage and family lay in the future for both of them. But almost certainly it wasn’t with each other.
Chapter Forty-Three
Coco had been terribly nervous about meeting Felix’s family and friends, but in the end she had a great time. They ate chicken wings and fries and corn-on-the-cob dripping with butter, and drank pitchers of beer and shared ice creams piled high with chocolate sauce and marshmallows. Gene—apparently a keen photographer—took a few photos of
them all for posterity. She didn’t say much, spending her time listening to their banter and laughing at their jokes, but she got out so little that it was fun to be sociable for once.
And it was nice to be amongst people her own age who weren’t giggly girls talking about nothing but fashion and celebrities and who they were going to date that night, but instead couples with children who included her in their chat as if she and Felix had been going out for years and were any minute going to join them in the happy realms of matrimonial bliss.
What a shame that could never be the case.
Still, she tried to put her sadness to one side for Felix’s sake, and make his birthday a happy one. Certainly he seemed to be enjoying himself. He talked business and politics with Gene, a dark-eyed, serious man who’d obviously been wary of the girl his best mate had talked about, but had warmed to her almost immediately. Felix had murmured to her that Gene had just broken up with his girlfriend, and Coco wondered why that had happened when he was gorgeous, clever and athletic in spite of his obvious limp. Like Felix, he dressed well, his jeans, shirt and jacket all named brands, an expensive watch on his wrist. He obviously had money. For goodness’ sake, what more could a girl want?
But then those things didn’t guarantee a happy relationship, did they? She could see from his quiet manner and his sometimes cynical comments that he was dubious he’d discover for himself the sort of happiness the other couples at the table had found. That was obviously behind his concern for Felix, too, and she caught Gene watching her curiously from time to time as if he was trying to work out her relationship with Felix.
It was nice to watch Felix interact with the others at the table, and she learned more about him over the space of an hour and a half than she had in most of the time she’d spent with him so far. He had a natural, teasing relationship with his younger brother, Toby, who was very like him to look at, big, charismatic and with a natural sexiness that appealed to her, although he had none of Felix’s attention to style and wore an old T-shirt and slightly ripped jeans with scuffed trainers, and his hair was all over the place. But he clearly adored his wife, and spent most of the evening touching her hand or leaning forward to whisper in her ear and make her giggle.
Five Exotic Fantasies: Love in Reverse, Book 3 Page 26
