by S. J. West
“Meow, meow!” he says before leaping over me and off the bed onto the floor.
“You can’t possibly be hungry again so soon,” I complain, pulling the comforter up over my head in what I know will be a vain attempt to block him out. “I don’t want to get up yet. You’ll just have to wait.”
“Sarah,” Viktor says, having obviously changed into his human form, “get up! I suspect something is wrong with your vampire.”
I immediately toss my bedding aside and stand from the bed. It’s only then that I realize Julian isn’t in my room anymore. The first rays of the morning sun are creeping up over the horizon, telling me it has to be sometime around six o’clock on a bright and early summer morning.
“What do you mean?” I ask in a rush of words. “What’s wrong? Where did he go?”
“I’m not sure where he went. He closed the door before I could follow him out of the room.”
“What makes you think something’s wrong with him?” I ask cautiously, remembering what happened in the car the night before.
“He seemed very stiff in his movements when he walked out of the room, and I noticed he didn’t blink, not even once,” Viktor says, looking a little spooked by what he witnessed.
“How long has he been gone?”
“Thirty minutes or so.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?” I ask, practically running for the door.
“I did try, but you were sound asleep, and I thought you would benefit more from the rest. I assumed he would be back shortly, but when he didn’t return, I decided waking you would be the most prudent thing to do.”
As I snatch the door open, Viktor changes back into a cat and follows alongside me out of the room. I stand in the hallway for a moment, allowing my connection to Julian to guide me to where he is right now. I quickly make my way down the stairs to the first floor and into the living room. I find Julian sound asleep and sitting in his favorite wingback chair with his laptop sitting closed on his lap.
As I lean over and whisper his name to wake him up, I place a hand on his shoulder and give him a gentle shake. He slowly opens his eyes and turns his head slightly to look up at me.
“Good morning,” I say. “You should have woken me up before you left the bed. I would have gotten up with you.”
Julian looks confused by my words. I watch as his eyes look around the room as if he’s seeing it for the first time and he realizes where he’s sitting.
“Why am I in the living room?” he asks, his voice sounding drowsy with sleep.
“Viktor said you came down here a little while ago. You don’t remember doing that?”
Julian shakes his head, still looking bewildered. He sits up straighter in his chair, accidentally dislodging the computer from his lap. Before it has a chance to crash to the floor, he catches it with one hand.
He looks at the laptop like it’s a curiosity. “I certainly don’t remember using this for anything.”
I sigh as I realize that I’m going to have to tell Julian what I saw the night before in the car and what I suspected then and what I believe now.
“I’m going to tell you something,” I say cautiously. “But I don’t want you to freak out about it. Can you promise me you’ll stay calm?”
“I can’t make a promise that I might not be able to keep,” Julian says, looking even more worried now. “All I can promise you is that I’ll do my best to stay calm. What is it that you think I’ll become upset about, Sarah?”
I take in a deep breath and tell him what happened in the car the night before.
“I just stared at you?” he asks, looking puzzled by his odd behavior. “I don’t remember doing that.”
“I know,” I say. “Just like you don’t remember getting out of bed and coming down here to use your computer this morning. I mean, we could chalk it up to sleepwalking, but have you ever walked in your sleep before now?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” Julian admits, looking troubled by this new, and potentially dangerous, development.
“Maybe you should open your laptop up to see if you can figure out what she was using it for,” I suggest.
Julian sets the slim silver computer on his lap and pulls the top up.
We both immediately see what the spirit inside Julian did with it.
An MS Word document was left open on the screen with one simple, yet powerful, sentence written multiple times on exactly 101 pages.
Love is pain.
Julian studies the message on the screen for a moment before closing the lid again.
“Not exactly helpful,” he says dryly.
I kneel down in front of Julian and take the computer off his lap, setting it on top of the coffee table behind me.
“Love isn’t pain,” I tell him fervently. “Love is joy. She’s simply forgotten that fact after all these years.”
Julian’s face remains impassive as he looks down at me. I can already feel him starting to pull away from me emotionally, as if he believes blocking his feelings will protect me in some way.
“Don’t you dare do that to me,” I tell him angrily. “Don’t you dare think about taking your love away from me when you just gave it. That would destroy me much faster than anything the soul inside you could do, Julian. You better damn well fight for what we have, because if you don’t, I’ll never forgive you. I think you know me well enough by now to realize I don’t say those words lightly.”
Julian’s mask of indifference cracks and crumbles away, leaving him looking vulnerable.
“I can’t go to sleep again, Sarah,” he says, sounding almost scared. “What if she had killed you in your sleep while she had control of my body? She could have done almost anything she wanted to you, and I wouldn’t have known until it was too late.”
My natural response to such a suggestion is that it’s ridiculous, but I refrain from saying that because I also realize he’s right.
“To be honest, I don’t even remember going to sleep,” Julian says worriedly. “Usually, I have to make a conscious decision to let myself relax that much.”
“What’s the last thing you remember about last night?” I ask.
“I remember feeling your excitement,” he says, allowing himself to smile at the memory. “I could hear you in the shower and assumed you were grooming yourself for a night of frolicking with me.”
“And you assumed right,” I inform him. “I was a little annoyed that you fell asleep before that could happen.”
“But I had no intention of going to sleep before you came back into the room,” he says, looking troubled by his lost time.
“Do you think she made you go to sleep?”
“God, I hope not.” Julian groans, leaning forward in his chair as he props his elbows on his thighs and holds the sides of his head between his hands. “What if I’m doomed to live like this forever? What if I’m never able to get her out of me?”
“Don’t think like that,” I admonish him. “Look at me, Julian.”
He lifts his head up from his hands and does as I ordered. When our eyes meet, I feel a new strength within me form an endless supply of determination. I refuse to have him live doubting himself.
“We are going to find a way to get her out of you. Not only for your state of mind, but also for her soul. She needs to finally be laid to rest. We’ll figure out what’s going on with you and how she’s suddenly able to control your body. I assume nothing like this has happened to you before yesterday?”
“No. I don’t think I’ve ever been prone to doing things I don’t remember in my sleep,” he confirms.
“Then we just have to figure out a system to keep you and everyone else safe,” I say confidently. “You still need to sleep, Julian, and you only need a couple of hours a day. We’ll just have someone watch over you for those two hours.”
“Like who?”
“I can have Nadia do it.”
“I’m not sure she’s strong enough to control me if the spirit tries to hurt someone,” he p
oints out. “You would be strong enough, but I think having you around would only exacerbate the spirit’s anger. I might be able to talk Petru into staying with us for a while. I trust him and Nathaniel to keep you protected from me.”
“Julian,” I say, placing a loving hand on the side of his face, “it’s not you who wants to harm me. We don’t even know for sure that the soul inside you wants to hurt me. You’re just assuming the worst.”
“I have to,” he says stubbornly. “We have to be prepared for anything, and right now, I fear what this girl will do to exact her vengeance on me. She’s been trapped inside my body for years. All of her hate for me has had time to fester into only God knows what, and it might boil over into a homicidal rage. I refuse to take any chances where your life is concerned, Sarah. Please, let me do what I feel is best for us.”
I realize I won’t be able to change his mind, so I simply nod my head to help ease at least a small portion of his worry.
“Okay. We’ll ask Petru if he and Nathaniel can stay with us for a while.” I suddenly smile. “We’re going to have quite a house full of guests. I’m never going to be able to take advantage of you in my bed with all these people around. I might have to whisk you off to my apartment for a proper snogging.”
Julian laughs, making my heart feel a little lighter. At least he hasn’t lost his sense of humor to worry.
“I promise you,” he says intimately, “we’ll get our chance. And how does a girl from the southern part of the United States know what snogging is?”
“Watching Doctor Who,” I answer. “And too much Netflix. I led a rather isolated life before you turned it upside down. Most of my contact with the outside world used to come from TV shows and movies.”
“There’s so much I want to show you,” he says wistfully. It almost sounds as if he doesn’t believe he’ll ever have the opportunity to share the wonders of his world with me.
“You’ll have the chance to show me everything you want to one day,” I say confidently. “You need to have faith in that. Sometimes hope is the only thing that can pull you through the darkest days of your life. Don’t lose your power to believe in miracles, Julian.”
“I’ll try not to,” he promises, even though his eyes look doubtful that he’ll ever be able to keep such a pledge.
“Do you always get up this early?” I hear Nadia ask.
I stand and find her leaning a shoulder against the entryway of the living room with her arms crossed in front of her as she stares directly at me. It’s only when her eyes dip lower that I realize I’m still only clad in my semi-transparent nightgown.
Nadia’s eyes return to mine as she asks, “Should I have brought a chastity belt along with my gun?”
“If you’re implying that you still think I’m a virgin,” I say, “I’m afraid my sophomore year in college ruined that.”
“For a human,” she replies, “I’m surprised you didn’t lose your virginity well before then.”
“We should probably all get dressed,” Julian suggests as he stands from his chair, still only clad in his silky black shorts. “The others will be arriving in a couple of hours.”
“If you hear a helicopter,” Nadia tells us, “it’s just my supplies being dropped off. It’ll be landing in the backyard sometime this morning.”
“I meant to ask,” I say. “Will you be the only alfar guard staying with me?”
“Near you, yes,” Nadia says. “The others will find a residence nearby to stay in. If we need them for backup, all I have to do is make a call.”
“Do you really think that’s necessary?”
“Don’t you?” she asks with a slight tilt of her head. “Considering what happened yesterday, I think it’s wiser to keep the others close in case we need them.”
“Yesterday wasn’t exactly ordinary,” I point out. “I don’t think we’ll be having many more days like that one.”
“We can hope that you don’t, but you can’t exactly be sure that something similar won’t happen again.”
I can’t really argue with her logic on that point.
“If it makes you feel more comfortable to keep them near us, I suppose it’s fine,” I concede.
Nadia gives a little shrug, as if to say she doesn’t really need my blessing. She’s in charge of my safety and believes that gives her complete autonomy on the subject. She doesn’t voice her thoughts openly to me, but I can feel her indifference at receiving my approval. Her reaction just increases my aggravation over the whole situation.
“Why don’t we go get dressed for the day?” Julian suggests for the second time, as he comes up behind me and places a coaxing hand on the small of my back. “I’m sure Helen will be waking up shortly.”
It’s amazing how just a small touch from Julian can instantly calm my nerves. It has to be his superpower, because no one else in my life holds the key to bringing my heart peace when I need it the most.
“I need to call Kaylee too,” I tell him.
“Maybe we can go over to her house and visit with her today,” he proposes.
“Is this Kaylee Whitaker that you’re talking about?” Nadia asks.
Her question causes an alarm to go off inside my head.
“How do you know her last name?” I ask. “I don’t remember ever mentioning her to you, much less telling you what her married name is.”
“You didn’t have to,” she informs me. “I was given a dossier on everyone in your life before I left New Orleans.”
“And who gave you that?” I ask, feeling my temper begin to flare. Isn’t it bad enough that the alfar are pushing themselves into my life? Do they really have to dig into the backgrounds of those closest to me?
“There’s no reason for you to be angry,” Nadia tells me. “We were simply following protocol by doing a threat assessment on everyone close to you.”
“And how is a seven-month pregnant woman a threat?” I practically yell.
“She isn’t,” Nadia says calmly despite my growing ire. “We don’t believe anyone who you’re personally close to is a danger, but I cannot allow you to go over to her house without me coming along also. As I understand it, you haven’t told your human family about being half-alfar, and we would like to keep it that way for as long as possible. The more humans who know about our existence, the harder it is for us to stay hidden.”
“I have no intention of telling them anything about my life as it is at the moment, not unless I absolutely have to. As far as you coming with me to see Kaylee, you’ll just have to wait outside the house while I’m with her. As you just said, she’s of no threat to me—none of my family is. I’ll be perfectly fine while I visit her.”
I look down at Nadia’s crossed arms and notice her agitatedly tapping her left index finger where it’s resting on her right forearm. I know how irritated she feels by my demand, even without the physical tell.
“Fine,” she reluctantly agrees. “But you should know that if I believe your life is in danger at any time, I won’t hesitate to enter the house with as much force as I see fit.”
“As long as you don’t hurt anyone in my family, that’s fine,” I relent. “If you think I’m in danger, then they would be too.”
“So we understand each other?”
“I think we’re starting to.”
Nadia and I stare at one another, realizing that we’re not that different. We’re each pretty set in our ways and neither of us like to budge when we want something. Compromise may very well be the only way we can communicate with one another effectively.
“We should go get dressed,” Julian gently reminds me, breaking the contact between Nadia and me.
Nadia turns to the side to give us plenty of room to pass her on our way to the staircase. Viktor stays behind and begins to rub himself against the back of Nadia’s legs.
“You should know,” I hear her say to Viktor. “I’m not a cat person.”
I silently give Viktor my blessing. I know exactly why he’s staying behind. He’ll
act as my spy and let me know if Nadia does anything I wouldn’t like. Julian was correct in his earlier assessment about my cat. In the right situations, Viktor’s ability to watch people for me will come in very handy.
“Why does her presence seem to bother you so much?” Julian asks me as we reach the top of the stairs. “She’s only doing her job, Sarah. She isn’t trying to attack you personally.”
I sigh because I know he’s right. “I just don’t like being watched, and I don’t like being treated as if I can’t take care of myself. I’m a grown woman. I’ve been looking out for myself for quite some time now.”
“I don’t think your maturity is in question here. It’s the fact that your well-being affects millions of others now. The alfar just want to ensure that nothing happens to end your life prematurely. I can’t say I fault them for that desire. I want to make sure you live a long and happy life too.”
“I’m not sure they’re all that concerned about my happiness,” I scoff. “If they were, my aunt would have asked me if I wanted a Valengard detail before just assigning one to me without my permission.”
“Shael probably never considered the possibility that you wouldn’t want Nadia around. Every person in the royal family has a detail, even though that only includes you and Shael at the moment. I’m sure it probably didn’t even cross her mind that you would be bothered by Nadia’s presence here.”
“That’s sort of what I’m counting on. When I do see my aunt again, maybe I can explain that it does bother me and that I want Nadia and the others taken away.”
Julian looks doubtful that my plan will work. “I don’t think your aunt will ask Nadia to leave your side, Sarah. And to be honest, I think we should keep her close, at least for now. I can’t trust my own body to keep you safe, but I know she will, even from me if she has to.”
“You’re not a danger to me,” I protest. “You could never hurt me.”
“I know I couldn’t, but I can’t speak for the spirit inside me. Her soul wants vengeance. I would feel a lot better knowing you have someone like Nadia close by in case something happens that we can’t see coming. Please, Sarah. If not for the sake of your aunt’s peace of mind, keep Nadia by your side for mine.”
