I send her a few emojis that describe my feelings and then I start my walk toward the seven story building of Cedar apartments. I debate whether or not I should get in my car and head home, skipping lunch but then my heart does this weird little thing, making my chest ache. I stand by the garage door and call Owen, letting him know that I’m downstairs.
He was probably looking out of the window for me, making sure I don’t flake out on them.
Two minutes later, I see Freddie walking toward me dressed in a white t-shirt and jeans. His tall frame almost matches Owen’s but Owen’s got two inches on him. Freddie’s wider though, and bulkier. Both of my legs equal one of his arms. Dude is built like a cement wall but is a total teddy bear. When I first met him, he saw fear in my eyes and asked, “Are you scared of me because I’m black or something?”
I stumbled over my words, trying to say that wasn’t it. He was huge and I was tiny. It was like looking at the Hulk. He laughed and said he was just joking. Owen told me he does that to everyone. He still does it.
“Aw, look at you looking all cute with those tiny little shorts,” he says, eyeing my legs. “Aren’t you cold?”
Owen comes up from behind him, eyes zeroed in on my legs but he doesn’t say anything. His friend already did it for him.
“I’m fine. I have a sweater in my bag,” I answer. I know that won’t help with cold legs but it can be used as a blanket if needed. “We’re walking to the pizzeria. Is that okay? And Echo couldn’t make it.”
Owen nods as he stuffs his hands in his jeans pockets. “Freddie’s ditching us,” he announces. “He said if Echo was a no-show he wasn’t going to tag along.”
Freddie smirks at me. “I’m not going to watch you two make fuck-me eyes at each other. I’m out. Thanks for the invite though.”
“We don’t–” I try to say we don’t make fuck-me eyes but Freddie cuts me off with a pointed look. “Fuck off, Freddie.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He gives us a two-finger salute and then heads down the street, whistling a tune.
The wind picks up, blowing my hair into my face. I try to keep it from entering my mouth but fail. Girls love having glossy lips but we hate when our hair gets stuck to them.
Owen’s lips turn up as he reaches out and helps me. “Do you want to walk or would you prefer they deliver?”
I manage to get the hair out of my eyes and I playfully narrow them at him. “What would you prefer?” That everyone can see my legs or just you?
“Delivery.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
It takes me a minute to realize that his hands are still on me, holding back my hair. His thumbs graze my cheeks and our eyes lock.
It’s fascinating how you can be staring at a person and not see them. Because standing here mere inches from Owen, I don’t see him. I see his father. And I feel his father touching me.
He’s not here, Zoë. It’s not him!
I close my eyes and take a step back.
It doesn’t matter how many times I try to erase that night or try to remember how old I’ve gotten. I’ll always be that scared little girl who is terrified of losing her best friend over a terrible secret that could shatter two families.
“Maybe I should just go home. I–”
“No. Stay.” Owen takes a step forward and curls his hand into a fist when he notices that he’s reaching out to touch me. His hand drops to his side and he blinks away his struggle. “Have lunch with me before my class starts.”
I nod.
Owen starts to turn but stops short, a boyish grin forming on his kissable lips. “Why don’t you stay at my place tonight? Echo’s leaving in a few hours. You don’t have to be alone.”
I sweep my eyes over his face, his dimples like beacons making me look at his mouth.
If I didn’t have this heavy weight crushing my heart, I’d lean in and kiss him. I’d grab his shirt and crush him against me, breathing him in, licking my lips with the anticipation of tasting him.
My heart wants him. It wants every inch of this man who has done nothing but love me from a distance because that is as close as I’ll let him.
You will kiss this man, Zoë. Do not back out now.
“Okay,” I answer softly.
He holds out his hand for me and, without any hesitation, I take it.
It’s perfectly normal for my heart to go pitter-patter when his warmth wraps around me like a cozy blanket. It’s better than feeling the evil tendrils slithering up my spine until it suffocates me when I’m alone.
My head rests on Owen’s chest while I swipe my finger left, flipping to the next page on my Kindle. The steady beat of his heart thumps against my ear, bringing a peaceful calmness to me.
The rain pelting against the windows makes reading difficult because I’m tempted to get out of bed and look outside. I’ve always loved the rain.
It’s why I love Seattle.
Everyone thinks days in Seattle are a constant downpour. I believed it for a while until I moved here for college but trust me, there are not many people walking around in rain boots. Some days are cold and gloomy; the perfect time to stay inside and read with a cup of tea nearby. Others are sunny and hot; the dry air making you contemplate whether or not you should wear clothes outside. I’ve never liked the summer heat so it could just be me.
When it rains, I’m happy.
I finish reading the chapter and then click my Kindle off. The heroine was pissing me off anyways with her stupid decisions and slut shaming. That’s one thing I can’t stand in a book. It puts me in a sour mood within seconds. Just because a person likes to fuck a lot shouldn’t make them a slut.
I slide myself off of Owen, resting my head on the pillow beside his, still tucked against his body. I breathe in his cologne before I turn around and face the open window.
He fell asleep a few minutes ago with his earbuds still in. I don’t hear any music playing so maybe his playlist ended. He didn’t want to distract me but he also didn’t want me to stay on the couch or be alone so we got into his bed–which we normally do because we’re friends–and he let me read while he tried to sleep.
He says music helps him not think of the car accident before he falls asleep.
Something I can never forgive myself for is that Owen saw the accident. He saw his father fly through the windshield, and he saw the car flip with me inside. The accident happened seventy feet away from his street. His family lived on a dead-end street so he walked up toward the main street when he grew anxious that it took longer than ten minutes for us to return.
I didn’t see him that day. If I did, I wouldn’t have done what I did. I wouldn’t have taken his father from him.
When Owen replays that moment it breaks my heart in more ways than one. He stares at me with a look of fear in his eyes because he was so close to losing me too. But then he talks about his father, the man he looked up to all his life, and it kills me having to relive those moments. His happy moments are my worst.
Owen groans, turning onto his side. The arm that was resting on his stomach is now sliding around me, pulling me against his chest. My shirt rides up a little and I freeze because his fingers find the sliver of skin, and he groans again, squeezing me. His head finds its way into the crook of my neck and then he’s inhaling deeply, squeezing me tighter.
“Owen,” I whisper. Please let me go.
“So good,” he says, his voice groggy. “Love you.”
He mutters something else that I can’t make out. He’s still sleeping. And he’s holding me.
“Owen,” I say louder, clearing my throat.
I feel when he wakes up. His arm tenses and he pulls his head back just a bit. It makes my heart stop beating so rapidly. I don’t mind being held when we’re together. It’s when he holds me while he’s sleeping that I have to wake him up because he gets a little handsy and ends up getting a stiffy. He always apologizes but he doesn’t remove his hands. I don’t tell him to either.
I want him
to touch me. And then I don’t…
“Are you watching the rain?” he asks softly.
I nod, sinking into the mattress after telling my tense limbs to relax. It’s just Owen. He won’t do anything to me.
“I don’t think I slept,” he comments, his breath warming my neck.
“You did. Just for a few minutes. I’m sorry for waking you.”
“Don’t be.” His nose rubs against my neck and then I feel him smiling. “Actually, I take that back. I was having a really good dream. Damn you, Zoë Whitmore for depriving me of that wonderful pleasure.” He chuckles, squeezing me a little tighter in his arms before loosening up again.
I turn in his arms, keeping my gaze on his lips. It’s dark in his room but the moonlight illuminates some of his features.
I know he was having a good dream, I felt the excitement start to poke me in the ass.
“Was it about me?”
He doesn’t say anything, his lips slowly losing its curl. He pulls his earbuds out, discarding them behind him.
I flick my eyes up higher, trying not to see the man who was responsible for bringing my best friend into this world.
Right now, it’s Owen and me.
“Tell me the truth.”
He nods, looking conflicted.
“What was I doing?”
He breaks eye contact, looking over my shoulder. When I press for more information, he withdraws his arm from around me and starts to sit up. “You can’t ask me those kinds of questions, Zoë.”
“Why not?” I know why. I’m selfish for wanting to hear him say it.
His forest green eyes dart from me to the window and then he’s looking down, scratching his jaw. “Because it makes me want to do things to you. Things I’ve dreamed about doing for years.”
I’ve dreamed of doing things with him for years, too.
I’ve dreamed of us together.
We could do it. We could be happy.
The devil isn’t here right now. I can do this. I’m not being held back.
“Owen–”
“Mm, baby, I can’t wait to fuck your tight little pussy.”
Our eyes dart to the open bedroom door. Freddie walks by with a girl eating his face. He doesn’t even acknowledge us. He’s too busy kicking off his shoes and slamming his bedroom door closed. Unfortunately, we hear every sound being made because we’re separated by a thin wall.
“What were you going to say?” Owen asks, shaking his head, muttering how he has to talk to Freddie about that later.
“I, um…” I can’t find the words. My hopes of telling him that we could be together are crushed. One minute I can be brave, and the next, I’m terrified of telling him everything.
Do it, Zoë. Be brave. You want this. Your heart wants this.
Your heart wants Owen.
Kiss him.
I lean forward and press my lips against his.
It only lasts two seconds but it has the power to rock my world, tipping it off its axis.
I pull back, avoiding his eyes.
I just kissed him.
HOLY CRAP I JUST KISSED HIM!
And it felt better than I ever dreamed of. I don’t care if was just a quick peck, I kissed him. And I liked it.
I turn toward the window trying to hide my excitement over this monumental moment, and watch the raindrops with a smile on my lips. “’Night.”
Why did you turn around? You just made this awkward.
There’s a long pause and then the bed shifts as he lies down, bringing the comforter up higher. I hear the smile in his voice when he says, “Goodnight, Zo,” wrapping me up in his arms again.
It is so NOT awkward!
I love the way his arms feel around me, the way his soft lips feel pressed against mine, and the way he doesn’t pressure me into doing more.
I kissed him and he wasn’t repulsed by me.
The devil lied.
“Do you want to do that again?” I question out loud.
I’m on my back within seconds, Owen’s mouth coming down on mine like a gentle caress. His fingers glide over my neck, his thumb running over my throat before moving up my jaw.
I part my lips, wanting to breathe him in.
“Are you sure?” he whispers against my lips.
I nod and pull him closer. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. “Wen, I’ve wanted this for years,” I confess.
My tongue darts out and licks his bottom lip before I nudge his lips apart. He tastes like chocolate. I want to taste even more of him. Our tongues collide and with each swipe of his I feel myself get lost in him.
Holy shit…I’m kissing my best friend.
The line that was always a little blurred between us, keeping us just friends, yeah, we have just crossed over it and I don’t see us ever going back.
My breath hitches when I feel the weight of his body fall on top of mine. He holds himself up with one arm, his other wrapping around my back, pulling me against him.
I let my legs fall open to loosely wrap around him. Feeling him against me has to be one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt. We’re separated by clothes but I feel every muscle as it touches my body.
I lift my hips off the bed and he groans when I grind against him, feeling how turned on he is. I’ve always wanted to do that. I’ve always been a little scared of what would happen next.
I bring my hand up and I touch his stomach. My fingers slowly bunch up the fabric of his t-shirt, revealing the hard planes of his abs.
Mary said to kiss him. You think you’re moving a bit too fast?
I internally roll my eyes at myself and shut her up so I can enjoy kissing Owen.
My thumb runs over the skin of his stomach, heading south just a little until I touch the small patch of dark hair leading into his pants.
Do I…should I…?
Work your way up to sex. Just kiss him.
I bring my hand back up and sigh into his mouth when I give up on trying to go a little further.
I promise myself that I’ll explore more of him another day. Today is progress.
Owen moves his lips down my jaw, kissing and nipping my neck until I throw my head back and groan in pure bliss.
He slowly makes his way back up, kissing my lips and then the tip of my nose. Our eyes find each other in the darkened room. “I like kissing you,” he admits, his voice a little husky and perfect.
“Let’s keep doing it then.”
Who are you and could you stay?
I feel his breath lightly hit my cheeks as he stares at me. He blindly reaches for my wandering hand and places it on his chest. “Don’t go lower than here. I can only control myself so much.”
I want to kiss him right now for saying that.
Thank you for understanding.
I try not to move my lower body so he doesn’t have to suffer, and I nod. I wrap my arms around his neck, threading my fingers in his hair and I draw him closer to me.
We spend the rest of the night doing something both of us have dreamed of doing for years; breathing each other in until we’re partially satiated.
We spend Saturday morning and afternoon the same way we did last night. Lip locked and teasing each other. And it feels amazing! Nothing has ruined my mood. The little voice in my head isn’t telling me we’re probably going too fast, and my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. It’s just us here. Like it should be.
Unfortunately, Freddie comes into the room demanding Owen’s presence at a basketball game in the courtyard so we reluctantly stop sucking face and head into the kitchen to grab some food before we head downstairs.
Being held in Owen’s arms as he worshipped my mouth was better than any fantasy I ever had. Mary would be proud.
Owen kisses the side of my head and lets me know he has to grab something from his room.
I finish up my cup of tea and stand.
Freddie walks into the kitchen shirtless with black shorts on when I’m at the sink washing my dish. He leans on the counter
beside me with a smile, his eyes never straying from mine. That’s one thing I like about him. He never makes me feel uncomfortable.
“Hey, uh, look I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t know you were here and I may have said some crude things when that girl came over.”
I turn off the faucet and turn toward him. “Did Owen tell you to apologize?”
He shrugs.
I shake my head at him playfully. “It’s okay. I just hope both of you had a fun night.”
Freddie stands up smirking. “Oh we sure did. Danielle even liked hearing your soft moans. I swear to God she wanted to go into Owen’s room to see what the fuck he was doing because you two were so quiet but she found it hot.”
My mouth drops open.
“Don’t worry, I made her focus on my dick so she wouldn’t go over there.”
“Thank you,” I say sarcastically.
He slaps my shoulder lightly and then starts to leave, throwing a grin at me over his shoulder. “Owen’s outside, you joining us?”
I look down at my navy blue tank top and Huskies sweatpants that I leave here for emergencies. With my hair up in a messy knot I deem myself good to go.
We head out of the apartment together. Owen is leaning against a wall in the hallway near the elevators only in gray shorts.
I never watched him play a full game. I always had my nose stuck in a book while him and his friends ran around the court grunting and swearing. Their sweaty bodies rubbing up against each other trying to steal the ball from one another wasn’t my kind of thing but today I have no book with me.
I plan on watching him play.
I plan on working up the nerve to kiss him all night and try to actually touch him without clothes getting in the way.
When I reach Owen, I slip my hand in his and I feel my body relax. It’s like staying in on a cold winter day with a steaming cup of tea in your hands, doing nothing besides staying in bed.
I want to continue feeling that when I’m with him.
Freddie hits the call button and we get into the elevator when the doors open. We stop on the third floor and a group of guys get on. Two of them nod a hello, and one of them fist bumps Freddie before all of them whip out their phones and find something to do.
Let Her Go Page 4
