by HB Heinzer
After the funeral, I once again joined my family as we accepted condolences for our loss. While I understand the practice, that didn't make it any less annoying. Seriously, how many times can you hear “I'm so sorry,” before you start to go insane? There are no words that will do anything to change the fact that she's gone and only time will work to deaden the pain.
Unlike during the visitation, Colton made it a point to stand just behind me in case I needed anything. After he poured his heart out to me and I slayed him for it, we had a more civil conversation this morning and I asked him to be there for me. I didn't want him feeling like he had to hold back because I wasn't ready to take things to the next level with him and I sure as hell wasn't going to pick today to start caring what anyone else thought.
A few people reached between me and Mark to shake Colton's hand, thanking him for performing. I laughed when one of my mom's former co-workers asked if we were available to do weddings. Colton graciously told her that wasn't something we typically did while I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the thought of Colton, Jon and Travis dressed in bad tuxedos playing adult contemporary music.
My dad surprised the hell out of me when he asked the guys to stand with our family during the burial service at the cemetery. Their body language told me they weren't completely comfortable with the request but they accepted without hesitation. It seemed that everyone was working to meld my two families into one. No, it's not something any of them would have had to do but I think being the baby of both factions made them want to do whatever they could to make my life easier. I'll never understand what I did in some former life to deserve this kindness when I've spent so many of the past years hurting those closest to me.
I was quickly learning that the strangest things can be trigger points when you're emotionally vulnerable. The sight of a rental car sitting in the driveway when we got back to my parents' house caused tears to well in my eyes. It was a reminder that, just as I was starting to get along with my family, it was time to go.
Chapter Eight
The last two weeks of our first national tour flew by. With ten shows in fourteen days, there was little time to think about anything other than the next performance. That was the blessing. The curse was it was getting harder and harder to be around Colton without feeling the awkward tension growing between us.
It wasn't until two hours before our show in Jackson, Mississippi that I realized that what was going on between us was impacting the entire band. The very thing I used as my excuse for not getting intimate with a band mate was happening because I wasn't willing to take that step.
“I don't know what in the hell is going on with you two, but you need to get the hell over it.” The way Jon came storming down the hall, I knew he was pissed. Sure, Colton and I hadn't been as close and comfortable as we were before my mom's funeral but I really thought we were the only ones who noticed. The way Jon stood in front of me with his arms crossed tightly across his chest made me feel like I was ten years old and in trouble with Dad.
“What do you mean?” I knew what he was talking about; I just didn't know what we were doing that made it obvious.
Jon pulled his phone out of the front pocket of his jeans. “Take a look at this shit, Rain. People are starting to talk.”
A Tragic Situation?
It seems to be there's trouble in paradise for Blessed Tragedy guitarist Colton Bradford and lead singer Rain Maxwell. Just days ago they were spotted cuddling and kissing but that most definitely wasn't the case last night in Baton Rouge. Is the blessed coupling over before they began? (see inset)
Two pictures accompanied the article. The first one made me want to kill someone. It was a picture of Colton kissing my forehead at the cemetery. Of course, the assholes had strategically cropped out anything that would put the picture in context but there was no mistaking when it was taken given what we were wearing. The thought of someone from my hometown betraying me that way, taking pictures of me at my mom's funeral and turning them over to some celebrity gossip site, made me physically ill.
The second shot was from last night's concert. The look on Colton's face was one of pure adoration. My own face, on the other hand, looked like I was ready to tear into him.
“Jon, you know these sites are full of shit. You can tell we're in the middle of a fucking song, how much attention do you think I pay to what looks I'm giving anyone? You should know as well as I do that you don't really see anyone or think about anything when you're in the zone.”
Make no mistake, I was upset about the article but the fact that Jon hadn't thought of this hurt. It felt like he was trying to find a reason to snap at me. We used to Google our names on our off days just to see what ridiculous photos had been posted from our shows. Everyone thought they were a first-class photographer catching the perfect moment in a show when most of them couldn't take a decent shot if their lives depended on it.
Jon knew this and yet he was taking the words on the small screen of his phone as gospel truth. If he was buying into it, what hope did we have that the rest of the rags weren't going to run with this crap?
“The difference is there's a grain of truth here.” Jon put the phone back in his pocket. “Now, I don't know what's going on or what happened between you two when we were at your folks' place, but it needs to get cleared up. We're trying to get higher billing on a bigger tour for winter and that's not gonna happen if we have bullshit drama between two of you. No one wants to get in the middle of a messy situation. No one's going to take a chance on us if there's a possibility that you two are going to implode and leave us up a creek.”
Jon rested his arm over my shoulders. “I love ya, kid. You know that. But you have to figure it out.”
“What makes you think I'm the one who needs to figure out anything?” I didn't like feeling like he was saying our problems were my fault. That I'm the one who's in the wrong. Am I?
“Honey, that boy's been in love with you since the day you walked into Trav's apartment. How you've made it this long without him getting in your pants is beyond me.”
“You're full of shit. He might have wanted to screw me at first, but that's not love,” I snapped. Sure, Colton said he cared about me and wanted us to be a couple, but that's still not love.
I debated telling Jon that Colton and I were going camping as soon as the tour ended so we could talk about us but decided against it. We'd decided together that it would be less complicated if people didn't know what we were doing. This conversation with Jon was a good example of why we didn't want our business to be made public.
“I'll talk to him,” I said quietly. “Just...please let me handle it. If you come at him the way you came at me, he'll get all pissy and things will be even worse. This way we just have to deal with you being pissed at me and me trying to forget that I'm supposedly pissed at Colton and breaking his tender heart.” Sure, I was more sarcastic than I needed to be but that was my favorite defense mechanism.
“Rain, I'm not pissed at you. I'm just stressed out and we don't need crap like this floating around. How did they get that picture of you two, anyway?”
“Good question. Now you know why I'm not quick to trust anyone from there. They're a bunch of busy-bodies with nothing better to do. And apparently, someone saw an opportunity to make a few bucks. At least, I sure as hell hope they did this for money and not because they were wanted to make my life hell.”
Jon gave me a quick hug. “It'll work out. Sorry for snapping like that, I just don't like finding out about shit like this when I'm supposed to be on a call working out the deals for the next tour. I looked like a real asshat. Now, go give Colton a heads up.”
I nodded and turned to walk away. “And Rain?” Jon called out from down the hall. “Try to behave tonight.” I knew he was trying to lighten the mood because he blew me a kiss.
Colton didn't look up from his laptop when I stepped onto the bus. I had a bad feeling I knew what I would see on his screen.
“Hey,” he said,
motioning me to sit across the table from him. “You know anything about this?”
Without looking at the screen, I shook my head. I knew just as much as he did; that the media had us splitting up before we'd even decided if we were going to get together. What did that say about our chances for a successful relationship?
“This is why I wanted us to talk that night in your room. Now, I'm the asshole a week before our trip.” I looked back towards the bunks to see if all the curtains were open. When we were parked, the curtains were only drawn if someone was sleeping; that way it was easy to know if we needed to keep the volume down. In this case, it was a sign of how much could be said.
“You're not the asshole. If you look at that story, I'm pretty sure they're giving me that title.” I pointed to the picture of us on stage. “Look... you tell me who's the bad guy in that picture. It sure as hell ain't you. I'll probably need extra security tonight to protect me from angry groupies.”
Colton laughed but the way he tugged at his long blond hair told me he was on the verge of his own freak out. “Look, this is your deal. I've already said my peace, you know what I want. Of course, this kinda changes things, doesn't it?”
“Why would it change anything?”
“Oh, I don't know...maybe because the very thing you worried about is happening now and we're not even a fucking couple. It's like I'm getting all of the bullshit that goes along with a relationship without the satisfaction.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I had a feeling I knew, but if Colton was going to throw shit around, he'd better be willing to say what he meant, not dance around it like a ballerina.
“Seriously, it doesn't matter who we hook up with. If it's anyone more than just a quick lay, there's always going to be some asshole taking pictures, twisting situations around to their benefit. Well, we have that right here. At least if we were in a relationship there'd be something other than sleeping going on in the bedroom.”
“Is that what this is about to you?” I was livid he was thinking about the sex he was missing out on.
“No, dammit. You know it's not.” Colton looked hurt. “You know I want the whole package. But let's be real, other than incredible sex, would anything really change between us if we were together that way?”
He was right. We had everything couples had. We really were the old married couple; we cared for one another, enjoyed each other's company, spent most of our time together, and slept in the same bed every night without anything happening. I shrugged because it was the only answer I could come up with.
“Okay, so why not end this silly ass game you're playing and say you'll give us a shot? Because you know I'm right, the sex would be epic. Mind blowing. We'll make the crew on the other bus blush.” I laughed at Colton wiggling his eyebrows and shook my head.
“You really think pretty highly of yourself, don't you?” I still hadn't answered him, mostly because it felt like the words didn't need to be said at that point. He was right, we'd been living as a couple and there was no way to shut up the gossip rags, especially when they were essentially telling the truth. The funny thing was they had no clue they were reporting accurate information for once in their miserable existence.
“I do. And you know I'm right.” Colton moved to my side of the table and wrapped his arms around me. “So, does that mean you're done fighting me about this?”
“You know, you really make me sound like a bitch when you put it that way.”
“No, I'm pretty sure you're the one who called yourself a psycho bitch after the last time I brought up the subject. I'm just asking if you're conceding.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “No, I'm not conceding. That makes it sounds like I'm defeated, and that somehow seems the opposite of how you should feel going into a new relationship.”
Colton practically jumped out of the bench seating pulling me with him. The next thing I knew, he was spinning me around in the aisle and his lips were crushing mine repeatedly. “Thank you,” he said without pulling his lips from mine.
The way we stood there with our faces smashed together, you'd think a tube of super glue was involved. “Jon's gonna be pissed,” I said. “He stopped me in the hall and told me about the article.”
“He'll be fine,” Colton assured me. “If anything, he'll be happy to hear I finally pulled the trigger.”
Jon's comment about Colton falling in love with me the first night he saw me echoed in my head and I laughed. “Yeah, but we'll never be able to fight. Shit, you should have seen the artery in his neck throbbing over this crap. If we ever actually have problems, I'm pretty sure his carotid will rupture.”
“Yeah right, you and me never fighting. Maybe we'd better just find a new drummer now,” Colton laughed as I ducked under his arm. I needed to grab my outfit and get inside to get ready since we had a special event where fans were invited to hang out in our lounge before the show.
I reached into the closet trying to find the top I wanted to wear tonight, the one that would be certain to drive Colton crazy from the moment he saw me until he could tear it off in this very room. Now that we'd agreed to take the next step, I was trying to think of little things I could do to mess with his mind in front of thousands of fans. Nothing lewd that would cause him to make major mistakes, but I fully intended on having fun with this.
My mind was so absorbed in plotting that I didn't hear Colton walk into the room. Just as I reached for the hanger, I was lifted off my feet and tossed onto the bed.
“You have no clue how long I've waited to do this,” Colton said, his voice husky and low. He lowered himself on top of me, his eyes burning with desire. Just as I opened my mouth to protest, his lips brushed against mine so gently it made my body ache for more.
The citrus undertones of his cologne combined with worn leather and Colton's body was not a new scent to me but never before had it filled my senses lighting a fire deep within my body. My lips parted, giving his tongue access to push deep within my mouth. I'd never been a fan of the black licorice Colton was addicted to, but when the flavor was invading my mouth, delivered by his tongue; it became one of my favorite things in the world. That boy can kiss.
I pulled the leather tie out of Colton's hair, needing to weave my fingers through the blond locks pulling him closer to me. My hips bucked, no longer caring what we were supposed to be doing. I wanted him. I needed him. And I'd put up with Jon's wrath if it meant quenching that need right now.
Just as quickly as he had overtaken me, he stood to leave the room. “Time to put on a show, my little cloud.” I sat there trying to catch my breath, pressing my thighs together to ease the pulsing ache that threatened to buckle my knees if I stood.
I had completely caved to Colton. At one time, that would have pissed me off. I'd spent years doing exactly what I wanted to do without regard for what anyone else thought. Maybe it still would have upset me if not for the fact that Colton was right, it changed nothing other than the fact that we didn't have to go to sleep as soon as we went to bed. And if that kiss was a hint of what was to come when we did slide between the sheets, he was also right when he said the sex would be epic.
It quickly became apparent that it was also going to take longer to get ready for shows. Shortly after I made my way to my dressing room, there was a knock on the door and Colton let himself in. Apparently, boyfriends don't need to wait to be given permission and he only knocked to warn me that the door was going to open.
Even that didn't upset me. I tried not to laugh while I sat in front of the mirror carefully applying my makeup. Colton set down his bag next to mine and started doing his hair standing behind me.
“Don't put on your lipstick yet,” Colton said as he finished applying his eyeliner. They might call it guy liner, but seriously, there is no 'guy liner' display at the store. It's eyeliner. I was slightly jealous of how effortless it was for him to line his eyes while I struggled to keep my hands from shaking when I did mine.
“No lipstick, huh?” I raised an eyebr
ow towards the mirror.
“Nope.”
“And why would that be?”
“Because I don't need to go on stage with fire engine red lips and I plan on kissing the hell out of you once we're ready for the show.” He threw his arms over my shoulders, trailing kisses along the side of my neck. “Is that okay with you?”
I purposely ignored his question as I reached for the curling iron. He might have won but I wasn't going to let any part of this victory come easy. I shrugged. “If you must,” I said trying to hide any trace of excitement in my voice.
It's a good thing I didn't have the curling iron in my hands when I said that because Colton spun me around in the chair and leaned over me. “Oh, I must. But now I'm not sure I can wait.”
Colton pulled me to my feet pressing his body into mine. The kiss was heated and desperate, his tongue begging entrance to my mouth. Once my lips parted, the urgency of the kiss receded as he casually moved his tongue around mine as if trying to learn the shape and feel of my mouth. A Disney movie princess once proclaimed she wanted her first kiss to be a foot-popper. At the time, I laughed at the cheesy script; I wasn't laughing as I lifted my foot off the ground. When any kiss is as good as the one Colton gave me, it's nearly impossible to retain control of your body.
“And you expect me to go on stage after that?” I asked breathlessly. There were a lot of things I wanted to do and none of them included sixty-five hundred of our closest friends.
It didn't seem possible, but Colton's smile grew even wider. “Rule number one: always leave her wanting more.” He laughed as I glared at him.
“And which manual is that out of?”
