She couldn’t take another second. She pinched his shoulder to let him know he needed to push her over the edge. No more sensual play. No more making her want him until it choked her.
“Now, Holt.” She scraped her fingernails against his lower back to let him know she was serious.
His rhythm stayed steady and he pressed in deep. With each movement he brought her in tight. Held her hips steady so she could feel every inch. But when his fingers dipped below her waist and dragged through her heat, something exploded inside her. Need washed through her as her hips lifted off the mattress.
She exhaled as the tension clamping down inside her released. Her hips moved and her body bucked as the pulses pounded through her. She held on to him through it all. Feeling his body stiffen as the pleasure became too much. The release hit him right as she finished, their bodies in sync until the end.
When she finally came up for air again, she saw daylight outside her window. Birds sang and the rain from the night before lingered in the air, giving everything that fresh scent.
Not that she wanted to be outside. The mix of sheets and his warm body felt so much better. She knew that sooner or later she’d need to get up and face the world. There were questions and documents. The media kept calling. Corcoran Team members called and checked in with Holt to make sure he was okay after his injuries.
That was a lot of reality for her to handle right now. She already had the aftermath of being abducted and stepping so close to death. In her mind, her uncle had been dead for years. Then he was alive. Now he was dead again. She knew she should mourn in some way, but the tears refused to fall.
That wasn’t the case for Deputy Frank or Roger. She mentally added both names to the already long list of casualties and felt their losses. And Justice was awash in law enforcement officials. Holt told her ATF, FBI and others had swarmed over the campground. She hoped that meant an end to New Foundations, but only time would tell on that issue.
She rolled over, groaning from all the aches and pains. “I could sleep for a month.”
“Do you mean sleep or have sex?” His voice carried an early morning husky grumble. “Because I’ll need vitamins if it’s the latter.”
She kind of doubted that. The man had amazing stamina. Amazing everything.
She threw her arm across his chest and prepared to stay there all day. “We should eat something.”
“I’d rather not fly without eating.”
The comments had her eyes popping back open. He didn’t move, which figured. She sat up and glared at him because he’d earned it.
Finally one of his eyes inched open. He looked startled to see her there hovering. “What?”
“Plane?” Right now she was ticked off at having the information dropped on her like that, but she could easily move through a few more emotions depending on what else he had to say.
He slipped an arm behind his head. “I have to get back for a check-in with Connor and debrief.”
“I barely know what any of that means.” It all sounded official and work-like. It made sense that he needed to give the information while it was all fresh. She’d had to answer what felt like a thousand questions before she could leave the campground yesterday.
He smiled up at her. “Basically—”
“I don’t care.”
The smile faded as quickly as it came. “Okay.”
He couldn’t possibly think she cared about the intricacy of a crime scene and the aftermath. She’d be dealing with her own emotional fallout on this one. Likely for weeks, maybe more. There had been so many shocks and such horror. All that death.
The one bright spot—some days the only one—had been him. He made the terrible bearable. He warmed her heart and set her bed on fire.
She didn’t know what kinds of relationships he’d had before. Not serious, from the sound of them. But she knew what this one wasn’t—ordinary and forgettable. This transcended. At least it had for her.
But if he could pack up and leave and not spend two minutes thinking about her, then she had more than aftermath ahead of her. She had a blinding heartbreak that would leave her raw and aching. Just thinking about losing him touched off a pain in her stomach.
She wanted him to just know what to do next, but she needed things spelled out. “Are you coming back?”
He had the nerve to frown at her. “When?”
She sat up, dragging the sheet along with her. “You cannot be this slow.”
Wariness fell over him as tension thickened the room. “What are you talking about?”
“There’s something between us.” It took much for her to admit that out loud. To go out on that limb and hold the risk by herself.
“I agree.”
Relief zinged through her. “The question is what we’re going to do about it.”
Slow and deliberate he sat up. Not the whole way. Just balancing on his elbows as he surveyed her. Studied her as he might a map. “I don’t know.”
For a second she wasn’t sure what question he was answering. The response seemed so vague and so dull. One of those things men said while walking out the door even though they never planned on calling again.
And she couldn’t wrap her head around that at all. They sparked in the bedroom and worked everywhere else. When she gave him a peek into her feelings, he seemed to agree. Now she was getting the “we’ll see” type of response.
She had to get out of the bed. An hour ago she would have said she’d stay in those sheets with him for days if he’d just ask. But that was the problem. He never asked. He probably never would.
With the sheet held tight against her breasts, she swung her legs over the side and looked around for a shirt. She snagged his T-shirt and slipped it over her head. Feeling more in control and less ready to be sucker punched, she stood up.
He tugged on the sheet and it fell loose from her body. “Where are you going?”
“Food.” That was all she could get out.
Words crammed in her throat and she tried to swallow them back. Part of her knew this reaction wasn’t fair. They hadn’t made promises or had a deal. She was trying to drag them into something serious, and he didn’t do serious. Shane had told her that.
“Wait a second.” Holt sat up the whole way this time. “Did I say something?”
“Nothing.” That was the point.
“Lindsey.”
The pleading in his tone had her spinning around in the doorway to face him. She thought about saying something clever or making a joke. Anything to ease the tension.
“I’ve fallen for you.” Not at all what she wanted to say. Embarrassment welled inside her, and her stomach did this strange bouncing thing. But she couldn’t take it back now. Really didn’t want to, because it was true.
He smiled at her, all warm and sexy-like. “I like you, too.”
They were not saying the same thing, and the reality of that difference slammed into her like being hit with a bat. Yeah, they were not saying the same thing at all. She was invested and hopeful and looking to the future. He was enjoying the sex. That was what it came down to.
She had no doubt he enjoyed her company. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at her. But the idea of talking about anything bigger seemed to send him running. All the way back to Annapolis this time. She didn’t know where it would be next time, but she had no intention of waiting around to find out.
The ball was in his court. Now she needed to make him see it. “I’m going to make you breakfast and then we’ll get you packed.”
He leaned back against the pillows as if now was the time to get comfortable. “I don’t need to leave yet.”
His cluelessness actually gave her hope. He wasn’t dumping her or giving her the let’s-be-friends speech. “Yes, you do.”
His eyes narrowed and some of that casual comfortableness eased away. “Why?”
“Because this isn’t a hotel.” Maybe that hit a little lower than she intended, but it felt good to say that.
This time he climbed out of bed and walked over to stand beside her. “What the hell is that about?”
“You like me.”
“Yes.” He put his hands on her arms and pulled her in closer.
He clearly missed the part where she had hers folded across her chest. “Fine.”
But something got through, because his body switched to high alert and it showed in every muscle. “What’s happening here?”
“If you figure out what you feel is more than like—because that’s how you feel about a neighbor’s cat and not a woman—call me.”
“My neighbor has a dog.”
He had to be messing with her now. “Fabulous.”
“Lindsey, I really don’t understand this.”
“Right.” That was the problem, and for a smart man he was fumbling his way through it. “When you do get it, let me know.”
* * *
HOLT MADE IT to the private airstrip in record time. He actually got there two hours before their scheduled departure. He had planned to hang around the house, go back to bed. Spend more time with Lindsey.
He didn’t want to say goodbye. Didn’t even want to leave. He thought things were going fine, and then the questions started. He panicked and then he was in the rental car.
At least they could get moving, since they were all there. Cam was in the process of walking around the plane, performing a safety check. Shane sat on a duffel, using it as a chair as he played with his phone.
Holt did not want to be here. He had no idea what had happened. The day started out so promising. A hot woman and a warm bed. He’d been all over her all night. He knew that wasn’t the problem, because a woman didn’t beg like that if she lacked interest.
No, the problem came with the talking. Always the talking.
Cam glanced up and stopped working. “Why are you here?”
Holt knew that was a bad sign of the conversations to come. It didn’t help that Cam and Shane kept looking at each other, talking some language that they spoke and he didn’t seem to.
So he went with the obvious answer. “I lead the team.”
“I meant, why aren’t you in bed with Lindsey?” Cam asked.
“I would be,” Shane said at the same time.
That was just about enough of that. “We need to get home for the debrief.”
Holt said it even though he sort of dreaded it this time around. Walking into the apartment meant stepping into a place without her. Her house smelled good, like a mix of her shampoo and something cooking on the stove. He generally ordered takeout when not out on the job.
Man, he really was a confirmed bachelor.
“Wait, does that mean you blew it already?” Shane asked as he stood up and came over to join them on the tarmac.
Cam nodded. “I think so.”
Okay, Holt officially hated that conclusion. “No.”
Cam leaned against the plane. “Does she think you blew it?”
All of a sudden the guy was a dating expert. Though Holt had to admit he kind of was. He was in a committed relationship. They talked about a future. Holt thought about a future and felt everything inside him clench. Well, it used to. Not lately, but he was sure the sensation of being strangled would come back.
Until then he had a much bigger problem. “I don’t know what she wants.”
“Oh, boy.” Cam dropped his clipboard on the ground.
Again with the looks between Shane and Cam. They glanced and smiled, almost laughed. Holt wasn’t loving the byplay. That sort of thing was much more fun when he wasn’t the victim. “Okay, enough. What is it?”
Cam shrugged. “You missed a cue. That’s almost always it.”
Holt didn’t even know what those words meant in the context of a woman. “Speak slower.”
Shane rolled his eyes. “What did she say she wanted?”
This was downright embarrassing. Holt wasn’t accustomed to spilling his guts about a woman. Some things a guy should keep to himself and just handle.
Then he remembered the look on Lindsey’s face. A mix of hurt and anger, and he tried to put the ego aside. “I don’t know. More time together.”
“And what did you say?” Cam asked.
“I like her.” He almost shouted the phrase as a plane passed overhead.
They both stared at him and not in a good way.
Cam bit his upper lip. “Wow.”
Shane shook his head. “That’s terrible.”
Tough talk coming from a guy with an awful divorce in his recent past. Holt wanted to point that out, but it seemed like a jerk move, so he let it pass. “Like you would be better.”
Shane snorted. “A puppy would do better.”
Holt refused to debate based on the animal kingdom. “What do I do?”
“Do you love her?” Cam asked.
The question made him twitchy. Holt got that Cam had figured this relationship stuff out and was happy for him. Holt thought about love and the future and mortgages and felt something inside him go haywire. “It’s too soon.”
Cam looked at Shane. “I didn’t hear a no.”
The last thing Holt needed was these two bonding together on this topic. He was just looking for a little advice here. Simple stuff...stuff that he sucked at. “I care about her.”
Shane shook his head. “Stop saying that before she kills you.”
Holt was two seconds from going out and asking a cat or dog for advice. “You two aren’t helping.”
“Here’s my suggestion.” Cam pointed at the bag near Holt’s feet. “Take your bag, go back there and tell her what you really feel. Inside. The hard stuff.”
That sounded both easy and really hard. Holt didn’t like the downside risk. “Are you messing with me?”
“I’m trying to help you get your woman back before you lose her.”
The thought of that knocked out any concern about talking about his feelings. He’d open up all day if it stopped her from giving up on him. Holt hated that idea. “I don’t want that.”
“Then go tell her.” Shane and Cam said it at the same time.
So, they agreed with each other on that one. Holt took that as a good sign.
Chapter Twenty-One
Lindsey sat on her front porch with a glass of lemonade between her palms. The ice cubes chilled her, but she didn’t put it down. She couldn’t really move. She was too busy sitting and staring and doing nothing.
Getting dressed took a lot of effort. So did the mandatory check-in with all the law enforcement agencies, which she promised she would do. People came by and others called. The newspaper said something about printing a follow-up making it clear she wasn’t a suspect. Nice of them, since she wasn’t one.
After so much everything, nothing felt good. Well, not really. She couldn’t actually feel anything. Watching Holt leave had numbed her inside. She felt hollowed-out and raw. She didn’t want to eat and seriously considered burning her mattress. Too many reminders there.
She kept thinking Holt would turn around. Get a mile down the road and realize he’d lost his mind and come back and help put them back together. But no. She didn’t wear a watch because then she’d know the exact time he took off, and that was too hard to take on top of everything else.
And this town. She didn’t have anything keeping her here now. The people she’d helped could live in the open, free. The memorial services would be set for the others. She didn’t know if she could stay in a place made up of so much pain.
She had just decided to take a sip of the lemonade when a truck rattled up her driveway. Not just a truck. The truck. His rental truck.
She started to wonder how long she’d been sitting here. By her calculation it had been an hour, but that didn’t make sense. Not if he was back. It was what she had wished for but so out of context that she couldn’t make the timing work in her head.
The truck stopped and he sat there for a second with the engine on, leaning on the steering wheel and staring at her. She officially had no idea wh
at was happening, and when that tiny bit of hope flickered inside her again, she knew she should tamp it down.
More seconds passed. He must have had the radio on, because at first she heard music but now none.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the door opened and he got out. Jeans and a gray T-shirt. Yep, same outfit, so she hadn’t lost her mind or a bunch of days. He’d driven to the airport and driven back. Again, not much sense there, but she guessed she’d have to wait and see what he said...if he actually said anything. He wasn’t always the best at explaining.
He disappeared again for a second when he leaned across the bench seat. He had something in his hand and he was dragging it. When he came around the front of the truck she got a good look. His duffel bag. The one that had been sitting in her bedroom. The same one he’d packed to leave.
And now it was back. That meant something. It had to.
The hope started doing more than flickering. It danced and bounced. Some of the anger and sadness that had been weighing her down since he’d left lifted. She took a big gulp of lemonade to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. The pucker told her she wasn’t.
She didn’t know when she’d stood up, but she had. She had a glass dangling from her hand and her heart right out there for everyone to see. It was kind of embarrassing how much she loved this man. So few days had passed and yet she felt as if her life had become tied to his.
Without thinking about it or remembering a thing, she met him at the steps to the porch. She wasn’t sure what that meant, so she didn’t pick at it too much. She stood one above him, which put them face-to-face. She could look into those dark eyes. Wariness lingered there. She sure got that.
It seemed to her that he should be the first to say something. But when his gaze toured her face but he stayed quiet, she jumped in. “What are you doing here?”
“This is where I want to be.” He shuffled his weight back and forth. Not really something he did. He never fidgeted. If anything, he could hold still for what felt like hours. It always struck her as a bit freaky, but the wounded puppy look was sure charming.
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