Dark Mind 2:
Shadows Within
Shadows Within is a work of fiction.
Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2014 by Matthew Goldstein
All rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author except in the case of brief quotation embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Cover design by Deja Jones
For Donna,
who believed in me and worked so hard to help me.
1
14 years ago
Meredith was so distracted by her thoughts that she never noticed the excitement of the internal voices or the stare of a passing stranger. A few seconds after he passed, there was a hand on her shoulder and she spun around startled, her breath catching in her throat.
“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you,” the man said in a gentle voice. He was about her age and size, had short brown hair combed to the side, and was wearing a green t-shirt and khaki slacks. “Do I... know you?”
He asked the question strangely as if he expected her to. It was at this moment that she noticed the urgent whispers for the first time, making her eyes go wide. “Oh my God. You have it too.” It wasn't a question. One look and she knew it was true.
“I can't believe you're real. What's your name?”
“Meredith. What's yours?”
“Peter. Y'know, my mother always told me I was the only one.”
“Mine too.”
They stood there staring at each other in a trance, each believing the other to be a figment of his or her imagination that would be whisked away at the next passing breeze. When Peter was still there, a living, breathing person, after a few seconds, Meredith dared to blink.
“Why do you think they told us that?” Meredith said. “Do you think they know there's others? How many of us are there?”
“I don't know but I plan on finding out,” Peter said, smiling now.
Meredith was smiling too. “This is amazing. Do you live around here?”
“Well, I just moved here with my wife and newborn baby. I lived most of my life a few hours away.”
“I just moved here too with my husband and newborn baby. Do you think this is coincidence?”
“No.” Peter was bubbling with excitement and could barely contain himself. “I can't believe this is happening. We were meant to find each other, I know it.”
“What are you doing right now? How about we grab a cup of coffee and figure this whole mess out?”
“That sounds perfect. And then we need to see our parents and ask them what the hell.”
* * *
Present Day
“Cole? Cole? Did you space out again?”
“Oh, sorry Amy. What were you saying?”
Amy reached across his lap and squeezed his hand while looking deep into his eyes. “It’s okay. I know it was hard on you. It was hard on all of us.”
You have no idea. “Yeah. Let's not talk about it. What were you saying?”
“I don't like when you close up like this.” Amy sat back, crossing her arms. “I was asking what you thought of my potential foster parents.”
Cole shifted in his chair. “I... don't know.”
“You can't keep me here forever,” Amy said, smiling. “I'll still see you all the time. It's so nice of your mom and aunt to have me here but I can't keep putting such a strain on them. I've more than outstayed my welcome.”
“What? My mom loves having you around.”
“Cole. I need to leave one way or another. Now, what do you think of Mr. and Mrs. Williams?”
“I don't honestly know. I don't feel like I know them yet.”
“All right. Fair enough. I -”
“Kids!” Cole's mom, Meredith's, voice wafted in from the kitchen. “Dinner's ready!”
“Coming!” Cole called back.
“I need to decide soon,” Amy said as they left the room full of books they had dubbed the library. “Come with me later to see them and give me an opinion.”
“Fine. I'll come.”
“Keep an open mind. Remember, I have to go somewhere so don't just say you hate all of them to try to keep me here.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Cole said.
They wandered into the kitchen where a pot of stew was simmering in the middle of the kitchen table. Meredith and his Aunt Beth were seated, Meredith waiting patiently for them to arrive, while Beth was already devouring her bowl of stew. No one said anything to Beth, having learned to accept her eccentricities long ago. Cole and Amy took seats, the smell of the stew making their mouths water.
“Smells delicious,” Amy said as Meredith gave each of them a sizable portion.
“Why, thank you. Tonight was me, although Beth was a fine helper.”
Cole watched his mom eat and smile a typical smile, wondering how she could seem so normal after what had just happened. How does she do it? How many times has she done something like this for it not to affect her at all?
Try as he might, he had been in permanent withdrawal from that night, a little over a week ago. His mom knew what was wrong but Cole had been reluctant to talk to her. It was a difficult subject to broach and he didn't know where to begin or what he could even say. Every time she would to bring it up, Cole would shrug her off, and since she had trouble talking about it as well, she would not push. Nevertheless, Cole knew the conversation would happen soon as it wasn't something that could be ignored.
His eyes wandered from his mom, across the table to his Aunt Beth shoveling food in her mouth and on to his close friend, Amy, who was chewing deliberately, deep in thought. It killed him to keep a secret this big from her.
“This is exciting, right? Finishing your last year of middle school?” Meredith said. “What are you kids going to do with your whole summer?”
Amy perked up at the introduction of a conversation. “I don't know really. Probably more of the same just without the boring work.”
“You'd better find something to do outside of this house,” Beth said. “I need some alone time and you kids will start to drive me crazy. Don’t make me regret letting all of you stay in my house.”
“Well, Amy is going to be gone as soon as she finds good foster parents,” Cole said solemnly. “Guess I'll have to spend a lot of time over there to make sure they're cool.”
Amy gave an approving nod. “Yes, one of the criteria will have to be that they like you.”
“Maybe they can adopt both of you,” Beth said chuckling.
“Beth!” Meredith said, but she was laughing too.
That night, Amy and Cole were lying side by side on the rug in the library, staring up at the odd crisscrossing diamond-shaped patterns on the ceiling.
“Have you ever noticed those before?” Amy said dreamily, drowsiness starting to overtake her. “I know I never did.”
“I never really thought about it,” Cole said. “But they are pretty weird looking. Wonder how someone decided on that.”
“Yeah.”
“I'm gonna miss you.”
Amy turned onto her side to look at Cole. “You're still gonna see me all the time. Don't worry about it. Nothing is going to change.”
Cole met her eyes. “I know. I've just gotten so used to being around you all the time. It’ll be boring at night.”
Amy smiled but said nothing. She didn't have to. As he stared into her eyes, he felt himself melting, and wishing this moment wou
ld never end. However, a moment later, Amy took a deep breath and turned onto her back to stare at the ceiling.
Cole watched the patterns above him, trying to distract his mind from the horrors, and remind himself of the good. Amy was with him and she was almost her old self again after her mother’s passing. His house was being rebuilt after the fire and would be livable again in a few months. Most importantly, he reminded himself over and over as if to convince his brain that it should entirely cancel out that night, the game was over. He had won. Ever since then, he had not had a single instruction. He wished he could appreciate the fact that he could now live a normal life, but every time he came close to happiness, he would see Dr. Stern’s terrified final struggle. And he knew that every night he went to sleep, he would have to relive that night on repeat. This night was no exception.
As his physical body tossed and turned, his subconscious carried him back three days to his psychologist, Dr. Stern's, office. There he was, Cole, a cold killer, jamming a needle into her neck and watching her struggle, watching the life drain out of those sad, helpless eyes. When it was over he felt alive, powerful. Nothing could stop him. Yet, when his mother left him alone to pack Dr. Stern's belongings for her ‘vacation’, he felt his hold on the voice loosening. It was the voice that had taken over his mind, the voice that had wanted to murder, the voice that had stripped him of emotion. It had slipped away, faded, until it was gone, and he was just a boy again, a pathetic boy sitting next to a dead body and wanting nothing more than his mommy.
“Moooom!” he had screeched into the suddenly terrifying silence, unable to tear his eyes away from the body. “Mooooom!” He had burst into tears and curled into a ball on the office floor, rocking back and forth.
His mother had appeared a moment later carrying one of Dr. Stern's suitcases. “Shhh, shhh. You're okay. I'm here,” she had said, sitting down beside him and hugging him tight. “You did well.”
Cole had looked up at his mother, blinking away the tears. “Oh my God! What did I do? I killed her! Mom. She's dead. I killed her!” He clutched his mother, shaking uncontrollably, fighting back hysterics.
He was in such a state of shock he remembered little of the rest of the night. Somehow, he had returned to his hospital room without anyone finding out he had been gone. It was here that the nightmare diverged from reality. He would awaken in the middle of the night and upon opening his eyes would see Dr. Stern leaning over him, her grotesque, distorted face inches from his. Her eyes were crazed and bulging and he could smell death on her breath.
“Why did you kill me?” she would wail at him. “All I ever tried to do was help you. I saved your life. How could you? How could you?”
“I'm sorry,” he would whimper as he tried to move and found that he was bound to the bed, unable to do anything but watch as her mouth opened into a void of horrifying darkness. It would open larger and larger as it slowly descended towards his face to devour him.
At this point, he would jolt back to consciousness in a cold sweat, his heart beating so hard his chest hurt, and it would take at least fifteen minutes before his breathing would return to normal. As he lay staring at the ceiling in the darkness, the image of Dr. Stern's face haunted his vision whether his eyes were open or closed, and all he could do was silently beg for her to leave him alone.
I'm so sorry, Dr. Stern. I didn't want to do it. I swear. They made me. The voices told me that if I didn’t kill you, they would kill Amy. It was you or her. What could I do? If I could bring you back I would, but I can't. So, please, leave me alone!
He tossed and turned, praying for morning.
2
When morning did come, it brought with it a new sense of warmth with the rising sun. The nights seemed like a distant nightmare and he felt invigorated by the long day ahead of him with Amy. You're okay, he reminded himself. He shook off the last of his exhaustion and went to eat breakfast.
It started out as a normal day. As it was the last week of school, Cole zoned out, more than usual, through most of his classes, since they had already taken their final exams. Lunch was the only part of the day that wasn't a miserable bore, and he found himself looking forward to it like never before.
As had become custom, he sat at lunch with Amy, Martin, and Martin's five friends.
“Only four more days,” Martin said. “So close I can smell it.”
“Not soon enough. I almost jumped out of my seat today,” Amy said. “I can't sit still another minute.”
“Totally,” one of the boys, Ryan, said, “Man, I would seriously kill to get this week over with already.”
“That's not funny,” Cole said. Without even realizing it, he was glaring at Ryan, his breath fuming.
“Whoa, what's got your panties in a bunch?” Ryan said, laughing.
“I said, it's not funny, asshole!” Cole lunged across the table and shoved Ryan. Ryan toppled backwards off the lunch table bench, but caught himself before slamming into the floor.
A lunch aide came running over shouting, “Hey, what's going on here? Both of you. Come with me.”
Cole finally came to his senses and his head drooped. He stared at the floor for the entire walk to the principal's office, feeling more foolish with every step. He was a few paces behind Ryan and he strode to catch up.
“Hey man, I'm sorry about that,” Cole whispered. “I don't know what happened but it won't happen again.”
“Better not. That was not cool.”
It wasn't a complete statement of forgiveness, but Cole knew the apology had done the trick. Ryan wasn't injured so no harm done.
Once in the principal's office, Cole took full responsibility, telling them they just had a brief argument and he lost his temper but it wouldn't happen again. They let them go back to class, but told Cole they were calling his mother.
I doubt I'll be lucky enough to keep this one from her too. What's up with me?
After school, Amy found him outside before Meredith arrived. “Cole, what in the world was that about?”
“I apologized,” he said. “We're cool.”
“Yeah, but why'd you do it? He didn't do anything.”
“I know. I'm just high strung lately. I snapped for no reason. I hope it doesn't happen again.”
“I'm sorry.” Amy put a hand on his shoulder. “It's been rough for me, too.”
At that moment, Meredith pulled up and they got in, Cole dreading the words he knew were coming.
“Cole! I got a call from your principal. You got in a fight? How is that possible? Did that boy blame you? I'll have a word with his parents.”
“It was nothing, mom. They blew it out of proportion.”
“So he didn't start it?”
“Sorry?” Cole mumbled, turning his head away, unable to stand his mother's eyes on him.
Meredith didn't push it, but once they were home she took him alone into her bedroom. “Tell me what happened. You've never gotten into trouble at school before.”
“I also never killed anyone before.” When his mom hesitated, he stormed out to spend the day with Amy, hoping his mother would leave him alone. It wasn't something he wanted to talk about. Strangely enough, she didn't try to talk to him for the rest of the night, except to make awkward small talk at dinner.
He dreamt of Dr. Stern again that night. When he awoke this time, however, he shook his head to clear it and decided to not even try falling back to sleep. It was a hopeless endeavor. He crept from the library into the kitchen to get a drink, hoping he didn't wake Amy in the living room. She stirred as he passed by but gave no sign of waking. Already on edge, his heart skipped a beat at the sight of somebody in the kitchen.
“Trouble sleeping?” his mother said, a glass of water on the table in front of her.
“Uh, just thirsty,” he said as he opened the cupboard to retrieve a glass and filled it with milk from the refrigerator.
“We need to talk.”
“Now? It's the middle of the night. Can't this wait til tomorrow?”
>
Meredith gazed across the table, concern clearly etched across her face. “I know you don't want to talk about it any more than I do but you have to. You can't keep it bottled up inside. I have no experience handling this beyond what my mother did for me but I'll do my best.”
Cole took a deep breath, averting his eyes. “What do you want me to say?”
“You must have a million questions and emotions just begging to get out. Start wherever you'd like.”
Cole met his mother's eyes, and the question came out before he had a chance to think. “How many people did you kill?”
“Wha-?” Meredith sat up straighter, taken aback by the question. “I'm, uh, not sure exactly.”
“Bull. How many?” Cole could not believe the words that were coming out of his mouth but it was the thing that had been eating away at him the most.
Meredith closed her eyes. “Four,” she whispered.
Cole tried to wrap his mind around this information but it just seemed so surreal. Had he not personally witnessed her darker side, he would have laughed in her face. Now, strangely, four seemed like a low number. “How can you live with it? Especially the first time. I feel like it's eating me away. Every time I close my eyes I... see her face.”
Meredith grasped his hand, squeezing it tight, and looked into his eyes. “It isn't easy. It's a heavy burden we have to bear. Right now the experience is still fresh in your mind but it will fade with time. You're strong. If I got through it, I know you can. The voices do help to cope, if you know how to utilize them.”
He shook his head as he rose from his chair. “No. That's enough for one night. G'night.”
“Hold on a second. There is one thing I need to be clear about with you. I need to teach you how to control the voices. I will teach you what my mother taught me.”
Cole shifted uncomfortably. “I don't need them. I just want to ignore them.”
“You can't. As horrible as they may seem, they can help in times of need, if you know how to use them. And once you learn, they can never make you do something you don't want to do. But if you ignore them, they can take over at any time and you never know what will happen. It's a dangerous weapon unless you know how it works and only let it affect you when you want it.”
Shadows Within (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 2) Page 1
