“The food should still be hot,” Aunt Beth said, following her. “And I want to talk to you now.”
Back in the library behind closed doors, Amy said, “Why is your mom acting all weird?”
“Who knows. She probably just thinks we're too delicate to deal with all of this stuff. She seemed pretty happy, though,” he said, diverting the subject. “Think she got a job?”
“Oooh, I didn't realize. I hope so. Ask her after she eats. Then I can finally stop feeling bad about making her lose her last one. I know it was best for her,” she added from the exasperation on Cole's face. “Still, though. I'd feel better.”
“Fair enough.”
They drifted off into an awkward silence. A short while later there was a knock at the door and Meredith poked her head in.
“Can I see you for a few minutes?” she said.
Amy gave Cole a questioning look as he left. He followed his mother into the spare room she was using as her bedroom. She closed the door behind them and took a seat on the bed, beckoning him to do the same.
“I'm so sorry I wasn't here when the investigator was,” she said. “How did it go?”
“It went exactly as you said it would and I said everything as you told me. He has no idea where she is and Amy was even the one who first suggested she was on vacation.”
“Perfect.” Meredith's shoulders drooped.
Cole bit his lip as sudden tears appeared in his eyes. He looked away, hoping his mother hadn't noticed, but instead he found himself embraced in a tight hug.
“I'm sorry,” she said. “I didn't mean to be so insensitive.”
Cole fought off the sadness and pulled away. “So you seemed happy. Did you get a new job?”
“I did actually. Nothing fantastic but it's certainly an improvement over the last one. I'll be working the receptionist desk at a motel.”
“That's cool,” Cole muttered, annoyed he couldn't show more happiness for his mother's success.
“There was another reason I pulled you in here. I told you I wanted to teach you how to control the voices. Today is lesson one.”
Cole squirmed. “Do we have to?”
“Yes. I'll keep it short today so it doesn't get to be too much. Lie down and close your eyes.”
Cole leaned back onto the mattress, leaving his legs dangling off the side, and closed his eyes. His mother's voice came drifting into his ears, sounding somehow different than usual, calmer, more refined.
“Good, now concentrate on what you see. Listen closely. You should start to hear the voices and should be able to distinguish some vague shapes.”
“I know,” Cole said softly. “Doc... um, she, had me do this once. I know what happens next.”
“Really? Huh. Can you get back to that point for me? Don't get scared and don't open your eyes.”
Cole listened to the voices grow louder as the black shapes turned into vague outlines of faces. Last time he had done this in Dr. Stern's office, it had terrified him to even close his eyes anymore. This time, however, with his mother for reassurance, he fought the wave of panic as the voices came to the forefront of his consciousness. His mother's voice now sounded as if from far away, as if a crowd of people had stepped between them.
“Are they audible?”
Cole nodded.
“Can you understand what they're saying?”
He shook his head. They were loud enough to distinguish tone of voice but the words of the many voices were muffled beyond comprehension. They all sounded calm but with an undertone of urgency. He sensed something different amongst all the voices as well, something that made no sound, yet was distinguishable, nonetheless.
“I want you to focus on one voice. See if you can make out any of the words.”
Cole was unable to get any closer to the strange presence within the voices so he instead tuned in to one voice that sounded unique, a kind of dry, grating male voice. At first, it was nothing more than a hum, but as he concentrated, he began to recognize syllables here and there. The random syllables crept closer together until one clear word broke through: “Amy.”
Cole's eyes shot open as he bolted upright into a sitting position.
“Did you hear something?” Meredith asked.
“One of them said Amy's name. I'm sure of it. Why? Why would it say her name?”
“It's nothing to be concerned about. She's a big part of your life and the voices are a part of you.”
“Yeah, but I wish I knew what they were saying about her. Can you understand them? What do they usually say?”
“They are very hard to comprehend when you don't need them,” Meredith said. “When I do listen to them, they generally just talk about things that have happened, and sometimes, as you now know, they give advice. Sometimes it's just nonsensical too. It gets tiring quickly, trying to listen to all of them.”
Cole closed his eyes to see the shapes again. “Then how do they help me?”
“That's not easy to answer but you actually already know. You experienced it. Whenever you allow them to take over your consciousness, you will be able to do things you can't normally do. Emotion is suppressed and in a way they guide you. But of course, it's also very important to learn how to retake full control of yourself at any time.”
Cole opened his eyes again, focusing up on his mother's face. “All right, last question since Amy must be wondering what happened to me. Who are they that are talking in my head?”
Meredith pressed her lips together. “That I can't tell you because I have no idea myself. As far as I know, no one has ever known. They've always been there. Call it a twisted family trait.”
“That's a bit... disturbing. Well, I guess I'd better get back.”
“We'll continue this tomorrow. And if Amy asks what we were doing, you can tell her about the lesson. She knows, doesn't she?”
“Oh yeah, she knows.”
Cole returned to the library to find Amy sitting cross-legged on the chair by the window, a hefty book sprawled across her lap. “What’cha reading?” he said as he took the seat across from her.
“I don’t know really. Something about ancient tribes of Asia.” She lifted the book to show the worn cover. “Your aunt has some of the strangest and coolest books I’ve ever seen.”
“That she does. I never noticed that one before. Is it good?”
“I don’t know, just started.” She slammed the book closed and looked up at Cole. “So what was that all about?”
Cole cleared his throat. “Uh, y’know, teaching me about how the voices works.”
Amy’s face scrunched up. “But if it’s over then why does it matter so much?”
“Well, I don’t get the instructions anymore but I still… hear things.”
Amy’s eyes widened. “Yeah? What kinds of things?”
“I don’t know yet. Today was lesson one and I didn’t hear much more than mumblings.”
She leaned forward. “Can I sit in next time? I’m so curious.”
“I don’t know…” His eyes drifted to the floor.
“Oh, come on.”
“I guess I’ll ask.”
“Awesome, thanks.” She beamed a huge smile. “So I was thinking, now that it’s nice out, you wanna see if we can go the park tomorrow after school. Maybe throw around a Frisbee?”
“Sure. But I don’t think we have a Frisbee?”
“It’s only a couple bucks. I’ll ask. For now, let’s play some cards.”
4
“You guys coming tomorrow?” Martin asked Amy and Cole the next day at the beginning of lunch.
“You know it,” Amy said.
“What do you mean?” Cole said. “We never asked.”
“Okay, that is true,” Amy said, laughing. “But I promise I’ll ask today and I bet you we’ll be there.”
Martin was smiling. “You'd better. I’ll take that as a yes. It’s gonna be awesome, I promise. You ready for this Cole?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cole said.
“Don’t do that to him,” Amy said to Martin, half-serious, and then to Cole, “There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah, I’m just kidding, it’s nothing,” Martin said, smirking.
“Bring it on,” Cole said, his voice betraying his words.
Beth was there to pick them up after school, looking her usual exasperated self.
“Hey, Beth,” Amy said. “Two questions.”
“Oh, good,” Beth said. “Can’t wait.”
“First, can we please buy a Frisbee and then go the park?”
Aunt Beth did not flinch, but her shoulders slowly rose and fell. “Before I say anything I want to hear the second question.”
Amy tried to hide her smile. “Can we go to a party tomorrow night at our friend’s house?”
“I like the second question better, dropping you off for the night. Can you just do that one?”
“Aunt Beth, please,” Cole said. “When was the last time we asked you to do something?”
Aunt Beth’s shoulders sagged. “I must be getting old for feeling so generous. But unfortunately, you’re going to have to ask your mother about the party. I can drive you if she says yes.”
“Awesome! Thanks Aunt Beth!”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go to the… park.”
Beth drove to the nearest store and waited in the car while Cole and Amy bought a Frisbee, and then drove them to the park. She followed them into the park so far as the nearest bench and took a seat. The park was a wide open, grassy field, with a few trees of various types scattered around. Being one of the first perfect days of summer, people were milling about everywhere, lying out in the sun or strolling aimlessly. A few other Frisbees were being thrown around as well as a couple of footballs. The sun was beaming down on them from a cloudless sky as Cole and Amy wandered into one of the only empty areas of the field. Cole did not remember being here before, but as he walked, he had a vague feeling of familiarity. Mom must have taken me here when I was little, too little to remember.
Amy jogged away from him and when she was a short distance away she shouted, “Hey, catch!” She flung the Frisbee in a perfect line straight at Cole.
A sudden feeling of panic flowed through Cole, not for safety, but for fear of looking like an idiot. He put his hands up to catch the flying disc, which bounced off his open palms. He stooped quickly to pick it up.
“Let me guess, you never played Frisbee before,” Amy said, laughing.
“I, um, well, maybe,” Cole shouted back, smiling despite himself. At least she never seems to care when I make a fool of myself. I just wish it wasn’t so often. If only I had done something when I was younger.
He leveled the Frisbee, giving his wrist a few practice swings, praying the Frisbee would obey and fly straight. Can’t be too hard right? Aim and flick, like Amy did.
“Any day now,” Amy said.
On the fifth swing, he released, but he never saw where it went. His mind was transported to a flashback of throwing a Frisbee to a large black Labrador Retriever. The dog snatched the disc out of the air and bounded back for more. Near his field of vision was a voice he recognized but could not place saying, “Gooood boy! I'll throw it again!”
“Cole?”
The memory had been so strong it had taken him from reality but now he snapped back to the present at the sound of Amy's voice. He gazed across the field at her, his eyes fuzzy, and shook his head. “Um, sorry,” he mumbled.
Amy came over to him. “Are you all right? Looked like you spaced out hardcore.”
“Yeah, I'm fine. That was weird, though. As I threw it I had a really strong flashback of throwing a Frisbee to a dog, except...” He paused.
“Except what? Sounds pretty cool.”
“Except, I don't remember ever being here and... I never had a dog. My mom hates them.”
Amy nudged him. “It was probably when you were really little. Maybe that dog did something to make your mom hate them.”
“Yeah, probably,” Cole said, unconvinced but unwilling to argue. It had been so strange it had left him a little shaken. It felt like a memory and yet, it was stronger than any memory he ever had. The sensation of the sun, the feel of the Frisbee, the bark of the dog, and that voice... They were all so clear it was almost as if he had experienced it the day before, but when would he have played with a dog?
As he continued playing Frisbee, the flashback faded to a distant memory. After a half hour, he was still terrible, but Amy never got frustrated chasing after his wild throws. It wasn't long before Beth grew bored and drove them home.
Meredith was home for dinner that night, thrilled that she finally had a job that had reasonable hours. After dinner, while Cole's mom and Beth were washing the dishes, Amy pulled Cole into the library.
“Do you think she's going to do another lesson tonight?” she whispered excitedly.
“I don't know, probably.”
“If she does, can you ask her about me being there? Oh, and first, ask her about the party Friday.”
Cole leaned his head back against the wall. “Do you really want to go that?”
“Of course. Don't you?”
“I guess. All right I'll ask her.”
A few minutes later, Meredith appeared in the doorway. “Cole? Can I see you again?”
“Sure thing.” Amy's excited eyes followed him out of the room. When they were alone in his mom's room, he decided which question to pop first. “So, uh, mom. There's a few kids from school who are going to be hanging out this Friday. Would it be okay if Amy and I went?”
“Absolutely!” Hey eyes lit up. “Who are these kids?”
“Just the people I hang out with at lunch. I think they want us to stay the night.”
“Even better! Are any of these kids going to be in your high school?”
“Yeah, I think a few.” Cole had to struggle to prevent himself from laughing out loud. Guess being anti-social most of my life paid off. How many mothers would be ecstatic about their son going to a party with kids she never met?
“I suppose you're getting a bit old for me to insist on meeting the parents first. Make sure to thank them for letting you stay.”
Don't say it. It's not a lie if you don't say it, only a half-lie. Let it go and just say 'okay'. “His, uh, parents may not be there the whole time.”
Meredith's eyebrows raised. “Oh. I see.” She sighed, muttering to herself, “They really grow up fast.”
Why didn't I lie? Amy will be so disappointed if we don't go and she needs this.
Meredith composed herself. “I don't know. Are you up for something like this?”
“I'll be okay, I promise. Isn't this what you're always saying I need, to spend time with peers? I've been hanging out with them a while and they're fine.”
“Even though you got into a fight with one of them?”
“That was over something stupid and we got over it immediately. It won't happen again.”
“Do you promise not to do anything crazy?”
“Yes, I'll be a good boy. ”
“All right, I trust you to stay out of trouble. I'll take you myself. Now, ready to begin lesson two?”
“Actually, that was a second question. Amy was wondering if she could be here for this. I promised I'd ask.”
Meredith sat back, “Huh.” After thinking for a few seconds she said, “You know, that might be a great idea. The problem I had with your father was him misunderstanding me. It would be best if those close to you could appreciate firsthand what you deal with. Get it out in the open so it's not so much a scary mystery. Sure, go bring her in.”
Cole had promised Amy he would ask the question but now that his mother had permitted it, he wasn't so sure he wanted her there. Not only was it a part of himself he wanted no one to know about, he was not comfortable having Amy watch him while he was most vulnerable and prone to embarrassing outbursts. He trudged back to the library, having to force his feet forward with every ste
p. Without realizing it, he was in front of Amy, her questioning eyes staring into his.
Cole nodded. “She said yes to both.”
“Yayyyy!” Amy leaped out of her chair and squeezed Cole in a tight hug. “Come on!” She released him and sped out of the room, Cole following at a snail's pace.
Meredith was waiting patiently for their return, sitting on the bed, hands folded in her lap. “Don't get too excited,” she said at the expression on Amy's face. “The first thing you have to remember is, this is not a game.”
Amy composed herself and sat on the floor. “Sorry, I'll be good. I promise. You won't even know I'm here.”
“Good. Cole, lay down on the bed again and close your eyes.”
Cole obeyed. He tried to focus but even with his eyes closed he could feel Amy watching him.
“Can you get back to where you were last time?” Meredith said. “Find that same voice you started to hear.”
Cole searched within his mind through the forest of whispered voices, and despite his anxiety, was able to pinpoint the same one. “Got it,” he whispered.
“Okay. Can you hear what it's saying?”
Cole shook his head.
“That's fine,” Meredith said. “Stay focused on it but try to pinpoint another.”
Cole looked inward, listening closely to each of the mumbles. The strange presence was there but still too weak to latch onto so instead he tuned in to a voice that sounded like a gravelly old woman. It ranted words in an angry tone but none of the actual words got through. He nodded. “Got another.”
“Fantastic. See if you can do three at once.”
He found a calmer voice this time. Listening to the three distinct voices, he began to feel more relaxed. The anxiety was gone, his breathing slowed and he imagined this must be similar to what meditation was like. “Three,” he said, his voice far away. He was not even sure it was his own anymore.
“Can you hear me?”
His mother's voice was very faint and it took him a few seconds for the words to sink in. He nodded slowly, barely feeling his own muscles. It was like he was a blind person standing in a field full of people. He heard them talking, whispering, grunting, shouting, all around him, some close enough that it seemed he could touch them, but all was blackness. The sheer number of voices made it nearly impossible to differentiate individual words. As he became absorbed by this other realm, the voices within himself became slowly indistinguishable from those outside in the real world. Seeping through the barrage of sound was one voice that may have been his mother's, but he couldn't be sure.
Shadows Within (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 2) Page 3
