When the bell rang, Amy stepped up to Cole and Michelle who were packing up their books. “Hey, guys,” she said. “How's the project going?”
“Great,” Michelle said. “We're going to finish it off tonight at his house. You should come too.”
“I'll just be distracting.”
“Nah,” Michelle said. “You can work on your project or do some homework.”
“All right, I'll see,” Amy said.
“I've gotta get to my next class. Later,” Cole said and walked off.
Amy watched him go with a confused look, but when she noticed Michelle leaving too she spoke up. “Hey, Michelle. Have you noticed anything... off with Cole?”
“Well, of course he's not himself. I feel so sorry for him.”
“But, like, he didn't say anything particularly odd?”
“No, we just talked about the project. Why do you ask?”
“It's nothing. See you later.” Amy left, shaking her head and trying to piece together what was the root of her unnerving feeling.
Mr. Williams was there to pick her up after school, leaning against his car with his hands in his pockets. When he saw her, he stood up straight, a smile widening on his face. “Amy! How was school?”
“Okay, I guess.” She averted her eyes. “Cole came back today.”
The smile disappeared from Mr. Williams' face. “How was he? Is he doing any better?”
“I think so, yeah.” Without any concrete problem, she did not think it worth bringing up her disposition. “Can I stay there the next couple nights? I think it helps.”
“Yes, of course.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I'm thinking more than ever we should do something fun together. Something away from his house. What do you think?”
“It's a great idea. The sooner the better.”
“I'll ask him when I...Oh there he is!” Mr. Williams strode off to meet Cole who was emerging from the school. “Cole! Over here!”
Cole turned at the sound of his name, but gave no reaction when he saw Mr. Williams, just stood there and waited for his approach.
“Great to see you up and about.” His forced levity fell flat and he cleared his throat. “So, would you be up for flying that model airplane, or anything else that you want to do? I have some free time this week. Whenever you'd like.”
Cole matched his stare with unblinking eyes. “No, thanks.”
Mr. Williams nodded. “Yes, of course. I understand if you're not up for it. I, uh, well if you change your mind, let me know.”
“Okay,” Cole said. “My aunt's here. Amy, are you coming?”
Amy looked at Cole and then up at Mr. Williams who nodded. “All right, yeah. Bye, Sam. Sorry for making you drive out here for nothing.”
“Don't worry about it.” He gave her a tap on the shoulder and returned to his car.
“Ready?” Amy said.
“We have to wait for Michelle.”
“Oh, right.” She watched Cole, but his gaze was distant and she did not think that he blinked enough.
Suddenly he turned to her and a detached smile lit up his face. “You're staying over tonight, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. We should have some fun.”
“Okay...” There it was again. He sounded nearly normal but there still existed the slightest intonation in his voice that sent a chill down her spine. There was also something off about his smile. It didn't display happiness so much as eagerness. It's gotta be in my head. You're imagining it.
“Hey guys!” Michelle came jogging up to them. “Sorry I'm late. I had to talk to my teacher after class.”
“Let's go,” Cole said, walking off to his aunt's car.
Amy sat in the backseat beside Michelle, feeling like the only person in the car she knew was Beth. She stole a few glances to her side, but other than that she kept still and silent. Michelle discussed aspects of the project with Cole, doing most of the talking, but Amy tuned out, staring out the window.
They set up in the library, Cole and Michelle spreading their stuff across one side of the room while Amy curled up on a chair with her books on the other side. She attempted to concentrate on her assignment but found herself listening to their conversation, occasionally glancing up to look at them. Their conversation was entirely related to the assignment, yet Cole's cool mannerisms felt out of place. He was too calm, collected, happy almost.
I want to help you, Cole. I really do. But I think this may be beyond my capabilities. Amy's throat constricted as she stared down at the page in front of her, determined to distract herself with work.
“What do you think of this?”
Amy's head snapped up at Michelle's question. “Huh? Me?”
“Yeah.” She held up the poster. “Do you think this is good or do you think it needs more work?”
Amy scanned the poster, registering none of what was on it, as she hoped that her eyes were not visibly watering. “Looks great. Good job, guys.”
“Thanks.” Cole smiled a smile that was too wide.
“Yeah, thanks,” Michelle said. “Looks like we're done. Maybe I should call my mom to pick me up now.” As no one argued the point, she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed her house. “Hi... Yep... Twenty minutes? Okay, thanks... Bye.” She hung up. “We'd better pack up.” She started to gather the materials, but stopped, looking sidelong at Cole. “Hey, uh, are you sure you're okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” Cole collected some papers without glancing up.
“All right.” Michelle bit her lip. “But seriously, if you ever need to talk to anyone, don't hesitate, okay?”
Amy watched intently. Hey, that's my line.
“Thanks.” Cole dropped the papers and stood. “Be right back. I have to go to the bathroom.”
“'K.” Michelle continued to pack the materials as he left.
Amy waited until Cole was gone, and then took a second to gather her courage. “Hey, um, does Cole seem... normal to you?”
Michelle stopped what she was doing and turned to Amy. “Yeah, why? I mean, if anything I think he seems a little too normal considering, but yeah. Why do you ask?”
“I don't know.” Amy shifted in her chair. “Just wondering. Nothing seems at all off or different? It's kinda hard to explain.”
Michelle shrugged. “I'll keep an eye out if you want. That's the best I can say.”
“Thanks.” She pretended to return her attention to her homework, allowing Michelle to finish packing.
Cole returned a minute before Michelle's mother arrived. They all said a quick goodbye and then Amy was alone with Cole. All right. Time to break through his shell, see what's really going on. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Her shoulders sagged. “Wanna watch some TV?”
Cole turned his piercing gaze to her. “Sure.”
23
They sat on the couch side by side while Cole flipped through the stations, stopping on a run of old sitcoms.
“I never knew you liked this,” Amy said. “Have you ever seen it before?”
“Uh... no. Thought I'd try something new. Looks funny.” He sidled up next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
Amy accepted the gesture, and in a moment of internal ease brought on by his warmth, she leaned her head on his shoulder. Cole planted a kiss on the top of her head and the two of them watched in silence until the doorbell rang. Amy raised her head as Beth hurried through.
“I got take out tonight,” she said as she passed. “Chinese. Hope you don't mind.” After a brief exchange at the door she rushed back through with a couple of bags. “Dinner is served.”
Amy untucked herself from Cole and the two of them joined Beth in the kitchen. Beth hastily spread plates and forks across the table and then unpacked the food. The dinner began in silence, each of them shoveling portions of food onto their plates.
“So, uh,” Beth said as she chewed. “I didn't know when was a good time to bring this up, but a few
days ago I got a visitor request form from Mrs. Praeda. It means she wants you to visit her in prison.”
“Travis' mom?” Amy squeaked, dropping her fork in alarm. “What could she possibly want to talk to Cole about?”
“Doesn't matter,” Cole said. “I don't want to visit her.”
“I thought you might say that, but I had to ask,” Beth said. The table sank back into an awkward silence, and after a few bites she continued, “How was your first day back?”
“Not bad,” Cole said. “Everyone kept away from me for the most part, which is good.”
Amy's eyes shifted back and forth between Cole, Beth and the fourth, empty chair.
Beth's face crinkled up. “Not a lot of pressure. Yes, that's good.” She took another bite of food and chewed it deliberately. “Say, Cole. What would you say to maybe talking to someone. You know, like a professional. I'm sure there's tons you're just dying to let out.”
“Another psychologist? Nah, I don't think so. I have nothing to say to them.”
“At least keep an open mind. It couldn't hurt to try. You never know.”
“No, I know,” Cole said. “Believe me. And don't worry, I'll be okay. Time is what I need, not a stuck up nobody who thinks they know it all just because they have a degree.”
That's a weird thing to say. Amy focused on her food, but could not resist a glance at Cole.
“If that's how you feel,” Beth said. “But at least think about it.”
“Sure,” Cole said. “I'll think about it.”
Quiet settled over the table once more, broken only by the clink of silverware.
Amy found the silence maddening and after a long drink of water she said, “So Michelle seems nice.”
“Yeah, she is. Now that we're finished with the bio project she's probably going to want to hang out.”
“That's cool. She seems like a fun person to hang out with. Is she dating that Arthur guy now?”
“No idea. She didn't mention it.”
“Ah.”
“Who's up for the movies?” Beth said with too much energy.
“Okay,” Amy said. “What movie?”
“I don't really want to go,” Cole said. “Nothing interesting is out.”
“Really? Nothing?” Beth said.
“Can I be excused?” Cole said. Without waiting for a response, he took one last bite and, still chewing, left the kitchen.
Beth's forehead dropped onto her palm and her eyes squeezed shut. “Dammit. I don't know what to do. I'm not cut out for this. I don't know what to do with kids under normal circumstances. Dammit, Mere.... I have to go.” She shoved her chair back and stormed out of the room.
Amy continued to pick away at her plate of food, fighting back the lump in her throat. When her plate was empty, she cleared the table, putting the leftovers in the refrigerator and washing the dishes. She wiped her wet hands on her pants as she stared at the kitchen doorway, wondering which person she should talk to. Both were unfavorable options. She took a long breath and made her way to the library.
Cole was sitting in a chair, reading a massive book with no cover.
“Hey, Cole,” Amy began. “Come here. I need to talk to you.” She sat on the floor and patted a spot next to her.
Cole snapped the book shut and dropped onto the rug next to Amy. “What's up?”
Amy clenched her fist, summoning the strength to have this conversation. She felt Cole's eyes upon her but she could not bring herself to meet them. “This is hard for me to say, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.”
“Out with it. You know you can talk to me.” His words were soft, gentle.
It was the first time all week she had heard genuine emotion in his voice and it gave her renewed confidence. “I know you're not all right and I want you to talk about it. If not me, then someone else. Anyone. You've been acting really weird lately and I'm worried about you. I think you're letting it all build up inside you and one day it's going to explode. I don't want that to happen. You need to work through this. You can't shut down.”
Cole brushed Amy's cheek with the back of his hand, and when he spoke, his voice was calm and even. “I know I haven't been acting like myself lately. I'm sorry. It's just the way that I've been working through it. Everyone works through grief differently. I realized after a few days that crying and acting sad isn't going to help. I'll be all right. I don't need to talk to anyone. Trust me, okay?”
“I guess... but maybe you don't even realize that you're bottling it all up and won't know until you try to talk about it.”
“No.” He took her hand and leaned closer. “The reason I've been all right today is you. I can never feel lost when you're beside me. Right now, I'm just thankful that you're here. With me.”
Amy's insides melted at his words, her discomfort around Cole disappearing along with it. She accepted his passionate kiss, and after a second, she returned it with equal fervor. She embraced him, feverish and blissful in the folds of his body. She offered no resistance when his hand snaked under her shirt and cupped her breast.
His kissing became more intense and she felt a brief moment of her former unease. You're being dumb again. She continued to kiss until she was disrupted by a tug on her pants zipper. She brushed his hand away and pressed her lips against his. But his hand was back on her zipper.
“No,” she whispered, grabbing his hand and pulling it up to her face to give it a gentle kiss.
“It's okay,” he said, yanking his hand free and lowering it back down to her waist. “Just go with it.”
“I said no!” Amy shrieked. She shoved him off of her and scrambled into a sitting position, staring at Cole in horror. “What the hell is wrong with you? We're fourteen!”
Cole's face lost none of its calm composure. “I need to do this. Please. I'm the last one and I don't think he, I, will last much longer.”
Amy stared at Cole, her eyes wide, mouth agape, and before she could process the crazy he had said, there was a knock on the door. “Come in!” Amy called.
Beth, haggard, eyes bloodshot, opened the door. “What's going on in here? Are you okay?”
Amy looked at Cole, then back at Beth. “Yeah, it's cool. Sorry I was so loud. We were just joking around.”
Beth was not convinced, but she did not push it. “Okay, let me know if you need anything.” She shut the door and the sound of footsteps faded away.
“That's the last straw,” Amy said. “If you don't get help, I'm going to tell her what you did. I don't care how upset you are. That's not cool.”
Cole put up his hands in a defensive pose. “Hey, don't get so worked up. If that's how you feel, it's all good. No worries. No need to freak out. I won't do it again. I promise.”
Amy's breathing slowly returned to normal and her muscles relaxed. “You still need help. Promise me you'll get it.”
“Fine. But for the record, it's pretty messed up that I trusted you to get through the same situation but you don't trust me.”
“I didn't try to...” Without warning, the floodgates opened and she was bawling. She cupped her face in her hands as the tears poured out. She expected Cole's comforting hand on her shoulder but it never came. She eventually blinked through her tears to see Cole watching her from the same spot he was in earlier.
“I'm sorry,” Cole said. “That was uncalled for. You're right, I need help. I swear to you, I won't ever do anything you don't want me to.”
“Thanks.” Amy sniffed and wiped away the remaining moisture on her face. “I don't know why I'm crying. Just too much to handle right now.”
“Well, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.”
“Already? It's only nine.”
Cole stifled a yawn. “Yeah, what can I say? Didn't sleep well last night. I'm going to brush my teeth.”
While he went off to the bathroom, Amy brought her school books into the living room. She was not yet tired and because of the distractions earlier she had plenty of homework to get done.
“Not g
oing to bed?” Cole asked as he passed through the living room.
“I'm going to do some work first. G'night.”
“Night.”
It was well past eleven when Amy finished her work and, not wanting to disturb Cole, decided to spend the night on the couch. However, between the short length of the couch and the lack of pillow or blanket, her mind was encouraged to wander back to its oft visited subject, her parents.
Scarcely an hour passed that she didn't think about them, and sometimes her longing for them became so great that she could focus on nothing else. She missed her mother desperately, and would sometimes want to visit her comatose father, even knowing it would accomplish nothing beyond imparting a greater distress on her already fragile mind. She hated to burden people with her sadness so she never mentioned it, but the desire to see them ate her up inside bit by bit. Now, with the newer tragedy, she dared not mention any of her own problems for fear of feeling selfish. The last thing anyone needed was another depressed child, and from her years of living in terror and misery with her parents, she had become quite adept at hiding her emotions behind a facade of happiness. Cole had enough on his mind without her adding to it.
As she lay there, turning restlessly on the uneven cushions, weariness eventually overcame depression and she drifted off to sleep. She did dream about them, but the circumstances of her awakening sucked away any recollection of what the dream was about.
24
It was a squeaky floorboard that woke her. The world was still dark, the only light emanating from the clock above the television. She laid there, eyes half closed, wondering if she had dreamed the sound, when there was shuffling behind her, headed towards the front door. The front door opened and shut almost without making a noise.
Blood racing through her veins, Amy rolled off the couch onto her feet, shoved on her sneakers, and snuck out the front door, closing it gently behind her. Out on the porch, she thought she had lost him, but then she caught the sight of a shadow slipping out of sight. She ran down the path to the sidewalk, trying to keep as quiet as possible, and once on the sidewalk she saw him just as he was turning the corner.
Shadows Within (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 2) Page 18
