“Thank you. The both of us grew up with the instructions. They made us into outcasts at school. Unlike your mom, though, I always wanted to fit in, and I would do anything to seem normal. So one day, I decided to stop listening to them. At first I thought that would cause something terrible to happen, but it didn't. I ignored them for a while, and I noticed them growing fainter every day. Then all of a sudden, the summer before high school, they disappeared. That was the last I ever heard them.”
“That makes no sense. You can't just ignore them. That's what I tried. That's why my mom is gone.” The anger was seeping back to the surface.
“I don't know. I never got any instructions that had definitive consequences. Everything was always vague.”
“All right, if this is true, why didn't you tell my mom how to get rid of them?”
“I tried. She didn't believe me. She was so paranoid of what would happen if she didn't listen. She kept trying to tell me that my instructions would cause horrible things if I ignored them and that I just wasn't connecting these things to the instructions. I think she heard them stronger than I ever did. I think that's part of it.
“Then, when you were born, she did everything she could to convince herself you didn't have it. When you clearly showed signs, she explained them away. And then when it was finally confirmed, I couldn't say anything. She's your mother and I was in no position to question her authority. Every time I brought it up to her, she would break into a sudden fit of anger and scream at me that I had better never talk to you about this. All I could do was sit back and watch it take over your life.”
Cole was still just as flustered. “But she had to have been right. You can't ignore this. The consequences are real.”
“What do you want me to say? That's my side of the story. It's literally everything I know.”
“What about your mom or dad? Did they have it?”
“Yeah, our mom did but she was like your mom. All she ever did was tell us how we needed to listen to the instructions. They know best. Blah blah blah. She made your mom the way she was.”
“And that's it? You can't think of anything else useful?”
“Sorry. That's it.”
Cole felt himself sinking into a new blackness of despair. Finally, he had found a glimmer of hope, only to have it pulled just beyond his reach. There was too much information that made no sense, and he was beginning to doubt it ever would. “I can't take this anymore. Everywhere I go, it's a dead end. How could you not know more? You have to. You've gotta help me. Before I have to kill again.”
“Again?” Beth's face contorted into horror and disbelief.
He didn't care anymore. Someone had to know what he was going through. “I had an instruction to kill Dr. Stern or Amy would die. Mom helped me. And then I was so depressed at Mom's death that I let the voices take over and they killed that investigator just because he was slightly suspicious of me. They're evil. They're going to make me kill again but I have no idea when. It could be any second.”
Beth sat very still, unblinking. At last, she whispered, “She was acting strange around the time of Julie's death. I thought she was just upset, but now that I think about it, it started before Julie died.” She leaned back on the couch, clasping her hands across her lap. “What do you want to do?”
“Do? I'm a horrible person who causes nothing but misery and death. I don't deserve to live. I can't live with what I've done. All I see every night when I sleep are Dr. Stern's and the investigator's and my mom's faces. I'm responsible for all of them. How do you expect me to be okay with that? I'm done! I'm done.” He ended in a mumble, his entire body shaking.
Beth moved across to sit next to Cole and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Listen Cole. You're stronger than that. I know you are. You know as well as I do that you are not directly responsible for any of those. They're not your fault. We'll beat these voices and then you can move on. It won't be easy but you will get through it. Promise. Now, what's the first step?”
Cole's shoulders sagged and he gave an exasperated sigh. “I'll have to think about what my dad said. Combined with everything you said, there has to be a solution somewhere.”
“What did he say?”
Cole related the story his father had told him in a numb, emotionless tone while Beth's confusion and horror continued to grow. When he finished, she remained silent, lost in thought.
“It transferred to him?” she said at last. “But how? I never heard of that. As far as I know, I don't think my dad heard them. Did Travis' mother mention anything like that?”
“No.”
“Do you want to make another appointment to see her?”
“I guess. Do I have to go to school?”
“Of course. There's nothing we can do about this right now. You're not going to put a stop on your life. I can't even comprehend everything you've just told me. I'll think about it while you're in school and maybe I'll figure something out.”
“What if I get another instruction?”
“Tell me. I'm fairly certain the voices can't do anything themselves. How can a voice cause things to just happen? They're not gods. There must be another explanation.”
“Tell that to Mom.” Before his aunt had recovered from the verbal blow, he retreated to the library to mull over everything in his head and then attempt to get an early sleep. He still felt he was missing a critical piece of the puzzle, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to run away from it all. The instructions, the curse, had only hurt people he cared about and he was afraid to care about anyone ever again. As much as it depressed him, perhaps it was for the best that Amy had broken up with him.
When Cole entered the kitchen that morning, Beth was sitting at the table, staring at the wall, unmoving, her hair wild, her eyes bloodshot.
“Aunt Beth?” Cole said, half-afraid.
She blinked and turned her head towards Cole. “Mmmm.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Thinking.”
She sat there while Cole poured himself cereal, and was still there when he returned from brushing his teeth and changing. “Ready to go?” Cole said.
“Mmm.” She rose from the table, smoothing one hand over her hair, and walked stiffly out of the room.
She looked dazed as she drove Cole to school, and he was a bit afraid to be in the car with her. “Did you call the prison?” Cole said when they pulled up in front of the school.
“Yeah. This afternoon is fine.” She never tore her eyes from the road ahead of her.
“Okay.” He clambered out of the car and plodded into the school, dreading his coming encounter with Amy. He entered his homeroom with great apprehension but Amy was not in her seat. He sat next to the empty seat, eyes glued to the door during all of homeroom, but she never arrived. Relieved, he headed out at the end of class, only to hear his name behind him.
“Hey.” Michelle caught up to him. “Sorry I've disappeared lately. Do you want to hang out later?”
“Just you?”
“Yep, just me. Amy can come too.” When Cole did not respond, Michelle must have caught a telling look because her face fell and she said, “Did something happen?”
Cole still gave no response, but through a sidelong glance he thought he caught a glimmer of joy beneath her sympathy. “She broke up with me,” he mumbled.
“Oh, I am so sorry. How could she? Now of all times? Is she completely heartless?”
“It's not like that.”
“Are you all right?”
“I'm fine. Let's not talk about it, okay?” He knew there was a hint of bitterness in his voice.
“Are you sure? If you ever need someone to talk to...”
“I said I'm fine.”
“Okay. We don't have to hang out later if you don't want.”
“No, we can. Maybe after dinner?”
“Sounds great. I'm headed this way. Feel better, okay? You'll be all right.” She smiled at him and headed off to her next class.
&
nbsp; Class was longer and more boring than usual that day, and lunch proved nothing short of awkward. Martin asked why Amy wasn't in school and when Cole was at a complete loss, he received strange looks from the group. Cole was thankful no one pushed it, since he was not yet ready to disclose any information, but he was willing to bet that his body language revealed it all anyway. Amy being sick was a temporary solution, but sooner or later it would all come to a head and he dreaded the results of that day. He would most likely lose all of his friends since he knew them all through Amy. Even if they did not shun him, he would be unable to eat lunch with them anymore, which was the only time he talked to them.
In biology, he could not tear his eyes away from the empty seat next to him. The longing to see her was intense, and the next time they met, he expected nothing short of a complete mental breakdown.
Michelle approached him at the end of class. “Hey, so let's do something fun later. Do you bowl?”
“Never tried.”
“Want to?”
“Sure.”
“Sweet! Call me after dinner and we can meet at Bowling on the Green.”
At the end of the day, she waved goodbye to him, yet despite all of her enthusiasm, he was unsure whether or not he would meet her that night. He could care less about seeing her, and depending on the outcome of the next few hours, he would hopefully have more important things to do. Against all odds, he was remaining optimistic that he was on the verge of finding a solution to the instructions.
When Beth arrived to pick him up after school, she looked less distracted but more distraught.
“Figure anything out?” Cole asked
“Maybe, but let's talk to that woman again before I say anything.”
“You won't tell me? Why do you keep doing that?”
“Because I don't want to unnecessarily worry you until I'm sure and I'm far from sure.”
“I'm still worrying.”
This time Beth accompanied Cole to the visiting seat in the prison. Travis' mother was shocked and thrilled to see them again so soon. She dropped into the seat and ripped the phone off the wall. “Travis, honey, how are you?” she said.
“He's doing well. Very happy to see you,” Cole said without hesitation. “We were discussing something that we hoped you might have an answer to. I went see my dad like you suggested and he told me that he heard those voices that your husband, Travis and my mom heard. Did you ever hear anything like that?”
Travis' mother stared unblinking at Cole. “I thought I was going crazy. Yes, I heard them, occasionally. But I've been hearing them stronger ever since the accident with Travis. I think they might be trying to get me out of prison.”
Cole gripped the phone to his head, wrapping his head around the possibilities.
“What did she say?” Beth said, straining to hear the voice through the phone.
“She said yes, she did. She does.” Cole's voice was empty, lost.
“Do you think they infect people who are close to those with the voices?” Travis' mother said.
“I... don't know.” Cole turned to his aunt. “She thinks they might infect those -”
“I know,” Beth cut him off. “I was afraid of that.”
“What about it?” Cole said.
And then Travis was there, joining the conversation internally. When I was gone, they had to go somewhere!
What else do you know about this?
I'm working on something here. I'll get back to you in a little while. Tell my mom I said hi.
Cole shook his head in frustration.
“What's going on?” Travis' mother said. “What do you think it means?”
“Travis' voices transferred into you when his body was no more. You should probably listen to them. I'm going to go.”
Travis' mother gaped at him. “That's it? You can't tell me anything else?”
“Sorry, I have something very important to figure out. I don't know about them myself. You'll be fine. Travis says hi.” He hung up the phone.
There was a tear in Travis' mother's eye as she hung up her end. She kept her gaze locked on Cole as she backed away from the glass and was escorted out of the room by a security guard.
“What now?” Cole said to Beth once they were free of the suffocation of the prison.
“We may need to leave.”
“What do you mean? Leave where?”
“Society. Everyone. If your instructions are the way you say they are, you're a danger to everyone around you.”
It all seemed so surreal and detached, like they were talking about a movie. “Really? Where are we going to go?”
“I don't know. Do you want to? I can't make you do anything you don't want to do.”
“I... have to think about it. It's a big thing to spring on me all at once.”
“Take your time.”
Cole watched the passing scenery in a new light, trying to imagine himself abandoning it all for the life of a hermit. How could he leave it all behind? His school. His house. His peers. Why not? I don't have any connection to this place anymore. Maybe it would be for the best anyway. I've always been a loner. I can go back to that. No more drama. No more heartbreak.
“Wait, what about you?” he said. “If I can't be close to anyone, how can you be around me?”
“The voices haven't bothered me in years. I'll take my chances. You can't disappear alone at fourteen.”
Cole sat back in his seat, a growing wave of helplessness threatening to drown him. Was that really the only solution, a life of loneliness forever? No friends, no more intimate contact, no future family? There had to be a better idea. Damn you Amy for making me want more. Before you I would have begged for this opportunity.
30
Since Beth had not prepared any dinner, they went out to eat at a local diner. Cole was shocked that Beth did nothing embarrassing. She ordered normal dishes that were actually on the menu, made no snide comments to the waiter, and left a reasonable tip at the end. Yet, what did any of that matter if they were to have no more personal contacts or chances for her to embarrass him? No offense, Aunt Beth, but I don't want you to be the only person I know for the rest of my life.
At home, he retreated to the library and stared at his clothes, tempted to start packing them. He sank to the floor in indecision, and at that moment an idea struck him. Screw these voices. Maybe I can block them out and if I do that maybe they won't have power over me like they don't seem to over Aunt Beth. He knew it was a long shot but it was the only possibility that did not fill him with despair.
Using the technique his mother had taught him for creating a mental barrier to distance himself from the voices, he constructed one in between himself and them, pushing them further and further away. It was a slow process since he was doing something he did not even comprehend how he was doing it. He was unclear whether or not he was making any progress when all of a sudden it was as if a switch had flipped and there was a silence such as he had never experienced before. The constant distant droning in his head had always been present such that he never noticed it before, but now that it was gone it filled him with peace and calm. Who knows if this will last, but, wow, does it feel great.
The phone rang, followed a second later by Beth calling his name. Before he picked up the phone, he knew exactly who it was.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Cole, it's Michelle. Are you still up for bowling?”
Cole squeezed his eyes shut. “Um, I don't know.”
“Come on, it'll be good for you.”
Maybe what I need is a chance to clear my head. “Okay.”
“Great, can you come now?”
“Um, one sec.” He asked Beth who agreed to drive him. “Yep, leaving now.”
“Awesome, see you in a few.”
They left for the bowling alley in awkward silence. Beth opened her mouth a few times to speak but seemed to think better of it. Finally, she said, “Just let me know whenever you come to a decision.”
“I w
ill. Soon.”
Beth dropped him off at the bowling alley, saying she would pick him up in an hour and a half. Cole trudged inside, half-hoping Michelle wouldn't show. However, she was already there and waved him over as soon as he walked through the door.
“I'm so happy you came out tonight,” Michelle said. “We never really got a chance to hang out and I love bowling. You said you never bowled before, right?”
Cole nodded.
“All right, well first you need to get bowling shoes from the counter. You aren't allowed to wear sneakers.”
“Weird.” He went to fetch a pair of bowling shoes, and as he handed over the money he hoped he had enough for the games themselves. He returned with a pair of old, dirty shoes and reluctantly replaced his sneakers with them.
“Cool, now let me show you how to bowl,” Michelle said.
As she demonstrated the technique of bowling the ball and played a couple of practice frames, Cole felt the pang of the numerous memories of Amy showing him how to do everything from arcade games to ping pong. Screw her. I don't need her. She couldn't handle being with me so I'm done with her.
“Were you spacing out?” Michelle said playfully. “I hope it's not that boring.”
“No, I got it. Let me try.” He took the ball from Michelle and threw it hard down the lane. It hit a single pin on the end, which was enough to bring a smile to his face.
“Wooo, pretty good for your first try,” Michelle shouted. “You'll probably beat me by the second game.”
Cole never came close to matching her score, but he did find himself enjoying the activity and Michelle's presence, enough so that he did not feel the world crushing him from all sides for the first time in two days. He even managed a few laughs. After they played a couple games, they decided to pay and then wait the rest of the time at the tables by the snack bar. Cole was a dollar short and felt humiliated when he asked to borrow a dollar. Michelle took in all in stride, however, and even bought fries from the snack bar to share with Cole, of which she insisted he take some.
“You're really good at this,” Cole said, indicating the people bowling.
Shadows Within (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 2) Page 23
