She purses her lips. “Has your work suffered this week, though?”
I push my food around some more. “Actually, no.”
“Then why do you feel like you still can’t make judgment calls? You’re emotional now about Luke, right?”
“I hesitated in making the right call on Eamonn because of my feelings for Luke.”
“But you still ended up making the right call…”
“Yes, but I pushed Luke away without giving him a chance.”
“Okay, so you have some work to do in your personal life, but, sweetie, I think you have your professional life down pat. Stop letting your fear of emotions dictate your life.”
She’s right. I’ve been too afraid of strong emotions my whole life, and it’s time I stopped. I’ve always worried that they’d affect me professionally.
“I’d…I’d like to fix things with him. But I messed up his team’s chances.”
“I’m not sure you need to fix his team. But remember what I said earlier. When you find the right person, they’ll be worth the complication.” She places cash on her bill and stands. “Speaking of complications that are worth it, Susan’s so nervous about the opening, it’s making me nervous. See you tomorrow night? I need you for moral support.”
Pepper
The rest of the afternoon, between appointments, I think about what Tricia said.
I did screw up by throwing Luke out that night.
And I want to make it right with him. I trust he wouldn’t ask me to be unethical. Though I won’t change my report—that was the right thing to do—I can offset its effect. The thank you postcard from the Bronx Zoo arrived in the afternoon’s mail, and it’s given me an idea.
Of course I run through the pros and cons of bringing Phil back into my life, even peripherally. If it will go toward making things right with Luke? Because I also realized that, no, I do not want to end up like my parents—cold and…and fake. Just because that’s how they ended up doesn’t mean I have to.
I hover over the keyboard and type:
Hi Phil,
Been awhile. Listen…
Can I do this? Just the thought of being in the same room as him, much less talking to him, has me pulling my fingers away. Gah. I look at the wall clock and minimize the screen just as the buzzer rings for my next appointment.
I help the next patient, write a prescription, and pull up the email again. And drum my fingers over the table.
I type a few more sentences. And the anxiety of dealing with him washes through me again. I fish out the postcard and flip to the back. The words greet me again, “Meet Phil Stoddart.” A giggle bursts past my lips, and I prop it up against the screen with Phil the Madagascar hissing cockroach staring back at me.
Fuck it.
What is Phil to me? Nothing. He has no power over me. If this helps Luke, then I’ll do it. He and his team still want to go to the playoffs, and maybe I can help.
Chapter 16
Pepper
Soft jazz coils through the swanky, white-walled gallery on Upper Main and mixes with the low hum of conversation and the occasional cultured chuckle.
Susan’s artwork graces the walls with track lights angled for optimum viewing. I grab white wine from the table in the corner and thread back through the patrons to where Tricia and Susan are holding court. The gallery owner is placing an orange Sold dot on a nearby painting, which happens to be my fave of hers too—a semi-abstract of two lovers entitled, “Eros and Psyche After the Trials.” Susan’s emitting that need-to-act-cool-but-I-really-want-to-dance-a-jig glow.
I lean over and whisper, “Congrats.” I really am happy for Susan, and my own turmoil has no place here.
Susan grins, and Tricia wraps her hand in hers and gives it a squeeze, pride clear in her features and her stance.
“I think we should celebrate your opening and your sale.” I lift my glass of wine.
Tricia grins. “I agree. Susan, your choice. Anything but—”
“The Alligator’s Butt!”
Tricia groans, so that must have been what she’d been about to say. “Alligator’s Butt it is.” She looks at me and rolls her eyes. “It’s a new bar on South Lemon Ave, and Susan has an unnatural love for the Butt.”
Susan elbows her. “Hey, they’ve got great margaritas.”
I laugh. “Then it has my vote. I’m always up for a new place. Let’s go!” I look around. “Well, as soon as this is over, I mean.”
“Shouldn’t be much longer.”
My phone chirps, and I look at the text. It’s Phil. Normally, I’d stuff it back into my purse, but I’ve been waiting for this.
Hi, babe. I’m in town now. Just checked in at a hotel on University Parkway. Can we meet tonight to discuss this?
Babe? I’ll need to nip that in the bud. Suddenly, what I thought had been a great idea—invite Phil to meet the team and see if he can stand in for Eamonn—doesn’t seem like such a great idea.
“Hey, guys, are you okay with my ex meeting us there?”
Tricia’s gaze snaps to mine. “What are you doing?” she asks, her voice low and cautionary.
I wave her off. “So don’t need to worry about me going there again. But I need to talk to him in public.”
She narrows her eyes but gives a nod.
Luke
We’d been nursing beers in the War Room, but then we all got sick of our own company and our moping. The others are moping about the playoffs being unattainable. I am too, but not as much as I am about Pepper and how I blew it with her. The team and the camaraderie were the world to me. Helped me stay centered. But it hadn’t been quite what I’d thought it was.
Also, now that I’ve been with Pepper and see how things could be, the team’s not near enough. And—because I fucked up—that Pepper-filled future is not even remotely possible.
We’d achieved our team goal—getting the money to get us to the championship—but that no longer matters since we’re short a member. Conor had Tricia’s lawyer buddy read over the sponsorship contract, and then he signed it. I’m reimbursed for the jerseys. And, yeah…
We moved out into the main part of the bar to play darts. Aiden still hasn’t snapped out of his glum mood from a week ago. Claire is here, as usual, but she and Conor are at opposite sides, taking great pains to ignore each other. I resist rolling my eyes. Instead, I take aim, and the dart flies true, thunking into the cork. Bullseye.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see three women enter the bar, and the hairs on the back of my neck rise in recognition. One of them’s Pepper. And I know I have to make eye contact with her before she has a chance to see me and leave.
I drag the chalk across the board, marking my score, and stalk her way. My knee, still wrapped up tight, gives me no trouble, though it does make my gait stiff. Her head lifts at that moment, and her gaze locks with mine. A cocktail of emotions rises up within me and powers my steps. The lust and rightness that’s always there, sure. Chief among them, though, is contrition.
I’ve gotta man up and apologize. I’d let my pride get in the way. Trust goes both ways, and I shouldn’t have just assumed I had hers. I need to earn it, and I’ve done a piss-poor job with that.
They congregate around one of the high tables dotting the place, and when I arrive, I stick on a smile. “This round’s on me. What will it be, ladies?”
“Luke?” says one of the friends with her, and I finally look at her companions.
“Tricia? Hey, sorry, it’s been a long time. How are you?” We’d had a physics class together senior year, and I always thought she was a level-headed chick. We do the polite, quick catch-up one does when running across someone you don’t know too well, and I’m soon back with their drinks.
Pepper hasn’t said a word other than her drink order. I wish I had a chance to do this privately, but she’s here now, and fuck if I let the opportunity go by. Her silence, though, is almost like a physical push against my side.
“Pepper.”
“Luke
?”
Her tone is cool, but there’s a faint thread of playfulness, and I snatch that thread as if it leads to a life preserver. The words that need to come up through me, they’re like razor blades, but I force them through. “I’m sorry.”
There. That wasn’t so bad. Still won’t make the outcome any different, but there’s a strange catharsis with the words, as if the razor blades are scraping off unneeded junk inside me and leaving me cleaner.
I edge closer. “I’m sorry I was such an ass. And that I worked against you with the team. Kept my injury from you. I also would never ask you to compromise your professional ethics. You need to know that.”
I sip from my beer to clear the burn left from the words, but I don’t regret saying them. Still makes me an ass for having done all that, but that’s reality. Her judgment will be deserved.
Pepper nods and watches me for a short bit, her face unreadable. I resist the urge to squirm. I’m a fucking Navy SEAL, but what this woman does to me makes me act outside of the normal parameters.
She lifts her drink in a toast-gesture. “Apology accepted.” She sets her drink down without taking a sip. “But I need to talk to you privately.”
“Sure. I’ll be at the darts board when you’re done here.”
I lift off the stool—I said what I came to say—when a blond jock approaches the table, his gaze fixed on Pepper. The table immediately grows quiet, and Tricia darts a glance my way. The newcomer’s a little too smug for my taste. I’m sticking around for this. I don’t care if it sounds all primitive. If she asks me to leave, though, I will.
He leans down, clearly going for a kiss, but Pepper turns her head and changes it to a cheek-kiss. Still makes my blood boil.
Doesn’t faze Blond Schmuck. Instead, he says smoothly, “Hey, babe.”
My fists clench. Babe?
But I’m watching the non-verbal cues, and this isn’t welcome on her part. Her friends also only look tolerant. Yeah, I’m sticking around for this, but not to piss a circle around her and mark her as mine, just as back-up. Three friends at the table are better than two, right? Though of course I do want to piss a circle around her. Some things are hard-wired in the male brain, I guess.
Pepper gives a tight smile and turns to us. She barely glances at me and says to the group, “Everyone? This is Phil. My ex-boyfriend.” Is it my imagination, or does she place an extra emphasis on the ex purely for Phil’s benefit and not mine? “Phil, this is Tricia, Susan, and Luke.”
Phil puts on a huge grin and glad-hands everyone as if he’s some fucking politician. I give his handshake an extra squeeze, but he doesn’t flinch or retreat.
“Luke. I’m glad you’re here,” she says to me, and I perk up, thinking she wants me to play the Love Interest to deflect Phil’s obvious interest. Their relationship might be over for her, but this guy hasn’t accepted that memo.
“Phil’s a goalie for a semi-pro hockey team in Gainesville. I invited him here to replace Eamonn if your team’s captain will have him.” She waves at me and turns to her ex. “Luke’s on the team and can get you up to speed on the rules and where they practice. Introduce you.”
He grins at everyone like he’s just saved the day. “Great. Glad to be here. Sounds like an interesting sport.”
“It is,” I say cautiously. Pepper called him in to help our team? I don’t know what to make of that. “We have a practice tomorrow actually, despite not having enough to make a team. I can give you the details.”
Phil curls a hand onto Pepper’s shoulder, and it’s all I can do not to launch across the table and knock that hand away. But Pepper’s a grown woman and can take care of herself. I might have growled, though, and Tricia gives me an amused eyebrow lift. I pretend it wasn’t me.
“I look forward to it. Anything to help out Pepper.”
Tricia swirls her margarita glass and licks up some salt from the rim. “I thought you two called it quits.”
Phil chuckles. “What does that matter? I’m here now.”
Pepper shrugs his hand off her shoulder, and I do a mental fist pump. “I’m sorry, Phil. I think you’ve gotten the wrong impression here. My invitation had no ulterior motive.”
Some of his swagger fades, but he gamely presses on. “You tell yourself that, but we both knew you’d come around.”
“Come. Around?” There’s a chill in her posture, but Phil is completely clueless. For the first time tonight, I’m feeling a little light. This event has popcorn potential. Heck, I’m getting popcorn. Like any good bar, Aiden has a machine for patrons, and it’s right behind me.
I hotfoot it over, grab a bowl, and settle in for the show. I return in time to hear Pepper say, “You broke it off to get me to quote, ‘see the light’?”
Uh-oh.
Chapter 17
Luke
I take a handful of popcorn and pass it to Tricia. Phil seems completely oblivious that he has an audience.
He tries the shoulder-rub move, and Pepper shrugs him off again.
“Aw, babe. We were good together. I just needed to give you time to see it.”
She levels him with a get-real stare. “Phil. You called me a cold fish.”
Wait. What? I glance at Pepper and then at Phil. He’s even more of a bonehead than I thought. I almost feel sorry for him. Not really.
Phil digs his hands into his front pockets and rocks back on his heels. “I just needed to push you some. Get you to see what you were missing.”
Pepper straightens and pulls up a bright smile. “It worked.” It fools Phil, who steps closer, a corresponding grin on his smarmy face, but it doesn’t fool me. I eat another handful of popcorn. Pepper’s got this.
“I learned exactly what I was missing.” She pauses. “Nothing.”
Phil stops mid-step and rears back, a look of disgust and disbelief on his face. “God. You really are a cold bitch.”
I must have tensed, because Tricia puts a cautioning hand on my thigh, but I brush it off. “Watch it, Phil.” I put full-on testosterone into his name.
The asshole starts and glares at me and then at Tricia and Susan. His lip curls. “Whatever.” He pushes away from the table. “I don’t know why I bothered.” He points a finger at me. “And don’t fool yourself into thinking you can get in her pants by defending her. That shit don’t work with her, so you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
What a tool. Before I can say a word, Pepper throws a napkin on the table. “I don’t know why I thought this could be a solution for the team. I believed you had one mature bone in your body, Phil. Looks like I was wrong.”
He whips his gaze back to her. “I don’t know what your problem is. But it’s no longer mine. You’ll end up alone with your attitude.”
I unclench my jaw and my fists and say calmly, “And what attitude is that?”
Yeah, I should back off for a number of reasons. Pissing him off won’t convince him to stand in for Eamonn. And I do know Pepper well enough to know she doesn’t need a man to fight her battles. But I can’t let this stand. I’ve already screwed up with her anyway, so I have nothing to lose.
And the thing is—Pepper’s part of my inner team even though she doesn’t want to be there. Maybe this jerk could work out for the team, and we’d go to the playoffs. But not at the expense of Pepper.
Asshole crosses his arms. “Her cold bitch routine.”
“Let me get this straight,” I say as I kiss the playoffs goodbye. “She’s a cold bitch because she knows her mind, can express it eloquently, and the end result is that she doesn’t want you?”
All three women turn to stare at me. But I can’t stop. “News flash, buddy. The world doesn’t revolve around you. And maybe, just maybe, you only think she’s cold because you didn’t have the heat to be admitted into her circle of trust.” We’d had that heat. But I’d broken her trust. And now I’m back outside. Doesn’t make her cold, though.
Pepper jerks toward me at that and looks at me with surprise and then…Jesus…heat.
Phil looks poleaxed for a moment. Clearly, no one’s ever called him on his shit, but he also notices the undercurrent between Pepper and me, and what it means. “Fuck you.” He walks around the table as if he’s going to have a go at me. I stand to my full height, and he stops.
“No, thanks.” I cross my arms. “I don’t swing that way.” It’s a cheap, throwaway line, but most of my mental energy is being spent in not punching this asshole in the face.
Phil pivots back to the table and sneers at Pepper. “Whatever. I’m out of here.”
She serenely nods. “I’ll get the team details and text them to you.”
He rears back. “You must think me an idiot if you think I’ll play for this team of yours.” He gives me a parting look and storms off.
I watch him retreat until his ass is on the other side of the door. Then I turn back to the table. I nod to Tricia. “Let the record show, counselor, that I did not punch that asshole and bust his nose like he deserved.”
I nod at Pepper and step away, because the last thing I want her to think is that I’d done it for show. That I’d done it to ‘get in her pants’ like Phil insinuated.
No. I’d done that because it burned me, searing my guts, to have someone disparage Pepper. She didn’t deserve that. At all.
Playoffs be damned.
I head for the door, palming my keys. Pepper’s gaze behind me feels physical—a weight at my back, urging me to turn around. But I resist.
Her attempt to help the team is…awesome, but I don’t fool myself that it means more than what it is. Besides, it doesn’t hold the same importance for me as it once did. My narrow-band focus on the team and their wants spoiled any chance I had with Pepper. I rub my chest where a hollowness seems to have become my new norm.
I’m halfway around the corner, when the door opens behind me. It’s not her, I tell myself, though the dumb part of my body perks up with hope. But then light steps hurry toward me, and the skin on the back of my neck prickles.
Earning It Page 12
