'Well there you are. Goodbye my dear.' And, with an implosion of light, he vanished. Unity stared at the young man for a long moment and said,
'Not my type.' And then Nina spoke. Spoke momentously, for she said,
'But he is mine.'
'What?'
'I do believe he is my true love.'
'What the fuck? You love a Shoggoth? Well I guess they could be, er, inventive lovers, but there's the whole engulfing people thing. No, I refuse to let you love a Shoggoth. Hey, mister Shoggoth, tell her this person isn't real.'
'But he is. We cannot create as the unity was never in us. We can only copy.'
'What do you mean?'
'I mean that this form is the copy of a real person. One who had the spark of the unity within him.'
'Well what do you know?' said Unity, looking downwards, 'The giant amoeba’s telling the truth.'
(vii) The Great Race of Yith
Well, things got off to a bad start when Nina shyly suggested that if Unity felt like making love with the true-love-shaped Shoggoth, she herself would not object. Unity did. First because she was outraged at Nina's hypocrisy in, after years of complaining about her, admittedly rather enthusiastic, love-live, now wanting her to get busy simply because she happened to like the look of the target person (or rather, thing). Second because she thought he looked like a 'bloodless milksop' and she saw no reason why she should even consider letting him get anywhere near her. And third because, as she put it 'I'm not letting one of those bloody Shoggoth inside me; who knows what it might get up to once it was in there?' Nina railed, Unity was adamant. Nina threatened to sulk, Unity said that it was going to take more than that to persuade her to offer herself to a malevolent shape-shifting blob. Nina sulked, Unity went back to the plane and made love with Bubbles with such energy that afterwards they had to wait an hour before Bubbles felt strong enough for take-off. And then, showing what a dutiful daughter she was, having been flown to civilisation, Unity had not dumped Bubbles so forcefully as to induce suicide, but had taken her back home to Cthonia, and then, after more, prolonged, love-making, which Nina, in a feat of desperate self-defiance, openly admitted (to herself) to finding downright pleasurable, set out for Yith, leaving the somewhat culture-shocked Bubbles trying to come to terms with the fact that everything she had read in H P Lovecraft was true.
Arriving at Yith, Unity was welcomed by a party of Not-so-Elder Races who dealt with stuff like keeping her amused (which was quite simple really: give Unity someone to fornicate with and she was happy for hours, while Nina was too busy alternating between dreaming of her one true love and vicariously enjoying Unity's activities to have time to get bored, not that she really had the intellectual machinery required for realising such sophisticated mental states anyway) until a suitable very important Yithian was found, extracted from whatever he was doing and told that Great Cthulhu's daughter wanted to have a chat. And so, once Unity was good and done with making sure that she wasn't about to have an orgasm, she made her way to his chambers.
'This,' said Unity, as she walked through the cyclopean halls, 'is more like it. No more standing outside in the freezing cold – I don't care whether it's water or methane, it's still nasty and slippery, and don't you dare say it's pretty, it's not you who has to try to keep upright when you're walking on it – or being attacked by what looked like the Blob's big brother in dank tunnels, or having filthy suggestions made to me by bloody fish – and there, you see, Nina, there are things I won't do; and one of them is commit miscegenation with a fish while another is forget to renew the restraining order on Uncle Aleister. Oh yes, and a third is have it off with the Blob, however much you sulk at me afterwards. But – where was I? Oh yes, this is much more swish. Classy architecture, nice carpet, big, big doors and – fucking hell, well, that's why they have the big, big doors then, isn't it?' She stared at the thing that had appeared in the door-way, which looked for all the world like an upside-down ice-cream cone eight metres high, while Nina, who had been daydreaming about her beloved, gave a squeak of dismay.
The Yithian moved towards them in a way made only the more mysterious by its apparent lack of limbs, tentacles, or even wheels. Unity plumped up her bosom, because it never hurt to impress people, even if they were giant cones, while Nina, looking at its rugosity (the Yithian's, that is, not the bosom's – one could almost define the word 'rugose' by saying that it was everything the bosom was not), felt faint horror and wished, for the thousandth time, that she had a body of her own, so she could run away. But, whatever Nina may have wanted, Unity had no intention of running away. Her, now almost entirely exposed, bosom at full sail, she showed fearlessness only appropriate in Great Cthulhu's daughter, and said,
'Oh hello, how nice for you to meet me. And you would be?' The Yithian spoke with a voice that seemed to come from all directions at once, which it could well be doing, given that the cone had no identifiable mouth, or any other features for that matter, and in a tone of such absolute, rock-like certainty that many of the gods she knew would have given up half their worshippers to be able to talk like that:
'I am the great one's secretary. He is ready to see you now.' Which rather annoyed Unity, as it almost implied that this great one thought he was better than her. She said,
'Well, that's just as well, because I really can't be waiting much longer. I've got some serious loving to catch up on, if you get my drift. And I've been thinking that perhaps the reason I've never had an orgasm before is because I've never really tried a relationship. Which might make all the difference, don't you think? So if instead of dumping someone when they fail, I give them time to get to know me, and think of ways of satisfying me, and work on improving them, then in a few days they might actually be able to satisfy me, and if they don't, I can always dump them then, so . . .'
'Enough,' said the secretary, in that unquestionable tone. 'The great one will see you.' It, well, it didn't turn, it just started to move away from her as mysteriously as it had moved towards her, and Unity, who was somewhat dazed because this under-Yithian had managed to do what her father never had and stop her in mid-flow, followed saying,
'Yes. Right. Of course. Got to talk to the great one. Why I'm here, after all.'
She was, shown is probably not the right word, so perhaps we should say led, into an even large room containing an even larger cone. The voice rang out,
'Great one, I have brought her. Or them.' And then, disconcertingly, exactly the same voice replied:
'Them. Thank you. You may go.' Conversation between Yithians, Unity thought to herself, must be a very complicated business. The smaller cone slid out and then the voice of, presumably, the great one, rang out. 'Greetings, Unity daughter of Great Cthulhu, or should I say Unity and Nina?'
'Er, yes,' said Unity, tentatively, 'Hi.'
'And what can I do for you, Great Cthulhu's daughter?' Unity cleared her throat.
'Well, you see,' she said, 'I want to have an orgasm, and . . .'
'You want me to give you an orgasm? I fear that may be beyond even my powers.' Unity amazed herself by blushing.
'Oh no,' she said, 'I know what to do in theory, it's just that's something's missing. And then, well, it sounds, silly, I know, but my boobs told me . . .'
'Your breasts told you?' The Yithian did nothing, but Unity got the distinct impression that it was, somehow, examining her bosom and, feeling strangely embarrassed for a woman who day-on-day deliberately dressed in such a way as to positively force such examination on everyone she met, she said,
'Well yes, you know how it is. My boobs wobble when I learn something useful. It sounds rather . . . stupid . . . when I put it . . . like . . . that . . .' she tailed off as the Yithian's invisible examination of her redoubled in intensity. After a few seconds, it spoke.
'And very fine breasts they are too. Probably the finest any woman has borne.' Unity found herself blushing again, for though she was used to such praise from friends, lovers, and random people she met on the
street who aspired to one or both of those categories, when it came from this mysterious great one it seemed somehow much more true. But she had to say something, so she giggled and said,
'Oh thank you. They are nice, aren't they?'
'And you, yourself,' continued the Yithian, as if she hadn't spoken, 'Are of such extreme physical perfection that if I were an Elder Thing I would probably be going on about forms and ideals by now.'
'Believe me, mister, they did.'
'But I am not an Elder Thing, for which I give thanks every day. You, both of you, clearly have a higher purpose than just to have an orgasm or to find your true love.'
'Now wait a minute,' said Unity, to whom this was sufficiently provocative as to restore her usual combativeness, 'I'm not in this for anything other than to have an orgasm, then another orgasm and then another. I want orgasms. Lots of them. Higher purposes can go hang.'
'And how did you know,' said Nina very nervously, 'About my true love?'
'Your desire for your true love,' said the Yithian, 'Stands out in your mind as does your sister's desire for an orgasm in her words. But when I speak of a higher purpose, I do not mean that you will not achieve your goals. You will find your true love. You will have endless orgasms.'
'Oh good. D'you hear that Nina – my life's going to be one long orgasm. Isn't that wonderful? Oh yes, and you're going to find your true love too. Just so long as it doesn't interfere with my orgasms.'
'Well, your orgasms shouldn't interfere with my one true love.'
'Oh come on, Nina, are you seriously saying that you don't find the idea of endless orgasms with your one true love even slightly attractive?'
'Well,' said Nina, as if undergoing severe internal struggle, 'I suppose so, if you insist.'
'Oh I do. Well there you are then. You'll just be having orgasms with lots of other people as well.'
'So long as you don't dump my one true love or make him die of exhaustion.'
'Oh no. No more of that. I'm a relationship girl now. I'll just have lots of relationships. At once.'
'But don't you see how wrong that is? You're meant to have one relationship at a time, and it should be exclusive and loving and . . .'
'Screw that. I will encompass all within my tremendous, unbounded appetite, uniting all women, men and things – except for Uncle Aleister of course – within myself. Hey, I'll be like the unity, 'cos my name is Unity, and I'll be one and all simultaneously, and live in a state of constant ecstasy and – fuck me, and you are allowed to take that as an invitation if you like, I thought I was joking,' for the voices were back, busily wondering what you are. Unity fell away into silence, possibly in awe at the fact that her sex life and the fate of the universe were interlinked at such a deep and tremendous level, but more probably in annoyance that there didn't seem to be anyone around who was able to act on her suggestion. Which was all to the good for the Yithian, who had been manifesting some signs of impatience. Seeing his opportunity, it tried to return to its subject by saying,
'So you see that your personal goal is linked to the higher goal and that achieving one achieves the other. They are truly two that are one. Is there any way of making that stop?' for the singing had started again.
'No, I'm afraid not,' said Unity. 'It follows me around. I'd hope you might be able to explain it.'
'No,' said the Yithian, 'I cannot, save by the rather cowardly means of saying the unity and you are, in some sense one.'
'Oh, now look what you've done. You've really set it off – it's started on verse two. Look, let's take a brief time-out. I'll think hard about sex, Nina can think about her one true love and you can think about whatever you like to think about, and hopefully it'll get bored and go away.'
So they did. Unity catalogued sex positions she had known and attempted to work out which was her favourite, Nina thought tremulously of love's first kiss, and of the moment when she would borrow Unity’s virgin . . . not very virginal . . . not at all virginal body in order to offer it up to love's sweet fires – her one true love, she reflected ruefully, was in for a terrible shock. And the Yithian thought about the void at the heart of everything. And eventually the singing stopped. And Unity, having got down to a short-list of about fifty, said tentatively,
'I think it's gone. It is such a nuisance, and it never used to happen. I mean, I know they say that an orgasm is turning two into one, and so an experience of transcendence, but all I wanted was the . . . oh fuck,' for it had started again. So they were off to contemplation again. Unity started trying to work out which species she preferred to make love with. Nina was beginning to panic about how she would explain to her one true love exactly why it was that his sweet and timorous beloved had a body so unaccountably experienced in the amatory arts. And the Yithian continued to think about the void at the heart of everything.
When silence had again returned, Unity said, very carefully,
'Right, so nobody say anything about, you know, it. Thing.'
'What thing?'
'Look, Nina, I can't mention it, can I, because that'll set them off again, but you know. It. The thing of thing that makes bad things happen when we mention it.'
'Oh, you mean the negation of negation?' And so they were off for round three. Unity thought long hard thoughts about getting Herbert West to build a body for Nina, putting her in it, and then cutting its head off with a blunt bread-knife. Nina, having intuited that Unity was a little angry with her, resolved never to say anything to upset her ever again, just in case. And the Yithian thought some more about the void at the heart of everything. When it was over, Unity said,
'Now Nina, you know what you're not meant to mention, and let me just say that if you do mention it again, I will personally do my best to kill you. Is that clear?' Nina squeaked, too frightened to speak, or even think, just in case. Unity turned to the Yithian, 'Right then, mister cone. You say that me getting loads of orgasms is somehow tied up with a higher purpose. Is that right?' Surprised at find the conversation moving forward at last, the Yithian said,
'Yes, that is so. Your baser and higher purposes are one.'
'Yes and let's not say any more about than we have to or, you know. So anyway, back to the baser purpose. I assume it's something like finding the unity and bringing it back into contact with this Universe, so all goes right again, and Daddy can have a proper raven, which the poor thing hasn't been able to do for ages. I know he misses it terribly.'
'I see you have learned something of the truth. Now hear the rest. The breaking of the link between this universe and the unity is the great tragedy that must be reversed if all is to be well, R'lyeh is to rise again from the depths and you are to achieve climax. We know that this has something to do with the disappearance of Hastur the Unnameable, but even we, the Yithians, cannot say why. All that we know is that he vanished and the unity ceased to be manifest within the universe, and all was ill. If you are to restore the universe to its rightful place within the unity's entelechy of being, and to have your orgasms and find your true love, you must discover what it was that linked Hastur to the hypostatic union between the unity and this universe. Your breasts are shaking.' Unity looked down, as if she needed to, so profound was the oscillation, and said,
'Well, you can't say the man's lying. These here boobies say I need to find out about mister Hastur.'
'I am not a man. If I were, I would no doubt be moved by your beautiful breasts' rather hypnotic motions to make profoundest love to you at this point.'
'Why thank you. I don't think I've ever been propositioned before by a giant cone, but there's a first time for everything. I'm sure that,' she looked dubiously at the Yithian's total lack of defining features, 'We could work out some way of giving one another a good time if we tried hard enough, though it's hard to see exactly how. I suppose I could . . . no. Oh well, shame, I was feeling rather like a quickie. So, go on, tell me about Hastur.'
'I cannot.'
'What do you mean? Of course you can. Don't think for a moment
that there are things these ears are too delicate to hear. Her ears, perhaps, if she had any, but she doesn't count. Come on, gimme the dirt.'
'There are some things that are hidden even from us, the wisest of the Elder Races. The breaking of the world, when the hypostatic union was sundered, hid knowledge in such fearful places that the Elder Races could not seek it out. Only one such as yourself can do so.'
'And why do yo mean by that, pray? Is it because I have an invisible hanger on? Beautiful breasts? A great body?'
'No. It is because you are half human. This is why so many of the Elder Races have an obsessive urge to interfere with humanity. The Fungi with their ceaseless harvesting and interrogation of brains. The Deep Ones' breeding programme. And, finally, and most successfully, your father's decision to create you. The knowledge that we all seek, which gives the path to the unity, and hence endless power, lies in humanity.'
'So? So you're saying that I should just ask Bubbles?' The Yithian brooded for a moment.
The Daughter of the Night Page 10
