by Jillian Dodd
"And, we kind of had a trial run in Cancun, but things didn't go very well. We managed to stay friends though."
"Did you sleep together?"
Uh, that it probably not information I want to share with you.
You are his mother, for goodness sakes.
At first I think I'm not going to answer this question on the grounds that it might incriminate me, but I figure in this case, the truth is way cleaner than her imagination, so I tell her the sad truth, "No, we didn't."
There. End of story.
Now, how 'bout them Huskers?
But she's not done with me yet.
"Have you ever?" she asks in a very matter of fact tone, like we're discussing the weather and not my sex life with her son.
Well, lack of sex life, really.
This is getting a little too personal, don't ya think?
But once again, I tell her the truth.
"Uh, no. Never." I shake my head no.
She looks surprised at this news and has a questioning look on her face, like she doesn't believe me.
"Hmm." She has her finger up to her mouth thinking very seriously about something.
This ought to be good. "You know, JJ, you girls today have it rough. Back in my day, if you really wanted to get a man to marry you, you just seduced him and got yourself pregnant."
This woman continues to shock me. I mean, I've never thought of myself as uptight about this stuff, but I gotta tell you, I'm feeling pretty tight right now.
Like I can't get any air. I must need some milk and quite possibly another brownie.
As I refill my plate, I stammer, "Uh, yeah, but it doesn't quite work like that anymore."
She dismisses my statement with a wave of her hand, "Well, it should. And it would work in Phillip's case. He has good values and would do the right thing."
Is it just me, or does that seem a bit twisted? I mean if Phillip's morals were so good in the first place, he wouldn't be getting anyone pregnant, would he?
Then I put two and two together and realize this is her roundabout way of, not so subtly, telling me that I should seduce her son AND get myself pregnant!
I'm shocked. Beyond shocked.
I am, I don't know, double shocked.
Practically speechless.
No, I am speechless.
I have my mouth open, and I can't say a thing. I can't even take a bite of this brownie. And it has all that yummy, gooey, red mint stuff on the top. I just stare at the piece on my fork.
It's like we were playing freeze tag and someone just yelled, FREEZE.
And I did!
But I don't have to say anything because she continues with, "You know, I really worry about what would happen, should Phillip decide to marry someone besides you."
How did we get to babies and marriage from food?
And now she's got him marrying someone else? What's wrong with her?
"What do you mean?" I think I must have got lost somewhere because I'm really not following all of this.
"Well, you know most of Phillip's girlfriends have felt a bit threatened by your relationship with him. And I'm just afraid that if he marries someone who feels that way, well, you need to know that I would have to do whatever makes her feel comfortable."
Then she pulls out the big guns.
"We might not be able to include you in everything, like we do now."
Oh, that hurts.
That thought makes me want to cry.
I look at her with sad puppy dog eyes and say, "You mean if Phillip marries someone else, you're going to kick me out of the family?"
"Now, JJ, we'd never be able to get rid of you."
Like I'm a puppy that she's thinking about taking to the pound.
"I am just trying to impress upon you that the situation could prove to be difficult in the future." Her eyes look warmer.
Apparently we're not talking about the weather any more.
"I'm not sure if Phillip has any desire to date me, let alone marry me. Have you talked to him about any of this?"
"No, but I know how he feels about you. It's quite obvious."
It is?
Still?
She thinks Phillip might actually want to marry me?
I get a brilliant idea. "I know, you could just adopt me. Then no one could complain, and you wouldn't have to get rid of me."
She's too quick for me though because she says, "Wouldn't it just be easier to give it a try with Phillip?"
"Probably," I say, telling her the answer she wants to hear.
I know she'd never shut me out of their lives, but she does bring up a good point.
Some of Phillip's girlfriends have had a problem with me.
OKAY. Most of them.
But I swear, I'm always nice to them. So it can't be because of anything I've done. I mean most of them seemed pretty nice.
No, that's not exactly true.
I think back and realize that I can't think of even one girl that Phillip's dated that I really liked.
Could all those girls see it in me?
Was I experiencing latent jealousy all these years?
No, that couldn't be it. I just think the girls realized that if Phillip had to choose between them and me, he would always pick me.
And he would.
That's one of the things I like best about him.
I suppose it's time I return the favor.
Hey wait, I already did.
Today.
I chose Phillip over Jimmy. Yay for me!
I hear Julie talking to me.
"JJ, what are you thinking about so hard?"
"Um, just about what you were saying. You're right. None of Phillip's girlfriends have ever liked me much."
She smiles big at me. She likes being right.
"They were jealous of you. Phillip has feelings for you that are very strong and feelings like that are hard to hide. Ashley told me just the other day, she thinks Phillip has always been in love with you."
"I know. I think I've always felt the same way."
OH CRAP!
I can't believe that just slipped out of my mouth!
She really smiles at that.
Boy she is good, that sneaky woman.
Somehow, maybe she put truth serum in the brownies, she's already got me to admit that I love Phillip.
She should be an interrogator.
She'd feed people sweets and have them confessing to everything before they even realized what she was up to.
I've already said enough to incriminate me, and she is the closest thing to a mom that I have, so I might as well tell her the rest of the truth.
Cause this is the part that worries me.
This is the chicken shit part.
"I've been kind of afraid to do anything about how I feel because I don't want to mess things up and lose him. Lose our friendship. Because that I couldn't take."
She gets out a bottle of wine, uncorks it and pours me half a glass.
"You shouldn't think of it as losing your friend, dear. You should look at it as gaining something a whole lot better."
I look at the half glass of wine in front of me. God, she's got visuals.
"That's kind of like the whole is the glass half empty or is it half full thing, huh?"
She raises an eyebrow at me. I'm afraid if I don't succumb, she may stoop to torture.
"I get it," I say, laughing and holding up my hands in defeat. "Really, I get it."
Then she walks over to a bookcase in the family room, pulls a picture frame off the shelf and sets it in front of me.
The picture is of Phillip and me together as babies.
We're naked, of course.
I wonder if our parents ever stopped to think there might be something slightly wrong about having us together naked all the time. Maybe I need to go to a shrink and have them hypnotize me to pull out my early memories. Maybe it's their fault I can't commit.
I consider for a second saying this, but think better of it and
just look at the picture.
Another visual.
I have to wonder. Did she plan all this, or is she just winging it? Because if she's winging it, I need to sign up for lessons on manipulation from this woman. I always considered it one of my stronger skills, but I realize I'm a total novice compared to her.
I look at the picture again. You know, this is the first time in my life, I haven't flinched or cringed upon seeing a picture like this.
God, I must have grown up somewhere along the way.
I surprise myself by thinking that I now agree with what Mom always used to say.
You and Phillip are just so adorable.
We would probably have beautiful children.
Woah.
Wait.
Did I really just think that?
I am shocked at the things my own mind has been thinking lately. It's like it has a mind of its own!
I must have been smiling at the picture a little too dreamily.
"You would have adorable children," Julie says, reading my mind.
Evidently that talent does run in the family.
"That's part of the reason why I made all the snacks for your party."
"So Phillip and I can have an adorable baby?"
You've got to be kidding.
She laughs, "Well, not exactly. I just thought it would be nice if you could spend some time alone together. I think it would be good for both of you. And while you're at it, would you please tell Phillip how you feel about him? That Monica girl drives me nuts."
I smile at that. Cuz, ME TOO.
And then she gets a big smile on her face and adds, "And I guess if I get a grand baby out of the deal, all the better."
I knew she had an ulterior motive.
This whole conversation is very unexpected and sort of weird, but a lot of her comments hit home. But I really didn't need any convincing, I had already decided.
I want Phillip, and I'm not going to let anyone, even moaning Monica, get in my way.
Scratch that.
I am more grown up than that.
Monica is not the problem.
I am.
And this time, I'm not going to let myself get in the way.
Mrs. Mac looks at the clock and gasps, "Oh, look at the time! Is there anything else I need to take?" She refers to her spreadsheet. "Summer sausage. I almost forgot. JJ, will you run out to the garage freezer and get two packages of summer sausage?"
"Sure." I mean it's the least I can do.
So I go out to the garage. They have one of those huge chest style freezers. The kind that you can fall into and never be found, until someone else needs something frozen.
I hate these things.
And of course, I see that the summer sausage is at the very bottom in the back.
Figures.
I'm leaning over, bent practically in half, trying to reach it. And the stupid garage door is open. I hear blaring music coming from up the street. I recognize one of my favorite Bowling for Soup songs.
Love songs suck and fairy tales aren't true
And happy ending Hollywood is not for me and you
Great. It's getting louder. I suppose the new cute neighbor boy is gonna drive by and see my butt stuck clear up in the air like this. Not a pretty picture.
So add it up and break it down
It's not that hard to figure out.
I almost have my hands on the sausage, when HONK!! A car horn honks, scares me, and I very nearly fall in.
You're crazy and I'm crazy about you.
I manage to work my way back upright and turn around to see Phillip driving into the garage in his recently purchased little red BMW Z3. He's got the top down, the music blaring and his hair is all messed up.
God, he looks SEXY!
It is at that moment, I decide I'm done thinking.
Click.
Brain officially turned off, body officially turned on.
Yikes!
I walk over to Phillip's car door, turn my back to it, jump up over the door and land with my butt on his lap and my legs dangling over the side.
That was kinda slick. I didn't know that doing the high jump in track would come in so handy someday!
Phillip catches me and says, "You know, I think I could get used to seeing your butt hanging out of the freezer every day when I come home." He gives me a big wonderful smile and says, "I was hoping you were already here."
His arm is holding up my back, and he's looking into my eyes.
"Yeah, well you might change your mind when I tell you about the real interesting conversation I've been having with your mother."
"Really? About what?" The way he asks makes me wonder if he already knows exactly what we were talking about. His voice has this, You're going to tell me a dirty joke, aren't you, tone to it.
"You."
"Uh oh," he says, although he doesn't sound the least bit worried.
I pull my legs into the car, tuck them under me and flip around so I am facing him. It's more comfortable, plus I like looking straight into his eyes.
"Yeah," I say, poking my finger into his chest. "Uh oh, for you."
"Why's that?"
"Well, I think she wants me to try to seduce you."
"Keep sitting on me like this, and you won't have to try very hard." His eyes are playful.
Oh.
I look down and realize not only is this a more comfortable way to sit, it's also significantly more intimate.
I'm straddling the poor guy.
Shame on me!
He laughs, "In fact, you'll be lucky if I let you out of this car."
I smile at him, trying to make him think I was smart enough to plan it that way.
"Oh come on, Phillip, I thought you'd play at least a little hard to get. Be a challenge."
He looks at me seriously. "What are you trying to say?"
I let my voice drop it's playful tone because he needs to know I am not joking around about this. "Look, you said I'd have to come to you. So here I am, and you'd better write this down because it doesn't happen very often. I admit it. I was wrong, and you were right. I didn't really try in Mexico. I was scared and stupid and I preferred to have you mad at me, than not with me at all."
"I know this." He is softening, but still has a stern look in his eyes. "So no holding back this time?"
"That's right," I state firmly, with a nod of my head.
"And no games?"
"What? Am I gonna have to get a lawyer? I think maybe you need to make some concessions too. You did leave me with two strange guys."
"Fine. What do you want?"
"No bossiness." I say, with a sweet smile.
"Deal." He is grinning from ear to ear, and I can tell this makes him happy, but evidently he is still not completely convinced because he lowers his voice and says, "So you're really going to give this a try? A real try?"
"No, Phillip, I am so through trying. I am doing."
I curl my fingers into his shirt, pull him closer and plant a big kiss on his lips. I keep kissing and kissing and kissing him.
I'm kissing him with every ounce of pent up passion I've been holding inside me for however long I've loved him. His hands are in my hair, so it's hard to determine right now when that exactly was. Oh, who cares? This just feels so incredibly right.
Finally, I think.
I may never stop kissing Phillip.
Ever.
Of course, it is at this moment that I'm startled by another loud, echoing, HONK, HONK!
I open my eyes and slowly tear my lips away from Phillip's. His dad is honking and turning into the driveway.
Phillip grins at me, but his eyes are smoldering. "Dad followed me home from the office. I was under strict orders from Mom to make sure he got here on time. They're heading to Lincoln tonight with the Diamonds."
"Yeah, your mom told me," I say back, still staring into his eyes. We're just sitting here staring at each other, and I know I should probably move, or get out of the car, or
something, but I sort of don't want to. I'm afraid I might break the spell.
Something special just happened here, I think.
Just then, Phillip's mom walks out into the garage and says, "JJ, did you fall in the freezer........" She sees me sitting on Phillip's lap, in the rather intimate position, laughs, and shakes her head, "You work fast. Heck, if I'd known my powers of persuasion worked so well, I would have suggested this to you years ago."
I'm embarrassed, to say the least, but hey, she kind of asked for it.
I extricate myself from Phillip's lap, and we both get out of the car.
I notice that he can't seem to take his eyes off of me. In fact, he is gazing at me with so much intensity, it's literally making me blush.
Thank God, the Diamonds pull up in the RV. Mrs. Mac becomes a drill sergeant. She knows something has happened and wants everyone out of there quick. They get everything loaded up and leave.
Phillip and I are all alone.
FINALLY!
I'm sitting on the kitchen counter, and he is standing between my legs, his arms wrapped around me.
"Well," Phillip says, trying to be practical, "what do we have to do to get ready for this party?"
You've got to be kidding me!
I know Phillip is very practical and always needs to get everything finished and in order.
But, COME ON! Isn't this what he wanted?
Okay. Fine. I guess I'll just have to persuade him not to be so practical.
So I start kissing him, but it's not working quite as planned because although he is kissing me back, in between kisses, he is asking me questions.
"Did you go to the grocery store?"
Kiss.
"No."
"Do you pick up the beer?"
Long Kiss.
"No."
"Did you make a list?"
Longer Kiss.
"No."
"Did you do anything?"
"Not yet."
Then I jump off the counter, lead that boy up to his room and lock the door.
It's time to finally do what everyone seems to think we have already done.
A few hours later, he remembers the party, "You know, we really need to get out of bed. There must be a ton of stuff to do."
"Actually, we have nothing to do. Your mom made everything. I think she was hoping this is exactly where we would spend our time. She really did suggest that I seduce you. It may even be on my list."
"I can't believe she said that," He tilts his head. "You know, come to think of it, I had a suspiciously similar conversation with Ashley today. She was a little less blunt though. She said I needed to get off my ass and do something. I think they were working in tandem."
"So were you going to?" I ask. Because I really need to know.
