by Tim Collins
Vercetti reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a handgun. I couldn’t believe he was going straight from stink bomb to gun. He could have escalated things gradually with a firecracker or smoke bomb.
‘And it looks like you’ll be spending some long lonely years underground,’ said Vercetti, standing up and pointing the gun at me.
I didn’t think his retort worked very well, because it implied I’d emerge from my grave one day as a zombie or something. I tried to explain this, but all that came out was, ‘Please don’t kill me.’
I heard feet stomping into the room behind me. I breathed a sigh of relief. Dan must have overpowered the guards and come to rescue me. But when I turned round, I saw it was Henry who’d entered. Now I was certain I was going to die.
‘Ninja Kid to the rescue,’ shouted Henry. He leapt around the room, flinging his arms around.
‘Stop it, Henry!’ I shouted. ‘This is serious! He’s got a real gun!’
Henry took no notice. He just kept flailing around and shouting ‘Ninja Kid and The Loser are in the house!’ I hadn’t seen him this excited since he got hold of the limited Variant cover edition of Ratman issue 831.
‘Stop that or I’ll shoot,’ said Vercetti.
‘I don’t believe anything you say anymore,’ said Henry. ‘You told me you could move objects with your mind, you massive liar.’
I heard a loud bang and flinched. it took me a few seconds to realize this was what gunfire sounded like in real life.
I opened my eyes and saw Henry looking down and patting his costume. The bullet had completely missed him. He fixed Vercetti with a mean stare. it was the same look he’d given Mr Singh that time he’d tried to confiscate his musical Ratman keyring.
‘That was your last warning,’ said Vercetti. He aimed his gun at Henry’s head.
‘Ninja attack!’ shouted Henry. He rushed forward and launched himself into the air. He flew over the desk and slammed into Vercetti with both feet.
Vercetti’s head cracked into the wall behind him and he slumped to the floor. His gun went spinning across the carpet.
Henry landed next to Vercetti, got to his feet and shouted, ‘Ninja power!’
Dan rushed in, followed by the others. He scooped up Vercetti’s arms and bound them behind his back with rope. Vercetti opened his eyes and struggled weakly against him.
Mr Amazing was about to pick up the gun when Dan shouted, ‘Leave it for the police. We need his prints on it.’
When Vercetti was fully bound and gagged, Dan dumped him in the hallway next to the guards, who were also tied securely with rope and duct tape.
We strolled out of the house and down the drive. I untangled my cape from the front gate, but it had a huge rip down the back. There was no point in trying to wear it now, so I scrunched it into a ball and carried it.
When we got back to the bikes, a serious flaw in our plan became apparent. We had seven superheroes and just three bikes. Even if we could cram two vigilantes onto each bike, someone would still have to walk the twenty miles home. And after kidnappings, sleepless nights and criminal-bashing, you’re in the mood for a deep bath rather than a long hike.
Mr Amazing suggested that we look for a night bus, but nobody liked the idea. Amazagirl said that she’d taken one before and even though we were dressed as superheroes and covered in blood and sweat, we still wouldn’t be the weirdest people on it.
In the end, Dan agreed to ride Amazagirl’s bike back to his house and return for the rest of us in the van.
I doubt we looked very dignified as we hung around the side of a country road in our costumes. We got a few jeers from passing cars, but I was so pleased about defeating the town’s worst ever criminal I took no notice.
I didn’t get back home until after 3 a.m., but I still managed to force myself out of bed and got to school on time. Now we’ve wiped out all the crime in the town I might not need to be a superhero anymore, so I’d better pay more attention in lessons.
THURSDAY 17TH MARCH
Vercetti was arrested yesterday. According to the news, police raided his house and seized millions in stolen goods and illegal firearms. There was no mention of superheroes, thankfully.
Henry pestered me about the League all day in school, so I’ve agreed to bring him along tomorrow. I only really invited him to join the League Mark II, and now the original version is back, he’ll have to reapply to Dan for membership. But I could hardly refuse after he saved my life.
I’m starting to think Henry could make a pretty good superhero if he learned to concentrate. I saw a steely, determined side to him yesterday that I usually only see when he’s trying to get out of playing sports. If he can focus his energy on fighting crime and avoid getting carried away, he could be a good asset in the fight against evil.
I really hope he learns to keep his mouth shut, though. I know I shouldn’t have told him all those secrets in the first place, but passing them on to an obvious criminal gang was really silly.
I tried to teach him how to brood at lunchtime so he could become a more serious crime-fighter. We sneaked out onto the science block roof and I told him to look out across the town and consider our responsibilities to the public. He managed it for two minutes before jumping around and shouting ‘Ninja attack!’ He almost fell off and ignored me when I told him to come back and keep still.
Mr Singh heard the noise from the classroom below and didn’t believe me when I said we were retrieving a football. We both got detention for climbing onto the roof, even though Henry was the only one being irresponsible.
FRIDAY 18TH MARCH
I took Henry along to Dan’s house half an hour before the meeting to see if he’d accept him into the League.
Dan made him shout ‘I really hate crime’ over and over again at the top of his Voice, which wasn’t a great idea. Henry was already overexcited about the idea of joining, and this wound him up to dangerous levels of giddiness.
He also let him have a glass of actual coke, which didn’t help. He’s only allowed the caffeine-free stuff at home.
When the others arrived, we went down to the basement and Dan congratulated everyone on capturing Vercetti. He singled out Amazagirl and me as having shown initiative, and she couldn’t stop herself from smiling briefly.
Mr Amazing said my rescue mission more than made up for causing the whole mess by giving our secrets away, which was a backhanded compliment if ever I’ve heard one. I think he was trying to have me demoted from deputy leader, but Dan didn’t rise to it.
Dan talked about the vacuum of power at the heart of the town’s criminal community now Vercetti has been arrested. He ran us through some of the other criminals Vercetti has associated with and speculated about which ones might take over.
So it looks as though I spoke too soon when I said we’d wiped out all crime forever, but I don’t mind if it means I can keep on being an awesome superhero.
Henry shouted ‘I really hate crime’ every time Dan said the name of a criminal and he was soon walking about and fidgeting.
He began to fiddle with Pi’s remote control devices and I told him to sit down and concentrate, but he took no notice. I saw him pick up Pi’s electromagnetic pulse gun, but it was too late to stop him.
He shouted, ‘I really hate crime’ and pressed the button on the gun, plunging the basement into darkness.
‘Whoops,’ said Henry. ‘I didn’t know it would do that.’
SATURDAY 19TH MARCH
I stayed behind to help Dan after the meeting yesterday. Pi and Doctor Infinity got the electrics running again and checked all their equipment, and I gave Dan a hand defrosting his freezer.
He lost quite a lot of food when it cut out, because he always prepares and freezes his meals after his weekly shop to make sure the government can’t inject chemicals into them.
I apologized for bringing Henry, and Dan stuck to his line that it’s always safer to include new costumed Vigilantes in the League, no matter how idiotic they are.
I bet he wasn’t expecting one as silly as The Ninja Kid, though.
It made me glad that our part in the downfall of Vercetti was kept out of the news. If we ever get hyped in the media you can bet there will be a long queue of wannabe heroes turning up at Dan’s door, some of whom will make Henry seem sensible.
SUNDAY 20TH MARCH
Henry came round with a gift today. To thank me for inviting him into the League, he got his mum to make me a replacement cape. And this time she’s spelled the word ‘Loner’ correctly on the back, so my costume is finally complete.
I tried to test out my new cape by climbing on top of our roof and letting it flap majestically in the wind. Unfortunately, the wind was so strong it blew over my head and I nearly fell off. I decided it would be safer to brood at ground level on windy days.
Not that I’m in much of a mood for brooding anyway. We’ve just beaten our local crime boss, and I’m convinced we can deal with whatever threats this town throws at us next. The East Dudchester League of Costumed Vigilantes (incorporating The Central Region Masked Crime-Fighters Society) have assembled, and crime doesn’t stand a chance.
