Reagan paused as Joe came around the corner with a tray in his hand. Ethan sat up and offered his hand to Reagan to help her sit up as well.
“Sorry to interrupt, folks. I thought you might like some sangria?” he said, holding the tray out.
Ethan grinned.
“Good man! That would be perfect,” he said, taking the tall glasses off the tray and handing one to Reagan.
She took a long sip of the cold, sweet wine. It was delicious and completely hit the spot.
“Thank you, Joe,” she said, taking another sip. “This is perfect.”
Joe smiled at her.
“My pleasure. Can I get you folks anything else?”
Ethan looked at Reagan and she shook her head.
“No, this is great. We appreciate it.”
Joe nodded and walked away, leaving them alone again.
“So what happened next?” Ethan asked gently.
Reagan shifted her body back into the cushions so that she was comfortably sitting up, facing him. His smile encouraged her to continue.
“Well, I agreed to get married,” she sighed. “We went down to the County Clerk’s office and applied for a marriage license. Then two weeks later, we were married in the park. My friend Penny stood up for me. She was really the only one of my friends that stuck by me. I know she was against it, but she loved me and wanted to be there for me. After the ceremony, we went out for dinner with Penny and his best man. Just the four of us. That was it, short and sweet. Not really the dream wedding,” she said with a wry smile.
Ethan frowned, reaching out to take her hand.
“So anyway, the first year of our marriage was good, at least when you compared it to the rest of them. Unfortunately, I was losing focus at school and my grades were slipping. I tried to concentrate, but he hated it when I studied. He got bored easily and would get mad if I didn’t pay attention to him. I dropped out after my third year. I had one more year to go and I just didn’t finish,” she sighed. “I always regretted that.”
Ethan smiled kindly.
“Yeah, I get that. I always regretted not going to college,” he said.
Reagan smirked at him.
“I think you’ve done alright,” she teased.
He laughed along with her.
“Yes, I guess I don’t regret it that much.”
He grinned. “So go on. Keep sharing,” he urged.
“Well, we always had a good sex life. I mean, I think we did. I only had sex with one other partner before I met him and to be honest, that wasn’t so great,” she said, laughing.
“One day, when we were making love, he pulled out some rope. At first I was nervous. I wasn’t sure what to expect. He tied me up to the bed frame and teased and tortured me for hours. I loved it. After that, we just started to try new and different things, playing with toys, experimenting with pain, role playing. It was fun and fascinating.”
Ethan nodded.
“I wanted to top sometimes, I was curious about it. To be honest, it was more in my nature to be dominant. The thought of it intrigued me. But he wouldn’t permit it. At first it didn’t bother me, but eventually I grew to resent being topped all the time. I stopped enjoying it, but that didn’t seem to phase him. He became quite sadistic. He stopped respecting my boundaries, not drastically of course, but just enough that it was still tolerable.”
Reagan stopped speaking and took a sip off her sangria, the nectar a sweet contrast to the bitter taste in her mouth. Ethan, sensing her discomfort placed a hand on her leg.
“That must have been difficult,” he said.
Reagan nodded.
“Yes, in a way it was, but it was also just our normal, you know? He had me convinced that I didn’t have much value, and when a person has low self-esteem, they’ll tolerate almost anything. Anyway, this went on for several years. I know now that it was abuse disguised as kink. He was very cruel and manipulative and as silly as it sounds, I didn’t know I could change it. I was young and I thought I was in love. Unfortunately things got even worse when he started doing drugs.”
Ethan shook his head.
“Are you sure you want to know this stuff?” she asked him cautiously.
He smiled.
“Yes. It’s hard to think about someone treating you badly, that’s all. But I do want to know your story,” he said. “Please go on.”
She continued.
“We were married for nine years. I worked in a flower shop for many of those years and I loved it. It wasn’t a high paying job, but I enjoyed taking care of my customers, making arrangements, and helping people plan for events. It made me so happy and my confidence started to build. It was good for me.”
“And your husband?” Ethan asked, seeming to know the good times wouldn’t last.
“He worked his way through school and eventually passed the bar exam. The last few years of our marriage, he worked for a law firm in Los Angeles. That’s how we ended up moving down this way. Of course, I had to quit my job when we relocated and he refused to let me work once we settled in L.A. I know that sounds crazy, but I just couldn’t deal with the anger and the verbal abuse he would throw at me if I fought him on it,” she said, shrugging.
“He worked very long hours and did a lot of coke. Then, when he came home he would take downers so he could sleep. This became his routine. He was really fucked up and I’ve got to say, he became incredibly cruel. He was very emotionally abusive.”
“That sounds really awful, Reagan,” Ethan said.
“It was around that time that I refused to participate in BDSM with him. I just didn’t trust him. Honestly, I was afraid of him. We actually didn’t have sex very often at all in the last year. He hated vanilla sex. I think he needed to be sadistic in order to get hard, you know?”
Ethan sighed and squeezed her fingers gently.
“I knew our marriage was coming to an end. My only saving grace was that I didn’t tell him about most of my investments or the house back home in Vermont. I was going to, but he was terrible with money and he blew through my savings pretty early on in our relationship. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was probably best to keep my finances to myself, you know? He just assumed I had a small inheritance and when we got married he opened a joint account and made me transfer all my money into it. Thankfully he never pressed me further about it.”
Reagan finished off the last of her sangria, pausing to gather her thoughts.
“Anyway, I started making plans to leave him. My friend Penny had recently moved to the area as well, and we had just reconnected. She was the only person I ever talked to about it and she made me realize that things weren’t okay, that what my husband was doing was abusive. I guess I always knew it, but hearing it from someone else gave me the confidence to trust my own instincts again.”
Reagan smiled at Ethan, waiting for his feedback.
He sat forward and took her empty glass, setting it on the table beside him. Then he slid in closer to her and draped his arm around her. She nestled in under his arm and rested her head on his chest.
“So, you left him?” he asked.
She sighed.
“No. I was going to. I’d even made arrangements to move in temporarily with Penny and her husband, Will. I was just waiting for the right time. My husband was supposed to go on a business trip to Detroit and while he was away, I was going to move out,” she said.
“What happened?” Ethan asked. “Why didn’t you leave?”
Reagan was quiet for a few seconds. Then she spoke.
“I had discovered I was pregnant,” she whispered.
Ethan inhaled slowly and kissed her on the top of her head.
“Honestly, I was happy about the baby. I wanted to be a mother. We’d even talked about it, but he always said he wasn’t ready, or that the timing wasn’t right. I never really pushed it because, while I wanted children, I wasn’t sure I wanted them with him.”
“I see,” Ethan said.
“I was surprised
when I became pregnant because I was on the pill, but six weeks earlier I’d had a bad cold and had taken a course of antibiotics. I guess the medications interfered and the pill became ineffective. Of course, that was one of the rare occasions that we had sex. I thought it over and decided that maybe fatherhood would be a good thing for him, soften him a little, make him grow up, you know? That maybe this was the universe telling me to stay.”
Ethan gave her a shoulder a gentle caress.
“In the beginning, he seemed happy. He was more attentive, even kinder to me. For a few months he even tried to get clean, at least that’s what he told me. Unfortunately, his change of heart was short lived. When I was around twenty-two or twenty-three weeks pregnant he started coming home late again and some nights not at all. One night, when he crawled home at three AM, perfumed in sex, I finally got angry enough to push him for answers. He was drunk, and mean, and I probably should have just stayed in bed and avoided confronting him, but I was pissed off. He started slapping me around and then he forced me into the bedroom. My concern was for the baby, so I submitted to him. I didn’t think it was safe for the baby if I struggled or put up a fight. He tied me to the bed and slapped me around some more. I asked him to stop. I called out our safe word. But he wouldn’t stop. He even tore off my clothes and left me exposed. Then he walked out. He just left me, tied up and naked on the bed. My guess is that he was gone for more than twenty hours.”
Ethan gasped. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he said angrily.
Reagan shook her head.
“No, I’m not kidding. I wish I were. It was scary. I didn’t know if he was coming home or not. I was in shackles and I had no food or water the entire time. I had no way of getting help,” she said quietly.
“What a sick prick,” Ethan said angrily.
Reagan nodded in agreement.
“So, what happened?”
“Well, in a way the experience was life changing for me. I knew I had to stay calm for the baby’s sake, so I meditated. Instead of getting angry, I found peace. I started focusing on my blessings and what I was grateful for. I made plans and could see a brighter future. The entire time he thought he was breaking me, but instead I was healing. I was getting stronger. I suddenly knew who I really was and what I needed. I knew that no matter what, I would never be a victim.”
Reagan looked at him and Ethan smiled at her. She knew he was probably wondering what happened to the child.
“He came home around midnight the next day. He was stoned and acted like nothing had happened, like he had just gone to the kitchen for a snack instead of leaving me tied up for twenty hours. Of course, I’d peed myself and when he saw that he tried to shame me and make me feel bad. He unshackled me and told me I was disgusting and then he went into the living room.”
“The bastard,” Ethan said.
“I calmly took a shower and cleaned up and when I was finished I got dressed and cleaned the bed. I found an overnight bag and filled it with a few of my personal items and some clothing. I called a cab, grabbed my purse, walked past my sleeping husband, and left him.”
Ethan let out a long sigh, as though he had been holding his breath.
“Where did you go?” he asked.
“I went to Penny’s. When I got there, she convinced me to go to the hospital. I guess I was pretty banged up. She took one look at me and started to cry. Her husband drove me and, when I got there, they treated me for dehydration and cleaned up my face. The police came and I pressed charges against my husband. I actually felt really good, calm, strong and in control. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long. They kept me for a few days for observation and in the early morning of the second day, I woke up with severe cramping. I’d lost the baby.”
Reagan sighed and looked away. Her words had grown quieter and quieter as she continued her story.
Ethan honored her silence for a moment, resting his lips on her head.
Finally, he spoke.
“I’m so sorry, Reagan. That’s so sad.”
She nodded slowly.
“Yes, it was devastating, but I’ve made peace with it. It just wasn’t meant to be for me. That was just over three years ago,” she whispered.
“What happened to your husband?” Ethan asked.
“He was charged and served six months in prison. He was disbarred. Lost his job. While he was in prison, I filed for divorce. He didn’t contest it. He signed the papers and then it was done. I actually received the divorce papers the day he was released from prison. Two months after the divorce, I moved into my condo.”
“That’s good. And was that the last of him?” Ethan asked hopefully.
“I had a restraining order against him, but of course that didn’t even phase him. For several months he sent me emails asking me to forgive him, telling me that he’d changed. Yada, yada, yada. Of course I didn’t reply and the emails then became critical commentaries on how awful I was and how everything was my fault.”
“What a sick guy,” Ethan said.
“Then one night he called my cell phone and begged me for my address. He wanted to come over. He sounded high and of course I said no. He threatened me and berated me, but he wasn’t able to control me anymore. I was no longer afraid of him. I calmly told him to stop contacting me and that I didn’t want to see him again. He hung up on me.”
“And then?”
“The next day, I received news that he’d been killed in an accident. He went off the road and smashed his car into a tree,” she said.
She sat forward and hugged her knees.
“Apparently, he didn’t suffer either.”
“That’s too bad,” Ethan said wryly.
Reagan raised her brows and nodded.
“He was a pretty messed up guy, but the truth is, I’ve forgiven him. I actually forgave him before he even died. I realized that holding on to anger allowed him to have power over me and was holding me back, so I closed the door on that part of my life and reinvented myself.”
She smiled.
Ethan reached forward and touched her hair.
“And that’s when Lady Grace was born?”
She chuckled.
“Yes. When I was ready to start dating again, I met a very nice man who was also into kink. We dated for about six months and during that time we connected with other couples and people in the BDSM community. Turns out there are a lot of people who are into the lifestyle who have no one to play with,” she explained. “Anyway, my relationship with him didn’t last. His job transferred him to Chicago and we parted on good terms, promising to stay friends. Then, after he left, I started my business. At first, I would only meet people through referrals, or people I knew in the community, but eventually I felt confident enough to meet new clients.”
“Weren’t you worried you’d meet someone like your ex?” Ethan asked.
Reagan shook her head.
“No. In my experience, people like him prey on the weak. Besides, most of my clientele are submissive and extremely respectful.”
Ethan grinned at her.
“Of course there are exceptions to that,” she teased.
“And after all that you went through with your Ex, you were still open to kink?”
“Sure. It was during our marriage that I discovered I was a kinky person, but that didn’t have anything to do with him. What he did to me was abuse, plain and simple. I don’t associate the two things or connect them in any way. I could have been abused in a vanilla relationship too, right?”
Ethan nodded.
“Yes, I guess that’s true.”
Reagan smiled at him and Ethan leaned in and kissed her softly.
“Thank you for opening up to me. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
Reagan nodded.
“Thank you for listening. It’s hard to talk about it. The truth is, I’ve grown a lot since then. I’m a strong person now because of the trials in my life, but I won’t let them define me.”
Ethan shook his head slowly and
smiled.
“You’re an amazing person, Reagan. I’m just blown away by you.”
Reagan chuckled.
“Well, thank you. You’re pretty awesome too, Ethan. Now, what do you say we go for a swim?” she said. “Enough truth for one day. Time for a dare!”
Ethan stood up and held out his hand.
“Mmm, what did you have in mind?” he said curiously.
Reagan smiled.
“How about a skinny dip?”
“Let’s go,” he said, laughing.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ethan
Swimming naked with Reagan made Ethan so hot. He loved the feel of her flesh against him as he held her in the cool ocean water. They were far enough off shore that they didn’t have to worry about other boat traffic or prying eyes, and the crew were well trained to be discreet and to look the other way.
They spent the rest of the afternoon swimming, sunbathing, and sipping sangria. On multiple occasions he caught a glimpse of her naked and she saw him too. He was embarrassed when he got an erection while climbing out of the boat but she just laughed.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had such a relaxing day. Reagan was easy to get along with. Her laid back energy suited him well.
On top of all that, their conversations had depth, something Ethan deeply desired in a partner.
When it got to be time for dinner, Reagan left him to clean up, promising to meet him on the main deck at six thirty.
Ethan slipped into another state room and took a long shower. He allowed the warm water to rinse the day’s activities away, refreshing himself for what promised to be a romantic evening.
He wanted to make love to Reagan. He wanted her so bad he could hardly stand waiting any longer. He wanted to slide his cock into that beautiful pussy and feel her climax in his powerful grip.
He was so drawn to her, especially after she shared her story with him. He had no idea she’d been through so much.
She was confident and sure of herself and never gave any indication that she had experienced such great trauma. She just seemed so anchored.
Grace and Mercy Page 16
