“Ethan, please don’t come back. I can’t do this,” she said sadly.
“Reagan, I’m … I’m in love with you,” he said softly, a second after she hung up.
Chapter Forty
Ethan
Saturday morning, Ethan woke early and tackled some emails. His inbox was overflowing. Thankfully, the project he was producing was coming together despite his distraction. He had a great team who were efficient at getting things done, and most of his responsibilities had already been addressed. Now it was just a matter of managing his team.
He sat in his office for the better part of the morning and plowed through them, allowing his work to steady his nerves. He was just about ready to pack it in and take a dip in the pool when his cell phone signaled the front gate.
He opened the app and saw it was Mia. He took a deep breath as he opened the gate for her, concerned that there might be some photographers waiting to pounce on her. He went to the front door and stepped out onto the porch to wait for her.
“Hi there,” she said as she walked up the front steps.
Ethan nodded, reserving his smile. He wasn’t sure what the purpose of her visit was because the last time they’d spoken, they’d had a fight.
She offered him a hug as she approached and he accepted it cooly.
“Thanks for letting me in,” she said.
“Of course. Were the paparazzi at the gate?”
She shook her head.
“I didn’t see any, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t lurking in the bushes,” she said.
Ethan stepped aside and held the door for her. She walked in and he followed, closing the door behind them.
“Did I interrupt anything?” she asked.
He raised his brows. It wasn’t like Mia to be concerned about things like that.
“No, I just finished some things for work and was going to take a swim. Do you want something to drink? We can go sit on the patio,” he said, walking to the kitchen.
She followed behind him.
“Can I have a beer?” she asked.
Ethan turned around and looked at her closely. He was no expert, but he knew enough about pregnant women to know they shouldn’t be drinking.
“A beer? Are you sure you don’t want an ice tea or something?” he asked carefully.
She shook her head.
“A beer is good,” she said flatly.
He shrugged and grabbed two beers from the fridge. They made their way to the patio and sat under the shade of the umbrella. Ethan opened her beer and passed it to her and then opened his own.
She took a long swig and wiped the foam off her lips. She set her beer down and looked into Ethan’s eyes. She looked nervous, he thought.
“I guess you’re wondering why I’m here,” she said.
Ethan nodded, his eyes on hers.
She took a deep breath and sighed. He waited patiently for her to speak.
“Ethan, I’m not pregnant,” she blurted. “I never was.”
He could see her hand shaking as she lifted the beer to her lips to take another sip.
“You’re not pregnant?” he repeated, making sure he heard her correctly.
She nodded.
“I know it was a horrible thing to do, but I lied to you.”
He shook his head, trying to process her words.
“Wait. You lied about being pregnant?” he said, his confusion giving way to hostility.
She pulled her shoulders down and shrunk into her chair. She nodded her head slowly, avoiding eye contact.
“Why would you lie about that?” he asked, baffled.
“I could tell that things between us were starting to cool off. I had a sense that you were going to end things when you asked me to meet you for lunch. Actually, I sensed it before that. I was thinking about how distant you were while I was in Canada. I thought if I told you I loved you, it would be enough to change your feelings about me, but it wasn’t. You started to break up with me and I panicked.”
She picked at the label on her bottle, avoiding his stare. He didn’t know what to say so he said nothing.
Mia continued.
“I know it was crazy, Ethan, but you pissed me off and I guess I was lashing out. You made me want to hurt you. Then once I said the words, I didn’t know how to back out of them. When I went home and I finally calmed down, I realized how stupid it was, but I was still hurt. To be honest, I did fantasize about getting married and having a family with you. I thought if you had a few days to think about it, you would soften to the idea, maybe even realize you loved me.”
She looked at him, her eyes pleading for him to understand.
Ethan was pissed off but he held his tongue. He didn’t want to lash out at her in anger. When he didn’t respond, she shrugged and continued.
“When the news broke, I had mixed feelings. I know it sounds shallow, but I was flattered by the attention. But then, I also felt anxious because, you know, I wasn’t actually pregnant,” she paused, taking a sip of beer.
Ethan wondered if she felt any remorse about how her little facade made him feel, especially once the gossip columns came out. He sat back in his chair.
“Anyway, when you asked me to come and see you on Monday, part of me hoped you were going to tell me you loved me too and ask me to move in, but you didn’t. You were respectful and calm and you fucking pissed me off all over again.”
Ethan shook his head.
“So if I had told you what you wanted to hear, then what, Mia? What if I did ask you to move in? What would you have done?” he asked, doing his best to control his irritation.
Mia pouted and shrugged her shoulders.
“Yeah, I thought about that too. I guess I would have just kept lying. Maybe I would have faked a miscarriage or something. I considered every scenario, and trust me, I was not honorable in any of them. That’s why I’m here. I had to tell you the truth, because even though I know I have my crazy moments, I couldn’t keep lying to you,” she said quietly.
Ethan could see her tears welling up in her eyes and he wanted to sympathize with her but he was still trying to process his own emotions. He was so angry that she could lie about something so serious, but at the same time he was utterly relieved.
Suddenly he could see light at the end of the very dark tunnel he had been lost in all week. He softened his face and forced himself to smile at her.
“Wow,” he said,“I am grateful for that, Mia. I’m sure it was very difficult coming here today and telling me the truth.”
Mia nodded and wiped away her tears.
“Yes, it really was hard for me,” she admitted, “and I’m going to make it right, Ethan. I promise. I’ve already set up an interview later today with Marisa Crewson, you know, the reporter from Entertainment Weekly? I’m going to tell her that it was a false alarm and that you and I are just really good friends and plan to stay that way. Okay?” she said.
Ethan nodded. He wasn’t sure they could stay friends after what she did, but he didn’t want to get into that now.
“Okay,” he said. “I appreciate that.”
Mia smiled and they sat in a moment of uncomfortable silence. She swallowed the last of her beer and placed the bottle on the table.
“I’m going to go,” she said, standing up.
She waited for him to stand and she followed him to the front door. She leaned in and gave him a hug, and although he returned her embrace, touching her made him uncomfortable. She turned and walked out the door, but quickly turned back.
“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I got offered an incredible part. I’m going to be the lead actress in a huge movie! You won’t believe it when they announce the leading man. This could be life changing for me, Ethan!” she gushed. “Are you happy for me?”
Ethan smiled tightly.
“Goodbye, Mia. I guess this little charade has worked out quite well for you.”
Her smile faltered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
&nbs
p; He closed the door, leaving her to figure it out for herself.
It was all so very clear. She was going to set the record straight, but not because she wanted to do the right thing. She had to do it before the announcement of the new film.
And she hadn’t once apologized for the anguish she’d caused him.
He let out a brief sigh, and then smiled. He knew he’d never see her again in his life.
Chapter Forty-One
Reagan
Reagan sat on the floor of her “play” room surrounded by her things. She had just finished sorting through all the tools, toys and implements that had defined her life as Lady Grace and had already packed a few boxes.
Although she was feeling confident about her decision, it was tinged with sadness. She needed to shift her focus and be more visible in the world, but she wasn’t yet sure what that meant for her. She had created a world for herself that helped her feel safe, and although it all seemed too small for her now, change was scary.
The thing was, after Ethan asked her to describe her perfect world, it hadn’t seemed that impossible for her to achieve anymore. Except for the part about being President of the Universe, that was going to take some planning.
For now, packing up her things allowed her to make space in her life, both in her heart and her apartment.
The first decision she was clear on was to adopt Ragnar. She loved him and he belonged with her. She knew they didn’t do adoptions on Sundays, so she was going to go tomorrow to pick him up, right after her visit with Bill. Normally adoptions had a three day waiting period, to give people time to process their decision and to ensure they didn’t change their mind. But she knew Penny would vouch for her and they would waive protocol.
She smiled to herself, thinking about finally bringing her dog home. They could figure out the rest together.
She looked around and shook her head. She was going to need a few more empty boxes and planned to stop at the corner store on her way to the shelter tomorrow. They would most likely have some.
She dropped a few more items into one of the boxes. She held up a pet leash and looked it over, chuckling to herself as she set it aside. She could use that for Ragnar, she thought. It had never occurred to her she might one day use it on an actual dog.
She picked up the packing tape and sealed both boxes, writing “Toys and Stuff” on top.
The next day, she could barely control her excitement as she rushed into the store. She was on her way to pick up Ragnar, but had to make one last stop. She needed to pick up the empty boxes.
She walked up to the front counter and waited for the customer ahead of her to buy cigarettes. As soon as he left, she stepped forward and nodded at the man behind the counter. She knew him to be the owner.
“Hi,” she said, smiling happily. “Would you have any empty boxes I could have?”
He looked her up and down.
“Please?” she quickly added.
He nodded and offered her a half smile in return.
“Sure,” he said, “they’re in the storeroom. Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
He stepped out from behind the counter and made his way to the back of the store. Reagan crossed her arms and shifted from one foot to the other, anxious to be on her way. She looked down at the candy counter, debating whether or not to buy something sweet. She decided against it.
She casually looked at some of the other things for sale around the counter. The entertainment magazines caught her attention.
She inhaled sharply when she saw a close up image of Mia Miller on the front cover of the paper, with the headline:
FALSE ALARM!
Reagan quickly grabbed the paper and read the article.
Mia Miller has set the record straight. She is not expecting a baby with Hollywood hottie Ethan McLaughlin. “We’re good friends, but that’s all,” she explained to reporter Marisa Crewson at Entertainment Weekly. “It was just a misunderstanding. Sometimes the press gets it wrong. While Ethan and I will always be friends, we are no longer dating. Our break up was mutual and amicable. We both have very busy careers and we want to focus on that right now.” There is good news for this up an coming starlet! She just won the lead role in an upcoming romantic blockbuster …
“Here you go, I have three boxes you can take.”
Reagan looked up with a bewildered look. The store owner stood in front of her with the folded boxes in his hands.
“You should buy that paper,” he suggested cooly, annoyed she was reading it.
Reagan nodded and tucked it under her arm.
“Yes, of course,” she agreed, fishing a ten dollar bill from her jeans.
She placed it on the counter.
“Keep the change. Thank you.”
The man grinned widely at her and handed her the boxes.
“Have a great day. See you again,” he said as she walked towards the door. Reagan looked back and smiled.
“Oh, I will!”
Once she was in her car, she opened the paper and finished reading the article. It didn’t say anything more about Ethan. The story was mainly about Mia and her Hollywood history, where she came from and where she was heading. None of it was important.
What really mattered was that Mia wasn’t pregnant and never had been. And she wasn’t dating Ethan anymore.
She thought about her last encounter with Ethan. He’d told her there was more to the story and maybe there was. She began to second guess herself for not giving him a chance to explain.
She had felt so sorry for Mia, and it had triggered so many painful memories for her. It didn’t even dawn on her that the story might not have been true.
Ethan had tried so hard to explain and she had pushed him away. She told him not to come back and he hadn’t. He hadn’t called or texted, even though the situation with Mia was now resolved.
Maybe he didn’t want her anymore, she thought sadly.
She folded up the paper and placed it between the seats. She would call Ethan later. She loved him and even if he didn’t want her in his life, he deserved an apology.
She took a deep breath and started the car. She may have made the wrong decision with Ethan, but she was making the right decision about Ragnar, and she was going to get her dog.
Chapter Forty-Two
Reagan
Reagan walked into the shelter with the leash in her hand. Penny would be so happy to see her. She couldn’t wait to see her face when she told her she was adopting Ragnar.
She smiled at the young woman working behind the desk. Reagan didn’t recognize her, but that wasn’t surprising. The shelter had a frequent turn over of staff. People always thought they wanted to work with animals, until they actually did. Most people thought they would be petting and playing with the animals all day, but it was mostly just physically demanding, dirty, work.
The young woman looked at Reagan with curiosity.
“Hi there, Kate,” Reagan said, reading her name tag.
Kate smiled brightly.
“How can I help you?” she asked.
“Is Penny here?” Reagan asked, looking down the hallway behind the front desk.
Kate shook her head.
“No, she had to step out.”
Reagan’s smile slowly faded.
“Do you know when she’ll be back?”
Kate shook her head.
“No, sorry. Is there something I can help you with?”
Reagan sighed, unable to hide her disappointment.
Penny would have made the adoption quick and hassle-free. It was unlikely someone new could authorize that, especially when they didn’t know who she was. She was anxious to take Ragnar home today, but she would settle for just walking him, she thought.
“Um, well I came to adopt Ragnar, but I’ll wait for Penny to come back. Maybe I could just take him to the pond while I wait?”
Kate looked at Reagan with a perplexed expression on her face.
“Ragnar? The black lab?”
R
eagan nodded.
“Oh, he’s not here anymore. He was adopted.”
Reagan shook her head, certain she heard incorrectly.
“No, I was just here on Saturday. I walked him myself. No one said he was being considered,” she mumbled nervously.
Kate’s smile disappeared slowly when she realized how disappointed Reagan was.
“I’m sorry. I’m really not sure of the details. I just got here. All I was told was that someone came in this morning and took him home.”
Reagan felt her eyes filling with tears.
This can’t be happening, she thought.
She felt her heart aching under her ribs. She’d waited too long, and now he was gone.
“Do you know who adopted him,” she asked, unable to control her sobs. “Was it a nice family?”
Kate shook her head.
“I’m sorry, we really can’t share that information.”
Reagan nodded and wiped her tears.
“Did you still want to wait for Penny?” Kate asked.
“No, I don’t think I can be here right now. If you see her can you tell her Reagan was here?”
“Of course,” Kate said, her voice soft with sympathy.
Reagan nodded again and walked toward the door, the leash heavy in her hand.
Reagan stepped into the elevator and pressed the number for her floor, relieved to be home. The universe had placed nothing but road blocks in front of her since she’d made the decision to change her life.
If she were a pessimist, she might have thought she was making a mistake, but she was more optimistic than that. She preferred to think she was being tested to see how seriously she wanted it, and how hard she was willing to work for it.
Yes, she no longer had Ethan, and that really, really sucked, but she knew she would be okay. Her happiness didn’t depend on a man.
Grace and Mercy Page 22
