by Daniels, Viv
“Dylan told me. He talked about you a lot.” She gave a small, self-mocking laugh. “Should have known, right?” She waved down a server. “Would you like something to drink? I have to order something every half-hour or they kick me out.”
“What do you want from me, Hannah?”
But Hannah just smiled at our server, a guy named Phil I didn’t know very well, and ordered two iced teas. Once he was gone, she spent a great deal of time rearranging the cocktail napkins on the table.
“You’ve apparently been hanging out here looking for me,” I continued.
“I don’t know what I want,” she said abruptly, still looking down. “I want to hate you, I guess.”
“That seems fair.”
“Doesn’t it?” She looked up, a rueful smile on her face, but as soon as our eyes met, it vanished. “It’s been a bad few months for me, you know? I didn’t get into any of the classes I wanted, I totally flunked my Stats midterm, I had a big medical scare, and then some bitch stole my boyfriend.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“About what part?” She raised her eyebrows.
“All of it.” I wanted to add something about how I wish I’d known she was having difficulty in Stats, because I totally could have helped her, but of course, I couldn’t have. I wouldn’t have. The rules.
I should have.
Phil came back with our iced teas and a small plate of lemons, which both Hannah and I reached for at once. Our knuckles brushed and I snatched my hand back. She took two slices, then pushed the plate over to me. I nabbed the rest as my pulse sped.
Hannah liked lemon in her iced tea, too.
“So, yeah,” she went on, squeezing the lemon into her drink and watching me as I did the same. “But what that whole health thing did was make me think about how, as much as life sucks sometimes, I should really appreciate the things that I have. I shouldn’t go out of my way to make enemies.” She paused. “And even if I want to hate her, I should probably at least try to get to know my sister.”
I choked on my tea. “You—how did you—”
“Dylan told me. The night after the hospital. Don’t get mad.”
“He promised—”
“I basically made him,” she said calmly. “Well, I basically guessed, and he’s not much of a liar.”
No, he certainly wasn’t. “You…guessed?”
She was silent for a long while, staring down into her tea. “I knew my dad cheated on my mom before I was born. My mom told me about it once, a long time ago. They almost broke up, but then she got pregnant.”
Stop, I thought at Hannah. Just go back to hating me.
“I thought that’s all there was to it. But you were there at the hospital that night. When I went in to see my dad, he was so out of it on drugs, he thought I was still you. He kept telling me to go away but calling me Tess, he kept mentioning someone I assume is your mother. So I Googled.”
“You Googled?”
“I can Google things, you know. I’m just not good at math.” She frowned. “I knew your name. I found out hers. I saw pictures of her art and recognized a few paintings. My father has some just like them hanging in his office.”
“He does?” That didn’t sound like him. That didn’t sound like the rules.
“So I went there. Do you know what else he has in his office? I do, because I went through everything. I told his secretary I needed some records for his doctor. Anyway, I found a picture of you. You’re young in it—maybe middle school? But I recognized you.”
That definitely didn’t sound like following the rules! “Is it the one with the off-center ponytail?”
“And the zit on your nose,” she finished a little too gleefully. “And your eyes. Your Swift eyes.”
I closed those eyes, unable to bear the accusation on her face.
“So what would you do, Tess?”
I opened my eyes, those eyes that were so much like hers, and met her gaze.
“I want to hate you, because you stole Dylan from me. I want to hate Dylan, because he left me. But you guys slid right off the top of the list. Right now, I want to hate my father even more.”
Sorry didn’t seem strong enough for what I needed to say to her. “I’m not supposed to talk to you,” I said lamely. “Ever.”
“That’s ludicrous,” she said. “You have no idea how insane that sounds to me.”
Spoken aloud, the rules did sound crazy. I remembered Sylvia making fun of me, here in this very restaurant, when I dared mention rules.
I stirred my straw around in my drink as silence descended between us once more. The rules were smashed to smithereens, but it didn’t feel at all like I thought it would. Where was the part where Hannah and I hugged and braided each other’s hair and gossiped about boys…boys we hadn’t both slept with, that was?
“I wasn’t in love with him, you know,” she said at last. “Dylan, I mean. I thought I was, but I know now I couldn’t be, because he didn’t love me back. I guess he was always in love with you.”
She waited, as if expecting me to respond. But I couldn’t. What was I supposed to do, thrill to the confession? I already knew it, since honest Dylan had told me. And I wasn’t here to gloat.
“That’s what he said to me, you know. As soon as I figured out he didn’t just dump me, he dumped me for his lab partner. He apologized, and he told me he’d always been in love with you.” She looked me over, appraising every inch. “I wonder if that’s why he dated me…because in some way, I reminded him of you. I don’t think we have many similarities, though.”
This glittering, blond Lady Who Lunches and her science nerd bastard sister? Not really. “I recognized you by your eyes when we met,” I said at last.
“You already knew what you were looking for,” she snapped and sipped her tea. “But you never answered my question.”
“What question?”
“What would you do if you were me?”
I twirled the straw in my iced tea, batting at the slices of lemon until they drowned. “I don’t know, Hannah. I have no idea what it’s like to be you. I have no idea what it’s like to have a father who lies to you every day. Dad—” She flinched, and I fumbled. Yeah, we were so not ready to put it like that. “Your dad…he cast me in the role of accomplice.”
“And I’m the victim in your scenario?”
“Not what I meant—”
“No, it’s fair,” she conceded, then frowned as if her tea was too sour. “I know what I’m doing first.”
I waited.
“I’m getting out of town. I’m not coming back to Canton next semester. I’m halfway through my junior year and I still can’t land on a major. I need to go away for a while, figure some shit out. School. Boys. Family…”
I nodded in understanding. “That sounds…nice.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I thought maybe Europe.”
“How are you going to afford it?” I could have cut my tongue out the second the words slipped from my lips.
She stared at me, alternately amused and pitying. The gulf between us was massive. Hannah had never worried how she’d pay for something in her life. “So that’s what I’m doing here,” she said instead. “Partly.”
“Partly?” I wasn’t sure how there could be anything left after this, the most bizarre conversation of my life.
“I’m going away. I probably won’t see you again for a while. Four months? Six? And I hate you a lot right now. But maybe once I get back”—she gave a little, self-mocking giggle—“once I’ve slept my way through my fair share of Spanish pool boys and Swiss ski instructors and forgotten all about that jerk Dylan you’re dating…”
I almost snorted iced tea up my nose. She was funny, this sister of mine.
She looked away now, off into the distance, and her voice dropped a few levels. “Maybe I’ll be ready for us to get to know each other.” She shrugged. “If you want.”
I thought of the horror movies on her Facebook page. Of the friends Dylan said
didn’t understand her. Of the way I’d wished to sneak her my bone marrow if she were really sick. “I would,” I said softly as my nose burned and my eyes watered. “I really, really would.”
“Okay then.” She folded her cocktail napkin, then unfolded it again. “That’s all I came for…except also, Dylan told me you’re here on scholarship, but it’s not covering everything.”
“Yeah. Well.”
Her pretty pink lips formed a thin line. “Dad’s going to pay for your school from now on.”
“I don’t want to live by his rules anymore,” I replied. It was easier than I’d ever thought it would be. Dylan would probably say that was because it was the truth. Dad’s money came with Dad’s rules, and I was done. I was here with my sister, and she wanted us to try. What was fear of my father to that?
Hannah rolled her eyes. “These aren’t his rules,” she said. “They’re mine. I went to Dad and told him I knew. I told him that unless he supports you in school like he’s supported me, I’m telling my mother he had a child with his mistress.” She stopped. “I mean…your mom.”
My eyes widened and my heart pounded at the very idea. It wasn’t the words that had bothered me—my mother was his mistress. Hadn’t I said it to myself a thousand times? But if Hannah’s mother knew, if it was public… My mom might be his mistress, but she also loved him. The rules weren’t just for me. “Please don’t do that.”
“What would you do, Tess,” she repeated, “if you were me?”
I knew what I’d do. I knew because I’d done it. I’d followed the rules. I’d stayed silent. I hadn’t argued with my parents when they’d arrayed themselves against me. I’d acted just like my mother, letting Dad’s desire for secrecy keep me from Canton for two years. I’d nearly let it keep me from Dylan forever.
And I was done. I was not that kind of girl anymore. I was the girl who’d risked my father’s wrath to pursue my dream school. I was the girl who refused to follow in my parents’ path of betrayal and lies when it came to Dylan.
I was done playing by the old rules. I was determined to make my own.
“Besides,” she added, “you and I both know Canton costs a lot less than he’d lose if Mom created a scandal or sued his ass for divorce.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Wouldn’t she just make him break up with my mom?”
“Yeah, because that worked out so well last time,” Hannah scoffed. “You haven’t seen my parents in action. Trust me. I know exactly how all this would go down.”
My sister was kind of ruthless. I kind of loved it.
“But what if he takes it out on you?” I asked, worried. “Withdraws his money for your school or…Europe?” I gestured vaguely to reference imaginary chalets and ski instructors.
She laughed at me, shaking her head. “I was left a million-dollar trust fund from my grandparents, Tess. Your grandparents, too, I suppose. So there’s even more money my father screwed you out of. The least he can do is pay for your college.”
I was speechless. A million dollars? I was ready to drop out of school over a couple of thousand. “This feels a little like blackmail.”
“It is blackmail. But so was what Dad was doing to you.”
This time it was Hannah and I calling the shots. Making the rules. Hannah and I. The very idea seemed impossible.
“He owes you this, Tess. He owes you a lot more, but this is a start. Please take it.”
I regarded her carefully. “You know, you aren’t acting like you hate me a lot.”
“Let me try again,” she said. “Please take it…bitch?”
I laughed and for a moment, I thought she would, too, but instead all the humor slipped off her face, leaving only raw pain as she looked at a place behind me.
I turned too, but what I saw only filled my heart up. It was Dylan, standing at the door of Verde and watching us.
“I think I should go,” Hannah said, and motioned for the check.
I stopped her. “On the house.”
She nodded and rose from her seat. I thought perhaps we’d hug or shake hands or something, but none of that happened. It was too soon.
And yet, it was real. I’d just sat there and talked to Hannah Swift for a good half-hour. And though it was horribly painful and terrifically awkward and very, very odd, the world hadn’t ended. It had only grown, ballooning up so large I was afraid it might snap its strings and blow away.
I watched her walk toward the exit. Dylan met her halfway. They hugged, briefly, and she said something to him that I couldn’t quite make out. And then she was gone. I ached for her. She might not have been in love with Dylan, but it still hurt. And there was nothing I could do. Not yet.
I threw some bills on the table for a tip—I was still a waitress, even if I could comp a couple of iced teas—and met Dylan in the aisle between the trees. Fairy lights twinkled down on us, white and golden as starlight. I’d forgotten how pretty Verde could be.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he said. His black hair was mussed, wet with mist. His coat was wet near the shoulders, as if he’d walked through the rain. His hands in mine were cold to the touch. But I didn’t care. “I went to the labs, your apartment. Your mom is back there, by the way. We should probably give her a call and let her know you’re okay.”
“I am okay.” And I was. This time, I really was. “I’m sorry I ran off.”
“So am I,” he said. “But I guess you had somewhere to be?”
“I didn’t know it,” I replied. “Sylvia didn’t tell me that she’s been hanging out here looking for me.”
“I’m sorry about that. I had planned to tell you about Hannah. After the presentation.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I said firmly. “This…she and I needed this.” I hadn’t realized how much we’d each needed it.
Dylan took a deep breath. “Okay. By the way, Elaine was looking for you at the reception. She was worried you were snubbing her, and though I think she probably deserves it after what how she treated me freshman year, I have to say, you kind of looked like a sore loser.”
Funny, I didn’t feel like a loser at all. I didn’t win the symposium tonight, but I still ended up with the best prize. A new sister. A life without secrets. And then there was Dylan. Dylan, who’d made me feel like I wasn’t a dirty secret or a second choice. That being with me was worth waiting for, worth fighting for, worth shining a light on the lies that had ruled my life for so long.
“Thank you again, for everything you did,” I said.
He shrugged. “The graphics? Whatever. My grand romantic gesture didn’t mean too much in the end, did it?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Dylan looked down at me, and the corner of his mouth quirked up in a little smile. “I know what you meant.”
Then he bent his head to mine and kissed me, and my new life began.
EPILOGUE
Six months later
Dylan rearranged the last box in the back of the car and slammed the door shut. “I think that’s all we’re going to be able to fit.”
I shrugged. The May sun bounced off the cars in the parking lot. It was a beautiful day in late spring, and classes had just finished. “It wasn’t my idea to bring an entire box of kitchen utensils.”
“You want to go a whole summer without my baklava?” He winked at me from behind his glasses.
I slid my arms around his waist. “Okay, chef. You win.” I kissed him on the nose.
We turned and, hand in hand, walked over to my apartment building. Sylvia and Annabel had come with Milo to see us off and were waiting on the curb. I’d had a goodbye drink with Elaine last night. She was spending the summer working for Canton Chem and was subletting Dylan’s campus apartment while we were away. In her opinion, the chance that he was going to move back in come fall was slim to none.
“You two will want a bigger place than a studio,” she’d said.
“We aren’t necessarily going to keep living together next year,” I’d
pointed out.
“Yeah, right.”
As we joined my friends, Sylvia asked, “How far are you going to get today?”
“Kentucky,” I said. We were budgeting three days to drive to Colorado, planning to take it easy and enjoy the countryside. We weren’t even due to start work at Solarix until next week, so we had plenty of time to get there and settle in. “Dylan has mapped out a course based on all the local specialties he wants to try.”
Annabel laughed. “Just don’t eat one of those butter sculpture things, okay?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Dylan. “Those aren’t for eating. They’re art.”
My mom joined us on the walk. “You’re sure you haven’t forgotten anything?” she asked. She was dressed for class, with her bookbag over her arm.
“It’s Colorado, Mom, not the far edge of the world. I’m sure they’ve got stores there if I need shampoo.”
“Well, I still worry.” She gave me a hug. “Call me from the road, okay?”
“You got it.”
She pressed a wad of twenty-dollar bills in my hand. “For gas.”
“Mom—” She needed this money for tuition. I knew very well how expensive school could be. She still had twenty credits to go to complete her master’s degree in art education.
“Please,” she said. “Let me contribute, too.”
I took the cash. It meant so much to her that she was paying for things herself these days, even if it meant spa pedicures and designer clothes were things of the past.
“Are you going to be okay all alone here?” I asked her.
“Are you kidding?” she replied. “I’m so busy I don’t think we’d even see each other.”
That was true. It was amazing how much bigger your world got once you stopped letting it revolve around a man who wanted to keep you a secret. Between our respective friends, classes, and jobs, it had been quite a while since we’d managed even a simple dinner together.
Of course, it didn’t help that I spent most nights at Dylan’s place. Maybe Elaine was right.
It had all gone down back in December. My father hadn’t taken too well to Hannah’s ultimatum, but my sister had refused to budge. He’d railed at me, railed at Mom, and my guess was he’d railed at Hannah, too, but whatever happened, it had no effect. For the first time in his life, none of us were letting him have his way. In the end, he wrote me a single check large enough to cover the final four semesters of school, telling me gravely that if I squandered it, I was not to expect any more.
