by Marnie Lamb
Kallie narrowed her eyes. “It’s a little late for that now, isn’t it?”
She walked away. I slouched against a locker, wondering what new plan I could hatch to make things up to the people I’d hurt.
But I didn’t have time to think of one before everything blew up in my face.
-16-
The Chapter Where Everything Blows Up in My Face
Here’s how it happened. I was standing with the 7D crowd at Chanel’s locker one morning, when Kallie and her dad walked past us, each cradling a tower of boxes. Miss Stephanopoulos came running down the hall, calling, “It’s up this way” and pointing to the staircase. The two of them followed her.
A little while later, they all came back down. A guy from art asked Miss Stephanopoulos what going was on.
“Kallie’s father is an artist, and he’s donating some materials to the class for the art fair,” she said. “That way we can all use them.” She smiled, looking right at me.
Meanwhile Kallie and her dad came in with more stuff. Kallie was carrying something draped in maroon cloth. Someone asked her what it was. “It’s my sculpture,” she said.
“Oh, can we see it?” asked a girl from our homeroom.
Kallie thought about it. “O.K., but it’s not finished yet.”
The sculpture was a group of figures holding hands and dancing in a circle. People crowded around Kallie and started asking a bunch of questions about her art fair project.
Beside me, I felt Chanel and the others stiffen like dead birds. I knew Chanel couldn’t stand seeing everyone so interested in Kallie, especially when no one was paying attention to her. She wanted nothing more than to topple Kallie’s tower.
And she got her chance a few minutes later when the packages and sculpture had been taken upstairs and the adults left.
It happened almost in slow motion. Chanel sauntered towards Kallie, where she was standing talking with Chu Hua. The others moved in behind Chanel to form a pyramid. An unfriendly look passed between Chu Hua and Tiffany. Chanel stared at Kallie, her lip curled, and Kallie stared back defiantly.
Chanel spoke, her voice dripping sweet sarcasm. “Isn’t it nice that Daddy’s here to help you with your work? Does he change your diaper or can you do that by yourself?”
I held my breath.
Kallie glared at Chanel for about ten seconds before she responded. “At least my father is interested in my schoolwork. Is yours?”
I felt like some evil god had slashed open the bottoms of my feet and sucked all my insides down a never-ending chasm. There was a collective gasp. Chanel began trembling, and her face and neck flushed deep red. I really thought she was going to tear Kallie apart like a wild animal, devour her, and use the bones to pick her teeth. But instead she took a deep breath, turned around, and walked into homeroom.
Her friends didn’t let Kallie off so easily, firing an arsenal of four-letter words until the bell rang and Mr. Benson came out to collect us.
The worst thing that could possibly happen had happened. I spent that whole day in a daze, including lunch, where the only sound had been Amber flicking her fingernails and calling Kallie every rotten name she could think of. When I got home, all I could think was that I had to fix this.
So I went over to Kallie’s and told her she shouldn’t have said what she’d said.
“Why is everyone getting their tank tops in a knot?” she demanded. “I know it was a bit petty, but it wasn’t any worse than what she said to me.”
I looked right into her. “You don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?”
I told her about Chanel’s father. Kallie’s face fell like a crumbling tower.
“Purple planet of Pluto. No wonder she felt so… Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“What? You hate Chanel. I didn’t think you wanted me to talk about her!”
“I know, but if I’d known, this never would’ve happened.”
I swallowed my anger at being unfairly blamed, and said quickly, “Well, you have to apologize to her. If you don’t, the consequences will be disastrous.”
She nodded. “You’re right. I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
The next morning before homeroom, Chanel and her friends were at her locker. I was at mine, keeping a safe distance, when Kallie came in. She approached Chanel cautiously.
“Chanel?” she said. “I’m really sorry for what I said about your father. It was really mean. But I didn’t know about your … situation … until Hilary told me last night.”
At the mention of Chanel’s “situation,” several people nearby looked up. Kallie finished, “I promise I’ll never say anything like that again. I’m truly sorry I offended you.”
“You didn’t offend me,” Chanel said coldly. “Nothing a hippie bitch like you could do could possibly offend me.”
I gasped but Kallie just bowed her head. I stared at her, wondering why she didn’t snap back a sarcastic remark. Chanel stalked into homeroom and Burgundy and Tiffany followed, smashing Kallie with their shoulders as they passed.
At lunch, I was standing in line with the girls, who were chittering about someone’s hair. I was thinking, O.K., maybe the worst is over, maybe they’re not going to do anything more to Kallie. Then Burgundy bought two plates of spaghetti.
I frowned. We’d all bought lunches. So who could the other plate be for… Burgundy handed one plate to Tiffany and strode across the room with the other. She came up on Kallie’s side and pretend to slip…
Then she tossed the plate of spaghetti like a hand grenade right at Kallie’s head. Wet noodles and lukewarm tomato sauce exploded onto Kallie’s face and chest.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” said Burgundy. People sitting at nearby tables were laughing hysterically.
Kallie didn’t even look at Burgundy. She stared at the table and began calmly picking noodles off her T-shirt (I noticed it was the one with the little pink animals) and removing bits of ground beef from her hair.
Suddenly Tiffany was beside Burgundy. She looked at Kallie closely and said, in a disgusted tone, “Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?”
“Barf face,” sneered Burgundy.
The roar in the caf reached a fevered pitch, like hundreds of hyenas at a bloody feast. Chu Hua and I seemed to be the only ones who weren’t laughing.
Of course, conveniently, there were no teachers around. So Burgundy and Tiffany strolled back to our table, licking their lips, and sat down to eat.
With Chu Hua’s help, Kallie cleaned all the spaghetti off and then ate her lunch as if nothing had happened, even though half the room was staring at her stained T-shirt and whispering and snickering.
And that was the beginning of it. The war between Kallie and the cool gang. A war where Kallie was outnumbered ten to one. Where it was easy for the cool gang to tease her because she had no one to defend her except herself. I won’t bother to tell you everything they did to her, though I still remember almost all their cruelties five years later. I’m sure anyone who’s ever been to high school can figure it out.
The name calling. Bitch (Amber’s favourite). Loser. Welfare lover. Moron. Geek. Suck-up. Nerd. Snotface. Retard. Psycho. Idiot. Freak. Slut (another one of Amber’s, which I thought was an appropriate description of Amber herself).
The alphabet of dirty looks. You know the one I mean. A for “You’re an alien sent to take over the planet. Help, someone save me from this evil force!” B for “Your hair looks like something the dog barfed up.” C for “Poor you. If I had to get my clothes out of a dumpster like that, I’d go naked.” And so on down to Z.
The wild giggling you triggered like a land mine when you walked past. The whispering and passing notes when you were giving a presentation in class. The insults scribbled in light pen or pencil on your locker door, dark enough for you to read but light enough so the principal and teachers patrolling the halls wouldn’t notice.
The times they’d “accidentally” slam you into your locker or ag
ainst a wall and then apologize, squealing with delight like pigs in mud. The used Kleenex left as a gift in your desk. The time someone put a broken red pen in your backpack and it leaked all over your white gym shorts, which you put on in class the next day without realizing it.
Where was I?
The worst thing was how it all spread, you know? Like the leaked pus of a pimple. At first it was only Chanel, Burgundy, Tiffany, and Amber. Then others started joining in, like Heather and Kyle and some people in our homeroom who weren’t even Chanel’s friends. They started laughing at Chu Hua, too, and called her “slant eyes” when Tiffany wasn’t around.
Soon it seemed like the whole class was in on it. Chanel would walk past Kallie and say it smelled like farts, and other people would snigger, like it was some kind of floor show. At first, I thought it was a mistake, that they were laughing at something else. But it happened again and again. These people didn’t bother to tease Kallie themselves, they just acted as a laugh track for Chanel, cracking up whenever she wanted them to.
But Kallie never bowed down. After that first day, she fought back at every dirty look or insult. When Tiffany came up to her and said, with a sigh, “Kallie, where were you when the brains were handed out?” Kallie fired back, “Way ahead of you in line.” Once Burgundy put a wad of freshly chewed gum, still dribbling spit, in Kallie’s desk. The entire class exploded in laughter. I cringed. But Kallie pulled the gum out calmly, marched over to Burgundy, and smushed it down on top of her desk. Then she wiped her hand on Burgundy’s white blouse. Burgundy’s face turned red and the class laughed even harder.
I wished I had Kallie’s courage. I didn’t think I’d be able to defend myself the way she was if someone started picking on me. Which was exactly why I was afraid to say anything. But after a few days of this, I couldn’t watch them insult Kallie anymore, and I decided to confront Chanel.
We were standing around outside after school. Chanel, Amber, and Tiffany were smoking. I don’t know why I was so shocked at this. I’d heard Amber and Tiffany smoked, but I guess I never expected that Chanel would, too.
“I’d really like to get that little bitch,” said Amber nastily. She never referred to Kallie by name anymore, only by one of many offensive terms.
I frowned at Amber’s squinty eyes and water-balloon lips. She’d never been my favourite of Chanel’s friends, and now I realized I hated her. She was poisonous and vindictive, and she was enjoying hurting Kallie more than anyone else was. I decided to make my move.
“Chanel?” I said nervously. They stared at me like I was an intruder. “I know what Kallie said was really mean, but she did apologize so maybe you should just … well, forget about it and ignore her … for your sake, I mean … why bother with her?”
Chanel narrowed her eyes. “God,” she snorted. She threw her cigarette on the hard ground, crushed it with her foot, and headed for the bus stop. Burgundy, Tiffany, and Amber followed, each glaring at me.
“That was really brilliant, Hilary,” came Heather’s annoying voice. “Congratulations on another stupid remark. Just like your friend, Kallie.”
She stomped off, leaving me with Lynn. That gave me an idea. Maybe I could get Lynn to talk to the others about leaving Kallie alone. After all, Lynn had never really taken part in the war. I mean, sure, she laughed when Chanel or someone made fun of Kallie, but she never said anything to Kallie herself. It was worth a shot.
But before I could speak, Lynn said, “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“About Chanel forgetting what Kallie said? Why not? It makes sense.”
“You can’t expect Chanel to just forget an insult like that.”
My shoulders stiffened. “Oh, I get it. I’m supposed to forgive Heather, who by the way has never apologized, but Chanel can’t forgive Kallie? That’s not fair, Lynn.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, life’s not fair.”
“And Chanel and them aren’t being fair to Kallie. Can’t you say something to them?”
“Like what?”
“Tell them they’re being too mean. Convince them to stop.”
“Hil, they’re not going to listen to me. Besides, I think you’re making a big deal about nothing.”
“Nothing?” I gasped. “Don’t you see what they’re doing to her? Calling her names like ‘stick legs’ and ‘vomit face’? You think that’s nothing?”
Lynn sighed. “A lot of people get picked on. So what? I can’t do anything about it. And I don’t see why you’re so upset about what Chanel’s doing. You picked on Marcia.”
I bit my lip. “I know, and now I’m really sorry I did.”
Lynn looked annoyed. “Whatever. And you better stop defending Kallie. Chanel might get the wrong idea. She might think you’re on Kallie’s side.”
“I’m not on Kallie’s side… I’m on my side,” I said, trying to sound superior.
“Yeah, sure, Hil.”
I watched her walk off to join the others at the bus stop.
But I wasn’t going to sit back and do nothing like Lynn. So I thought up new ways to get the cool gang to stop teasing Kallie. Whenever they’d make some nasty remark about her, I’d change the subject. Whenever they’d make some nasty remark to her, I’d look away like the whole thing bored me. I figured if I acted like nothing was going on, maybe they’d realize how stupid they were being and stop. But it didn’t work.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking if I was really Kallie’s friend, I would’ve defended her to the cool gang. After all, I criticized the people in her grade five class for not defending her. Well, I soon found out it wasn’t that simple.
Of course I felt sick about what was happening to Kallie. Mixed in with this sickness was a heavy dose of guilt. Kallie was right, I thought. I should’ve told her about Chanel’s father, especially after that thing with the ethnic shield. Maybe I could’ve prevented all this. Even worse, I’m sitting with her tormentors instead of with her.
But see, going over to Kallie’s side would’ve meant setting myself up to be picked on, too. It was like … Kallie was a prisoner in some war-torn country, and her captors were beating and starving her. I could try to rescue her, but then we would both be beaten and starved. And how would that help Kallie? It wasn’t like I had much power, you know. Chanel had a lot of people on her side.
I did try to let Kallie know how I felt. I mean, it’s not like I talked to her when Chanel or anyone was around, but if no one was looking, I’d shoot her a sympathetic glance. But she always looked away coldly. And she didn’t answer the notes I left in her locker telling her I was really sorry about what was happening and was trying to get Chanel to stop picking on her. She didn’t even return my phone calls.
All of this made me wonder whether I had what it took to be cool. Before, I’d always assumed that if I couldn’t be cool, it would be because of the way I looked. I was too fat, I wasn’t pretty enough, my hair was the wrong colour. But now I realized it wasn’t just my body, it was my mind. If being cool meant watching my friends torture someone, I didn’t think I could do it.
This war was taking its toll on me. Every night I had to pretend to my parents that everything was fine at school. Fortunately it wasn’t too difficult to fool them. After their first rush of interest in my schoolwork, they found other things to keep them occupied. My dad started going over to a friend’s house a couple of times a week to play some hockey betting game. My mom often went after dinner to see Mrs. Carruthers, who had twisted her ankle or broken her hip or something. I was grateful for the distraction but also resentful. Why did my mom have to pay so much attention to Mrs. Carruthers? She didn’t pay that much attention to me, and I was sure my problems were much bigger than Mrs. Carruthers’s.
And soon, they got even bigger. I started to feel I was being pushed aside by the cool gang. At first it was little things. Like how the girls would go on and on about what had happened in home ec that day, knowing I couldn’t possibly join in the conversation. Then I fou
nd out they’d gone to a movie without me. “Oh, we were going to call you,” said Amber, “but there wasn’t time. It was really last minute.” Once I was late for lunch, and they were all whispering and laughing, but when I sat down they stopped and wouldn’t tell me what it was about. I looked at Lynn, but she looked away.
I didn’t have too long to wonder why they were treating me this way. One day after school, I was standing at my locker in the deserted hallway, when I turned around to find Amber and Tiffany only inches away, arms crossed, staring at me. I gasped, wondering how they’d snuck up on me.
“We want to talk to you about something. It’s important,” said Tiffany haughtily.
“Yeah,” Amber said. “We want to know whose side you’re on.”
“What do you mean?” I stammered.
“Are you friends with Chanel or Kallie?” Tiffany said. “Because we’re not sure. You told Kallie all about Chanel’s father so she could blab it all over the school. And whenever we start talking about her you always try to change the subject. You think we don’t notice that?”
“Yeah,” said Amber, “you think we don’t notice that? And we know you used to eat lunch with her before you started eating with us.”
I tried to hide my fear by acting offended. “Who told you that? It was Heather, wasn’t it? She hates me. She’d say anything —”
“Oh, save it,” said Tiffany. “It wasn’t Heather. It was your best buddy.”
I thought about it for a few seconds, then said the only name that came to mind. “Kallie?”
They exchanged satisfied smirks. “Told you,” said Amber.
But I no longer cared. “Who?” I demanded. “Who told you that?”
Tiffany walked away. Amber looked at me, moving her head from side to side and humming. Then she leaned forward and hissed, “It was Lynn.”
“How could you do something like this to me?” I yelled into the phone.
“It’s not my fault,” Lynn said. “They asked me whether you sat with her. What was I supposed to do, lie?”
