Learning to Move Forward: Novella #3.5

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  Learning to Move Forward

  A Learning Series Novel,

  Book 3.5

  Written By: Cynthia P. O’Neill

  Learning to Move Forward

  Copyright © 2015 by Cynthia P. O’Neill. All rights reserved.

  First Print Edition: March 2015

  Limitless Publishing, LLC

  Kailua, HI 96734

  www.limitlesspublishing.com

  Formatting: Limitless Publishing

  ISBN-13: 978-1508754084

  ISBN-10: 150875408X

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  This is dedicated to my good friend, Stacy Nickelson. I would’ve never tried my hand at writing steamy reads without her challenge and her continuous support toward my dreams. You Rock!

  Plus, to my amazing husband, Craig, for putting up with my weird hours of writing and encouraging me to follow my dreams.

  A Note to my Readers

  This novella is a spin-off from A Learning Series. It fills in the gaps of Grace and Jonathan’s romance. It can be read as a stand alone novel, but adds to A Learning Series which follows the trials and tribulations of Laurel and Garrett’s love story.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Epilogue

  Chapter 1

  “This is total bullshit and you know it! I don’t need to see a damn shrink to tell me how my life was forever changed and fucked up by everything in my past.” I stomped my foot down on the floor and crossed my arms, daring anyone to approach me.

  I should’ve known better when Laurel invited me over to have tea and “discuss” things that I was being set up. My sweet cousin has always been trustworthy until now. I couldn’t take looking at my fiancé, Jonathan, Laurel’s husband, Garrett, and her, all staring at me, trying to convince me I needed help to work through “unresolved issues”—their words, not mine!

  “Grace, honey, we’re only trying to help. You haven’t been yourself lately.” Jonathan got up off the couch and walked in my direction. I held my hand up. “Don’t! I need a moment to myself.” I was about to head out to Laurel and Garrett’s pool patio to just sit and contemplate things when I heard my niece and nephew cry.

  I watched as Laurel excused herself and headed toward the nursery. “I’ll go with you, but don’t push me,” I warned. The one thing guaranteed to improve my mood was to hold my niece and nephew and just watch their little eyes take in the world around them.

  It’s hard to believe how much Lynda and Andrew have grown in the past four months; how much all of our lives have changed in such a short time. I still can’t believe all that Laurel and Garrett had to go through to not only become Mr. and Mrs. Waters, but to have their children. That now I’m engaged to become Mrs. Jonathan Waters, and truly have Laurel as a sister, not just a cousin anymore.

  At least the world is rid of the evil that was Walt Peterson, who was shot to death after he used mind control on his son to help him kidnap Laurel, who happened to be married to Garrett, whose birth parents Walt hated with a passion, to the point of killing them. The sick bastard even tried to have Garrett killed when he was a kid for overhearing the argument he’d had with Garrett’s father; just so there were no witnesses. Instead the jerk ended up killing Garrett’s Aunt Lydia, who allowed the Waters family to adopt him and keep him hidden from the Peterson family.

  Chase, Walt’s son, did his fair share of damage to Laurel and Garrett. Thanks to his father controlling him, he’d raped Laurel in college, which put her off men and her ability to trust anyone. Later on he ended up stalking Laurel, when she and Garret were broken up, to attack her, nearly beating her to death, but thankfully Garrett helped get her to the hospital in time. Then, once they were married, he’d kidnapped her and threatened to kill Garrett, destroy the babies, and make her his mate with the use of mind control.

  Garrett had been shot trying to save Laurel, while she went into labor that day, and nearly died on the operating table. You would think they’d have a few more hang-ups about what happened, but they’ve been talking with their psychiatrist, Jocelyn, and have learned to let go of the past and focus on the present and future, so they could experience love again.

  I watched as Laurel fed Andrew, while I fed Lynda her bottle. Laurel had a few bottles of breastmilk always on hand, for when the kiddos got hungry at the same time. I couldn’t imagine her trying to breastfeed both at one time.

  I took in how happy and content she was now. Andrew was trying to reach for her long ash blonde hair, while her emerald eyes lit with amusement at his actions. I remembered how a little over a year ago she just existed in life, only a shell of her former self, after Chase attacked her in our condo. She’d been determined not to let Chase win and keep her from living life, but each day I’d watched her withdraw further and further from everyone.

  She’d fought the idea of needing psychiatric assistance until I stormed out of the house and told her not to call me until she finally decided to wake up from everything. It had taken an extreme intervention from Garrett to get her to finally agree to seek help.

  I laughed to myself for a moment as I burped Lynda and rocked her. Life seemed so much simpler back then. All I had to worry about was Garrett taking care of Laurel and me dating Jonathan. Now I had all these questions, concerns, and doubts running through my mind.

  When I learned who Garrett truly was, that he wasn’t Garrett Andrews, head of HR at Waters Medical Industries, but in fact G.A. Waters himself, owner of a multitude of medical related companies, I’d realized that he owned the Waters Pharmaceuticals I worked for. I began to question if the only reason I got my job was because I was Laurel’s cousin; the one she’d be willing to move down to Florida with, if I had a job waiting for me.

  Did my job offer stem from him pulling strings? Was I truly good at my profession, or was I being appeased for Laurel’s sake? Would I have this career if it wasn’t for Garrett having been in love with my cousin?

  I’ve tried approaching my manager, Evan Daniels, on numerous occasions to ask these questions. But I’m afraid of what the answers might be. Laurel’s tried encouraging me to talk to Garrett, but I’m not sure I want to know the truth. What if I only got the job because of her?

  I felt a hand touch my shoulder. “You look like you’re lost in deep thought.”

  I jumped at Laurel’s contact and then glanced down at the baby to see she was fast asleep. “I guess my mind’s wandering a bit.”

  She leaned down to grab hold of Lynda and placed her back in her crib. I followed her out into the hall, where she pointed in the direction of her bedroom.

  No sooner had the doors closed behind us when Laurel wrapped her arms around me and held me close. “I’m sorry about all this, cuz. You know I love you and would do anything for you. I can tell you’re hurting inside and I just want to help.”

  I returned the hug, patting her on the back. “
I know, just like I’d do for you.”

  She held me at arm’s length. “Remember when we were at Garrett’s beach house and you left me there because I was acting so stubborn?” Oh, lord, no. Not this! She’s going to use reverse psychology on me, just like I do with her.

  I nodded, feeling tears surround the edges of my eyes. Hold it together, Grace. Don’t let her see you weaken.

  “You did me a favor by walking out on me that day. Between you and Garrett, I got the wake-up call that I needed. My life felt out of control. I had so much anger and rage pent up inside me, but I also had questions and self-doubt. I wondered if I’d done things differently, would things be better or worse. I blamed myself and felt the walls closing in around me.”

  She stepped back a bit so she could look at my face. “I see some of the same expressions in your face as were in mine. I only want the best for you, Grace, and until you come to terms with what’s bothering you, how can you move forward with your wedding to Jonathan? I can already see it’s taking a toll on your relationship. All I want is your happiness.”

  Damn her for being right! I threw my hands up in the air. “Okay, I give. There are some things bothering me, but I think I can work through them myself. I never had to go to a shrink when I lost my hand or when I was violated and used by my boyfriend. I managed to get through things before, I can do it again.”

  If you’d be honest with yourself and others, you’d admit that you feel adrift in the sea, barely keeping afloat. I need to remember to tell myself to shut the fuck up!

  I was about to dispute the need to go see Laurel and Garrett’s psychiatrist again when she added, “I shouldn’t be telling you this, because I was sworn to secrecy, but I think you should know Jonathan’s been seeing Jocelyn for a couple weeks now. He knows something’s wrong and feels that he might be pushing you too fast with the wedding and everything. If things don’t improve soon, I think he might postpone the wedding.”

  I was glad I was still near the door—I needed to lean on it for support. Calling off the wedding was the furthest thing from my mind, but there’s my wake-up call. I must have hurt Jonathan and I couldn’t deal with that thought.

  I hung my head toward the ground. “Fine. I’ll go,” I managed to say in a hushed tone. Please let this not be a waste of time.

  Chapter 2

  I kept looking over at Jonathan as we rode the elevator up to Jocelyn’s condo. He still took my breath away, just as he did the first time we met in his Italian Bistro, around the corner from our condo. His grey eyes, short cut auburn hair, and his heavy five o’clock shadow, along with a smile could seduce the panties off of any female, especially mine, made me melt.

  He kept holding onto my good hand while I moved my feet around, fidgeting. “You’ll be fine, Grace. Jocelyn won’t pick apart your life and over-analyze things like they do on some of the television shows. She’ll help you look at things in a new light and try to figure out what’s really bothering you.”

  In almost a child-like voice, I managed, “I know.”

  He let go of my hand and walked me backward until I felt the elevator wall against my shoulders. His chest pressed against mine as his hand came up and held my chin steady. His lips took possession of mine in a kiss that made me melt into his frame. His tongue invaded my mouth, seeking out my tongue, as his erection pressed firmly into my belly.

  Jonathan finally stepped back, trying to catch his breath, leaving me gasping for air. His hand continued to hold my chin so I was forced to look into his face. “If you think for one second that I’m going to let you throw us away because of something that has you running scared in your mind, then you’re crazy. I love you, Grace. You’re mine now. I. Will. Marry. You!”

  I loved when Jonathan was all macho and dominating. I know he’s been spending more time with Garrett lately and I hoped some of Garrett’s kink tendencies rubbed off on Jonathan. I could never admit to him that I liked it when he spanked me for misbehaving, used a toy or two on me from time to time, or that I just liked it rough as a change of pace. It was just too embarrassing. It was all I could do to not let him see me frightened when he said certain words or did certain actions that caused me to think back to the past when I was violated. I wouldn’t let those triggers control me.

  I was just getting turned on and feeling myself get wet when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Damn! I wanted this to go somewhere…maybe later!

  Jocelyn Matson greeted both of us with warm hugs. She’d been a fixture in Laurel and Garrett’s house over the past few months, since the kids were born. Both of them had been dealing with severe nightmares over the kidnapping and shooting and it was amazing how just a few sessions had made such a huge difference in both of their demeanors.

  We were guided to her living room, where there was a huge sofa, a couple of chairs, and a panoramic view of Lake Eola. Everything felt so tranquil here. I was lost admiring the view when I heard Jonathan’s throat clear.

  “Did you want me to stay with you or sit in the other room?” He’d already taken a seat beside me, but seemed ready to do my bidding.

  I looked at Jocelyn, who just nodded in approval.

  “I guess you can stay.” I didn’t really want him hearing everything that might be messed up in my head, but at the same time I realized he’d soon be my husband and he did have a right to know what was bothering me.

  The words seemed to work magic as he leaned back and seemed to relax.

  Jocelyn spoke up. “Jonathan has given his permission to discuss some of the items we’ve been working on for the past month.”

  My eyes widened. “You’ve been coming a month and never told me!” I was in shock. According to Laurel, it’d only been a couple of times.

  Jocelyn spoke up. “Why don’t we take this opportunity to start the session with why you’ve been here, Jonathan?”

  He turned toward me, a serious look about his face. “I was scared.” He took a deep breath in and began to explain. “I don’t know that much about your past and I’m not sure if you have some crazy ex that might come after you, so I proposed quickly. What my brother and Laurel went through just to be together and then almost losing one another, along with their babies, it scared the shit out of me. I can’t risk losing you, Grace. You’re the first person in my life who gets my quirkiness.”

  My mind was going a mile a minute. Was he telling me the only reason he proposed was that he was scared he might lose me?

  “I admit I was scared I’d lose you.” He’s a freaking mind reader! “But more importantly, seeing what they went through and knowing the feelings I have for you, I just couldn’t imagine life without you. I may have asked rather hastily, but I truly don’t want to live a day without you in my life.”

  “You never told me how you proposed and when?” Jocelyn asked.

  He sat back, holding his hands together. I laid my hand on his leg, giving him a squeeze of encouragement. “The events that happened when my niece and nephew were born tore me to shreds. I kept having nightmares about the situation, putting Grace and myself in their places. I was ready to kill the bastard for how hard he’d punched her face, causing her to have stitches. I felt that if I didn’t act quickly I might miss my chance.”

  He turned toward me and held my hand between both of his. “I love you with all my heart, Grace. I’ve searched a long time for someone who’d challenge me both in life and in the bedroom. I’ve wanted someone to be my partner and my equal, but when I saw what Chase had done to your face, I was ready to tear the bastard limb from limb. It made me realize I could’ve lost you then. What if he hadn’t punched you, but instead killed you? What if I never got to wake up with you beside me again? What if I never heard your laugh again or your crazy outlook on life?”

  Jonathan released my hand and stood abruptly. He paced around the room, running his hand through his hair. “I-I-I just didn’t want to miss out on my chance of happiness with someone I’m so head over heels with.”

  He crouched
down and looked me in the eyes, a small smile spreading across his face. “I started designing the wedding ring the day after Garrett and Laurel’s twins were born.” He looked back at Jocelyn and then toward me. “I called and made reservations for a nice romantic getaway to Curacao. I arranged for her to have a four day weekend and borrowed the company jet to fly her down. On our last night there, we had dinner reservations at one of the premier seafood restaurants right on the beach and had the ring delivered with her dessert.”

  I smiled at him, extending my hand out to caress his face, while his hand still lay on my lower forearm above my prosthetic. He was too choked up to continue, so I finished the story. “The waiter removed the lid to the dessert and Jonathan instantly got down on one knee. I thought he’d dropped something at first, but he kept smiling and looking at the dessert plate. There in chocolate were the words, “Marry Me?” with a small chocolate cake, fruit, and whipped cream trimmings and a strawberry on top, balancing the ring.”

  The memories of that perfect night and weekend came flooding back and I started getting emotional, letting a few tears slip. Jonathan used his thumbs to wipe away my tears and cradled my face in his hands. I love when he does that, I melted into his caress.

  “What was your response to Jonathan? Plus, how did reliving that moment make you feel?” Jocelyn pondered.

  “The weekend was very special to me, with or without the engagement.”

  “Why is that?” she countered.

  “I realized how much fun we have when we’re together and we don’t have to worry about one of our family members being kidnapped or hurt. The memory brings me happiness and peace, but I did hesitate with my response,” I admitted, looking down in my lap.