Dad’s hand came up to pat my shoulder. “Honey, why didn’t you come to us?”
I replied, “How could I? Neither of you wanted to talk to me about my problems, instead telling me I should deal with them on my own as an adult would. For Christ’s sake, I was only 16! It was normal for someone my age to feel confused, add the fact that I’d almost died to the mix, lost all my friends, and so forth…there’s no way I was prepared to deal with life on my own then.”
“Well, fuck!”
I think everyone’s heads did a double take, because that surely didn’t come from my mother’s mouth. I stared at her in confusion, wondering if I might have said it out loud and not realized it, because I was known to have a bit of a potty mouth at times. Jonathan had been working with me to clean up my choice of words.
“What’s everyone looking at? Geez, you’d think no one’s ever heard a person say the word fuck before.” Her eyes turned toward me. “What can we say? We were stupid, we didn’t know how to deal with the challenges you would face and had no clue about the chaos your life had become. We should get a swift kick in the ass for that.”
“Is that all that transpired, Grace?” my father asked, concern etched on his face.
I shook my head, knowing that I had to come clean. “No. I don’t know if you remember Barry. I’d only dated him for a short time when I was 18.”
You could tell my dad was clueless and my mother was trying to recall who he was, when she asked, “Was that the college guy who drove the small BMW?”
I nodded and started crying again.
“Wasn’t that around the time you became extremely moody and…” Her eyes bulged out in alarm. “What did he do?” Her voice was furious.
“He seemed okay at first, taking me out on dates and then he talked me into sleeping with him.” I watched as their faces expressed disapproval of my actions. “I’d already lost my virginity earlier with a friend. But when I dated Barry, I was feeling vulnerable and unwanted because I wasn’t a whole person. He made me believe that I was desirable and I fell for it.”
My dad butted in. “He used you?” His voice raised in anguish.
“Yes,” I admitted sheepishly. “I heard him bragging about how he’d gotten a piece of my damaged ass and was going back for more. He didn’t know I was listening. I decided to go out with him once more so I could dump his ass and he could experience rejection.”
I took a deep breath in and finally admitted the truth. “Things didn’t go as planned that night. Barry took unfair advantage of me, despite me telling him no. I was able to speed dial Donny, but that was before I blacked out. He and Freddie managed to find me and save me from Barry before too much damage was done. I was embarrassed for falling prey to that asshole. All I wanted to do was get as far away from the town, the memories, and even both of you, as possible.”
My mother broke down sobbing, while my dad spouted several profanities. “I’ll kill the son of a bitch!”
“No need to, Dad. He got his payback. He ended up in jail for drug dealing on campus and became some cell mate’s bitch.”
My dad nodded. “Good. He deserved that and much worse.” His eyes held remorse. “Why didn’t you come to us?”
“I didn’t think I could. I felt I’d already screwed up and let you down since I wasn’t perfect any more. I didn’t want you to think even less of me.” Finally, the truth and everything had been revealed.
The room was eerily quiet. I took the time to reflect on how I was feeling and felt a little better, but we still had a long ways to go.
Without warning, my parents wrapped their arms around me in a group hug. “We could never think less of you. No matter what life dishes out, what you choose to do or not do, you’ll always be our daughter, and starting now, we want to be included in your life while we’re still able to be. We have a lot of time to make up for. Can we at least try?” my father pleaded.
“Of course we can. But we can’t let our differing views cloud our judgment or cause chaos between us. The lines of communication only work if they’re open in both directions. If we can’t do it on our own, then I’d like to use my therapist to help us.”
They both nodded in agreement.
I felt Jonathan give my back a little nudge, which reminded me to ask. “Why are you being so difficult and not letting us have any say in our wedding?”
My mother relaxed a bit. “For starters, you’re our only daughter, our only child, so we want the best for you. You only get married once in a lifetime and I just want to make sure it will be a day you’ll always remember.”
She reached up to push one of my blonde curls out of my face and behind my ear. “I’m sorry if it seemed like we were taking over. We know it’s your day; we just want to ensure it’s the best day ever. You’re marrying a wonderful man, whom we’re happy to call son. We can tell Jonathan cares deeply for you otherwise he wouldn’t be here with you discussing everything. You’ve done well with your career and life. So forgive us if we’re a bit proud and wanting to show you off.”
“That’s what all this amounts to? You want to show me off?” It was hard to shock me, but it just happened. I can’t believe they’re really proud of me. I feel like I’m walking on air now.
Jonathan spoke up. “You need to tone things down a bit in regards to the wedding. She was so upset the other day, I had to grab some take-out and calm her down with a nice bubble bath and some TLC. We couldn’t be around everyone at my parents’ house.”
He shook his head. “She wanted to call off the wedding and elope. It was all I could do to get her to reconsider. That’s when we opted to go see our therapist the next day and have a long discussion. Grace needs her family around her, but I won’t let any harm, put downs, or cross words be spoken in front of her, ever! Otherwise, you’ll be dealing with me and my family. We love her wholeheartedly. We always have.”
My father released me and walked over to where Jonathan now stood and embraced him. “Grace found a good man when your paths crossed. I’m thankful she has you and your family.” He stepped back and gave him a warning. “Just treat her right or you’ll have to deal with both of us.”
My sweetie laughed, looking relieved. “That won’t be a problem, sir. She’s my world.”
So it turned out that fear and a lack of communication was to blame for my parents’ behavior, but something kept bugging me. “Why did you try so hard to avoid talking with me?”
“We thought you didn’t want us in your life anymore. We hoped that by delaying our chat, we could still be a part of your world,” my mother admitted with her eyes full of tears.
“You’ll always be my parents. Granted, we may not always see eye to eye, but you both have a place in my heart. All I’ve ever wanted was to have a place in yours.”
All of us, Laurel and Jonathan included, hugged and cried before finally parting ways and heading back home.
I was so glad to get this out in the open, especially when we were only a week away from the wedding.
Chapter 11
The writing in my notebook stopped, because I was now free to voice my problems and concerns with everyone around me without fear of being cast out or abandoned.
Jocelyn discharged me from her care and told me her phone and office was always open, should I need to talk. “I think you’re back on solid ground now and can manage on your own.”
It’s been a little over a week since I talked with my parents and we’ve made progress. Dad calls me almost daily to chat for a few minutes and check to see how I’m doing. Mom has lightened up considerably and is finally listening to what I want for the wedding of my dreams.
Wow, the wedding of my dreams is tomorrow. I can’t believe I’ll actually be Mrs. Jonathan Waters tomorrow. Most brides have to try to fit into their new families, but with the Waters, you’re adopted in and made to feel right at home. I’ve known them for so long now that the only thing that will change tomorrow will be my last name.
The one downside to us g
etting married tomorrow is spending time away from Jonathan tonight. Mom was insistent that I do the old fashioned “not see your groom the night before the wedding” bit. Come on, we had the rehearsal dinner and just got home. I technically saw him after midnight and he’s called me twice already to make sure I’ll be there at the altar tomorrow.
Laurel and Garrett were nice enough to put me up in a room at their house tonight. Garrett hired the same people who did Laurel’s hair and makeup to do mine, too. He’s also gifted us with the use of the company jet. I know we’re flying somewhere for our honeymoon and I was told to pack plenty of clothes, along with bathing suits. So I’m guessing it’s somewhere tropical, but I can’t get anyone to share with me where it is.
I keep staring at my engagement ring, wondering what kind of wedding bands he’s picked out for us. If it’s anything like the ring, it will be unique. The ring is a marvel of design. The diamond is at least a couple carats, set in platinum. If you follow it down the side, it comes around and wraps around the top of the diamond, almost like it’s hugging it. The sides are dotted with diamond chips and there’s an inscription inside that states, “Forever in my heart.–J.” I haven’t taken the ring off since the day he proposed and I never will, if I can help it.
I still feel weird wearing it on my right hand, but it’s not like I have any other choice. Jonathan helped me feel better about things when he’d researched that in some areas of the world, the wedding band is worn on the right hand instead of the left. To show that we are united as a couple, he’s choosing to wear his ring on his right hand, too. I didn’t ask him to do this, but I love his way of showing me how much he cares.
Last week, while I had my monthly and couldn’t do anything, we tried some of Jocelyn’s ideas about bending me over a desk, the sofa, or any flat surface, where I could keep two feet on the ground and my arms unrestricted. We waited until we couldn’t mess around, so we wouldn’t be tempted to push beyond my boundaries.
He was very gentle with me, trying to ensure we didn’t trigger a bad response or memory. He praised me for every few minutes I could remain in that position and gently caressed my arms, back and neck, peppering them with gentle kisses.
A couple nights ago, we gave in to the temptation of this altered position and was successful in finding release with one another. We tried to rush and put me back on all fours, but I’ve still got a lot of ground to cover before we can ever do that again.
The biggest surprise came that night when I was ready to start a new birth control pack. Jonathan suggested I leave the pills behind for our honeymoon and let fate decide where we go from here. He admitted that he enjoyed playing with our niece and nephew and wanted to start trying with me. I figured he’d be like some men who wanted time with their woman and wanted to travel before fully settling down, but he reminded me that we had a full support staff of family and friends to help us. Goodness knows, Garrett and Laurel haven’t slowed down with twins. If they can do it, so can we.
I hear a baby crying and get up to check and see that it’s Andrew. I look in their mini-fridge in their room for a bottle and heat it up before rocking him in the recliner. “What are you doing up?” Laurel whispers.
I look up to see her in the doorway and whisper back. “I couldn’t sleep and heard this little one crying. I figured I’d give you a break.”
She reached down to take Andrew from me and sat down in the adjoining rocker. “Thanks, but I can take it from here. Besides, I have a surprise for you.”
I hear someone clear their throat at the door and look up to see Jonathan standing there, looking haggard. “I know I’m breaking the rules, but I couldn’t sleep without you.”
I run, as quietly as I can, into his arms. I look back and mouth the words, “Thank you,” to my cousin, soon to be sister.
She waves us off and I feel I can breathe again, being in Jonathan’s arms. We keep our word about not doing it until the wedding night, for tonight anyway. However, we do get naked and cuddle. The warmth of his skin and the sound of his heart beat are sustenance to my soul. He surrounds me with his love and I’m finally able to sleep.
***
I awake late morning, by myself. I feel the warm sheets next to me, which means he didn’t leave too long ago. I find a small handwritten note:
To my beautiful bride, Grace. I’m so happy that our day has finally come. Meet me at the gazebo at sunset and let’s begin our life’s journey together. Loving you truly, madly, passionately, and always, Jonathan. XXOO
The morning has been a whirlwind of activity. I managed to take my own bath in peace, but my hair has been curled, teased, pinned, and set. My toenails and fingernails have been painted with his favorite shade of antique bronze. Laurel has her nails done to match. We’re told our floral bouquets await us at the country club.
My mom and dad have arrived at Garrett’s and my mother and Laurel help me on with my dress. The moment I turn, everyone has tears in their eyes. I flap my hand close to my face. “You both can’t cry or else I’ll want to. You don’t want me crying and ruining my makeup on my wedding day.”
Mom comes over to me, helping lower the veil to my face. “You look amazing, Grace. I can’t believe my only child is getting married. You’ve grown into a fine young woman and are now ready to start a life and family of your own.” She gives me a gentle hug, not to ruffle the dress any. “You’re definitely moving forward with your life, on your terms, and I’m so proud of you.”
I don’t think my mom realized it, but she just gave me the one thing I needed most from her; her approval.
“Thanks, Mom.” I give her a light squeeze back.
There’s a knock at the door. It was Garrett, dressed in a light grey tux, telling us it’s time to go.
From the moment I left the room to the moment I walked down the aisle, were all a blur to me. It wasn’t until we started saying our vows that I recall anything other than staring in awe at the amazing man I was about to commit my life to.
The minister said, “Jonathan and Grace have decided to exchange their own vows.” He nodded toward Jonathan to go first.
“I’d heard what a firecracker Laurel’s cousin was and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I figured us both being single; we could at least be friends and keep a close eye on Garrett and Laurel to keep them out of trouble. What I didn’t expect was to take one look at you and fall instantly head over heels. My bachelor card was punched, filed away, and never to return again. You were it for me. My only problem was getting you to see that.”
A little bit of moisture cornered at his eyes. “Fate pushed us into some pretty harried predicaments, but it showed me just how loyal, kind, and loving a person you are. Today, I commit to you my heart, body, and soul. I promise to love you with every breath that I take, through whatever life may bring our way. You are my forever wife and love.”
I was thankful to learn the makeup artist used waterproof mascara before we left the house, because the tears were flowing freely. I watched as the minister nodded toward me, indicating it was my turn.
“I’ll admit that the first time I saw you, I thought you were cute. I wanted to get to know you better, but thought we’d only be friends. I agree that fate rushed us a bit, but if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have opened my heart to take a chance on love; a chance with you. You’ve helped me learn more about who I am and life. You’ve shown me how to believe in others and in myself. You’ve helped me learn to move forward in a life that would be impossible to have. I promise to be your forever wife, the love of your existence, and to love you with every breath I take, through whatever may come our way. I love you, my husband, always.”
The minister asked for the rings and I know I said some words, but my eyes were completely mesmerized by the sparkle in his eyes when he placed the ring on my finger and vice versa. He picked matching bands that had a half of a heart, and when placed side by side, formed a whole heart, much like our love. Apart, we were each half existing. Together, we were the o
ther halves to our souls.
When it was time for the kiss, I wrapped my arms around Jonathan’s neck and held on with all my might, not wanting to break our connection. When we finally came up for air, after several catcalls and whistles from the family, mainly by new brother-in-law, everything felt right in the world. I know only my last name changed and I was now legally Mrs. Waters, but for some reason, the axis my world revolved on seemed to right itself and I knew life would keep getting better from that moment on.
Epilogue
We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe we’ve been married a full year now. Life has certainly been wonderful and ever changing.
My parents and I are closer than we’ve ever been. We’ve been making up for a lot of lost time.
Jonathan implemented my suggestions at the restaurant and now spends only a few hours a week there, unless he’s just in the creative mood and wants to tinker around in the kitchen to come up with new menu items with his chefs.
When we returned from our three week honeymoon starting in the Southern Caribbean, jetting over to the Mediterranean coast, and ending in Paris, France, I turned down Garrett’s initial offer to work at the WMI office. I enjoyed the pharmaceutical side too much. But life quickly changed and I needed something that would put me closer to Jonathan and give me more time in the office rather than out in the field.
Jonathan got his wish of getting me pregnant on our honeymoon. Who’d have thought the first month trying and we managed to bring home a forever souvenir from our trip. He kept gloating about how he had super sperm, but Garrett put him in his place, since they ended up with twins. Men and their pissing contests to see who’s better! Either way, my life needed to focus on being close to our daughter, Stacy.
Learning to Move Forward: Novella #3.5 Page 10
