I’m going on this date, even if it kills me.
Graham shows up on time, dressed in his usual preppy style—light khakis and a blue button-down shirt—bearing a small box of chocolates.
“Thanks, that’s sweet of you,” Blair says, tossing them on the counter as she stares at the clock.
Where is Road, anyway?
It’s seven at night and he still hasn’t come back yet. He’s probably out celebrating. Celebrating my misery!
“It’s great to finally see you,” Graham is saying. “It sounds like your work schedule has been as crazy as mine lately.”
Blair nods and tries to focus on him, determined to have a good time.
I’m going to have fun, even if that kills me, too.
They drive to the movie theater in his BMW, and Blair can’t help but notice for the hundredth time that Graham is exactly the kind of man she should be with. He’s smart, successful, and handsome. He’s a classy dresser with good taste. His car is spotlessly clean, and she’d bet money his refrigerator is organized down to the last piece of lettuce. He even smells nice. She breathes in his subtle, pine-scented cologne. In truth, he’s perfect in every way, and she knows they look great together. Like a matched set of luggage. Barbie and Ken.
So, why can’t I fall in love with him then? Why? Instead of some long-haired, tattooed asshole?
“Is everything okay?” Graham asks as they stand in line to get popcorn.
“Of course.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Because you seem kind of upset about something.”
“I’m fine!” she snarls.
Graham’s brows shoot up. “Whoa.”
Blair sighs. “Sorry, it’s been kind of a stressful day.”
“I see.” He nods, though he looks a little nervous.
The movie, some kind of highbrow drama she’d normally enjoy, might as well be about Smurfs for all she cares. Her mind keeps going back to Road, wondering what he’s doing. Cruising around in Isadora, no doubt, with some horrible Skank Factor X at his side. Probably Marla, though the image makes Blair want to scratch her own eyes out.
How dare he lower Isadora’s standards like that!
Blair squirms in her seat. This movie is lasting forever. She wonders what time it is, but resists the impulse to check her phone again. Road probably isn’t coming back tonight anyway. Why should he? She’s sure he has other plans. He’s probably lining up his next place to live and Marla’s already slipped him her key. The whole thing makes her sick to her stomach. A couple of his cousins will likely show up tomorrow to help him move the furniture out of her office.
Good riddance!
Then she’ll finally have her peaceful sanctuary back. No interloper there to leave crumbs on the counter and toothpaste globs in the sink, to torture her with his long, muscular body and delicious scent. No one there to remind her of all the things her heart wants, but can never have. And Mr. Maurice will have to get over his boy crush, too. Both of them caught under Road’s spell.
She sighs.
When the movie is over, Graham drives her back to her condo.
“Why don’t you come up?” she says, still trying to put a good spin on this somewhat disastrous date.
He looks at her with surprise. “Are you sure? You seem like maybe you want to be alone.”
“No, I apologize. I’ve been a bit preoccupied. Come up and have a glass of wine.”
“Really?” He hesitates, but then finally shrugs. “All right, if you really want me to.”
Graham parallel-parks his car on the street in front of her building, and they both take the elevator upstairs.
I’m going to have a glass of wine and relax. Maybe even try to get excited about Graham.
Those plans go out the window as soon as she unlocks her door. First thing she sees is Road’s beat-up leather backpack along with his red and black sneakers dumped on the floor by the entryway.
Adrenaline spikes through her. Her eyes flash over and sure enough, there he is, standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter casually eating one of his endless bowls of cereal. As always, the sight of him causes her stomach to flutter, and for a split-second she feels joy, but then she lets her breath out in anger.
Road looks over and she can tell the exact moment he sees Graham walking in behind her, the way he stops chewing, his spoon hovering in midair.
She marches over to the kitchen and throws her purse down on one of the tall chairs. “I’m surprised to see you here.”
Road’s eyes are still on Graham, but now they cut to her. “Why’s that?”
She glares at him, her voice icy. “You know why.”
“No, I don’t.” He resumes eating his cereal, but she gets the sense he’s on high-alert, his laser focus vibrating like a tuning fork.
Graham is standing awkwardly beside her, and Blair realizes she’s being rude. “Graham, this is Road.” She motions. “Road meet Graham.”
The two men eye each other and Graham puts his hand out first. Road reaches over to shake it.
“Are you a friend of Blair’s?” Graham asks, obviously bewildered to come upstairs and find a man in her apartment.
“He’s no one,” Blair says quickly. “Just an old acquaintance.”
Road’s expression goes flat, and she can tell he doesn’t like that. He puts his bowl of cereal down. “I’m Blair’s husband.”
Graham stiffens beside her. “Excuse me?”
“Road, stop it!” Blair hisses.
“You’re her what?” Graham’s brows draw together.
Road’s expression is still flat as he looks straight at Graham and says, “Husband.”
“That’s enough.” Blair glares at Road. She turns to Graham. “It’s not what it sounds like.”
“You’re married?” Graham’s mouth is open as he stares at her in shock.
“I am, but it’s not a real marriage,” Blair tries to explain. “He just showed up here unannounced last week.”
Graham is shaking his head, trying to process everything. “How long have you been married?”
“Five years, but like I said, it’s not a real marriage. I haven’t seen—”
“Five years?”
“Let me pour you a glass of wine and I’ll explain the whole thing to you. It’s not as bizarre as it sounds.”
But Graham’s face is red, and he’s clearly disturbed. “I think I’d better go.” He turns, heads back toward the door, and Blair follows him.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” she says. “Just give me a chance to explain all this.”
Graham doesn’t respond and before she knows it, her door has slammed shut and he’s gone.
She whirls around. Road is still standing there, leaning against the counter, a little smirk on his face. Blair marches over, her vision so clouded with rage that before she can stop herself, she shoves him in the chest as hard as she can.
He barely budges.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she yells. She goes to shove him again, but this time his hands fly out and grab her wrists.
“Let go of me!”
“Calm the fuck down then.”
She tries to extricate her wrists, but he’s still holding them tight. “Let go!”
He doesn’t reply, just continues with his iron grip. Their eyes meet, and his are searching hers. “Does that guy mean this much to you?”
Blair is breathing hard, trying to gain control of herself. “Why did you tell him we’re married? You chased him away!”
Road smirks, and even has the gall to chuckle. “He ran out of here pretty fast.” He’s still watching her. “Guess he’d fail your little test, too, huh?”
Blair blinks. “You don’t know anything about it.”
“Maybe not.”
They’re standing close to each other with Road still holding her wrists. As always, his burnt autumn smell surrounds her, permeating her senses. And in that moment, she wan
ts so badly to be done with him, to exorcise every part of herself that he’s somehow laid claim to.
“How could you do it?” she whispers meeting his gaze.
“I was just seeing what he’s made of, is all. Besides,” he snorts, “somebody had to set him straight.”
“No.” She shakes her head and takes a deep shaky breath. “Isadora.”
Road’s expression changes to confusion.
“I know you tricked me,” she says. “You lied.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m surprised you came back. Are you here just to gloat?”
“What?” Road stills, his eyes roam her face. Then suddenly, he drops her wrists. “I don’t believe this. You think I kept Isadora’s keys?”
“Didn’t you? Your wallet and phone were gone when I woke up, and you already had her keys.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“Took my wallet and phone out of your purse because I need them. Left her keys here.”
“You did? Where?” Blair glances around.
But Road is shaking his head. “You really think I’d go back on my word? Jesus, it’s some high opinion you have of me.”
“Where are they?”
“Did you even bother looking?”
Blair shifts uncomfortably. In truth, she didn’t look for them at all, just assumed he had them—that he’d betrayed her. She lets her eyes roam around the kitchen then the dining room, but she doesn’t see them. Blair turns her head toward the mirror she has hanging near her front door and that’s when her eyes widen. She sees them right away, hanging on one of the hooks. It’s the place she always kept them herself before she had to start hiding them.
At the sight of those keys, she feels queasy. She knows Road is telling the truth—they’ve been there all day. Between her hangover and crazed state of mind, she didn’t even notice.
“I don’t know what to say.” She tries to smile, but it’s obvious he’s pissed.
“Let me tell you something, Blair. You’re not going to like hearing this, but you need to hear it.” He’s watching her intently. “That is my fucking car. Got it? No more games. My uncle gave me that car, and seeing as he’s one of the few people in this world who ever gave a damn about me, it’s not something I’m willing to part with.”
Blair is silent. Tori was right.
“Why did you abandon her then?” Blair thinks about the way he left Isadora sitting in the driveway of the house they’d rented. “If she means so much to you?”
“Didn’t abandon her, babe. I left Isadora in your care.”
“Give me a break.”
“It’s the truth.”
“How do you figure that?”
“I said so in that shitty note I wrote you before I left.”
“No, you didn’t.” Blair thinks back to the note Road left her. It’s burned in her brain even after all this time. He wrote that he couldn’t stay with her anymore, that it wasn’t working for him. He signed it, ‘See you later, Road.’ The p.s. mentioned Isadora, but only asked if she could take care of Isadora and check whether Brody had a place to store her.
Blair’s eyes flash to his face.
Road is nodding at her. “Remember it now, don’t you?”
“Well, I did take care of her.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “That you did, princess.”
Blair’s throat goes tight and her heart hurts as the reality of what he’s saying sinks in. It’s all over. I’ve lost her anyway. Despite everything. Tears burn her eyes and she turns her head, trying to hide them.
“Why does Isadora mean so much to you? I don’t get it,” he asks. “It’s obviously not the money.”
She tries to answer, but the words won’t come. It’s all too overwhelming. How does she explain that fixing Isadora was like fixing herself? It helped her move past what happened, but also helped her in other ways, too. The confidence she gained driving her. Somehow, she and Isadora became strong and whole together.
“Talk to me, babe.”
Blair shakes her head. “I . . . can’t.” The tears and hurt that have built up inside her burst free. She tries to get away from Road, to go cry in private, but he doesn’t let her, and instead pulls her in.
Before she knows it, Road’s strong arms are wrapped around her, and she’s completely enclosed. Her head is pressed against his shoulder as she continues to cry.
He’s murmuring something, but Blair is too miserable to pay attention. One of his hands strokes her back, and all she can think is, I’ve lost her.
After a little while, she starts to quiet down, though she stays in his arms, her own wrapped around his waist. She pulls back and looks up at him.
“Guess that car means something to both of us,” he says softly.
Blair nods, sniffing, still trying to pull herself together. “Yes,” she whispers.
He tilts his head to the side a little, considering her. His hand comes up to her cheek, and she feels him gently wipe away some of her tears with his thumb. It’s a sweet gesture, but then he does something surprising.
Road puts his thumb to his lips, tasting her tears.
Blair’s breath stops at the sight. Stunned. She stares at his mouth, the same mouth she’s stared at a million times with wanting.
His expression is intent, laser focus turned on. He pulls the thumb away from his lips and brings it back to her face, slides his fingers into her hair, holding her head still.
Road’s eyes drop to her mouth, and she knows exactly what he’s going to do. Blair is almost dizzy. She’s imagined this moment so many times that it’s like it isn’t even real. A hazy mirage. An unattainable place she’s always dreamed of traveling to, but never thought she would.
He bends toward her and the mirage becomes solid at long last as Road leans in and kisses her.
She’s too stunned to respond, to even breathe. His mouth is so tender on hers.
The kiss stays soft at first, but then his lips move and Blair opens her mouth to his with a breathy whimper. He seems to like this because his kiss grows stronger, deeper. Their tongues explore each other as his hand continues to hold her head still for him.
Without thinking, Blair’s arms move up and slide around his neck, pulling him closer. A storm of desire crashes through her and she knows she should pull back, shouldn’t let herself go all in, but the rest of the world has ceased to exist. The taste of Road, so exquisite. Clean and unvarnished. This kiss is the most erotic experience of her life.
Until she remembers why he’s kissing her. Why she’s crying to begin with.
Isadora.
In a daze, Blair draws away from him.
Road’s mouth is open slightly and she can still taste his breath, so close, intoxicating, like every lovesick dream she’s ever had. Road’s hand moves deeper into her hair, his other hand on her ass. He’s resisting her attempts to pull away.
It occurs to her that he doesn’t want to stop. He wants to keep going, and why shouldn’t she, too? She’s finally getting what she wants—Road. Her desire for him knows no bottom. But then something else occurs to her and her heart sinks because she realizes they don’t want the same thing. Not at all. He can’t give her what she really wants, and being with him will only hurt her more.
Blair sighs in disbelief at the crazy decision she’s about to make, but like a junkie finally facing her addiction head-on, she knows what she has to do.
If I’m ever going to get over him, I have to have the strength to start somewhere.
Nathan senses it. The moment Blair stops responding to him, her body stiffening.
He’s confused by it because a moment ago, he could tell she was one hundred percent into it. She wanted him. So, why the sudden change?
At first, he doesn’t want to let her pull away, wants to keep tasting her because she tastes good. So sweet. Her elegant curves fit into him just right. Once again, he wishes he remembered more from that night they had. He’s been thi
nking about it all day, trying to remember. Can’t even remember what her breasts look like. He imagines they’re as pretty as the rest of her, though.
Blair breaks their kiss. His hand is on her ass and he’s wondering if there’s some way to convince her this is a good idea. Part of him knows it’s a bad idea, but the part of him touching her ass isn’t agreeing.
“I’m sorry,” she says, not looking at his face. She lets out her breath. “I can’t be with you. Not like this.”
Nathan thinks back to last night and how she was so drunk she’d actually offered herself in exchange for Isadora. Crazy. But then he remembers all the rest of it, too. Her telling him he was the worst lover she ever had.
“Why?” he asks, curious.
Blair doesn’t give anything away, though. It occurs to him that, in some ways, she’s as taciturn as he is, and maybe he’s misinterpreted some of her shyness in the past.
He wonders if it’s because she thinks he’ll be a disappointment in the sack again.
Christ, it’s hard to believe that’s what she thinks of me.
Those pretty hazel eyes are looking at him now. Even her brows have an elegant arch to them and he moves his hand up, running his thumb over the left one.
Her eyes drift shut at his touch. He wants to kiss her again, and so he does. He runs his tongue along the seam of her mouth, hearing her intake of breath. But she opens to him, letting him inside. They kiss some more, and Nathan wants her. Wishes he didn’t, but he does. He feels himself go even harder, trying to forget why this is a bad idea, and trying instead to figure out the logistics on how to make it work.
Blair breaks the kiss this time, too. Turns her head to the side and appears to be struggling with something.
“You okay?”
She doesn’t reply, and he wishes he knew what was going through her head.
There’s something about Blair that keeps pulling at him, despite everything. She’s uptight, but he’s beginning to see there’s more to it. All her lists and tidy ways, always trying to smooth out the rough corners of life, trying to make things better. He saw her doing it at his mom’s house the other night. Rearranging all the food so it was easier for people to get at, cleaning up the selfish mess others had made.
Return of the Jerk (Sweet Life in Seattle, Book 2) Page 14
