Slowly she nodded. ‘I lied to save my pride. I desire you.’
Desire. There, she had admitted it. Desire was different from love or caring about him. And she knew in her heart that it went beyond simple desire. She’d seen his gentleness.
The smile which covered his face warmed her like the sun. ‘The truth gives me joy.’
It would be easy to care for this man, but he’d admitted that he’d never love her and did not require her love. She’d experienced enough humiliation and rejection at Hamthur’s hands to last a lifetime.
She closed her eyes and lifted her face. ‘Then what are we going to do about it? Is there any point in fighting it? Shall we get it over and done with?’
‘I’m going to demonstrate to you what it can be like between a man and a woman and why you are going to crave this over housekeeping.’ He lowered his mouth to hers. This time there was a laziness to his kiss as he nuzzled her neck and his hands roamed over her body, cupping her breasts, teasing the nipples over the cloth until they became hardened points before he slid his hands over her bottom and pulled her close.
‘Hmm, I like that,’ she admitted, laying her head against his chest.
‘Then let me show you something else before we return.’ He held out his hand and led the way to small overhanging rock.
He took off his cloak and spread it on the ground. ‘I thought we’d watch the sunset.’
‘You are joking. Svana will worry.’
‘Svana knows you are with me.’ He patted a space beside him. ‘Sit unless you are afraid of me, unless you don’t believe my word.’
Ragn sat down, drawing her knees up to her chest. Against all reason she did believe him. ‘This is not easy for me.’
He leant over. His lips touched her forehead and travelled down the side of her face, making it difficult to think logically. ‘Overthinking. We are just going to sit and watch the sun turn the sky flame-coloured. Nothing physical, just two people enjoying...’
‘How will we get back in the dark?’
‘I know my way.’
They sat in comfortable silence, shoulders touching, but saying nothing. The sun peeked out from the clouds, bathing the woods in a red-gold hue. Ragn drew in her breath. ‘Lovely and unexpected.’
‘I regret that this hillock is too far from the shore and fresh water or I’d have built the hall here.’
Ragn closed her eyes and made a memory. ‘When I am old and grey, I shall think on this.’
Gunnar stood. ‘Time to go back.’
A vague sense of disappointment gnawed at Ragn. ‘Is that all?’
He reached out and rubbed his thumb across her lips. The thrum reverberated against her core. She moaned softly. ‘Did you think I’d take you here? In the cold and damp when there is a perfectly good bed piled high with soft furs?’
Ragn ducked her head. ‘I’ve little experience with this sort of thing.’
‘Waiting builds anticipation. We proceed at your pace.’ His breath caressed her ear. ‘When you are ready, I am willing to join you in our bed. All I lack is an invitation.’
She moistened her lips. It would be easy to fall in love with him except he’d admitted he didn’t love her or expect her to love him. She tried one-sided love once and it didn’t work. ‘And if it takes me a long time?’
His teeth nibbled at her earlobe. ‘You will be worth waiting for.’
Chapter Eleven
Ragn kept her gaze carefully away from Gunnar’s throughout supper. After returning from the woods without the Jul log, she had gone about her chores and tried to forget the kisses. But her heart kept whispering Hamthur had fundamentally lied, she was attractive. She might not have pleased Hamthur, but that didn’t mean she failed to please all men. Gunnar had enjoyed her kisses.
Ragn put her hand on her stomach. Those kisses and his declaration changed everything and nothing. And she was starting to spin dreams yet again and there was no place in her life for dreams. She sighed and pushed her trencher away.
‘I will bid you goodnight. The dogs and I have things to see to.’ Svana made a curtsy and hurried out of the room.
‘Svana has become quite the matchmaker,’ Ragn said with a feeble attempt at a laugh in the silence which followed Svana’s departure. Gunnar had to have seen through Svana’s threadbare excuse. ‘Pay no attention to her. She will have something else to occupy her interest soon enough. Perhaps I ought to have her do more weaving.’
Gunnar lifted his tankard of ale to his lips. His eyes twinkled. ‘On the contrary, I’m gratified that she considers me worthy of such a stratagem.’
Ragn was aware that her cheeks flamed and hastily lowered her gaze to the remains of the food. ‘That is one way of looking at it.’ She stood. ‘There is much to be done in tidying up. It will take me an age.’
He nodded. ‘I can’t tempt you with another game of tafl? You need your chance for revenge. You have trained the servants well.’
Ragn sank back down. He wanted to play with her properly.
‘I thank you for the compliment and accept the challenge of a game, but no forfeits. We play for the joy of playing.’
He gave a hearty laugh. ‘For now, I will agree to your request, but you will find I am persistent. We will play for forfeits again when the time is right.’
‘When that long-off time comes, I will make sure I know what they are before agreeing to them.’ She smiled back at him. ‘I learn from my mistakes.’
‘Always wise. Shall we begin?’ They played several games, with them being evenly tied in games won.
‘One more to break the tie?’ she asked, hiding a yawn.
‘Tomorrow. I’d hardly like you to say I won because you were exhausted.’
‘We are going to play tomorrow?’
‘Having found a worthy opponent, did you think I’d allow you get away easily? I am afraid you are stuck. We will be playing tafl. And it is no good saying you don’t enjoy it, I have spent the last two games watching your eyes sparkle as you outmanoeuvred me.’
‘I believe that can be arranged.’
She rubbed the back of her neck. This was what she thought her evenings were going to be like before she’d married the first time. Playing tafl in amicable competition, discussing the day’s events and having friendly arguments. It would be easy to fall for him. Ragn gulped. She already had started down that slippery slope of loving him without even realising it. When was she ever going to learn from her mistakes? He wanted her companionship, not her love.
‘I must bid you goodnight,’ she said.
His gaze targeted her mouth. She hastily wet her lips. ‘I trust you know where you are sleeping.’
‘I have the general idea.’
‘Good.’
She hurriedly left the room before he offered to accompany her. As he’d promised, her trunk had been moved into his room. Ragn rapidly undressed and climbed in bed. She lay still for what seemed to be an age, tensing her muscles, but he never came.
* * *
When she woke the next morning, the only sign he had been in the room was a pile of furs, stacked neatly on the ground.
When she arrived in the kitchen, the porridge was already bubbling and Svana sat with the dogs on either side of her. Ragn skittered to a stop.
‘Where is Gunnar?’
‘Gone out. He said not to wake you.’ Svana’s smile widened. ‘I assume you had another late night.’
Ragn clenched her fists. There was no mistaking Svana’s matchmaking intent. She knew her sister loved her and wanted the best for her, but it did not stop Ragn wanting to scream that her interference would make the situation worse. Ragn held on to her temper with the slimmest of threads. ‘Where has he gone?’
‘To bring back the Jul log you chose.’ Svana gave an overly dramatic sigh. ‘I can’t believe you forgot it. Sister. You obviously
had something far more important on your mind.’
Ragn inwardly sighed. Making a fuss would only encourage her in this wrong-headed approach.
‘I thought it would be pleasant for you to have the final choice. You always liked choosing it,’ she said pointedly changing the subject towards one Svana was sure to enjoy.
Svana studied the table rather than meeting her eyes. ‘I told Gunnar that I trusted him to choose the right one. Trust is important.’
Ragn tapped a finger against the table. Svana’s guilty flush deepened. ‘What else did you tell him?’
‘Nothing very much.’ Svana twisted the tie of her apron about her fingers.
‘Enlighten me as I know that look, Svana. Your “nothing very much” is something significant indeed.’
‘Just that you are interested in him and that he shouldn’t give up hope because you were being stubborn as only you can be. I knew you liked him a lot. I told him you had told me that.’ At Ragn’s sharp intake of breath, she batted her lashes. ‘He thanked me. I gave him hope.’
Ragn wanted to collapse in a heap and have the earth swallow her. Svana had no idea the trouble she had caused. ‘Stay here. You have made matters far worse.’
Svana’s face instantly fell. ‘I was only trying to help. He likes how you look, Ragn. You two should have babies. I want to be an aunt.’
Not allowing herself time to think about the possible implications, Ragn grabbed her cloak and headed out into the morning mist. Everywhere sparkled. The spiders’ webs appeared as if they were laced with jewels and her breath made soft plumes of steam.
It was easy to retrace her steps from last evening and discover Gunnar standing in front of a stand of trees. The morning mist made it seem like his hair sparkled with diamonds.
He’d just finished ordering several of his men to move the log she’d favoured when she went into the clearing.
He cocked his head to one side. ‘Are you coming to check I chose the right one?’
‘I wanted to speak to you.’ Ragn hoped he could not see she was trembling. Suddenly coming out here was the worst idea she’d had for a long time.
‘You are here. I am here. Speak.’
Ragn gestured towards the men who had stopped moving the log and were regarding her with ill-disguised interest. ‘Alone.’
Gunnar nodded at his men, who began to move the log again. They had soon disappeared, but the knowing winks and barely concealed crude gestures unnerved her. They had considered she had come out here to have sex with him.
‘I must apologise for my men. They keep telling me I’m on my honeymoon,’ he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence which had sprung after the last remark faded on the breeze.
She forced her eyes to widen. ‘I know what men can be like.’
‘What is wrong, Ragnhild? Who has frightened you?’
Ragn’s heart sunk lower. She was back to being Ragnhild. Proof if she required that her gut instinct had been correct.
‘Svana told me what she had done. I knew I had to come out at once and make things right.’
Gunnar turned away from her and seemed to examine a pile of dead leaves. ‘What has she done? What mischief have she and the dogs been involved in?’
Ragn tightened the cloak about her, aware that her cheeks flamed. This was far harder than she’d first considered, particularly after the remarks his men had made. ‘She has tried very inexpertly to play at matchmaking. I want to apologise for her inappropriate remarks and suggestions. She has romantic notions in her head. The idea didn’t come from me.’
Gunnar shrugged. ‘Your sister is young with stars in her eyes. I made it a point to forget her words.’
Ragn bent her head and concentrated on the forest floor. She should have known Gunnar would react like that. She should have ignored it and gone about her business, but she had grasped at any frayed excuse to see him.
‘Because I didn’t want you to think...’ she said to the ground. ‘I overreacted. Forgive my impetuousness.’
‘To think what? That you had put her up to it? That I would use it as an excuse to take liberties?’ His words were barely a whisper. ‘Does it bother you that much?’
‘Yes,’ she answered softly.
He went over to her and gathered her hands in his, drew her towards him. ‘That’s disappointing.’
‘What is?’ She risked a glance upwards and her breath caught in her throat. It would be easy to tumble into his eyes and drown. She tried to think of reasons why she shouldn’t, but she only thought that she wanted to.
His fingers tightened about hers and a dimple flashed in his cheek. ‘I’d had hopes that you had. I had planned on telling you not to use a go-between in future. Unnecessary waste of time.’
Ragn’s mouth went dry and she pulled away. He allowed her hands to slide from his. ‘You left before I woke.’
‘I assumed you would want to be on your own. I apologise and will remember for the future. You want to see me in your bed in the morning.’
Ragn pressed her lips together, trying to work out the perfect retort. Gunnar in this sort of mood was impossible to deal with. None of her usual remarks were working. He was quite deliberately twisting her words. ‘That isn’t what I meant.’
‘What did you mean?’ He crossed his arms, but his eyes flared with hidden lights as if he knew her secret attraction to him. ‘You complained that I wasn’t there and now you intend to complain if I am.’
She put her hand over her eyes. ‘I felt bad about sleeping in for two days in a row.’
‘The bed agrees with you. Good.’
‘I will have to let you sleep in it tonight.’
‘Unless you are there with me, willingly and wholeheartedly, the floor is more than comfortable.’
She heard the laughter in his voice. ‘Shall I go back?’
‘My men are pleased that I am here with you. They were teasing me, not you.’
Ragn’s jaw dropped. The men were teasing Gunnar, not her? ‘Why?’
‘Because apparently I am like a bear with a sore head and should be with my wife. Owain hopes the gods have listened to his prayers and my temper will be much improved when we next meet. They want to spend more time with their wives this Jul.’
‘I’m not sure what to say to that.’
‘We’re beset by people giving unwarranted advice. However, I’m tempted to put it to good use.’
Ragn stilled. ‘You are?’
‘Up to you. We can return now and make everyone’s life a misery or we can remain out here for a little while and warm the cockles of the hearts of those who believe in romance. We don’t have to do anything. Just be out here and enjoying the sunshine on our faces.’
‘I dislike doing anything because other people say I should.’
‘We’re more alike than you might imagine.’ His infectious laughter rang out. ‘We go back to the hall and watch Svana’s little face fall. I doubt Svana will end her quest. That girl’s determination is only second to her sister’s.’
‘A back-handed compliment.’ She pleated her apron between her fingers. ‘Chores need to be done.’
‘Before you go, ask yourself—why did you come out to tell me something I already knew? Why are you scared to take a leap of faith when you travelled across an ocean to be here?’
He was giving her an out, she realised with a pang. And Svana’s antics had amused him, rather than repulsing him. He wasn’t the least bit like Hamthur. She ought to trust him.
Before she gave way to her nerves, she raised herself up on her toes and brushed his lips with hers. His lips were soft and warm. But he didn’t draw her into his arms the way he had done before, he stood there watching her with burning eyes. ‘I have made up my mind. Perhaps we should give them what they desire.’
He clutched her hand like a drowning man might clutch a spar. Sh
e curled her fingers about his and welcomed the warm pulse of desire which fizzed through her.
‘It will put an end to their machinations,’ she said into the sudden stillness. And once it was done, her gathering dreams of undying love would cease and she’d be able to concentrate on the practical tasks of brewing ale, weaving cloth and making porridge. The longer she delayed, the more her heart dared to dream.
‘Other people have no business in your decision.’ He lifted her hand to his mouth. His tongue drew a tiny circle on her palm, making it difficult for her to think beyond the sensation. ‘Either you are here because you want to be, or you should go.’
‘I will stay. I want to be here with you.’
He stood there, looking at her as if she was made of precious glass and might shatter before his eyes. ‘Yesterday, you were ready to run like you were the Sun Maiden about to be swallowed by the great wolf.’
‘Yesterday in your arms, you made me feel beautiful.’
He started to speak. She laid two fingers across his mouth. ‘Hear me out.’
He lifted a brow, but remained silent.
She undid the cloak, laid it on the ground. When she turned back he was watching her with intense eyes. ‘I want this. Waiting will make me more nervous, not less. I don’t need a bed piled high with furs and expectations. I need you. You asked for an invitation and you have one for here.’
His mouth fell open for several breaths. ‘My men should be back at the hall by now, but I will remain here with you.’
‘Then I think it is about time we said good morning properly.’
He took her hand and pushed up the sleeve of her gown, drawing small circles with his tongue on her skin and sending little licks of fire coursing through her. His hands worked on fastenings, loosening the gown so he could lift it over her head.
The cool breeze nipped at her bare flesh, causing her to shiver, but he eased her down on to the cloak and the soft fur embraced her. He placed small kisses against her neck and moved until his mouth reached the small mounds of her breast. He took each nipple in turn into his mouth, teased them until they became hardened points. Her body writhed under him, bucking and twisting, seeking to get close to the source of the fire which now consumed her. She reached up with her arms and tugged at his shoulders. He lay down on top of her and their lips locked while their tongues played a game. The tell-tale evidence of his desire pressed against her thigh. A deep dark heat unlike anything she’d experienced before pulsed through her.
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