by Amanda Ashby
“But I do.” He turned away, almost like he was ashamed. “What happened at the wedding and then again last night? It can’t keep happening. Don’t you see how messed up I am? I don’t want to be that guy.”
“So you’re breaking up with me?” She tried to imagine going back to her old life, where Will only appeared four or five times a year before leaving again. But after the past few weeks, she couldn’t imagine it anymore.
“No. God no. That’s not what I want at all. I’ve got something better. You should come with me.”
“What?” Riley stared at him, his pale blue eyes almost like a summer shower as he tentatively nodded his head, willing her to say yes.
“You should come with me. To Indonesia—there are kids who can’t read there too. There are so many ways you could help them. Think about it, Riley. We could be together, somewhere where I’m not an asshole all the time. So, what do you say?”
Riley’s forehead began to throb. It all sounded so reasonable, but underneath it all, the truth was simple. He’d changed his mind. He’d said that he was going to stay, and now he said he wasn’t. Was that what happened to Jude and Tom each time they got into a relationship? It started out as one thing and ended up as another?
“Will, this is a lot to take in. What about my job? I just got my promotion.”
“For a boss who makes you babysit guinea pigs. Riley, you are capable of anything. Look at your book club. We could talk to my friend at the book charity. You could set up something for them over in Indonesia. I know we could make this work. Besides, you put me before your job before. It was the first time anyone has ever done that for me. Are you saying you regret doing it? What would’ve happened if you didn’t get your promotion? Would you have come with me then?”
“I—” She paused and took a deep breath. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
He tightened his jaw. “I see. So basically this only works when we’re here in Seattle. As soon as there’s any risk, you’re out.”
“Will, that’s not fair,” Riley gasped. How was everything that they’d had dissolving all around her so quickly?
“Yeah, there’s a lot of that going around,” he said, the dark mask that he’d worn at the wedding suddenly dropping over his face. Riley wanted to reach up and smooth it away, to make the real Will come out, but her limbs were frozen stiff. It was like she couldn’t move.
“Why are you so angry? If anyone should be angry it’s me. You told me that you were going to stay and now you’re leaving. You’re the one who changed his mind. Just because I don’t want to pack my bags at a moment’s notice, you’re acting like I’ve done something wrong.”
“Perhaps that’s the problem.” He sighed as if all the fight had gone out of him, which scared her more than anything. After all, she thought she’d seen every side of him. But she had never seen him look defeated before.
“What do you mean?” Her stomach churned.
“I mean that neither of us has really changed at all. You’re still the girl who needs her job to feel secure and I’m still the guy who needs to be five thousand miles away from his toxic family. All the reasons we never would have worked when we started this are still true.”
Riley was silent as his words washed over her.
She wanted to tell him he was wrong. That they’d both changed, that they could work now. But if they had, then why couldn’t she just pack and follow him? More important, why couldn’t he stay?
“So you’re saying that we’ll have to do long-distance?”
He looked away and when he turned back, his face flashed with pain. “I don’t think so.”
Her whole body began to shake as she stepped forward and found his hands.
This was all just a mistake. She just had to remind him of how good they were together. That they were worth fighting for. His fingers tightened around hers, sparks of energy racing up her arm as she stood on her toes to find his mouth. His lips were waiting, and she sighed softly, body molding to his, breaking the kiss only long enough to look into his eyes.
“This isn’t right. We can fix this. Remember your motto. Where there’s a Will, there’s a way. I know we can make this work.”
“I’m sorry, Riley. But I don’t think we can.” Then, without another word, he crossed the small square that was busy with workers who’d finished for the day. But Riley hardly noticed them. All she could see was that Will was leaving, but unlike the many other times this had happened, she had a feeling that this time he wouldn’t be back.
Because her love obviously wasn’t enough.
She dropped down to the closet bench as she thought of her conversation with Lisa. His ex-fiancée had tried to warn Riley that Will was just as ruthless as his father. That he could cut people out of his life without a backward glance if they didn’t do as he wanted. At the time Riley hadn’t wanted to believe her, but as Will disappeared from sight, she realized that Lisa hadn’t been lying. The only ones who’d been lying were Riley and Will, when they’d thought that they could make it work. And that hurt more than anything.
Chapter Sixteen
“Not you too!” Will looked up to see his sister-in-law standing in front of him, holding two beers. Behind her, the last of the sun began to fade down over the Indian Ocean.
“Excuse me?” He blinked. She looked at the empty seat next to him, as if asking permission to join him. He reluctantly nodded. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Danni, because he did, but right now he didn’t want to spend time with anyone. Unfortunately, when his brother and his new wife had turned up on Will’s door last week as part of their extended honeymoon, Will had been forced to be social.
“The book,” Danni said as she nodded to the copy of My Darkest Vampire that Will was still reading. When he’d left Seattle, he’d returned his original copy to the library, but on a whim he decided to buy another copy to see how it finished. “All my girlfriends back home are raving about it. Personally, I don’t understand the appeal.”
“I’m not sure I do either,” Will lied, since he was well aware that he kept reading because O’Neill and Stella should be together and Will wanted to make sure they figured out a way to make it happen. After all, O’Neill had lived for one thousand years and kept all the vampires of the world from killing one another, so surely he could convince a mortal girl that he was the love of her life.
He also realized that there was a good chance he was going crazy. He sighed and toyed with the beer.
“Maybe you’re just reading it to take your mind off the fact that you and Riley broke up?” Danni said in a light voice. Will flinched. He didn’t know how she knew, since he’d decided that the best way to avoid too many questions was to pretend that he and Riley were still madly in love. Which wasn’t really that hard, considering he thought about her every moment of every day. Unfortunately, every thought ended with the reminder that they were no longer together because he couldn’t figure out a way to stay where she was.
And because she did the same thing to you that Lisa had, a small voice reminded him. Said that she’d wanted one thing and then wanted something else. Of course he knew that it was only a surface comparison. But the hurt was the same. What he had to offer wasn’t enough.
“Riley and I haven’t broken up,” he said, staring at the fading pink sun.
“Is that so?” Danni raised an eyebrow. Will had the uncomfortable thought that she could read minds.
“Yes, of course it is,” he said firmly. If Danni found out, then Tucker would know, and it would end up with him having a conversation he didn’t want to have. Not to mention the fact that his brother was still madly in love, and the last thing Will wanted to do was ruin his euphoria. After all, just because he wasn’t happy, there was no need for him to bring down everyone else’s mood with him. Unfortunately, Danni’s gaze was unflinching. It was clear just what a great third-grade teacher she must be. He let out a
long sigh. “Okay, fine. So we broke up, and the reason I didn’t say anything was because you guys are still in your honeymoon phase.”
“Oh, Will.” Danni put down her beer bottle and gave him a soft smile. “I know you and Tucker haven’t had the best family experience, but I was lucky enough to grow up in a great family, and the reason it was so good was because we talked to each other. Even about the bad stuff.”
Will closed his eyes. He knew that Danni meant well, but the last thing he wanted to do was talk about any of his stuff, good or bad, with anyone. He just wanted to do his work and keep busy until it was time to pass out each night. Was that too much to ask for?
“You know,” she said without turning to him. “Tell me to shut up and I will, but when I first met Tucker he had the biggest wall around his heart of anyone I’d ever met. He kept telling me that he was broken and that he was bad news.”
Will caught his breath, leaning forward despite himself. “Tucker said that?”
“Yup. Well, I think grunt would have been a better word to use. But he said other things as well, without even speaking. His actions told me that he was kind and sweet and loyal to a fault, and by our third date I discovered he wasn’t broken at all. He just thought he was.”
Will swallowed hard as the blood pounded in his temples. “That’s my brother all over—a big, well-groomed marshmallow. But I’m not Tucker. Deep down he’s always been like my mom was, before the drinking. She was sweet and kind and passionate. But I’m like my father. If I stayed in Seattle, it would’ve just gotten worse.”
“What would’ve gotten worse?”
“Nothing.” His knuckles went white as he gripped the beer bottle. He didn’t care what anyone said. He’d done the right thing. If he’d stayed he would’ve always worried about what would happen when his father pressed his buttons, and Riley would have just ended up hurt. He just wished that doing the right thing didn’t have to make him feel so crappy.
“Will, if you don’t trust yourself enough to try and sort things out with Riley, then you really are like the man that Tucker told me you grew up with. Closed-minded and cut off to anything that might change him.”
Will didn’t trust himself to speak as blood rushed to his temples. Who was Danni to talk to him like that? More to the point, what the hell did she know? His whole body hummed with annoyance before a small slither of truth pushed into his mind.
But she does know.
She was the woman who managed to turn his closed-off brother into love’s fool. And, more to the point, had made him happy in the process. Will tried to remember the last time he’d been happy, but unfortunately he didn’t have to think very far. His happiness was all tied up to Riley. Even before they started dating she’d been the one to make him smile.
To make him forget about the things he carried around with him. The guilt of what happened to his mom. The pain of Lisa’s betrayal. The even more intense pain of Riley’s betrayal. The knowledge that his life wasn’t enough for her.
“Even if I want to do something, it’s too late,” Will said as he picked up the book and got to his feet. “I know her, and this is something she won’t forgive. I’ve thought about this from every possible angle and there is no solution. It just can’t be fixed.”
“That’s because you are doing it wrong. Tucker was the same. He thought if he could just cut the people who’d hurt him out of his life, he’d be happy. But all that happened was that he got lonelier and lonelier. I don’t want that to happen to you. You’ve shut the door on your father, on Lisa and now on Riley, which means you’re sitting in a room on your own. And that’s not how we learn and grow. That only happens when we interact with other people. You need to open up some doors.”
A wave of longing washed over him and suddenly the simplicity of his life abroad felt like a chain around his neck. He sat back down, the fight gone out of him. “What if I don’t know how to change? What if I don’t know how to open doors?”
A wide smile spread out across Danni’s face as she spotted Tucker making his way toward them. She waved at him and then she turned to Will, her blue eyes catching his. “Tucker once told me that there was a family joke. Where there’s a Will, there’s a way. So, if you want my advice, you should use that clever mind of yours and figure out a way to make it right.”
***
Riley hummed along to the radio as she turned the rental car down the dirt driveway that led to the little cottage where her mom was staying. She’d been humming a lot lately, much to Gloria’s annoyance, since apparently humming in the library was equivalent to shouting. All Riley knew was that when she hummed, it stopped her from thinking about Will.
She hummed louder and tightened her grip on the steering wheel as she came to a halt, only letting go when she climbed out of the car. The cottage was cuter than she’d imagined, with late summer flowers sprouting from the window boxes, some old wine barrels that had been transformed into herb gardens in the front and the fragrant smell of rosemary and cilantro wafting through the air. Riley was hit with unexpected nostalgia. Growing up they might not have had much, but everywhere they moved, her mom would create her own portable garden from whatever she could lay her hands on.
“Hello,” she called out as she walked up to the porch. The cheery yellow door was open, so Riley tentatively stepped inside. The cottage was sparsely furnished, but everywhere she looked she could see her mom’s homey touch, from the afghan rugs hanging over the back of the faded velvet sofa to the soft muslin tablecloth that had been used for what looked like a leisurely lunch. And all around the walls were giant photographs, obviously from her mom’s latest exhibition.
A smile escaped her mouth as she studied the images. Jude might not make the best decisions in life, but her eye for detail and beauty had always been extraordinary. A slither of pride ran through her. Especially when she thought of the fact that her mom had already sold twenty pieces of work from her latest exhibition and had taken on some commissions. It was almost like she was getting her life together—
Wait, no, scrap that thought.
Riley groaned as she heard a noise coming from what appeared to be the bedroom and caught sight of a man’s shirt on the floor. So much for thinking Jude had changed. No doubt her latest conquest was the art gallery owner, who’d most likely suggest that the pair of them should sell all of their possessions and move to Australia for a year.
The worst thing was that Riley couldn’t even be disappointed.
She wandered back out to the porch and sat down on one of the rustic chairs that overlooked a heavily scented lavender bush. She hadn’t had any real expectations. And at least Jude appeared to be happy.
Unlike Riley.
This time she didn’t even bother to hum.
What was the point? She had her job and her friends at the library and her books at night, but she didn’t have her best friend living upstairs from her anymore. And even though Will had often been away for months at time, she’d always felt his presence there. She’d store up all the dumb things that happened in her day-to-day to life to share with him each time they Skyped or when he returned.
But apparently that wasn’t a thing anymore.
For the first time Riley really understood how some of his ex-girlfriends felt when their few weeks were up—it wasn’t that he’d been terrible to them, it was that he was no longer there. He just cut them off like they didn’t exist. And that really sucked.
If there were someone she could write a letter of complaint to, she would’ve done it. But instead she was stuck in a bed of her own making. She’d agreed to pretend to date him, had agreed to sleep with him, had agreed that they could be more. All her. She had been the one not to take the warnings given to her. Did she mention it sucked? She absentmindedly broke off a stem of lavender and rubbed it between her fingers, hoping that the earthy fragrance would distract her.
It didn’t. I
nstead it reminded her of Will and the way he used to always pick her a wildflower or blossom whenever they were out walking. She threw the lavender to the ground and got to her feet. She hadn’t come here to think about Will. If her mom was busy, then it might be best if she just left.
She looked at the open door one last time and slowly made her way back to the rental car. Just as she reached it, Jude appeared in the doorway. Her hair was loose, hanging down past her shoulders, and it looked like she’d hastily gotten dressed if her mismatched orange silk skirt and pink linen blouse were anything to go by. Then again, sometimes with Jude it was hard to know. It was also impossible to miss how radiant her mother was looking.
“Riley. How long have you been here? I thought you weren’t due for another hour,” Jude said. She was trying to put her in hair in some kind of order, but all she succeeded in doing was causing her many silver bracelets to clatter in protest.
“I wasn’t,” Riley said, not wanting to admit that she arrived early because she didn’t have anything better to do. Unlike her mom, who clearly did have something better to do. Riley tried not to be jealous. “But I thought I’d try and beat the traffic. I guess it wasn’t such a good idea.”
“Of course it was. I should’ve realized. After all, you’re the only one in the family who could ever get anywhere on time. Do you want to come inside?”
“I don’t think so,” Riley said, but then she caught the wave of disappointment that swept over her mother’s face. “B-but not because I don’t approve of—well, your friendship with Stephen. Though please, Jude, don’t give him any money. Oh, and definitely don’t go traveling with him to a foreign country. This gallery owner of yours seems perfectly nice and I’m thrilled that he’s sold so many photographs for you, I just want to make sure that you don’t throw everything away this time.”
“I agree,” another voice said from inside the house. “And what’s all this about a gallery owner? Don’t tell me that there’s something going on with you and Stephen?”
