by Natalie Ann
“I think so. No, I know so. That’s why I’m the one who convinced him to still come and meet me and then we just left and eloped. We tried to avoid my father after he found out I was beaten for talking to him. The only way I could convince Ethan to bring me back home to say goodbye to my mother was to make sure my father wasn’t there. We drove around the house three times before I could convince him my father was at work and not home.”
He was tasting blood from biting his tongue from commenting on how much of a coward Ethan was. “So what’s your secret that you want me to know?”
This ride was going to go sour in a hurry if she talked about Ethan much more. He was glad to know that Kayla seemed to take after her mother and fought for what she wanted.
“I just wanted a family. A normal one. That’s what Ethan wanted too. Our childhoods sucked. I had a family, but nothing I care to ever have in my life again. Not like that. I miss my mother. I miss my siblings, but I’m hoping that as they get older they will reach out like Billy. But under it all, what Ethan and I really wanted was a nice stable family life.”
“You had that, right?” He hoped for her sake she had something of what she wanted in the short period of time they were married.
“We did. I told you he didn’t care if I worked. He had this idea in his head of coming home and having dinner on the table and I did too. I was all for it. But it wasn’t enough for me. It wasn’t fulfilling enough when I should have been thankful. He was supportive of me wanting some type of career, as long as we were able to maintain this family image in our heads. When I found out I was pregnant, it was like everything was coming together.”
“But he never got to experience what he wanted,” Jared said, feeling some pity for the man now.
“No. He didn’t. I hate that. I hate it for him more than anything. I hate that it seemed this dream I had that was finally coming true wasn’t going to.”
“It is though. With me,” he said and held his breath. Was it wrong for him to add that just now?
“It is. And the secret is, I should feel guilty and sad that I still get to have that dream, and he didn’t. The problem is, I don’t feel guilt or sadness, just really, really happy that Kayla ran to you that day.”
The rest of the trip was actually taken in silence for the most part. Kayla was sound asleep, Shelby soon following, and he drove along I-64 in his own thoughts. His own haze of contentment that Kayla ran to him that day too.
He was the lucky one after all.
***
The next morning, after a few hours of sleep, Jared, Shelby, and Kayla drove to the hospital. They were able to find out what floor her mother was on and that she could see visitors once they got there. Jared didn’t want to take any chances, so he went by the room first to see if anyone was in with her mother, then came back to the waiting room Shelby and Kayla had stayed in, to get them.
Shelby was quiet in the elevator on the way up, her foot tapping, her hands moving around, just trying to calm down. “Worried or nervous?” he asked.
“Worried and nervous about what I’ll find when I get there. How sick she might be. You said she was just in a normal room, right?”
“Yes. She didn’t even have a roommate at the moment.”
“That’s good. I hope she’s happy to see me.”
“I’m sure she will be. You said you still try to communicate with her. I never asked—has she ever sent anything back to you through the neighbor?”
“She has. On my birthdays I get a card. My father has always controlled all the money. There’s no way she’d be able to do much more without him knowing.”
“Is that why you wanted to work? So you had your own money?”
She was glad that she and Jared were able to talk more about her marriage to Ethan. That maybe he’d understand it wasn’t so much a love match, but a destination for something better for them both. And that she didn’t need a man to take care of her now. She was good on her own if she had to be. She was just hoping that maybe that wouldn’t be the case now, that maybe she could find that life she always wanted.
“Part of it. I just didn’t want to be dependent on Ethan, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him that. He was really good to me. I never wanted for anything. I had access to the money the same as he did. He never questioned anything.”
“As long as he had his family he was good?” he asked.
“He was.”
She knew Ethan probably looked weak in Jared’s eyes. Honestly, Ethan was weak in her eyes too, but she wanted Jared to know that Ethan had been good to her. It wasn’t a bad marriage at all. Just a content one. And not everyone had the strength that Jared did. He just needed a push to see that now. To find it again, but she was guessing he never lost it, but rather shoved it in a dark closet for a period of time.
The elevator doors opened and they made their way out, then quietly walked to her mother’s room, Kayla in Jared’s arms, staying silent like she knew something important was going on. Maybe something scary.
“Shelby?” her mother whispered when they turned the corner into the room. “What are you doing here?” her mother asked, looking around nervously. Shelby’s heart sank. Did her mother really not want to see her? Did her mother turn on her too?
“I came to see you, Mom. Billy told me you were in the hospital, but he didn’t know what was going on.”
Her mother’s eyes filled. “He shouldn’t have told you. You shouldn’t have come.”
“Aren’t you glad to see me?” Shelby asked, her eyes misting up. Jared reached for her hand and held on, trying to give her some support. Needed support. She wanted to run right now. Leave. Wishing she never came. Wondering how this could hurt so much. Maybe it would have been better if she’d stayed home.
“I am. I really am. It’s just...”
“I’ll be gone before Dad can get here.”
Her mother nodded and Shelby knew right away that was the reason for her mother’s statements. “I’m fine. Really I am.”
“What’s wrong? Why are you here?” Shelby asked.
“Don’t worry about me. Is that Kayla? Is that my granddaughter?” Her mother’s voice seemed a little stronger, almost excited.
Shelby nodded her head and moved toward her mother. Her mother looked frailer than ever. Weak and beaten down from years of having kids, raising them and being controlled. She gave her mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek, her mother returning the hug and trying to hold on. It was shaky at best regardless of the slightly stronger voice.
“Mom. This is Jared Hawk, my boyfriend. And Kayla. Jared, my mother, Alice Brand.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, moving Kayla forward. “Do you want to say hi to your grandmother?”
“Let me have her, Jared.” He handed Kayla off and stood back as Shelby placed her daughter on the bed next to her mother. “Now tell me why you’re here.”
Her mother reached a hand toward Kayla, who touched it, then held it. Shelby was glad Kayla was so open. “I had chest pains last week, but they said nothing was wrong and sent me home. A few days ago I had them again. So intense I guess I passed out. They found I had fluid around my heart. I got the chest tube out last night and was moved out of ICU to this room this morning. Just a freak thing. Some viral infection, they’d said. I’ll be fine. You really shouldn’t have come.”
“I had to know you were okay,” she said. “I won’t stay long. Just a few more minutes.”
But a few minutes was all it took for her father to walk in the door. So much for best-laid plans.
Place in Your Life
Jared looked over when the older man walked in the door. There was no doubt this was Shelby’s father, judging by the scowl on his face. He wasn’t sure what he expected the man to look like, but not this. Shelby said he was big, but not in his eyes.
He was maybe five foot eight. Sure he was barrel-chested, puffing it out even more. Broad shoulders and thick forearms, but no match for Jared’s six-foot-four-inch frame and build
, not to mention age. He was looking at someone that took pleasure in throwing his weight around on his kids and wife. It was disgusting.
“You have no right to be here,” he told Shelby.
“I wanted to see if Mom was okay. I’ll leave now.”
“You’re damn right you will. You’re nothing but a whore that snuck out in the middle of the night to meet an older man. You’ve never had any respect for me or your mother and she doesn’t need you in her life.”
“Don’t say that, Bart,” Shelby’s mother said, trying to sit up, showing more courage than he expected. “She came to see me. She’s done nothing wrong.”
Jared was already holding himself back after Shelby’s father called her a whore, but the next words set him off more. “Shut your mouth, bitch,” he’d said to his wife. “She’s nothing to us and you know it.”
Jared had the older man up against the wall in a blink, his forearm against his throat. “I think you need an attitude adjustment. I’d be happy to give it to you. I don’t care where we are or who sees it. You’re nothing but a poor excuse of a man to talk to your wife and daughter that way.”
“Get the fuck off of me,” her father said, but he wasn’t struggling. He wouldn’t dare. It’d do no good.
“Not until I’ve said what I want.” Kayla was crying in the background, but he pushed it off. He’d deal with that later. He’d apologize for upsetting Kayla, but he wouldn’t apologize for this. “Shelby is going to have whatever communication with her mother she wants, if she wants it, and you aren’t going to stop it. And you aren’t going to lay a hand on your wife or the remaining kids in your house ever again. If you do, I’ll know it.”
“You can’t do a damn thing to me. A man has the right to discipline his wife and kids.”
Jared’s forearm tightened on Bart’s throat, lifting him a few feet. His face was turning red, but it didn’t stop him. “That’s abuse, not discipline. I’ll know. I’ve got a lot of reach and a lot of people in my life in high places. You’ll be sorry if you cross me, so don’t push it.”
“Jared. Stop,” Shelby said. “He’s not worth it. He’s not worth you getting in trouble over this.”
Jared stepped back and let the man down, who was gasping for breath. “You’re nothing but a piece of shit on the side of the road to me.” He turned to Alice, lying still on the bed, tears in her eyes, but not fear for her husband, more like hope. That maybe someone stood up for her too. “I want to know if he doesn’t do what I said. And I want you to know I’ll keep my word.”
He turned and held his hand out to Shelby, transferred Kayla to his arms and walked out with them, knowing he made a difference today. It wasn’t in the world, but it was in someone’s world and that was all that mattered. He was finally back to the way he wanted to be.
***
“What is wrong with you?” Shelby asked when they climbed into Jared’s SUV. She hadn’t felt that much fear in years. Not for her or her mother, but that Jared could get in trouble. That Jared might have done something to cost him everything he’d been trying to get back. “Are you crazy? He’s not worth it.”
“No,” he said, “he’s not worth it. Not at all. But you are. You’re worth everything in my life. My life isn’t much if something happened to you and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit by and let it happen.”
She was speechless. She’d never seen him this angry before. Never realized he could get that way. Not just with her father but with her.
“Why are you mad at me?” she asked, feeling her eyes fill again.
“Because you’re so stubborn sometimes. You don’t want help from anyone. You got it once and you feel it’s enough and now no one is supposed to do anything for you. I can’t take you out to dinner because it’s a treat and you don’t want to spoil Kayla. You got annoyed over the Mother’s Day gift at first because it was too much in your eyes, yet you never take it off. I can’t offer to pay to get you here faster without you wanting to rip me apart. I finally work up the nerve to ask you to move in with me and you still have all the reasons not to before you finally agree. Why is that?”
The tears were rolling down her cheeks now. This wasn’t how she expected this trip to turn out. “I don’t want to be hurt again,” she all but yelled at him. “It’d hurt worse this time. I told you that. I’ve said it enough!”
“I’ve learned that we don’t always get what we want in life and when something doesn’t go our way we have to figure out the next step. You taught me that. Yet here you are having all the same fears. Don’t you see that?” He ran his hands through his hair. “I give in to you all the time. Always. I never argue with you, never fight. I’m not that person. I don’t want to be that person. I can yell at you and give you hell without you worrying I’m going to leave you. Without you worrying I’m going to hurt you.”
She hadn’t realized that about him before. That he was holding back for her. That he was giving in to her all the time. Here she thought he wasn’t fighting for things, when all along he was doing it for her.
She swallowed once and finally said, “Thank you. I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had anyone stick up for us like that before. Not just me, but my whole family. It’s overwhelming and I’m afraid to depend on it. Is that what you wanted to hear? Then if something happens to you and I’m alone again, I’m this weak woman who has to pick up all the broken pieces.”
“There are no guarantees in life and you know that. And if something happens to me, then you’ll be fine. You were once and you would again. You’re a survivor. You’re a fighter. You taught me how to fight again. How to survive again. I’ll keep my word, Shelby. I’ll keep it to you and your family too. I hope you know that.”
She knew. It was the way he was. Loyal and honorable. Maybe she’d be able to have some contact with her family, maybe not, but at least she knew she could try now. And it was because of him.
“Shhh, Kayla. It’s okay,” she said as she turned around. Kayla was still sobbing in the back. “You’re fine.”
“Jay,” Kayla wailed, reaching out for the seat in front.
“I think she’s more upset over you. Fearful maybe,” Shelby said. “I don’t normally raise my voice, and if I do, it’s when I’m mad. She thinks I’m mad at you.”
“And she’s trying to comfort me. She gets that from you. Don’t you see it? Both of you are alike. Both of you are so strong and brought that strength into my life. And I want to bring it back to you. Full circle, Shelby. Family feeds off of each other. Let’s be a family.”
He turned around before he started the car. “I’m fine, honey.” He reached his hand in the back and let Kayla hold it, her tears stopping almost immediately.
Shelby looked on and saw how close the two of them had become and knew she had to stop being so fearful of everything now. Jared was right. She’d be fine. She was fine.
“I want to go meet your brother,” he said suddenly.
She turned sharply. “Why?”
“I want to thank him. I want him to know he has a place in your life. That all your siblings do if they want it.”
“I don’t know that Billy will want to though.”
“Why?”
“He’s different. Quiet. I think he felt that a lot of his punishments were because of me.”
“I doubt it, Shelby. I’m betting if he’s half the man I think he is, he’s afraid you blame him for not being able to protect you.”
“I don’t know. He was just a kid,” she argued.
“He probably wasn’t as much of a kid as you think he was.”
Jared was probably right. “Let me call him quick and see if he can meet us tonight before we leave.”
“Let’s sleep tonight and leave in the morning.”
“Since my father is at the hospital, do you think we can go see my other siblings? I’m guessing they might be home.” And he’d be there with her if her father showed up. He’d protect them all.
“Why aren’t they there with your
mother?”
“My father would keep them separated. A fear tactic. Billy said none of them know what’s going on. They’d stay in line right now hoping to find something out.”
“Give me the directions then.”
They pulled in front of the old beaten-down house she’d grown up in. The one she ran from years ago and got out. The first time she came back after she and Ethan eloped she’d had fear like rattlesnakes slithering around her bare feet and nowhere to turn. Nowhere to turn without getting bit. That dark hole she’d hid in in her mind so much as a kid had resurfaced; the week away hadn’t diminished it a bit back then.
She’d known her father wasn’t home, but it didn’t stop the dread of returning here with Ethan. Of facing her mother and seeing her siblings’ faces when she told them that she was leaving them. That maybe she was abandoning them too.
Was Jared right? Was that what Billy felt?
Now there was more fear. Would her siblings hate her? Could she handle it if they did? Only one way to find out.
She knocked on the door that she knew would be locked. Her sister Carolyn opened it up and smiled, then threw herself into her arms and hugged her tight. “You came back? I didn’t think you ever would.”
It broke her heart to hear those words. To know that maybe she was wrong to leave like she did. That maybe she should have stayed and tried to help the rest of them out. Not look to escape and think only of herself.
“I always knew I would someday. I always hoped we could get back together.”
“Dad’s not here. He’s at the hospital. Rodney is working though. Dolly, Gretchen, come out of the bedroom, it’s Shelby!”
Her younger sisters came rushing out, both of them launching themselves at her and hugging her tight. Everyone was crying, herself included.
“Are you back to stay?” Gretchen asked. She was too young to understand.
“No. I wanted to see Mom. We ran into Dad and it wasn’t pleasant, but I know he won’t be here for a bit.”
“What did Dad do?” Dolly asked. She was a teen now, but quiet and shy, it was obvious. These kids’ lived in a world of restriction, abuse, and deprivation, a world not fitting for any child.
