That found immediate favor and off they went. Alec read the letter, some two months old now, then read it again, folded it, and replaced it in the envelope. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back.
The headache had returned, only this time he didn’t think it was from his injury. He cursed very softly.
“It seems I must leave you after all.”
Genny carefully laid down her fork. “The letter?”
He nodded but said nothing more. He seemed abstracted, worried, and she wanted to yell at him to trust her, to confide in her, to treat her like his wife. She quickly amended that silent wish. No, Alec would always want to protect, shelter, and cosset his wife. She wished he’d think of her as his best friend, a person he could trust without hesitation. That hadn’t changed either with his loss of memory.
Hallie was having her dinner with Mrs. Swindel, a request made by Alec, and thus they were alone in the dining room. Alec had thanked Moses and dismissed him. Genny had perked up. He wanted to be alone with her, to tell her about the letter. But he’d said nothing.
She fiddled now with a piece of warm bread, then tossed it onto her nearly full plate. “Please tell me what has happened, Alec.”
“I will have to return to England. That letter was from my man of business in London, a Mr. Jonathan Rafer. It seems that Carrick Grange has burned—on purpose, it would seem. My steward, a man named Arnold Cruisk, was murdered. I must return immediately.”
Genny simply stared at him, waiting.
“It’s odd, you know. After I had read the letter, I suddenly saw this beautiful old stone castle in my mind. Very old, Genny. If it is Carrick Grange that I saw, at least the stone walls will still be standing. They’ve been standing forever. A little fire wouldn’t bring them down.”
Genny said nothing, merely toyed with a tart lemon pudding that was Lannie’s specialty.
“I know that you’re an American, Genny. I know that you wouldn’t want to ever leave your country, or Baltimore for that matter. More importantly, I know how you feel about the shipyard. It’s yours. I’ve given this a great deal of thought. I will deed it over to you on the morrow. Then you may do as you please with it. Just one thing, though. If things don’t work out, I don’t want you to worry about finances. I will leave instructions with Mr. Tomlinson at the bank. You will have constant and immediate access to any funds you may need.”
She stared at him, her lemon pudding forgotten. He was offering her everything, including complete independence. She would never have to worry about anything again. She would never have to give an accounting to another man and wait to be criticized. She would never have to defend herself for being a woman. She would never again have to—
But what did all that have to do with her now? Odd, how everything shifted in her mind, how things that she’d considered as important to her survival as breathing suddenly blurred and seemed ridiculous. She was an American, that was true. And the shipyard had been the most—She cleared her throat and said her thoughts aloud. “Alec, you’re my husband. You are more important to me than my country, than the shipyard, than the Pegasus. I will find someone to manage the shipyard. I will find someone to live in this house. We will take Moses with us, if he wishes it. I will see that all my other people are well taken care of. My place is with you, with my husband. When do we sail for London?”
He frowned at her. “I thought these things were of the utmost importance to you. I don’t understand. I’m not pleading with you to come with me, Genny. I can deal with matters on my own.”
“I know you can, but you have me, so you don’t have to. And, Alec, I can’t imagine you pleading with anyone for anything. The shipyard is important and I will keep informed on it through Mr. Raymond. Did you really mean what you said? You’ll deed it to me?”
“Of course, whyever not? I know nothing of it. Since I can’t seem to remember, I don’t truly understand why your father served you such a turn. If the shipyard was your dowry, let me say that I have no need of money—” He broke off, frowning down at his veal cutlet. “I don’t have need of money, do I?”
“No. You’re quite sound financially, unless someone has absconded with your funds.”
“But I knew I was wealthy,” he said thoughtfully. “I wonder how.”
She smiled at him, wishing she could bound out of her chair and press his face against her bosom. She wanted to protect him, to cherish him—Lord, it was ridiculous. If he were himself, that would be the last thing he’d want. He’d look at her as if she’d lost her mind. He’d tease her mercilessly, then try to toss her skirts over her head and make very thorough love to her.
“It’s just a matter of a few more days, Alec.”
“It’s strange how this amnesia works. I know which fork to use, for example, yet I can’t place my solicitor’s name with a face. I know how to make love, yet I can’t remember making love to any other woman. You’re the only woman in my mind now.”
Now. And when he remembered? Disappointment, she thought. He’d know disappointment and regret. No, no, Alec was loyal; he was honorable.
“Is there anything pressing to keep us in Baltimore?”
“Just the shipyard. We need a manager. He doesn’t have to be someone who knows ship design. My father left three or four, including the Pegasus’s design.” Genny paused. “You know, Alec, I was just thinking. About the shipyard—you don’t have to deed it over to me. We’re married. It’s ours. I don’t need to see my name alone as the owner.” Had she really said that? Had she changed so much in so short a time? It was mind-boggling, and a bit frightening. What would happen when he remembered? She tamped down on that thought instantly. He needed her. He needed her trust and her loyalty. It was the least she could give him, this token of her trust.
“It occurs to me that it may prove to your advantage to keep the shipyard in my name,” Alec said. “This matter of the men of Baltimore not wanting to do business with you because you’re a woman. Well, let them think they’re dealing only with a man. A male manager and me. What do you think?”
He was asking her opinion, not telling her what to do. He was serious. She said with but an instant’s hesitation, “I think you’re very smart, sir.” Strange, but it would have nearly killed her to say those words even the day before. The unfairness of it still was clear to her and it still hurt, but it simply no longer mattered all that much to her life.
“We’ll see to the repairs on the Pegasus tomorrow.”
“Yes. Your bark weathered the hurricane with scarce a tremor, big clumsy hulk that she is.”
“You’re just jealous. Oh, another thing I was thinking about. I don’t want to sell the Pegasus. I’m a merchant baron, Genny, that’s what you told me. There’s no reason not to expand my operations to Baltimore. You build ships and I’ll sail them to the Caribbean. Flour, tobacco, cotton—we’ll make a fortune.”
Genny felt excitement flow through her. “Perhaps Mr. Abel Pitts would be willing to stay in Baltimore and captain her. Or should you wish to have an American?” They remained at the dinner table until very late, plans and laughter filling the room.
In bed that night, when Genny lay soft and sated in his arms, she said, “I think you should tell Hallie the truth.”
“No.”
“She’s a very smart, perceptive little girl—”
“Little girl? She’s a bloody old woman. The child is frightening, what she understands—”
“Exactly. Right now she’s very confused. She knows something isn’t right with her papa.”
“I’ll think about it,” Alec said finally, and kissed Genny’s ear. He thought that he really was two men. The Alec of old and this new Alec. There had to be differences. He knew that. Why had Genny not loved him before? Hadn’t he been kind to her? The rawness of his thoughts made his head hurt and he shied away from it, but it was no good. He hated this, hated it more than anything he could dredge up even in a nightmare, and there was nothing he could do about it. The helplessness appalle
d him. It made him bitter. He heard Genny groan softly, and kissed her. She was sweet, this unknown wife of his.
Why couldn’t he remember?
They’d been aboard the Night Dancer for four days when Genny became as certain as she could be that she was with child. She was clutching the chamber pot, her stomach heaving, her body shaking with the effort of retching.
“My God, Genny. What’s wrong? You’re seasick? You?”
She turned her face away, not wanting him to see her like this. “Go away.”
“Don’t be a fool. Let me help you.”
“Go away, Alec. Please.”
He didn’t. She saw him wet a cloth and stride over to her. He knelt down beside her and pulled her back against his chest. She felt the wet cloth on her face and it was a blessed relief.
“Do you need to vomit some more?”
“There isn’t anything left,” she said and wished she could somehow die and be done with it.
“Dry heaves, huh?”
“That sounds charming.”
“So do you, love. Charming and quite green in the face. If you have no further need of the chamber pot—” He said no more, picked her up in his arms, and carried her to the bunk. He laid her gently down on her back, then sat down beside her. He placed his palm against her forehead.
“Somehow I can’t imagine you—my original sailor—being seasick.”
“It isn’t that.”
“Isn’t what? Did you eat something bad?”
“No, it’s something you did, Alec, if you would know the truth.”
“Something I did?” He stared down at her, then broke into a huge, very masculine, quite unforgivable grin. “You mean you’re pregnant?”
“I don’t know. I think so.”
He paused, thinking back. “You haven’t had your monthly flow, at least since we first made love again—when my memory began again, that is. I’ll have Dr. Pruitt take a look, all right?”
“No, I don’t want him doing anything to me.” She felt a wave of nausea and hugged her belly.
“Oh, Genny, I’m sorry. A sea voyage and pregnancy—”
“I’ll survive.”
“I know, you’re far too stubborn to do anything else. How far along are you, do you think?”
“I think you made me pregnant even before we were married, curse you.”
“That potent, am I? I took your virginity—Lord, I wish I could remember that—and planted my seed like an industrious farmer, all in a very short time. Virile and potent.”
“I would hit you in your stomach if I had the strength.”
“You don’t do anything except lie there and rest. I’ll ask Dr. Pruitt what you should be eating to keep you from being so ill, all right?”
She nodded, feeling too miserable to care.
“Nothing will happen to you because I know exactly what to do when the baby comes.” He stopped cold, frowning. “How do I know that I know about birthing a child?”
Genny swallowed. “I think you felt very helpless when your first wife died. I think you learned from an Arab physician all about it. Some part of you, deep down, knows that and it just came out.”
“I hate this.” He struck his first against his thigh.
“Papa.”
Alec whipped about to see his small daughter standing in the open doorway of the cabin.
“Papa, what’s wrong?”
“Genny isn’t feeling well.”
“No, I mean with you.”
Alec looked at Genny, then beckoned to his daughter. “Come here, Hallie.” She regarded him warily and took one step into the cabin. “Come here,” Alec said again, and patted his thigh.
She climbed onto his lap and he tucked her against his chest.
“I heard Pippin talking to Mr. Pitts. He said it was really strange the way you didn’t remember things, the way you had to ask when you should have known, when it should have been second nature. Then he saw me and got a real funny look on his face.”
Alec cursed luridly, then stopped cold, eyeing his attentive daughter.
“It’s all right, Papa. If you want to say bad things, I don’t mind.”
“You’re too tolerant, Hallie. It’s true. I don’t remember anything. I was hit on the head during the hurricane.”
She looked at him, her head cocked to one side. “You don’t remember me?”
He wanted to lie to her but knew in just his brief experience with her that it wouldn’t work. His daughter was appallingly perceptive. “No, I don’t.”
“But he will soon, Hallie,” Genny said, sitting up against the headboard of the bunk. “He doesn’t remember me either. But he remembers little things, more and more every day now, and people from his past. I guess since we’re in the present, we’ll have to wait a bit longer.”
Hallie didn’t say a word. She studied her father’s face, then slowly raised her hand and patted his cheek. “It’s all right, Papa. I’ll tell you all about me. And if there’s anything you need, you just ask me.”
“Thank you,” he said, marveling at this small person who had sprung from his loins. “It appears that I’m very lucky with my womenfolk.”
Hallie looked past her father to Genny. “I’m sorry you don’t feel well, Genny, but Mrs. Swindel was saying to Dr. Pruitt that it was natural and nothing to fret about.”
Genny gaped at her.
“I want a little brother, Papa.” Without waiting for him to respond, Hallie slipped off his lap and dashed to the door. “I’m going on deck. Pippin will look after me.”
And she was gone. Alec simply stared toward the now empty doorway.
“She’s incredible.”
“More to the point, she listens to everything and everyone.”
Alec leaned down, gently kneading her flat belly. “Shall we give her a little brother?”
“What if he looks like me?”
“That could prove embarrassing. Every gentleman in the area would be chasing after him.”
Genny giggled and poked his arm. Just as suddenly, a wave of nausea gripped her and she hugged her stomach. “Oh, this is damnable. I doubt I’ll ever forgive you.”
Alec didn’t leave her until she’d fallen asleep. He went to see Dr. Pruitt.
Then he spent several hours simply thinking. He was aware that his men eyed him askance, with obvious worry, and some with doubts. Who could blame them? A man forgetting everything in his past? It didn’t sound too bloody likely. He tried to remember, and indeed, snippets would pop into his mind, then disappear just as quickly. It was frustrating and enraging. Genny had been right for the most part. It was people from his past who came briefly into his mind. Now he saw several women, all of them quite lovely, and he saw not only their faces but their white bodies. He saw himself making love to them, caressing them and thrusting into them. He swallowed. Had he been such a randy goat? Hadn’t he cared for any of them save for the sex they’d given him?
And he saw Nesta again. She was dead, lying there against the white sheets, her face pale and waxy. He broke into a sweat. He knew he couldn’t bear much more of this.
He took the wheel from Mr. Pitts toward midnight.
“A storm’s blowing in,” Alec said.
“Not a big one, thank the powers.”
“You’re certain about your decision, Abel? The Pegasus would be your ship.”
The big man turned to his captain. “Quite sure, my lord. Baltimore is a nice place, and I don’t mind the Americans overmuch. But the man you selected is one of them, and it will go better for her ladyship’s business with an American in charge. And besides, my place is with you and your family. Particularly—” His voice dropped off like a stone from a cliff.
“Particularly since I can’t remember a damned thing and we’re going to a country which could be China for all the memory I bear of it.”
“Yes, my lord.”
And that, Alec supposed, was an end to it.
Twenty
They landed in Southampton during th
e third week of December. As a true Baltimorean, Genny couldn’t quibble about the gray, drizzly skies and a wind that could slice through the warmest of wool cloaks. Still, it wasn’t Baltimore; the sky wasn’t the same murky gray. The men swarming over the docks were dressed like American sailors and clerks and draymen, but the words that came out of their mouths, and the way they said those words—she’d never heard anything like it before. Welcome to England, she thought, my country’s avowed enemy just five short years ago. You, my girl, have certainly made your bed, married to an Englishman.
Made her bed. Indeed, not only had she made it, she’d lain in it numerous times, joyfully, and now there was a child in her womb to attest to the fact.
Genny sighed and pulled her cloak more closely about her. Her stomach was still more flat than not, just a slight swell that was visible only to her and to Alec, but her breasts were heavier and her waist thicker. She thought occasionally that he knew her body as well or better than she did. Sometimes after he’d thoroughly loved her, he would balance himself on his elbow and simply stare down at her. Sometimes he would span her belly with his splayed fingers, look thoughtful, then nod to himself. Sometimes he’d simply look at her belly and smile like a very arrogant, self-satisfied male, which he was.
Arrogant and remarkably even-tempered, given the fact that most of his life lay in a void of blankness, or in small snips of memories, tantalizing but elusive, always just out of his reach. Only once on the long voyage had she see him truly angry. There was a new man, an American from Florida, Cribbs by name, and he had secreted aboard a stash of liquor. He’d gotten drunker than a eunuch in a harem, seen Genny enjoying a warm evening on deck, become amorous in a bumbling way, and found himself with a broken jaw. Alec didn’t suffer fools, and Genny had discovered that even though he didn’t remember her, he would protect her with his life. In this instance, it was nearly Cribbs’s life to be forfeit. She saw Cribbs now, sober as a reverend on Sunday morning, tying down the yards and yards of canvas from the mainsail. She wished she could be helping, doing something, anything, but the one time she’d asked Alec if she could learn the finer points of sailing a barkentine, he’d simply given her a bewildered look and a novel to read. It was as if he’d completely forgotten that she’d captained the clipper herself.
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