But on this dark, windy night in early spring, Ian Mackintosh’s thoughts were as far away from evil men as they could get. Nay, he was thinking only of Rose, the woman he loved beyond doubt or denial. Never in his life had he met anyone such as she. Quick-witted, wise, and always blunt and to the point when she had something to say. And God’s teeth, she was beautiful. Long, wavy blonde locks that turned gold in the sunlight, blue eyes as bright and vivid as the Highland sky in springtime, and a smile that melted his heart like honey in the sun. Though she was wee, the top of her head barely reaching his heart, she was as mighty as a shield maiden from the north-lands. She possessed a body to shame Aphrodite herself and Ian wanted desperately to discover that secret paradise.
They were alone now, just the two of them, in one of the few rooms of the keep not destroyed by the fire Mermadak had set months before. The rest of the clan — those dedicated souls who had remained behind to brave the harsh winter — were hunkered down in the granary.
“I love ye, Rose, with all that I am.” Ian’s voice was as soft as the smoke rising from the brazier, and just as warm against her skin. “I want ye to be me wife. I want to build a life with ye, if ye’ll have me.”
Looking into those mesmerizing deep blue eyes of his, she had no doubt he spoke from his heart. He held her hands in his, but whose were trembling more was an unanswerable question. Though his grip was gentle, she could not help but think he was holding on for dear life. Her answer, she knew, would either make his heart soar amongst the heavens, or shatter into inestimable pieces. Before she could say aye or nay, they needed to have a very important discussion. A discussion that, in the end, could change both of their lives forever. Either for the better or for the worse; ‘twould be up to Ian.
With all her heart she wanted to shout Aye! I will marry ye! Never had she met anyone quite like him, even if she did believe to a certain extent he was like most men, with only three things usually on his mind: food, coin, and loving. Aye, he was interested in those things, but there was more to Ian than that. He adored her, was kind and generous, and she often found him humorous even when he wasn’t intending to be. He was also quite handsome. So handsome in fact that her mind often wandered to lustful and delicious thoughts of what it would be like to share the man’s bed.
Aye, without a doubt, he adored her. He would protect her and love her until he took his last breath on God’s beautiful earth. What more could a woman ask for in a man? Strength, honor, good looks were a welcome change to the men she’d known before the Mackintoshes arrived and changed all their lives forever.
She took several deep breaths to calm her nerves before she could speak. “Ian, I love ye with all that I am as well. I never felt this way before, not even with Almer, me first husband.”
The smile that broke on his face was a blend of relief and pride. Certain that what she was about to say next would make that smile disappear, she burned the image into her memory. Every bit of his handsome face, from the way his full lips were curved upward to the sparkle in his intense blue eyes that crinkled slightly at the corners. The tiny freckle in the corner of his mouth just under his bottom lip that was often hidden, for he typically went days without shaving.
If she were to be struck dead at this very moment, she would die a most happy woman. She could take this beautiful image of him with her to keep her warm and content throughout eternity. But that would have been the coward’s way out of a potentially ugly situation. And Rose was never one to behave as such.
“I fear there is somethin’ we must discuss first, Ian. Somethin’ of great importance.”
Although he continued to smile, his eyes were filled with questions. “Great importance?” He was confident that it was not so important as to change his feelings toward her.
“I can no’ give ye children,” she told him sadly.
As the morning mist evaporates against sunlight, so did his smile, when the reality of her words slowly sank in. ‘Twas not what he expected to hear. “Ye be barren?”
Rose gave a slight shake of her head as she swallowed back tears. “Nay, I can get with child, but I can no’ carry past me third month.”
Ian had never dreamed of having children until he fell in love with Rose McLaren. He hadn’t exactly led the kind of life that would allow for a wife or bairns. Those past encounters with women, now that he reflected upon it, were nothing more than moments taken to meet his physical needs.
But Rose? Somehow, without even trying, she had changed him from a whoring, warring, drinking fool to a man who looked to the future with new eyes. A future with Rose as his wife and the mother of his many children.
Pain and sorrow filled her eyes and he could feel both to his very core, just as deep as if it had been his own personal loss. Possessed with the overwhelming urge to take her into his arms, he pulled her close. They clung to one another for comfort, solace, and strength. “It matters no’ to me,” he whispered against her blond locks with a voice that cracked.
Although nothing was between them but the pounding of their hearts, Ian sensed something hanging in the air, something more she wanted to say but he knew his heart could not bear to hear the words. He’d not give her the chance to tell him she could not marry him.
Swallowing back his disappointment, he set any thoughts of a cottage bursting to the rafters with children aside. “I am one of many sons,” he began, still clinging to her as if she were a mast on a sinking ship. “I’ll never be chief, so I’ve no legacy to build. I’ll no’ need many sons or even daughters. I will be content all the rest of me days if it is just ye and me, alone in a croft, farmin’ the land. As long as I can grow old with ye, spend each morn watchin’ the sun rise with ye at me side and watch it set at the end of the day, me life will be complete, Rose. All I shall ever need or want, is ye.”
Oh, how she wanted to believe him. “But what if ye someday change yer mind? What if ye realize later that ye do want children and I can no’ give them to ye? I could no more bear that than losin’ yer babe.”
Squeezing her more tightly, he pressed a kiss against her head. “Then ye have me permission to remind me of this moment before ye beat me senseless.”
She knew he was using humor in an attempt to assuage her worries, but this time, it did not work. Hiding her damp eyes against his chest, she murmured perhaps the one thing that bothered her most. “I could no’ bear to lose yer child, Ian. ‘Twould be me undoin’. ’Twould be a loss I could never overcome.”
A babe of their own was the one thing she wanted most to give him, but the fear of losing his child was far stronger than that singular desire.
“Wheest, now, me love. Ye and I are neither foolish nor lackin’ in knowledge. We both ken there be ways of enjoyin’ one another as man and woman without the worry of creatin’ a babe.”
Slowly, she pulled away to look into his eyes. He was filled with hope for the future and adoration for her and ’twas as contagious as the ague. After the loss of her last babe, Almer had stopped sharing a bed with her. Not out of anger but out of his love for her. He had known how much the losses had hurt and he refused to put her through such pain again. Even after she had told him there were ways they could love one another without the fear of another loss looming over their heads, he still refused.
Now she was staring into the eyes of a man who wanted to marry her regardless of what she could not give him. Knowing what he did, he still desired her, still wanted to enjoy her as his wife. He would not turn her away.
“Ye be certain?” she asked, out of the need to hear him say it once again, to be certain she had heard him correctly.
A most wondrous, wicked smile lit his face, answering more questions than she had put to voice. “Aye, I be certain.”
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Ian's Rose: Book One of The Mackintoshes and McLarens Page 30
