by Hannah Ellis
I did a mental happy dance and had to stop myself from high-fiving Ruth. I watched with amusement as Hailey’s face fell.
“Oh, I’ve decided to go with Lucy,” she said. “It’s the twins’ birthday. I was just about to get dressed.”
“Adam, have you got time to do a few jobs for me?” Ruth asked.
“Maybe later,” he said. “We were all going out, actually.”
“Stay and help your mum,” I said. “We won’t be long. I just need to put in an appearance and drop off the gifts.”
Adam eyed me wearily and I almost felt bad. He clearly didn’t want to come though, and if I’d known how much it would put him out I would never have suggested we all go. At that moment I really wished I could go alone.
“Great, that’s settled then,” Ruth said. “I just need you to put some curtains up. I finally found some to replace those tatty blue ones in the front room.”
“Hurry up and get dressed, Hailey,” I said. “I want to leave in a few minutes.” She scarpered up the stairs and I shouted for Emily to come and put her shoes on. “Tell Hailey we’re waiting in the car,” I called over my shoulder once I’d rushed Emily into her shoes and jacket.
“Lucy,” Adam called, following me outside. I helped Emily with her seatbelt before I closed the car door and turned to Adam.
“What?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I feel like I can’t do anything right. We should all go to your dad’s.”
“Yes, we should, but I shouldn’t have to strong-arm everyone into going. You clearly don’t want to come, so don’t. Go and help your mum get rid of our tatty curtains!”
“Can I sit in the front?” Hailey asked, coming out of the house.
“Yes.” I couldn’t face another argument. The path of least resistance was the way I was going for the rest of the day. “I’ll see you later,” I said to Adam.
“What do you want me to do? Tell her not to take the curtains down?”
“Of course not. I’m sorry I said anything. I’m just tired – ignore me.” I gave him a quick kiss and left him standing on the driveway as I drove away with the girls.
Hailey begrudgingly agreed to play I spy with Emily, and the drive was painless. Shy, the girls stayed by my side when we went into my dad’s house – a sign that we didn’t visit often enough. I hugged Dad and Kerry, and the boys hovered around me until I handed over their gifts. When we followed them into the living room I was surprised to find my mum there too.
“Hi.” I hugged her. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
She and Kerry had always had a slightly unconventional relationship. I’m not sure I’d call them friends – I certainly don’t think Kerry would describe their relationship that way – but they’d always been on good terms.
I was a result of a fling when my mum was working in Dad’s office. All very cliché. I grew up mainly with my mum, but Dad was always involved and when Kerry came on the scene, when I was four, she became my third parent. My favourite parent, if I’m honest. She was the most dependable of them and always had time for me. She was the one I went to for advice or to talk my problems through.
“I thought I’d call in,” Mum said. “Kerry said you were coming over, and I haven’t seen you for so long.”
“Sorry,” I said. “Life’s hectic, you know.”
“Oh, I know. I wasn’t criticising; I just wanted to see you and I had to drop the boys’ presents off anyway.” I looked over at Max and Jacob, who had opened their Lego constructor kits and were assembling them on the coffee table.
“Good choice,” Kerry said to me. “Who wants a drink?” We put in our drink orders and she looked at Dad, who dutifully went to the kitchen.
“I’ve got a little something for you girls too,” Kerry said, retrieving two gift bags from behind the couch. They thanked her politely. Emily opened hers excitedly, and produced a jewellery-making kit complete with hundreds of tiny beads. Hailey’s smaller bag held a box with a silver necklace and dolphin pendant. She thanked Kerry again and I helped her put it on. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy that she was an angel child while we were out with my family or annoyed that they didn’t see what I had to put up with every day. Mostly, I think it just irritated me that she couldn’t be like that all the time.
“Did Adam have to work?” Mum asked.
“No. Ruth needed him to help her with a few things, but he sends his love.”
“That’s a shame,” Kerry said. “We haven’t seen him for ages.”
“Can I make something now?” Emily asked me quietly, looking eagerly at her box of treasures.
“Let’s save it until we’re home. You don’t want to lose the little bits.”
“I can get her a tray,” Kerry said. “She can sit at the table with it.”
Dad came back in, carrying hot drinks for us. I took my coffee and watched Emily sit at the table with Kerry, looking seriously at her box of beads.
“You can help me if you want,” Max said, looking up at Hailey. She moved on to the floor and leaned over the pieces of Lego spread on the coffee table. “Help me find the next pieces,” he said, pointing to the instruction booklet.
“So it’s kind of like a jigsaw puzzle?” she asked.
“Exactly,” Max replied.
“I used to be good at puzzles,” she said, plucking a tiny blue Lego brick out of the pile and handing it to Max.
“That’s not fair,” Jacob said. “Of course you’ll win if you’ve got help.”
“It’s a competition?” I asked.
“Everything is a competition,” Kerry said, shaking her head.
The Lego kept the boys and Hailey busy for a good half hour, and then Kerry brought out a cake and we sang ‘happy birthday’. It was all very pleasant and relaxed. I wished our house were as calm.
Hailey went into the garden to play football with the boys and I watched them through the window while Mum helped Dad carry the plates and cups into the kitchen.
“They look like they’re having fun,” Kerry commented from beside me.
“I should come over more often,” I said. “A happy imposter seems to have taken the place of my miserable child.”
I felt her looking at me, trying to read me. “They’re good kids,” she said quietly, glancing at Emily who was enthralled with her beads.
“When we’re here anyway,” I said.
“You doing okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, we’re okay.” I moved back to the couch. Dad sat next to me, and Emily climbed onto his lap.
“I made you a necklace,” she told him, draping a chain of pink and purple beads around his neck.
“Thanks,” he said. “It’s beautiful.”
“I can make one for everyone,” she announced proudly.
“I’m not sure we’ll have time today,” I told her. “But you can make them at home and bring them another day.”
When Mum left, I shouted to Hailey that we’d have to go soon too. She was racing around with the boys and when a look of annoyance flashed across her face, I decided I’d have another coffee. We ended up staying for sandwiches and more cake and left late in the afternoon, promising to visit more often.
I was surprised at what a pleasant day I’d had with the girls, and wished Adam had joined us. At home there always seemed to be so much tension – and it reappeared the moment we walked through the door. Hailey’s dark mood returned and she snapped at Emily for no reason before stalking up to her room.
“I’ll have to nip over to Brinkwell,” I told Adam while I peered into the fridge. “There’s nothing for the kids’ lunches tomorrow.”
“Sorry,” he said, immediately defensive. “I didn’t know, or I would’ve gone this afternoon. I can go shopping.”
“It’s fine. I’ll go.”
“Honestly, I don’t mind. I can go.”
I felt suddenly sorry for him. He walked on eggshells around me, wondering what I was going to snap at him for next. I walked over and circled my arms arou
nd his neck.
“I’m not angry at you,” I said. “Play with Emily for a bit and then get them into bed.”
He raised his eyebrows. “As long as I’m not in your bad books.”
“You’re not. I won’t be long.” He smiled and kissed my nose.
I returned to a quiet house an hour later. Adam grinned lazily at me as he lay sprawled on the couch. I perched beside him.
“You’ve not commented on my decorating,” he said.
“Sorry.” I fingered the row of plastic yellow beads around his neck. “They suit you.”
“Not those,” he said. “I decorated in here while you were out today.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, moving my eyes around the room until I reached the window. “Wow!” I laughed.
“I figured if Mum didn’t want the tatty old curtains we could have them back.”
I leaned to kiss him. “I really love them.”
“Even though they don’t actually fit, and Mum’s going to go crazy?”
I beamed at him. “Because they don’t fit and it will drive your mother crazy!”
Chapter 7
“Morning.” I greeted Jean Stoke cheerfully as I passed her in the hallway on the way to my classroom. She was the head teacher at St Jude’s – a caring and reasonable boss, but not my biggest fan, due to the number of absences I’d had, and me cutting back my hours. When I’d started at St Jude’s, I’d done so with the intention of becoming a full-time qualified teacher. But then the girls had arrived in our life and after a couple of months of Adam and Ruth trying to juggle the girls’ after-school care, I’d suggested that I cut my hours for a while so I could pick up Hailey from school and be home with the girls in the afternoons.
It had been a temporary arrangement, but it showed no sign of changing. There’d been a few occasions – or perhaps more – when the girls or Ruth had been ill and I’d needed to take time off. Jean had been understanding about the situation, but I had the feeling she might be losing patience with me.
I slipped into the classroom and began setting up for the day. Sarah Willis, the class teacher, arrived not long after me. She was part of the reason I enjoyed the job so much. It was my second year at the school, and I’d been in her class the whole time. She’d requested me for another year despite my absences and issues. We had grown close, and confided in each other about our lives.
Sarah was a mum of three and had always been supportive of my unusual family life. It was nice to be able to offload everything to her from time to time.
“I had the craziest weekend,” she told me. “All three kids are up on eBay but there’re no takers so far.”
“Maybe you over-priced them?”
“At this point, I’d pay someone to take them away! Seriously, I don’t know what was going on this weekend; I don’t think they stopped bickering for a second. Jack was even shouting at Henry in his sleep! What did I do to deserve three boys? You’re lucky you’ve got girls.”
“Yeah, right!” I said. “My weekend wasn’t much fun either.”
“What are we going to do at Easter? Two weeks of being home with them. I swear I’ll end up in an asylum.”
“Which could be a nice break!”
“Exactly. Only a mother could dread having two weeks off work.”
“Well, at least…” I paused.
“You can’t think of anything, can you?”
“No. I don’t think there are any positives.” We smiled at each other and moved in sync around the classroom, preparing for the day’s lessons.
The bell rang and the kids began to file in. I smiled as the children greeted me. “Hi, Jess!” I beamed. “I love your hair today. Did Mummy do it? It’s beautiful. Hi, Freddie, what a great hat! Can you put it with your coat for play time? We don’t wear hats in class, remember?”
They settled down quickly and we fell into our daily routine. I loved my job. Working with Sarah was great, and I loved the kids. My working day always went too fast and at 2.30pm, when I left to pick Hailey up, it was generally with a sinking feeling.
The week went by at its usual variable pace, with time seeming to slip into fast forward when I left the house in the morning. My working day whizzed by in a blink and then, the moment Hailey stepped into the car, time would slow almost to a halt and the hours often felt like they lasted for days.
I always had to force myself to chat to Hailey on the drive home, and Thursday was no different. “How was school?” I asked, trying my best to sound chirpy.
“Crap.”
Without replying, I put the car into gear and pulled away, turning up the radio and wondering why I bothered. At home, I emptied out her lunch bag and found her lunch untouched. We’d been through this before, but I thought we’d moved on.
“You didn’t eat your lunch,” I said, walking into the living room.
“I didn’t like it,” she told me. “I hate your lunches.”
“What would you like in your lunchbox?” I asked calmly.
“I don’t care.”
“Well, if you don’t like what I make for you, you need to tell me what you do want.”
“I said I don’t care. Leave me alone.”
I went into the hall and shoved the lunchbox back into her schoolbag. I’d empty it later, when Ruth wasn’t around to comment.
“How was your day?” Ruth asked when I joined her and Emily in the kitchen. Emily was standing on a chair at the sink, helping Ruth with the washing up.
“Good, thanks.” I held back from adding that it had gone downhill as soon as I left work. “How was school, Emily?”
“Good,” she said. “I made an Easter card for you but it’s a surprise.”
“Lovely!”
“Yep. And I get to stay home and play with you for the holidays.”
“That’s right,” I said with a sinking feeling at the thought of the Easter holidays the following week. “We’ll have lots of fun.”
“You’ve got holiday club too,” Ruth reminded her. She’d signed both the girls up for the programme at the community centre – it was just in the mornings and only the first week of the holiday but I was glad I’d get a bit of peace.
“Will my friends be there?” Emily asked.
“Yes,” Ruth said. “Rosie will be there and Emma, and lots of other kids from school.”
“Okay, I’ll go then,” Emily said, as though she had a say in the matter.
Chapter 8
The weekend went by in a haze of bickering and sniping that was held at a modest level by Emily’s presence in the house. If it weren’t for her sparkle of innocence forcing a measure of cheerfulness from us, I dread to think how we’d get through the days together. Really, I should have been happy that it was the Easter holidays and I had two weeks off work. Needless to say, it was not something I could get excited about.
“You’re really making me go to this kids’ club?” Hailey asked over breakfast on Monday morning. I’d put toast in front of her and she hadn’t commented, clearly saving herself for bigger battles.
“You are a kid,” I reminded her.
“You’re a kid until you’re twenty-one,” Emily announced while she munched noisily on her toast. “Uncle Adam told me.”
I smiled at her and sat down, clutching my coffee.
“I don’t want to go,” Hailey said. “And I don’t think it’s fair. Why can’t I stay home with you?”
She really must hate the thought of it if staying with me seemed preferable.
“All the local kids go. You might make friends,” I said.
“That’s stupid. I’m not allowed to go to the local school but I have to go to the local kids’ club in the holidays?”
“I didn’t think you minded not going to the local school.”
“Of course I mind. I have to go to a school that’s far away with a load of rich, stuck-up brats when I could walk down the road and go to school here like a normal kid.”
“You are normal,” I told her. “Your gran just t
hought Cromwell School would be better for you.”
“I don’t see why. It’s a crap school.”
“Hailey,” I hissed, glancing at Emily.
“Sorry, but I think it’s a bad school. Why do I have to have extra French lessons in my break-time? That’s not fair.”
I didn’t know what to say, because I agreed with her on that point. Ruth had been adamant that Hailey should keep up with her French, and had decided Cromwell School was the best place for her. I didn’t disagree about the French, but my suggestion had been for her to go to the local school and have lessons with a French tutor outside school. My opinion had been overlooked once again.
“I told Gran I want to go to Havendon Juniors,” Hailey said when I didn’t reply. “But she says I’m not allowed.”
I was surprised. Hailey had never been keen on school, but I thought it was school in general she hated, not her specific one. “Talk to Adam,” I suggested.
“Can you talk to him?”
“I guess so.”
“Please,” she said quietly, her big eyes boring into me. “The kids at Cromwell are mean.”
“I’ll talk to Adam,” I promised her, hating how vulnerable she looked.
She tensed and looked away from me. “He’ll just do what Gran says, though,” she said gruffly, challenging me. I kept quiet, feeling uncomfortable. She was probably right.
“Good morning!” Ruth’s voice reached us. Hailey rolled her eyes theatrically.
“Can’t you at least take us?” she asked, quietly. “It won’t be as embarrassing as turning up with my gran.”
“She wants to take you,” I murmured back. Ruth appeared in the doorway.
Hailey looked at Emily and whispered, “I’ll give you a pound if you cry and say you want Lucy to take us.”
“Can you lend me a pound?” Hailey grinned at me when we walked down the drive together. We’d left Ruth getting on with some cleaning after Emily’s award-winning performance. Emily swung happily on my arm as we walked in the sunshine down to the community centre. Hailey went quiet when we got there.
“You’re really making me do this?” she asked.
