She never heard another word from the company about it.
Most airlines will deny the crew are subject to excessive health stresses. I've had some great discussions with Dean about this. Our airline, and most airlines, have their own aviation doctors; medical practitioners with additional training in aviation-related illnesses and issues. That is like telling a trapeze artist that it is impossible for them to fall, yet putting a safety net under them anyway. Of course crew suffer unique health issues, thus the specialist doctors.
Very few jobs would have no safety or health concerns, yet flying around the world, closer to the sun, in a pressurized aluminum tube with only about two-thirds the oxygen available, compared to being on the ground, has to create some distinctive physical issues - and it is accumulative.
Most people feel tired after a one hour flight. Cabin crew can spend over one hundred hours a month in the air - month in and month out. I don't care what our airline says, being an international hostie is unique and it is demanding.
I try to overcome the physical pressures of the job with emotional balance. I love my job and the destinations we go to. I'm off to Africa in the morning. I love Africa.
anger can be a cowardly extension of one's own bitterness
I'm packed and ready to go to Johannesburg, South Africa; a city I've been to many times. Joburg, as it is referred locally, is the world's largest city not situated on water (a river, lake, or coastline). I favor cities on or near water. Cape Town is more my preference in South Africa. Even so, there is plenty to do in and around Joburg. Normally I venture away from the city sprawl. I'm a huge lover of animal safaris. I've lost count of how many I've been on. I won't go on safari unless I am with other crew. Playing solo tourist in a country like South Africa is just too risky
On my last visit to Joburg a nice guy from the crew and I went to Sterkfontein Caves about an hour's drive away. Sometimes known as the cradle of mankind, the caves are the site of early hominid fossil discoveries. It was fascinating stuff, however this time I don't plan on leaving the city.
I belong to a charity through work and although this is not an official company charity trip, one of the other flight attendants on my flight, Franco, is also involved. Franco is a lovely man, of Italian heritage, and softly spoken. His partner also flies, although he is not on this trip. I know Franco does his own charity work in Africa, mainly with a kindergarten in Soweto, a massive shanty town in Joburg. Knowing this I have collected toys and clothes also. Helen has come to the party as I have a bag full of her kids' unwanted toys and clothes.
Franco too has goodies for the kids. I've been to a number of different countries with my airline doing charity work, although not as yet in South Africa. I ask Franco if I can join him in delivering the toys and clothes. He is more than happy to have me tag along. We are working at different ends of the aircraft on this trip, so I won't have much of an opportunity to chat throughout the flight, yet it looks like we are set to go to Soweto.
I'm excited, yet a little apprehensive.
I've already been to Soweto as well as a massive shantytown in Cape Town, called Khayelitsha, but only as a part of a tour group. These tours were sanitized and supervised. I've been in slums in the sub-continent, South-East Asia, South America, and other parts of Africa. I am not immune, yet more experienced than most. I am not really sure what to expect in the section of Soweto we'll be going. What I saw as a tourist might be very different to this time round.
I'm working on a cart with a comical fellow, Thomas. The passengers love him. He's married, yet very cheeky, being a bit of a flirt. Even so, I find Thomas harmless. I'd much rather work with someone with oodles of personality than an unobtrusive bore. Thomas tells a few jokes, with political correctness not really his forte. Some of the jokes are about women, but I couldn't care less.
Thomas is the sort of guy who adores women. He tells the jokes to be lighthearted, not to be sexist. I don't take the puns personally. I find most of them quite funny.
In my 20 years of flying I have never had someone offend me with a joke. The skin is the heaviest organ in the body. This is true. I have a thick skin.
Thomas confides that he had an incident recently.
This is his side of the story:
He was working with two gay men and told, what he termed, 'a gay joke'. He said the joke was quite racy. Both men listened to the joke in its entirety and then screwed up their faces, obviously not liking it. They said nothing at the time, but after the trip, some five days after the joke was told, the men wrote a scathing letter to our company accusing Thomas of being homophobic. Thomas was called in to explain. He had an inkling what the complaint was about, being prepared.
I might add at this point that Thomas and I are working with several gay men on this trip and I haven't seen any homophobic behavior from him. Thomas appears to treat everyone equally, telling jokes about all sorts of subjects. He continues to tell the story:
Thomas went into the office, with the accusation sternly read to him.
'We take allegations of homophobic comments and jokes very seriously' said the manager. 'Did you tell a homophobic joke?'
'Most definitely not' said Thomas, 'I told a joke about being gay. How can I be homophobic when I am gay? Surely if I am gay I am allowed to tell a gay joke about myself.'
The manager was taken aback. Thomas appears to be heterosexual.
'Gay? But you are married.'
Thomas told the manager that his sexual preferences while away on trips was of no concern to the company.
'And I would take a very dim view, as well as retribution, should you out me in a public forum.'
The way Thomas tells it, nothing more was said and there were no further repercussions. He continues his justifications to me:
'Can Jerry Seinfeld get in trouble for telling a Jewish joke?'
'Did Joan Rivers face repercussions for joking about facelifts?'
'If I am gay myself, am I not entitled to tell a gay joke?'
He had a big smile on his face when offering his opinions. He is not gay, but then again - you never know.
Who am I or anyone else to make presumptions? That was his point.
I thought Thomas's story to be very funny. I'm not trying to take sides, yet why would these two fellow workers wait until after Thomas had told the joke to backstab him? If they were uncomfortable with a joke being told then surely they would say 'I'd prefer you don't tell gay jokes.' Thomas told me the joke. I can see how it would be offensive to some, but as soon as he started telling the joke, it was obvious where it was heading. The two complainers would have known that. They could have nipped it in the bud right there, instead of going through the company with all the rig moral associated with an official complaint.
I have seen it many times, where something could have been easily avoided with a little common sense.
If someone made me feel uncomfortable or uneasy, I would tell them. If they continued, then that is when I would contemplate the next step. I've never had to do that. If some guy flirted or asked me out on a date and I wasn't interested, even if I was single at the time, I would reply 'Thank you, but I am not available.'
Imagine a world where everyone was too politically correct to ask someone out? Everyone would be single. A little commonsense should prevail.
If someone grabbed me on the backside and said 'nice butt' I would say 'please remove your hand or my knee will connect with such force that you will never have a love life again'.
I've never had to say that, thank goodness, but I am always prepared.
I am constantly grabbed, tugged, yanked, and bumped on the aircraft, but that is either by accident or ignorance. They are not sexual acts or personally aimed at me. If they were I would be the first to put a blunt stop to it. I still get annoyed; everyone does, but I don't take it personally.
I do know of some girls who get very upset when certain comments are made. On a trip last year one of the hosties made a sexual harassment complaint against one of the o
ther crew. I heard some of the man's comments. In my opinion they weren't derogatory or offensive. It was just her interpretation.
If she had just said 'I'd rather you didn't say that', which she didn't, then all the heartache which accompanies a formal complaint would have been avoided. By the way, this girl has a history of such complaints. I stayed well away from her and will continue to do so in the future. I pick my mark in this job. We deal with so many different personality types, not just passengers, but also crew. We become very good at judging people.
As I have said before: I am judgmental. Everybody is.
I've judged Thomas as being harmless. He is a lot of fun to work with. The more jokes he tells, the better, I say. Most of the passengers are fantastic, except one - her name is Mrs. Bacher. During boarding I was at the back of the plane. She was first on plane, with her husband and daughter trailing behind. This woman's screwed up expression would be viewable from the moon. As she stepped onto the aircraft she looked ready to kill someone. I saw her marching her way down the aisle. Even the poorest of personality judges could tell that this woman is not happy.
Rather than hide, which to be honest is what I'd like to do sometimes, I step into the aisle with the biggest smile I can muster.
'Hello there, welcome onboard' I say enthusiastically.
The woman starts ranting and raving. It is not a few words muttered softly, but at least two minutes of yelling and screaming. It is all to do with the position of her seat. She and her family are in the very back row, occupying three of the four seats across the middle of the plane. She obviously already knew this - the expression on her face when boarding was a dead give-away.
By the way, the back row seats are identical to every other seat in the zone, but there is actually a bonus: no one is seated behind. The seats still recline the standard distance, yet no one can kick the back of the seat and the seat can also be fully reclined for the entire flight without fear of squashing someone.
I explain these advantages. I probably shouldn't have as for some reason she yells even louder.
I ask to look at her boarding pass. I see the name Mrs. Bacher. I have heard this name in South Africa before and know it is pronounced Bucker.
There is a number on the boarding pass which indicates where she was in the boarding sequence. In small print it reads: 332. She and her family were one of the last to check in. They are the lowest priority on a flight only a few seats shy of being full. The reality is they are lucky to be seated together. I don't tell her this information. She will only shout and scream more, no matter what justification I give her. I find out this information for my own benefit and then hand back the boarding pass.
I smile, trying not to take her insults personally - and there are insults aplenty. She has criticized the airline repeatedly and she is only a rant or two away from attacking me. I interrupt, telling her I will talk with a manager to see if there are other seats available.
She starts yelling 'There are no other seats available. You know that' as I walk away (quickly).
There may have been more said, yet at the speed I was walking I was out of earshot within seconds.
kill them with kindness
I go to the onboard manager, Rob, to explain the situation with Mrs. Bacher. I've flown with Rob before. He is great, very laidback. He looks up his paperwork. There is no other information about Mrs. Bacher available. She is not a frequent flyer, she is not a commercially important passenger, and she has the cheapest ticket.
I rarely form a firm opinion of a passenger in such a short space of time, however I tell Rob that this woman will be trouble the whole flight.
It doesn't matter what we do - it won't be good enough, I tell him.
'I've flown with you before' Rob says. 'I trust your judgment Danielle. You handle the woman how you see fit. I'll back you.'
I love a manager who doesn't treat you like a child. Not only did his words justify my concerns, he delegated the situation to be handled by me. I am the one who will be dealing with this woman for most of this very long flight anyway. That's very clever. He is busy. He trusts my decisions and ability.
The best leaders are those who get the best out of those under them.
I could ignore Mrs. Bacher, but I decide to go the other way - I will kill her with kindness. I put my psychology skills to the test. I comment to Rob that, in my opinion, it doesn't matter how well I treat her, I am doubtful she will be turned around. Rob tells me the few seats at the back of the plane which will available. None are together.
I know Mrs. Bacher will not move anyway, but I walk to the back of the aircraft armed with a positive attitude and a point to prove.
Mrs. Bacher is in the aisle seat. Her face still looks like she has been sucking lemons. I approach her, squatting down to talk to her at eye level. I make full eye contact to talk in a soft, yet firm voice.
'Mrs. Bacher, I've talked to our manager - his name is Rob. There will be a few seats available. We just need to wait until the last of the passengers board...'
She does not let me finish. She continues yelling and screaming, something about 'You don't expect me to move now do you?'
As she squawks at me, my thoughts are: 'You inconsiderate woman - here I am trying to help you and you are yelling at me?'
Regardless of what I may be thinking, I smile, and then interrupt her rants by saying 'Ok then, it's your choice to stay where you are.'
I stand and walk away.
Thomas heard some of Mrs. Bacher's ranting, as too most of the passengers in her area. He wants to know what's going on. I tell him. His first reaction is to make life as miserable as possible for this woman. I say 'no', telling Thomas what I told the boss.
'Kill her with kindness?' says Thomas 'I like it. Do you think you can turn her around?'
'No.'
'Can I play too?' he says cheekily.
Thomas is treating this as a game. Sometimes it is best to do so.
This is now a challenge. I am confident that even though we will do everything within our power to give this woman a good flight, it will be in vain. Normally crew do not reward bad behavior, but this is different. Angry passengers are generally that way for a reason. Sometimes it is from circumstances beyond anyone's control. I've had passengers who came onboard angry and aggressive, to treat them well, then to later receive an apology; finding out the real reason for their anger. In one instance a man, who was horrible to the crew, was on the flight to attend the funeral of his father. We had no idea at the time until he apologized for his outbursts. We were very sympathetic.
Every passenger has a story. Most passengers have a reason for behaving the way they do. Most, not all.
I could be wrong, but I don't think Mrs. Bacher has such justifications. I think she is just a nasty woman. Her husband seems jovial enough, given the circumstances of who he is married to. You can tell he is scared of his wife. The daughter, in her early twenties, is a carbon copy of the mother, also being sour-faced. I have heard how she talks to her father. I am disgusted. If I talked like that to my father he would have clipped me under the ear - and deservedly so. The father has no respect from his wife or daughter. What a painful life he must live.
Regardless of how spineless the poor husband is, he is trying to be polite to Thomas and me. He appears an open book. If the Bacher family were going through some traumatic experience, he too would be affected. He seems the type of man who would alert the crew of any distress the family may be under. Mrs. Bacher certainly would, particularly if it meant getting preferential treatment. I reassert my belief that Mrs. Bacher has few excuses - and is just a horrid woman.
Thomas is a cheeky boy. As far as Mrs. Bacher is concerned, I don't want to be seen as sarcastic and condescending. I want to genuinely try and turn her around. I tell Thomas this. He agrees. Thomas can be very charming. I have an accomplice.
We are about to serve lunch. We know the Bacher family will be last to be served, so Thomas and I approach them, and those arou
nd them, with some snacks and wine. Mrs. Bacher and her daughter refuse the wine, but take the snacks. There is no thank you, no hint of gratitude. The husband takes the wine; who could blame him? He says 'thank you'. Thomas has dealt with the husband previously, yet this is first direct dealing with his wife and daughter. Back in the galley Thomas comments that Mrs. Bacher is more than just angry - she is downright evil.
We finally push the meal cart to the back of the aircraft. The inevitable has occurred - we have run out of meal choices. We only have a chicken meal. Thomas is on the side of the cart facing the Bachers.
'Hello Mrs. Bacher' he says in his most polite voice, 'we have a delicious chicken dish, but...'
Before having the chance to say any more, Mrs. Bacher rants and raves again. Thomas interrupts her vicious onslaught by saying he will make a quick phone call. Only a step away is my crew jump seat which has an interphone. Thomas picks it up.
'Hello, this is Thomas here; that's the first class galley? Look I know you are in the middle of your service, but can I come up soon and get a meal for one or two our passengers? Alright, I'll give it 20 minutes. Thank you, it's much appreciated.'
Thomas talked loud enough that Mrs. Bacher would have clearly heard the whole conversation. He would later tell me that he didn't call the galley at all. He made it all up. I must say he is a good actor. I believed him and Mrs. Bacher would have had no idea it was a ruse.
He put the phone down to face Mrs. Bacher.
Before he has the chance to talk she continues ranting about how long she has had to wait for a meal.
To Thomas's credit, he is very diplomatic.
'Some of the first class passengers have also yet to receive a meal, but I have contacted the first class galley and as soon as they've finished they have promised me access to whatever is available.'
Confessions of a Hostie 3 Page 12
