by Tia Williams
“Jenna and Eric are the thieves? You saw them stealing?”
“No!”
“Oh.” Darcy looked confused. “Then what were they doing that’s got you so verklempt?”
Jinx made a small, miserable noise. She was now blushing to her hairline.
“What were they doing? Solving the economic crisis? Playing Candy Crush? What?”
“Leave her alone,” said Eric, under his breath.
“I…I can’t say,” sputtered Jinx, in a shaky voice.
The first one in the room who got it, Terry slapped her hand over her mouth. “OH EM GEE! They weren’t…you saw them…”
“Jinx, you better speak up,” said Darcy.
“Leave her alone,” repeated Eric, this time loudly. “Jinx, you don’t have to answer her.”
“Are you her boss?” His mother spat every word. “Jinx? Answer. Me. Now.”
“Darcy, that’s enough.” Jenna glanced at Eric. He squeezed her hand under the table.
Jinx’s bottom lip trembled. “They were…they were having…”
“Epileptic seizures? A spot of tea? Having what, goddamnit?”
“We were fucking,” said Eric. “I was fucking her. She was fucking me. Fucking.”
Jenna closed her eyes.
The meeting erupted into a symphony of gasps and squeals.
Mouths dropped open, phones dropped out of hands.
Darcy did her best impression of a CEO and mother who felt so betrayed by her employees, that she was disbelieving. “Are you telling me that my superstar editor and my only child were having intercourse in a stockroom? Jenna, is that true?”
“Yes.” Calmly, she folded her hands back in front of her. Now that it was out, she felt humiliated, yes; but also surprisingly serene. The lying, the hiding—for better or worse, it was over. “Yes, it’s true.”
“I don’t believe it,” spat Darcy.
“Would you like us to reenact it?” asked Jenna.
Eric snorted.
The room was abuzz with the thrill of discovering the juiciest nugget of gossip, ever. Jenna Jones and Eric? They were having an affair, right under their noses? The staff was so caught up in the news that they forget they were in the presence of Darcy, and exploded into talking-over-each-other exclamations. Terry was vibrating from the thrill of it all.
“I knew she liked him back,” screeched Terry. “Eric you’re such a sneaky fucking liar! You sluts!”
“Werk!” Mitchell the photo editor hissed at Jenna, before shooting Eric a thumbs up. He had a newfound respect for him.
“Jenna, I’m shocked,” whispered a magazine industry-obsessed intern who thought of her in elevated terms, since she was from the old-school-glam print world. “Your clothes always look so pristine, how did you prevent wrinkles? You know, afterwards?”
Darcy banged her fist on the table. “Enough! Look, I’m disgusted. I can’t even go on with this meeting. Eric, you were raised better than this. Jenna, I can’t even imagine how you were raised. Jinx, you’re fired. When your superior tells you to speak, you speak.”
Jinx dissolved into silent, shuddering sobs, and just like that, the room went dead silent. Darcy was in one of her unpredictable moods—if she could fire Jinx, any one of them could be next. Suddenly, everyone tried to make themselves as small as possible.
“Darcy, you can’t fire Jinx!” exclaimed Jenna. “This has nothing to do with her! This is…”
Just then, there was an explosion on the wall behind Darcy’s head. The CEO hopped out of her seat. Eric had picked up Jenna’s half empty bottle of Evian and hurled it across the room. Now water was dripping down the wall and puddling on the floor.
“We done here?” Eric stood, knocking his chair over. “Yes? No? Any questions? I’m happy to answer them. Wanna know how many times? Countless, for months, and in every depraved, filthy way you can think of. Were we just in it for the office fuckfests? Not even a little bit. Jenna’s the beginning and end of me. You wanna watch us doing it? Me too, let’s screen the footage! No, let’s just leak it to the media, maybe we’ll get a reality show out of it! Suck my sex tape, biiitch!”
The photo assistant dissolved into giggles, and Karen kicked her chair.
“Eric, pull yourself together. Really, if you’re gonna have a meltdown, do it elsewhere.”
“Agreed, I’m out.” On the way to the door, he stopped at his mother’s chair, leaning down to her level. “I hope you enjoyed this, you sick fuck.”
Terry’s hand flew over her mouth. Mitchell gasped. Half the room was live-texting everyone they knew under the table. “Ignore Eric, I should’ve been more strident about putting him in time-out as a kid.” Darcy cleared her throat. “This meeting is over. Jenna, I need you both in my office in five. Please go get him. And try to keep your clothes on when you do.”
Jenna stood up. “Darcy, you are a small, sad, disturbed person. I suggest extensive therapy and an exorcism. Jinx, I’m so sorry. If you…ever need a reference…or anything, you have my number.” She swallowed. “My apologies, everyone. My behavior was irresponsible, reckless, and insulting to all of your professionalism. I’m not sure what got into me… but, well, we all make mistakes.”
She walked to the door. And the she paused, turning around to face everyone.
“Actually, I’m not sorry. And it wasn’t a mistake. Eric was the best time I’ve ever had. It was…” Her face broke into a wistful smile. “It was fucking fantastic.”
Jenna threw back her shoulders and strode out—summoning the ounce of dignity she had left.
Darcy sat her desk, glowering at Jenna and Eric, who were sitting across from her. They sat silently, awaiting their punishment—but their demeanors were polar opposites. Jenna intended to just let Darcy rage so they could all move on with repairing their lives. But Eric was itching for a fight. She’d never seen him so angry. Cartoon steam was practically seeping out of his ears.
“I’ll just start off by saying you’re both fired.”
“Understandably,” said Jenna.
“Thankfully,” said Eric.
“I hesitated a second before coming to this decision, because The Perfect Find is so important to us. But Eric, you’re not the only talented young director in town. And Jenna, there are certainly more of you. If I can figure out how to budget in her clothing and car allowance, Nina Garcia is mine.” She gestured at Jenna. “So. Shall we deal with you first, CougarTown?”
“Shoot,” said Jenna.
“I could never put my finger on it, but now I know exactly what annoyed me about you. You, with your saccharine persona, making everyone believe you were so squeaky-clean, so sophisticated, so beyond the tacky sluttery that befalls us mere mortals. Meanwhile, you fucked my boyfriend and you fucked my son. My only child.”
“Don’t pretend that means something to you,” said Eric.
“That’s like saying she fucked your only bonsai tree.”
She ignored him. “And you did this after I gifted you with a second chance. Do you just have an obsessive need to sleep with any male that’s close to me? Would you like to borrow my ex-husband for the night? My chiropractor? It amazes me, how you’ve been able to be the Good Girl all these years, when you’re really a whore.”
Jenna was aghast. With everything she knew about Darcy, she was calling her a whore? But she said nothing.
Eric rubbed his hands over his face. “Listen, Satanic Smurfette. I know this is part of it, that you need us to sit here like you’re the Godfather and take your menacing B-movie verbal beat down—which I’m only entertaining because I don’t want Jenna to do it alone—but you won’t be calling her a whore.”
“It’s so cute, how you protect her. I like how you said…what was it, that she was ‘the beginning and end of you?’ So romantic. Was it the beginning or the end of her that you were banging amongst thousands of dollars’ worth of designer clothes?”
“If we’re fired, can’t we just wrap this up and be out?” He looked at Jenna. “Are
we on trial? Can I call Gloria Allred? What are we even doing right now?”
“It’s your exit interview,” said Darcy, “and I’m entitled to this.”
“Eric, it’s fine.” Jenna eyed her former boss. “Darcy, I get why you’re upset. But I didn’t mean to fall in love with Eric. I just did.”
“Fall in love with Eric.” Darcy sputtered for a second, struggling with how to respond. In that moment, she completely let down her stone-cold-bitch guard. She couldn’t even hide how bewildered she was by the idea of them as a real couple.
“Jenna, this is beyond robbing the cradle. He was…he’s my baby. You could be his mother…” She flicked her fingers in her son’s direction. “And you! You’re twelve. How did you even pull this off?”
He looked at her flatly. “I have a surprising emotional maturity.”
“He does,” said Jenna.
“Oh I agree. ‘Suck my sex tape bitch,’ is the height of maturity.” She rolled her eyes with her entire body. “You both sound like you’re on angel dust right now.”
“I don’t give a fuck how we sound to you, or anybody,” said Eric.
“That’s clear. If you did, you’d be humiliated. Running around here like a horny adolescent with a crush on his nympho teacher. Jenna, you never felt it was a wise idea to fight this so-called love you have for my kid?”
“No, she didn’t,” said Eric.
“I did at first! But then…no, not really.”
“Well,” said Darcy, “homecoming queens are always the sluttiest.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Jenna couldn’t resist. “How did you find out about us? How did you know to put a camera on the tenth floor?”
“Because you’re messy.” She’d never reveal the Suki Delgado connection. “And catching you was easy. This ain’t my first time at the rodeo. When co-workers are having an affair, they’re definitely screwing in the office. And where would you do it? Jenna’s office, or the bathrooms, or in one of the two fashion closets. I installed security cameras in all places, and it took three seconds for you rookies to incriminate yourselves.”
“I have a question,” said Eric. “Who jumps through hoops to catch their kid having sex? That’s pretty vile, even for you.”
“I will not let you critique my choices as a parent. Do you know how embarrassed I am? My child embroiled in a sex scandal under my nose.”
“It’s like a Vale curse, right? I guess we’re just doomed to fuck inappropriately and humiliate our parents.”
Jenna whipped her head around to look at him.
“What are you talking about?” said Darcy.
“You had your own sex scandal, in high school. Me. And your family disowned you. Do I get disowned now? Good thing I don’t depend on you for shit.”
“How did you know that?”
“I’m supposed to think you just don’t have parents? I know they exist, they’re in Jersey. You never even tried to fix it, for my sake.” He shook his head. “You’re my only family member. Do you know how psychotic that feels?”
Jenna felt like she needed to step in, before this war escalated any further. “Listen, Eric and I are leaving. There’s no reason to make the situation more hellish than it already is. Because Darcy, you’ve already gone way too far with this. Setting a trap for us, humiliating us in front of the staff? Wasn’t that enough?”
“Oh no, it’s not enough. This was a ballsy move, Jenna, putting your comeback on the line by risking yet another scandal attached to your name. No one’s even going to remember all your accomplishments. You’ll always be the idiot who ruined her perfect career over personal drama. The chick whose fiancé became romance novel content for a relationship blogger. The desperate cougar who screwed Darcy Vale’s son at StyleZine. You think you have nine lives? You think this won’t make the gossip blogs? Your former coworkers are texting everyone in media right now.” Darcy snickered. “I took a huge gamble on you, Jenna. You should never have fucked with me. I’m so going to enjoy ruining you.”
“You’re not going to let it get to the blogs,” said Eric. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“If you try to ruin her, I’ll ruin you.”
“There will be no ruining of anyone,” Jenna said. “We’re real people, this is not House of Cards!”
“How would you ruin me, Eric?”
“I’m the only one who could. I know you who you really are.”
Eric walked over to the office door, opened it, and leaned in the doorway. “Don’t make me embarrass you in front of the entire city,” he said, speaking loudly enough for the whole office to hear.
Jenna turned around in her chair and saw that a dozen heads had suddenly popped up over their cubicles.
Darcy gasped. “What are you doing?”
“Jenna has the exact same contact list you do, which means I’m an email away from telling everyone in media how you really got the cash to start Belladonna Inc. It didn’t stop at stealing a billionaire from his wife. No, when he was charged with money laundering and bank fraud, which would’ve left him broke and ruined your funding, you got your lawyer to pin it all on his former business partner. His partner in name only. His wife. You had the mother of his children put in an Italian prison.”
Jenna recoiled. “Jesus, Darcy, you did that?”
“No! Well, it was white collar, more like a resort, and she deserved it. Eric Vale Combs, get away from the door.”
“Or how about when you asked a security guard at LaGuardia Airport to watch me for five minutes while you ran to get coffee. But you didn’t come back to get me until the next morning. Because you were having a threesome with DMX and Foxxy Brown. I spent the night in a police station.”
Jenna gasped. “You and Foxxy Brown?”
“Eric, shut up! You’re lying because you’re mad, and everyone knows it.”
“It happened. But my favorite you-anecdote is my dad’s funeral.”
Darcy shot up out of her chair. “Close the door.”
“You made me leave early so I could come home and open the door for your interior designer. I was ten, taking three trains by myself to some cemetery in Queens—and my dad had just been shot, and I could only stay for fifteen minutes. Because you could finally afford a Manhattan apartment, and your goddamned drapes were more urgent. I was his only son, and I didn’t get to see him being buried.”
Jenna swallowed, the knot in her throat massive.
“I’ll expose all your shit, mom. If this story breaks anywhere, if Jenna’s hurt in any way, you’re done.”
He slammed the door so hard the frame shook, and calmly sat back down. The whole office had heard every word. Shaken, Darcy slowly lowered herself back down into her chair.
“You’d sell out your own mother?”
“You just set me up. With relish. Yeah, I’d do it. And when were you a mother?”
“How dare you judge me? After the life I’ve given you? You’ve never appreciated me! You deliberately went against my wishes, with this Jenna thing. I wasn’t a factor to you at all. I never am. I mean, your first movie is dedicated to Otis, your loser dad. It’s the biggest fuck-you ever.”
And herein, thought Jenna, lies the strife.
“I sacrificed everything to be your mother. I lost my family to be your mother.”
“A., you never made one selfless choice when it came to me.
And B., no sane mother would pull this kind of stunt on her own kid,” said Eric. “Why exactly do you hate me? Is it just because I exist?”
“You’re my son. I don’t hate you.”
“You know what? I sort of believe you. Real hate requires commitment.”
“This is all your fault,” she seethed at Jenna. “You’ve poisoned him against me.”
“You think this is my fault?” For the first time, she felt sorry for Darcy. “No, it breaks my heart. It’s tragic that you missed out on knowing him, and it’s tragic that he grew up without a mother. You’re broken, Darcy, and what you’ve both achieved despite tha
t is a miracle. I didn’t turn him against you. All I did was love him. You can blow me up on Page 6, spread rumors, whatever. I’ll be embarrassed for a while, but in the end, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I fell in love and lost my head. Maybe he should’ve been off-limits, but besides doing my job brilliantly…I don’t owe you anything else, Darcy. If I had it to do over again?” She looked over at Eric, whose expression broke her heart. “I’d do it all over again. Emphatically.”
Eric met her eyes. “Without hesitation.”
“And emphatically, without hesitation, you’d both be fired all over again,” snapped Darcy. “And in this economy. Was it worth it?”
Jenna nodded. “It was.”
“You’re a silly, self-sabotaging fool, Jenna Jones, but at least you stick to your guns. I can respect that,” said the CEO. “Hope you keep it in your pants, if you ever get hired again.”
Darcy and Jenna shook hands. She stuck her hand in her son’s direction, and he eyed it with distaste.
“Oh, we’re done. Let’s never speak again. I’ll be out of the house by tomorrow.”
Darcy looked like she’d had the wind knocked out of her. “Where will you go?”
“Anywhere but there.”
“Well, whatever you want, Eric. You’re an adult now, I…I can’t stop you.”
He grabbed Jenna’s hand and they stood up. The two of them walked out of Darcy’s office. They stopped in Jenna’s office so she could get her bag and her Hallelujah print from the wall. Eric took his camera from his cubicle, leaving behind all the other miscellanea he’d accumulated. And then the staff, too thunderstruck and titillated to do much of anything but wave wistfully, watched with voyeur-behind-a-telescope fascination as the two walked down the hall toward the elevator—hand in hand, unbreakable again, if only for that moment.
Jenna and Eric stood on the sidewalk in front of their building. The past eighteen hours had drained them. And now that everything was over, they weren’t sure what to do or say.
“I guess this is it,” Jenna began. “The end of an era.”
“You’re not really moving out, are you?”
“Yeah, I can’t live under her roof anymore,” said Eric. “After today? That was the most Oedipal, dysfunctional, Dr. Evil-esque shitshow I’ve ever seen in real life. Poor Jinx.”
