His jaw was clenching and unclenching.
“Sorry, I guess this isn’t really the best topic to be discussing when you barely know someone, right?”
He shook his head, looking down still. “This is part of who you are. You’re a very strong person, Gwen. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t have gotten through it without you.”
She shrugged. “We are a very close family and I know that they would do anything for me too. I guess we can all say we came out on the other side though. We figured out how to live without two people we loved. Jack and Lily are having twins. Chase and Julia are married. Everyone is happy again,” she whispered.
“What about you?” he asked, this time turning to look at her. She couldn’t quite figure out his expression. His eyes looked as though they were filled with pain…and something else.
“Me? I’m…fine. I’m happy I have my business now with Lily. I’m happy we’re all in Shadow Creek and living our lives together.”
“No men? Firefighters?”
She groaned. “I haven’t had time for guys. I haven’t had time for a life, really. I lived with my parents and that was my entire life. I feel like now I’m finally getting back on track and I’m happy I’ve moved out and have some breathing space. Ben and I are friends. Also, I can be slightly picky when it comes to men.”
“So I should be flattered?” he asked with an adorable grin.
She punched him in the shoulder. “You should be very flattered. You passed all my tests.”
His smile faltered for a second and the mood shifted. Him telling her about his wife reminded her that he wasn’t just the average single guy. He had lost a spouse. “Luke, I know that you don’t want a relationship. You’re not going to break my heart. Thank you for telling me about your wife.”
The lights flickered a few times and then turned back on. Blue headlights, rumbling, and then the snow plow driving by the front window ended their captivity. Something happened. It was as though TMM went back to just being the guy at the bakery. She felt his detachment even before he hopped to his feet and offered her a hand. “Why don’t I help you close up and walk you home?”
She tried to hide her disappointment. What was going on? Hadn’t they just shared something special? Hadn’t the kiss meant anything for him? She forced a smile and began collecting the votives, blowing them out as she went. “Sure, I’ll be a minute.” She walked to the back, blinking back her tears as she found her jacket and hat and gloves. She was not going to show him how hurt she was. He had easily ended their evening, he had no problem walking away.
Basically, he’d come here tonight out of pity.
Luke the Doctor believed in lust at first sight and nothing more.
She believed in love at first sight, and now she was going to pay for it.
Chapter Five
Luke was finishing up the night shift and now that he was done working, could focus on Gwen. He hadn’t seen her since the other night, and he cursed himself for ever walking into the shop after her speed dating night.
What had he been thinking? He’d been attracted to her the moment he laid eyes on her. He’d known having a conversation with her would be bad, because it would only mean he’d like her even more, which he now did. He’d replayed everything she’d said in his mind, including how she’d said it, the look on her face, and in her eyes.
And him opening up about Lisa. Then there was the kiss. He was so screwed.
If he pretended like it didn’t mean anything to him, he’d be a jerk and a liar. If he started something with her, he’d be an even bigger jerk and liar, and he’d end up breaking her heart. No matter what, he’d just made his life and hers way more complicated. He couldn’t ignore her.
He didn’t want to be married again. He didn’t deserve to be married again or a father again. Gwen deserved all those things, but with another man.
He walked through the sliding doors and out into the brisk Montana morning. The cold air felt good against his hot skin and he didn’t bother buttoning up his jacket. For the first time since moving here, he was planning on skipping the chocolate shop tomorrow morning. Even though that meant he had nothing to look forward to.
“Dr. Thomson!”
Luke fought the groan in his throat and turned in the direction of the voice. He had almost escaped the hospital. When he was done with his long shift, he always made every attempt at getting out of here as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to get too close to anyone, he didn’t want any friends. That way when he left no one would know him enough to miss him and vice versa.
He waved at the nurse running toward him. She was friendly and a great asset to the team. “Hi, Wendy.”
“I wanted to know if you’re coming to the staff party next week. I’m running it so I’m trying to get everyone’s numbers.” He didn’t move when she stepped into him and touched his arm. Crap. He had touched Wendy many times, passing charts, supplies, but in no other way. In fact, he went so out of his way not to encourage anything that he wondered if people thought him socially awkward.
He didn’t do staff parties. Or any parties anymore. “Thanks, but my sister is probably coming into town.”
“Hi.”
He didn’t breathe as he heard Gwen’s voice beside him.
Wendy dropped her arm, disappointment flashing across her face at Gwen’s appearance. Gwen didn’t look all too pleased, no doubt incorrectly assuming something was up with him and Wendy. He had no idea why Gwen was even here.
“Well, I’d better get back to work, my break’s almost over,” Wendy said with a forlorn sigh. Oh God. There were too many women and feelings to keep track of. “Uh, Gwen this is Wendy. Wendy, this is Gwen. My…friend.”
Gwen was beaming at him and he was taken aback by the sight of her so happy. He actually found himself smiling back at her, despite the absurdity of the situation. “Nice to meet you, Wendy.”
“You too,” Wendy said. She gave a little wave and left.
He turned to Gwen when Wendy was out of earshot. “Hi, what are you doing here?”
She held up a bag and a paper coffee cup. “I thought that since you had to work on a Sunday and the shop is closed I’d bring you a little something.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets, hating that she had done this for him. She was impossible to resist. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes were filled with something that looked like excitement to see him. She had on a furry red hat and her lips were red…and so damn irresistible. Resist, Luke. Resist. He took the bag and coffee. “You didn’t have to do that.”
She shrugged, looking away. “So…guess I’ll be going.”
He sighed roughly. “Gwen.”
She was currently fiddling with the buttons on the front of her coat. “You don’t need to say anything. I know this is where you say you have regrets. The kiss was a mistake.”
“No, this is where I say I’m interested as hell and, yeah, the other night was the best damn mistake I ever made. But that still doesn’t mean we can go anywhere.”
Her mouth had dropped open and it took every ounce of self-control he possessed not to kiss her. “Then why fight it? Why don’t we see where things go? In a few weeks we might hate each other and I’ll be waving you off as you leave Shadow Creek.”
He laughed, except then he remembered she probably would be hating him in a few weeks, just not for the reasons she was implying. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Her gaze darted to the hospital. “Why, because you’re the hot doctor everyone wants and you leave a string of broken hearts wherever you go?”
He rubbed the back of his neck torn between wanting to kiss her and regretting ever kissing her in the first place. “No.”
“I’ve spent the last five years ignoring my own needs. The world moved on. People moved on. I stayed the same. But something inside me clicked a couple weeks ago and I’m done letting life pass me by without being who I really am or going after what I really want. I’m not going to waste time thro
wing myself at a man who doesn’t want me.”
For a second it looked as though she was about to kick him in the shins, but instead she turned, ready to storm off. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let her go.
He grabbed her wrist, tugging her backward until she bumped into his chest. He placed the coffee and muffin on the hood of his car and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck from behind. She leaned against him, relaxing. He ignored the warning inside and went instead with the warmth, the happiness, she brought him. She turned around, looking up at him. “Don’t play games with me. One minute you want me, the next you don’t.”
He cringed inwardly at the hurt in her eyes even though her voice was strong. He didn’t want to lie to her, he didn’t want to pretend he wasn’t developing feelings for her, or that he wasn’t attracted to her.
“This is not a matter of not wanting you or playing games. I don’t play games. I have no interest in games. I’m not the man you want. I’m not the man you need. I will screw up your life if you let me close,” he said, feeling the lump in his throat. He hated emotion. He tried not to feel as much as possible, but Gwen brought out all the emotion in him because Gwen was everything he’d been trying to hide from for the last five years.
Those brown eyes of hers looked right through him, forcing him to admit how badly he wanted her. “You can’t tell me what or who I need. You can’t tell me who I can fall in love with. All I know is that life passes by and if you’re too afraid to take a risk, one day it’ll be all over and there’ll be nothing to show for our time here. If you don’t want me, that’s one thing. But to not even try because you’re afraid? I don’t think so.”
With that, she turned on her heel and started walking away.
Hell. Well, he’d warned her.
He grabbed her wrist and she paused, then turned around.
“Ah, Gwen,” he said, framing her face with his hands, feeling her cold, soft skin beneath his hands. Wind whipped around them, but he wasn’t aware of much except that he was sinking further into this place where he was beginning to ignore all the reasons they couldn’t get involved. “I always want you. Not one minute goes by where I don’t want you,” he said, before lowering his head and kissing her.
Gwen wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back with the same passion as the other night, one that matched his. Soon he had her backed up against his car, his body covering hers. He forgot they were in the hospital parking lot until the sound of ambulance sirens in the distance infiltrated his desire-clouded head. He reluctantly stepped back, liking that she still held onto the front of his jacket. Her lips were red and her cheeks were rosy and she looked even more delicious than before.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”
He grinned. “Yeah. See you tomorrow,” he said, leaning in for another quick kiss.
He’d figure it all out later. There had to be a way to make all of this okay. All he knew was that this woman, somehow, made him feel like the man he wanted to be. She made him feel like there was hope. She made him believe in redemption.
…
Luke swung open the door of The Shadow Creek Chocolatiers, desperate to see Gwen’s gorgeous face.
He’d had a brutal night at the hospital; they had been short-staffed, the one OBGYN on call hadn’t been able to get to the hospital because she was down with the flu so he’d ended up having to deliver a high-risk pregnancy baby and thankfully everything had finally worked out. He hated nights like that at the hospital. He was so damn tired he wasn’t even planning on his run when he got home. He just wanted to see Gwen’s smiling face, hear her laugh with customers, and then he’d go home and sleep.
He still hadn’t figured out what he was going to do, but the uncomfortable feeling that he was going to cross the line with her was approaching. He was going to have to tell her soon or he was going to have to distance himself. He had a few months left on his contract and then he was free to leave Shadow Creek. He wanted to be able to tell them and then leave.
The stupid, childish part of him wished that he could tell her and that she’d forgive him. But Gwen wasn’t behind the counter; it was her sister-in-law, Lily.
“Good morning!” Lily called out when he walked in. He hadn’t known that night of the blizzard when Jack had walked into his ER with Lily in his arms, who they were. He didn’t look at Jack’s last name until both of them had been stabilized. And then it had clicked. He’d been worried they’d know who he was, but luckily he had a common last name and no one thought twice about it.
She inhaled sharply as he approached the counter, clutching her chest. “Dr. Thomson!”
He smiled at her and approached the counter. “You can call me The Muffin Man.”
She burst out laughing. “That’s okay. I heard you have a real name.”
He grinned. “Yeah. Luke.”
“Right.”
“You’re looking well. Feeling good?”
She nodded, still smiling. “I feel great.”
“Good, good. Where is Gwen this morning?”
Lily scrunched up her nose and began filling his order that apparently everyone already knew. She placed a steaming cup of coffee on the counter. “She came down with the flu and is refusing all help from us. She doesn’t want me to go to her place because I’m pregnant. She doesn’t want Jack to go in case he picks it up and gives it to me. Her parents are on a cruise. And she doesn’t want Julia to go in case she’s pregnant too.”
He wasn’t the type to worry, normally, but Gwen was different. “Can I get my order to go?”
She nodded and began packing everything up. “Are you going to see her?”
He nodded. “Yeah, the strain that’s going around right now is pretty bad. We admitted five patients last night due to complications.”
Her brow furrowed. “I was going to drop some food off after work tonight.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll check in on her,” he said, dropping a bill on the counter and grabbing his coffee cup and paper bag with the muffin. He walked toward the door and gave her a wave over his shoulder. He jogged down the street and up the flight of stairs to Gwen’s apartment after getting directions from Lily.
He knocked on the door loudly and waited for an answer. He knocked again and called her name through the door. Still no answer. He tried the door but it was locked. This time he banged on the door and thankfully he heard slow footsteps. A moment later she opened the door a crack but before he could get a word out, yelped and shut it in his face.
“Gwen, open the damn door.”
He heard a thump and he assumed it was her head against the door. “You can’t see me like this. I’m dying.”
“Open the door because I can bet you you’re going to pass out if you keep standing.”
When he didn’t hear anything after a minute he slowly opened the door, sliding her along the floor since she’d been sitting behind it. He put his things down on the counter and crouched down in front of her. “God, you look like hell.”
She attempted to shove him but missed. Her eyes were glassy and her face was grey. Her hair was a tangled heap around her and her lips were parched. “I’m going to help you back into bed.”
She moaned and slid over into a fetal position on the ground. “I will never forgive you for this,” she mumbled. Her voice sounded hoarse. “Leave me to die with my dignity.”
“Do you have ibuprofen?”
She nodded against the floor.
“Have you taken any?”
“Too tired.”
“Okay, tell me where it is.”
“Bathroom.”
He stood and walked around, finding the bathroom quickly in the small apartment. He found the medicine cabinet, grabbed the Advil and then filled up a glass with water and walked back over to her. She was snoring on the ground. “Gwen, wake up,” he said, rubbing her back. She didn’t move except the shallow rise and fall of her chest. Her skin was boiling under his hand, but she was dress
ed like she was ready for a blizzard. He needed to get her temperature down.
“Gwen, you have to sit up, okay? I’m going to give you some Advil and water.”
“Go away, TMM,” she mumbled.
He smiled and managed to get her into a sitting position, leaning her back against the door. She was frowning at him through barely opened eyes. He held the Advil in front of her lips and she finally opened her mouth and he placed the cold water at her mouth, holding the glass so she could sip it. She sighed after swallowing and leaned her head back against the door. “You should go,” she croaked. “Save yourself from this plague.”
“I never get sick,” he said, moving the glass of water and Advil aside. “I’ve been exposed to all of this anyway. If I was going to get it, I’d already have gotten it.”
“I never get sick, either, and look at me now, on death’s door with a Muffin Man who doesn’t want a committed relationship here at my side. What kind of gruesome hell has my life become?”
He laughed despite himself. “We’ll talk about the gruesome hell your life is after you’re feeling better. Let’s get you to bed. I’m also going to take these layers of clothes off. You have a raging fever and you’re bundled up like it’s a damn blizzard in here.”
“You’re not taking clothes off me. I’m freezing.”
He eyed what would be the safest article of clothing to take off. She was wearing four layers of socks. “Socks are coming off, Gwen,” he said, not waiting for her reply. She actually looked like she was sleeping again. He pulled off her socks and she barely moved. He frowned, sitting back on his heels. Her bathrobe was a furnace of fleece. “Gwen, I’m taking off your robe.” He undid the pink belt loop and her hand came down on his.
“No.”
The Doctor's Redemption (Shadow Creek, Montana) Page 6
