I look down at my sweaty palms. ‘It’s... well... it’s complicated.’
He wrinkles his nose up. ‘Complicated? What the fuck, Nads? You’ve stolen her bloke?’
‘No!’ I cry. ‘I didn’t steal anyone. It just...’ I put my hands over my eyes, attempting to block this nightmare out. ‘It just kind of happened and not before they’d broken up.’
He closes his eyes and drops his head forward. ‘But you were involved in the breakup?’
The look of disappointment on his face is too much to bear. I look away, my eyes misting up.
‘For fuck's sake, Nadine. What were you thinking?’ he asks, his voice low and disgruntled. ‘This could ruin the business we’ve just spent the last year building up. Did you even think of that?’ He pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes as if in pain.
‘Of course, I thought of that!’ He has no idea how long I’ve agonised over this.
His eyes open to reveal a new stony expression in them. ‘But you thought fuck it anyway?’ He sighs. ‘Jesus, Nadine, this is so unlike you.’
‘Exactly!’ I scream back. ‘Don’t you think this is a big deal to me too? Don’t you think I’ve agonised over this? Trust me when I say I haven’t taken this lightly.’
‘I don’t care, Nadine,’ he snaps. ‘Either break up with him or forget about your job.’
My mouth drops to the floor. He’s willing to fire me? I don’t care that I’ve already broken it off, barely before it's begun. Does he really value me so little he’d get rid of me that rashly? After me dedicating a whole year of my life to building this business up with him?
My phone rings again, Hartley's name flashing up. I turn away from Hugh and answer it, a new fury taking over my body. I’m about to tear him a new arsehole for not warning me.
‘Hartley! How could you have done this to me?’ I cry down the phone, my eyes clouded with unshed tears. Now I think of it, did he do it to deliberately hurt me? Some kind of payback for me breaking it off?
‘Oh God,’ he sighs down the phone. ‘She got to you, huh?’
‘Yes!’ I shout, my voice breaking into a small sob. ‘Why the fuck didn’t you warn me?’
‘That’s what I’ve been trying to do, if you would have just answered your fucking phone.’
Oh no. This is my own fault. What kind of sane woman ignores twenty-two missed calls? There I was thinking he was just trying to win me back, but he was trying to warn me that his psycho ex was on the way.
I walk out of the pub and sit down on the bench, tears pricking at my eyes. ‘Everything’s ruined. She’s going to badmouth me all around town. Hugh’s pissed with me.’ I turn to see he’s let himself into the pub. Probably already trying to do some damage control. ‘This was all a mistake. Just one big mistake.’
‘I’m so sorry, Nadine.’ I hear the anguish in his voice.
‘Yeah,’ I sniffle. ‘So am I.’
I came straight home after speaking to Hartley. Hugh had basically fired me, and I couldn’t face him. I went home, telling Mum I was just feeling overwhelmed, and that Hugh had given me the rest of the week off to de-stress. She was suspicious as hell, asking why I was feeling overwhelmed but backed down when I nearly bit her head off. I hate that I’ve taken it out on her of all people.
My mood is put on hold though when Anna calls asking if we fancy going round to speak to her parents. It’s obviously weighing heavily on her mind so me and Mum quickly get ready and head to her smart semi-detached house. Before we even get a chance to ring the doorbell, she’s answering the door.
‘Hi,’ she whispers, biting her lip. ‘Are you sure you guys want to do this?’
‘Of course,’ I smile, faking confidence. In reality I’m shitting it. They could go mental and punch me in the face. I’d like to see them go for my mum, I’d turn ninja on their arse. No one touches my mama! ‘Do they know we’re coming?’
She shakes her head, her face deathly pale. ‘No. I’ve been too nervous to tell them.’
‘Okay. Here goes nothing then.’
We follow her into the back where we find her parents in an open plan kitchen that must have cost a fortune, all granite worktops and sleek glossed cabinets. It definitely pisses all over our small kitchen at home with its broken cupboard doors that have needed fixing for a long time.
Anna clears her throat. ‘Mum, Dad, this is Nadine, and her mum, Debra.’
Her mum’s the first to react, pushing her jet-black hair behind her ears, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. ‘Oh. Hello.’
‘They’re here to talk about the baby,’ Anna says, so pale I’m expecting her to pass out at any minute. I hope she’s drinking enough water.
Her dad lowers his head to stare at us. Her mum on the other hand seems to realise quickly what we’re here for, but she looks happy. What’s going on?
‘Oh, I see what’s happening here,’ she says, a wide grin on her face. ‘Anna, you’ve found someone to adopt the baby!’ She jumps up from the stool and comes over to shake our hands, nearly pulling my arm from the socket.
‘Oh, um... that’s not actually what we’re here for,’ I try to explain.
‘Oh.’ She frowns. ‘Okay, but then...’ she looks back at her husband, ‘I don’t really understand why you’re here.’
Mum stands forward. ‘We’re here to discuss your options for Anna.’
Her Mum scoffs. ‘She doesn’t have any options. She’s knocked up at sixteen.’
Mum smiles sadly. ‘Would you honestly happily just hand over your grandchild without a second thought?’ I can tell from her tone that she’s disgusted.
‘Oh, I’ve thought about it intensely,’ her mum retorts. ‘How my sixteen-year-old daughter has no idea how to raise a baby. How a happy couple, desperate for a baby would raise it with all the love, money and attention it deserves.’
I have to talk up here. ‘But how do you think your grandchild will react when it grows up and tracks you both down? Hears you forced Anna to give them up. How do you think that child is going to feel?’
‘Grateful that I gave it a chance in life!’ she snaps.
‘It’s Anna’s body,’ I insist. ‘And if she wants to keep the baby, I really think you should consider supporting her. There’s nothing you can’t get through.’
She scoffs, looking at me like I’m an idiot. ‘Save me the rubbish. This is not in her plans. The decision has been made.’
‘Only because you’ve given her no other option,’ I argue. She wasn’t lying when she said she’s really up against it with parents this stubborn.
Mum stands closer to her, offering a calming hand on her shoulder. ‘I myself have lost a grandchild.’ My stomach drops. Anna doesn’t know about this and I wish she didn’t have to. ‘And let me tell you it’s the worst feeling in the world.’
She smiles back at her with an eye roll. ‘I’m so sorry that happened to you, but it doesn’t change my mind.’
Mum sighs, clearly admitting defeat. We’re not going to change their minds.
‘Well then, Anna has been given another option by us. She can move in with us and we’ll support her.’
Her dad’s face goes bright red, a vein in his forehead throbbing. ‘I don’t bloody think so. She’s our daughter and our problem.’
‘I’m not a problem, Dad!’ Anna shouts, suddenly finding her voice. ‘I want to keep this baby and if you won’t let me, then I’ll go with this family. This family I hardly know who seem to care more about me than you do.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ he growls. ‘We only want what’s best for you. What kind of job are you going to get with no qualifications?’
She sighs. ‘I’ve got the rest of my life to get qualifications. I’m keeping my baby.’
There goes Papa Don’t Preach lyrics in my head again.
‘I’m packing a bag and I’m going.’ She hesitates a second, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. ‘This is your last chance to have me in your life.’
Her dad remains strong, barely
flinching. I can tell her mum is slightly more anxious behind him, but she doesn’t speak up. Instead they watch as Anna collects her things and we take her back to ours.
I really can’t believe they’d just let her leave like that. Some people don’t deserve to be parents.
When we’re in the car, I lean back to Anna. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yeah,’ she nods, a single tear escaping down her cheek. ‘I just...’ she sighs. ‘I kind of was holding onto a small hope that they’d fight for me.’
‘I know, hun. I know.’
Chapter Eighteen
Wednesday 31st January
I feel so bad for Anna. She put on a brave face last night but when she went to bed in her new bedroom, I heard her crying. I think I’ll take her shopping later. Buy her a few bits to make it feel more like her space. God knows the daisy patterned bedspread we’ve had for years isn’t the most glam in the world. Especially for a teenager with her life falling apart around her.
All the drama with Anna did put everything into perspective for me though. I’ve decided that I’ve let my stupid emotions take over and delete out any rational thoughts. I have to speak to Hartley, tell him once and for all that we will never be together. I could still hear the hope in his voice yesterday. He’s clearly hanging onto some idea that we can still work.
I have no idea how I’ll do that, but I know I’m going to have to break his heart. For real this time. It’s for the best. He was content enough before I came along, confusing his fickle male brain.
I need to concentrate on myself and looking after Anna. In a weird way I’m glad for the new project. How awful is that? I’m leaning on this sixteen-year-old girl more than she is on me.
I’m waiting outside his flat before he leaves for work. Okay, I might have been awake since five worrying. But it’s better to just get it over and done with, right?
‘Nadine?’ he checks, his face lighting up when he sees me, looking all kinds of delicious in a dark-grey suit and pale-blue shirt with an open neck. If I peered just right, I’d be able to see the start of his chest.
As if noticing I’m checking him out, he grabs my face with his hands and plants a quick kiss on my lips before crushing me against his chest in a hug. ‘I’m so glad you came to me. We can talk this all out.’
I feel myself well up at the idea of breaking his heart when he’s still so hopeful. The warmth of his hard body against me is enough to make me feel I belong here. But I don’t. That doesn’t stop me wanting to savour this. Savour him one last time.
I kiss him slowly and deeply, savouring the taste of him. I shut my eyes and drink him in, memorising the feel of his plump lips on mine. His hands are wrapped around my face, cherishing me.
The resistance drains from me, drop by drop. Just one more time. Just one more time to say goodbye.
He keeps me in his arms while scrambling to unlock the door. He pushes me in backwards, the warmth of his body melting my last shred of resistance. His hands delve into my hair, grasping and pulling urgently. He yanks my head back to gain access to my neck. He peppers kisses down it while I moan like a wanton whore.
He kicks the door shut, his hands finding my hips and lifting me off the floor. I automatically wrap my legs around his waist and immerse myself in the warmth of his neck, his fresh masculine scent causing me to lick him.
He crushes me against the wall, finding the buttons of my blouse and instead choosing to rip it apart. Just seeing his strength turns me on even more. I’m gonna be wetter than an otter’s pocket in a minute.
He shoves my skirt up my body while I fumble with his trousers, yanking them and his boxers down. Then he’s lining himself up and thrusting into me. No preamble or warning.
He fucks me hard, so hard my head is repeatedly smashed against the wall. I half wonder if I’ll have a head wound by the end of it, but it feels too good right now to care.
His legs must be killing him because soon he’s grabbing me and moving us to the back of his sofa. He plants my butt on the back of it and continues to hammer into me. It’s hard and fast. Animalistic even. We’re both just working on autopilot, letting our bodies take over.
Chills starts at the base of my spine, my hair standing on end, and spread all the way up to my head until my mouth is gaping open and I’m panting like a rabid dog. My head starts spinning, my body shaking uncontrollably. It’s almost painful. I eventually fall off the teetering cliff and shatter around him.
A serene sense of calm takes over me. I crush myself into his chest as he finally finds his release. I could stay here forever, happily safe in his arms, but I know that’s not our reality.
It’s now or never. Never would be preferred, but this is what’s best for everyone. I push him away gently, pushing my skirt back down and readjusting my blouse. Time to be a hard bitch.
‘We can’t do this again,’ I say staring at the wall.
There’s an awkward pause. ‘What are you talking about?’
I turn to see his features downcast, his eyes heavy in confusion. Damn it, why did I have to turn to him? I should have just said it and ran.
I swallow hard, my mouth dry. ‘Sorry, Hartley, but I can’t do this.’
His face has turned ashen. Maybe I should have left it a bit longer after the sex.
‘Yes, you can,’ he insists. ‘Me and you together, we can do anything as long as we’ve got each other.’
‘No,’ I say sternly. ‘We’re not together. I’m sorry, but this was just sex.’
He laughs, his eyes not convinced. ‘Come on, you know this was more than that.’
I shake my head, standing my ground, even though I want nothing more than to run into his arms and let him love me.
‘Maybe to you, but not to me. I’m sorry, but I got caught up in being wanted again. I used you to get over my ex and now that I have I see that it's him I want.’
Just uttering this lie has me feeling sick to my stomach.
He looks like his world has collapsed around him. His chin wobbles, his eyes distant.
‘Look,’ I continue, ‘we both used each other to get over something, but I honestly think you should just go back to Clara. Apologise. She’ll take you back.’
‘Don’t you see that I don’t want fucking Clara!’ he explodes, throwing his arms in the air. ‘What do I have to do to get it through your thick skull?’
‘That’s no bother to me either way,’ I snap harshly, not recognising the coldness in my own voice. ‘I won’t be here.’
I stand up, grab my bag and bolt for the door, the first happiness of the last two years left behind in that room.
Chapter Nineteen
Saturday 3rd Feb
Clara took immense pleasure in re-booking an appointment with me at the pub.
Hugh says he’s forgiven me and given me my job back, but I know he’s still pissed. Florence managed to talk him down to a certain extent and I think the fact that the wedding is still going ahead stands somewhat in my favour.
But it’s made me realise I can’t stay working here long term. I’ve seen what I’m worth to him now; not much. I can’t stay working for someone like that, regardless of who he’s married to.
I made sure Flo and Hugh were at my first appointment with Clara, so she couldn’t openly attack me. She smugly told me that the wedding was back on and to carry on with the previous arrangements.
I can’t lie and say it didn’t gut me that he went back to her. Of course, I told him to, but a large part of me hoped he was so in love with me that he couldn’t even entertain the idea of seeing her again, let alone marrying her.
So, the last few days I’ve been hiding my heartache and splitting my time working my arse off to make sure it’s the best wedding I can make it and helping Anna settle in at home.
I owe Clara that much. I’ve done every gory design detail Clara’s requested and against my better judgement, I have to admit that it looks amazing. Even the life-size ice sculptures look beautiful and not tacky.
&nbs
p; It’s all set up and I’m just sneaking out the door when Flo grabs me. ‘Where the hell are you going?’
‘I’m leaving,’ I say, stating the obvious. ‘Jill's in charge. I can’t stay and witness him marrying her.’
Her eyes soften. ‘Don’t you think he deserves to see you one last time? To be given his full options?’
I scoff. She’s ridiculous. ‘Flo, you know I’m not one of his options. I can’t be.’
‘You can!’ she shouts, taking my hand tenderly. ‘For God's sake, Nadine. You’re always doing what’s best for everyone else. Don’t listen to Hugh. Don’t fuck this up over the fear of a job. Something that could replace you within a week.’
I snort. ‘Gee, thanks.’
She raises her eyebrows. ‘This could be your happy ending. Your one true love. Don’t let any loyalty towards me or Hugh stop you.’
I scoff. ‘Flo, you watch far too many Disney movies.’
She snorts a laugh. ‘Yeah, well I’m glad I do. Look at how it worked out for me and Hugh.’
She’s so far out of reality it’s unreal.
‘We’re not all you and Hugh. Some of us aren’t so lucky.’
‘But you could be,’ she insists, pleading with her eyes. ‘Just stay and talk to him before he goes to that altar.’
I think about it for a moment. I suppose I could give myself this. It’s not like I’m planning on objecting to the ceremony. I could just be there and see his reaction. He’s sure to shoot me down with how we left things anyway.
‘But how can I do that to Clara? She deserves better than the woman that tried to steal her man attending her wedding.’
‘She deserves nothing!’ she shrieks in outrage. ‘Do you know that woman told me I looked bloated the other day? What kind of dickhead tells a pregnant woman they look bloated?’
I smile. God, I love her. I pull her into a hug, appreciating for a moment every little thing about my bestie.
‘Okay. I’ll go wait with the registrar. Call me when he arrives.’
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