“My parents and I are moving home by the end of this week.” “What?”
“They need me, Rylan. They can’t afford to make it on their own. They can’t pay the debt for the seed, which means they can’t plant next year….” She burst into another round of tears. He held her close to his chest. He wasn’t going to lose her. There had to be a way to keep Oscar and his family in the area.
“Did you tell them we’re getting married?” He stroked her head.
“No, we agreed to wait.”
“But, for pity’s sake, woman. I can afford to have your parents live with us. They don’t need to move.”
She pushed herself from his embrace and placed her hands on her hips. “My father has some pride, Rylan. He can’t accept a handout like that. Besides, I can’t leave them. I don’t want to leave you, but…”
He’d grown to appreciate Judith. She’d make a perfect wife. But I’m not about to lose another one to the call of the East. “I thought you said you loved me?” he challenged.
“I do, but they…”
“They need you, and I need you. What’s it going to be, Judith, me or your parents?”
“Don’t.”
Why did I send that letter off to the woman who answered my ad? Rylan’s anger bubbled to the surface. “Go, Go! I don’t need you. I can get along just fine.”
She wiped the tears from her eyes and punched him in the chest. “You stupid oaf.” She stomped off and headed toward her home.
“I still have that woman’s letter,” he mumbled to himself. “I could write to her again.” A bitter knot rose in his stomach at the very thought of someone other than Judith as his wife.
He marched into his house, a house filled with Judith’s presence. She’d left a bouquet of flowers on the table and a note. His hand trembled as he reached for the paper.
Dear Rylan,
As you look at these golden mums, think of me, and know that I love you and look forward to our life together.
Love,
Judith
Rylan closed his eyes and swallowed back the bile. He’d hurt her. His chest still smarted from the solid punch she’d landed on him. “Of course you hurt her. You are an oaf,” he chided himself.
He crumpled down in a chair. “And now you’ve lost her.”
Chapter 7
Judith wiped her tears away and washed her face by the well before coming into the house. Her parents didn’t need to know her heart was breaking. She’d given them months of grief, telling them how much she wanted to go back home, and now that they’d decided to go…
No, dont think about it. Don’t even trek down the path where those foolish thoughts will lead. Who got engaged without a courtship anyway?
She’d been affected by the constant marriage proposals, forgetting her good social graces and openly discussing matters of the heart that were best left in private.
In her room, if the small section of the house could be called a room, she began packing her trunk.
“Judith,” her mother called.
“I’m in my room, Mother. Packing.”
“Goodness, child, we have a few days.”
She kept her back to her mother. She could still feel the swelling of her eyes.
“We aren’t moving back to Worcester.”
Judith turned. “We’re staying?” she said a bit too brightly.
“No, what I meant to say was that we were going to Springfield, to stay with your father’s cousin. But what’s going on, Judith? You look like you’ve been crying.”
“Must be the dust,” she said evasively.
“The dust, my foot. Sit down, daughter, and tell me what’s going on.”
“There’s nothing to tell, Mother.”
“Judith Joy Timmons.”
Judith cringed. It didn’t matter that she was twenty-two years old. She still felt as if she were five years old and had been caught doing something wrong.
“Please, Mother, don’t ask.”
“All right. But if someone’s— No, I won’t finish that thought.” She bit her lower lip and lines of worry etched across her forehead.
“Oh no, Mother. Nothing like that.” Judith drew in a deep breath. “All right, I’ll tell you. But promise me you won’t tell Father.”
“I’m not promising anything. ‘Fess up, child. What has happened?”
Judith filled her mother in on the details of her short-lived engagement with Rylan and his insistence for her to choose between her parents and him.
Her mother held Judith’s hand. “He is right, you know. A woman needs to go with her husband.”
“But he isn’t my husband yet, and…”
“No, daughter. If you consented to marry him, then he had the right to want you to stay and be with him.”
“But you need me.”
“Truthfully, dear, we can get along quite well without another mouth to feed and body to clothe. I would miss you terribly, and I would miss seeing my grandchildren. You say he wants a dozen?”
Judith chuckled. “Yes. I do love him, Mother. And I think he loves me more than he realizes.”
“Then go back to him and work this out.”
“But what of you and Father? I don’t want you so far away.”
“Leave it in the Lord’s hands, Judith. He’ll work everything out. Even with you and Rylan.”
Judith got up to leave. “You’re sure?”
“Positive. Now shoo.”
She practically ran to Rylan’s, her third trip in one day. The small path between their two farms was getting well worn.
“Rylan,” she called. No answer. She called again. She entered each room. Nothing. “Where are you?” She placed her hands on her hips and sighed. Then it hit her. He spent so much time in the woods, perhaps he was there.
The sun was setting by the time she made it to the edge of the tree line. She could smell a small campfire and headed toward it. “Rylan,” she called.
“Judith, what are you doing out here?”
“Looking for you.”
He came to her and held her to himself. “I’m sorry, Judith. I didn’t mean to speak so sharply.”
“I’m sorry, too. I want to be your wife, but I don’t want my parents to move back to Massachusetts. Mother said they would move back to Springfield and work in the mills or factories.”
“There’s got to be an answer.” Rylan held her close. “Judith, I don’t want to lose you. I—I…” He bent down and kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and savored the sweet kiss. A lifetime of his kisses would keep her satisfied, she mused.
Rylan cleared his throat. “I sent for a preacher.”
“Already? I thought we were going to wait. Oh, I did tell my mother.”
Rylan chuckled. “When the preacher comes, we’ll marry. He should be here by the end of the week.”
“You give a girl a long time to make her wedding dress,” she said with a smile. In all honesty, she didn’t want to wait, either.
“Come sit by the fire. The air is starting to cool.”
She looked around at the canopy the trees made. “It’s beautiful in here.”
“I find solace here—the gentle lull of the brook, the way the trees circle and make this an outdoor cathedral.”
“It’s” beautiful.”
“You’re right, you know. I am an oaf. Just this morning I promised not to hurt you; then I did. I am sorry.”
“It’s…”
He placed his finger to her lips. “Shh. I have more to say. I found your note and flowers. Thank you. But more importantly, when I walked into the house, I couldn’t imagine anyone but you as my wife. I don’t want anyone else. I want you, Judith, only you.”
Her smile brightened.
“I only want you for a husband, Rylan. Tell me about yourself as a boy. What do I have to look forward to when raising our sons?”
Rylan roared. “A handful. I wore my mother out. I brought home more critters in my pockets—toads, sn
akes. The spiders had a way of getting out long before she found them, though.”
“Oh dear, maybe I ought to reconsider.”
“For better or worse, you’re promised to me.” Rylan grinned and kissed her again.
Under the sparkle of the stars, they talked for an hour, maybe longer. “I’d better take you home,” Rylan finally said, regret tingeing his words.
“Yes, Father will be worried.”
“Do you need anything to prepare for our wedding?”
To hear those three special words, she thought. But she held back her tongue and decided not to push. He’d almost said he loved her when he’d said he didn’t want anyone else as a wife. For now, she’d have to settle for that. “No, I couldn’t possibly sew a new dress by week’s end.”
He nodded and held her elbow as he escorted her out of the woods and toward her home. “Careful, there are some gopher and prairie dog holes around the area.”
“Rylan, would you pray with me about my parents?”
“I have been, but sure, I’ll pray with you.” They stopped in the field under the black velvet sky. He took her hands. “Father, we don’t know the answer here, but we’re trusting You to work out the details in the Timmonses’ lives. You know their financial needs, and You know where they should live. We trust them into Your care. Amen.”
As they prayed together for the first time, Judith’s heart warmed hearing Rylan’s words. She cleared her throat. “Father, we also ask that You would help lead us in making the right decisions, and I thank You for someone as wonderful as Rylan for a husband. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“Judith, how can you pray that way? You don’t know me.”
“But I do. I know you by the character you’ve expressed to me and to others. How you care for your animals. The details you put into the house when building it. And I now know that you kept your mother hopping as a boy. I do look forward to getting to know you better, though.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward himself. “You’re too good for me, Judith.”
“Perhaps you don’t know me all that well, either.”
Rylan chuckled.
What a day! Rylan pulled the covers up over his weary body. First he got engaged, then not, then engaged again, and now he was lying here wondering why she loved him. It wasn’t as if he’d given her many reasons. The memory of their shared kisses brought assurance that he would be happy with this woman by his side the rest of his life. But there was still the issue of love. Could he really love her? A part of him ached to love her. Another part of him refused to open his heart.
The words of Proverbs 24:27 circled around and around in his head. For three years he’d lived by that scripture. Every decision he’d made about the farm, the house, Margaret, and himself revolved around that verse: “Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.”
First he’d prepared the fields. Then he’d built the house. Preparing the fields had taken him the extra year. He couldn’t develop the land and build the house as fast as he’d hoped. But now, with Judith, the fields were prepared and so was the house. She didn’t have to wait. He didn’t have to wait. They could, and would, be married by the end of the week.
But he knew she loved him, and he couldn’t say the words to her. “Father, am I so hard-hearted that I can’t receive the love she’s giving me? I want her love in return. I crave her love. But shouldn’t I be giving her that same love? Doesn’t she deserve that from the man she loves? Is it really fair to her to go into a marriage when I don’t know if I love her?”
Rylan rolled to his side and pulled the covers higher. The heat of Indian summer had passed. Kansas was now experiencing much cooler temperatures. He glanced out the window to the wooded area between his land and Oscar’s. He’d cleared most of the trees from his land for farming. Those trees gave him the wood to build the barn and the house, and have many winters of heat from the cords of logs stored behind the barn.
“The trees!” Rylan jumped up out of bed. “That’s it.”
He hustled into his pants and shoes. Oscar could cut and sell the wood from the trees on his property.
Rylan stopped buckling his trousers. It was late, real late. The news could wait until morning. He reversed his actions and went back to bed. Proceeds from the sale of the trees would clear up Oscar’s debt, but it wouldn’t solve the problem of his needing to live on the land for three additional years. It would only be a temporary fix.
He took in a deep breath and sighed. Oscar and Raixa would still end up leaving the area. But it would help with the debt, he reasoned.
Late into the night he considered Oscar’s problems. Even later into the night he thought about bringing Judith into his home as his wife. A smile crept across his face. Yes, God had blessed him. The woman with golden eyes weaved through his dreams.
The next morning Rylan found himself studying his bedroom. “Should I tear down the wallpaper, Lord?”
“Only if you must,” Judith whispered from behind him.
“Judith, when did you arrive?”
“A minute ago.”
He reached for her and held her close. “Do you mind that the flowers are purple lilacs?”
“No, they are one of my favorite flowers, too. And look here—they’ve put the pink and white lilacs in the design as well.”
She traced the floral pattern. He’d noticed it. He thought he remembered them being there. Guess I didn’t pay too close attention to them. “You don’t mind?”
“No, but if it’s too hard of a memory for you…”
“I don’t believe it’s a problem.”
She smiled. “Great, because I think this has to be one of the prettiest rooms I’ve ever seen. Come here.” She grabbed his hand and brought him to the bay window facing the east. “The room fills with the morning sunlight. It’s wonderful.”
“Do you … would you want to make curtains?”
“Yes, I’m thinking some light sheers under some nice thick colonial off-white. What do you think?”
“I’m thinking I don’t know the first thing about curtains, as you can tell, because there isn’t one in the house. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll purchase it.”
“You’ll spoil me, Rylan. I haven’t had spending money in a few years.”
Rylan smiled. There were things he could do to let her know she was special. “I’m not rich, but I have some set aside for the house.”
“All right then, if you don’t mind, I think we should put heavy curtains up before winter sets in. I’ll measure the windows and tell you what I need.”
“Excellent. Now, I need to speak with your father. I think I found a way for him to pay off his debts.”
“Really?” Judith jumped into his arms. “Tell me.”
Everything was fitting into place, Judith decided. Rylan’s news about the trees answered her parents’ needs. Rylan and her father went to work on cutting the trees the next day. The goal was to cut only what was needed. The wooded cathedral area would stay intact. Her parents would try and stay another year but knew they would need help with the planting. Rylan couldn’t work both farms, but he’d given his word to help them with a small section.
In the past two days, she’d seen Rylan increase in his comments of appreciation, complimenting her beauty and repeating how happy he was that she’d agreed to be his wife.
Judith scanned the cleaned kitchen. Satisfaction flooded her soul. Tomorrow the preacher was due in. The house sparkled. The wedding was to be held in the house at two in the afternoon. She went to Rylan’s room and made the bed and dusted. Her mother had helped her move her clothing in earlier in the day. Tomorrow she’d be spending her first night with her husband…. Judith trembled at the thought. “Husband,” she whispered.
“Judith,” Rylan called from downstairs.
“I’m upstairs.” She wanted to add “in our room.”
“Judith!” Panic filled his voice.
Judith ran down the stairs. She didn’t know what to expect. To see him lying in a pool of blood or what? Relief washed over her when she found him sitting in the rocker with a crumpled paper in his hands. “What’s the matter?”
“Margaret is arriving tomorrow.”
“What?” Couldn’t this woman have picked a better time to ruin this man’s life again?
“Here.” He handed her the paper from the telegraph office.
She plopped onto the floor.
“Does she not know you read about her marriage to Jackson?”
“I didn’t tell her. But look, they’re both arriving. Why?”
“I don’t know, but can’t you have someone meet them at the stage and tell them not to bother to get off?” She knew he still loved Margaret. Was she so afraid of Rylan seeing his first love that their marriage would end before it began?
“I thought of that, but it doesn’t seem right somehow.”
“And you think it’s right that they should be arriving on our wedding day.” Her voice rose.
He jumped up from the rocker. “Of course I don’t think it’s right, but what can we do? I have to see them. I have to postpone our wedding.”
“No, you don’t.”
“It’s the Christian thing to do, don’t you think?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Look.” He knelt beside her. “I know this isn’t fair. It’s not fair to you, and it’s horrible timing. But I do feel I need to speak to them. Especially when she wires that she’s here to discuss our marriage. Don’t you think that’s a bit odd?”
“It’s more than odd; it’s deceitful.” She could taste the bile in her words.
He knit his reddish-brown eyebrows together. “I want to find out what’s going on. I need to know, Judith. Can you understand that?”
“Yes and no. Oh, Rylan, I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. I’m not a foolish man. They can’t deceive me.”
He pushed back the strands of her hair that had fallen in her face. “I promise we’ll marry.”
“But…” The tears came. She couldn’t hold them back. He’d never declared his love to her, and now on their wedding day, he was going to meet the woman he loved. It was horribly unfair and dreadfully painful.
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