Kat’s alarm begins to beep and she has it silenced before the sound can even tickle my ears. She floats effortlessly into the bathroom without a glance in my direction. I pull my phone off the bedside table and wait for her to finish her shower before going to take mine. The only thing of interest on my phone is Angry Birds, so I play that like a five-year-old in a timeout until I hear Kat banging around in the bathroom.
I enter the space staring that the woman that’s completely shut me out. It’s been a week and she’s said maybe two words to me when we’re alone. I think one has been yes and the other was some version of uh huh, not exactly and in depth conversation.
The woman is perfection in a slinky deep purple long-sleeved dress that hangs mid-calf. It clings to her curves like it was painted on without seeming inappropriate for the day. She’s wearing her hair down today. I’ve learned how she’s going to style her hair based on which electric contraption she’s wielding. Today it’s a curling iron. The curling iron is my favorite.
I hop in the shower wishing it were encased in glass instead of stone so Kat could see the effect she has on me. That’s a perverted thought I’ve become used to since I tasted her luscious mouth. I’m aware I’m the dipshit that ended things with Kat. It doesn’t mean my dick’s on board with my brain.
After willing my hard on away, I take time soaking my tense muscles. I’ve been in our home gym twice a day since I shut Kat down. I need a release and beating the shit out of the heavy bag only does so much. I’ve been running, lifting and any other exhausting activity I can find in order to burn off steam. Jake’s joined me twice and I’ve gotten a good workout on the mats. That boy may be smaller than me, but he’s got skills. He even bested me once. The pride I felt when he did was matched in the confidence beaming back at me when he helped me off my back. Love that kid.
Another relief came when the Burkes left town like the bitches they are. Kicking the shit out of Hoyt Burke would have been a nice release but a death sentence for the op, so I take the win at face value. Junior is still here on the force, but he’s steered clear of all of us. I get the feeling he’s plotting some dimwitted plan against us, and it makes me about as nervous as a mouse fart would. He’s a pussy.
Once I’m good and clean I head into my dressing room. Today’s a big one so I opt for slacks and a button down. Not my usual Saturday wear. Back in the bathroom, I find it empty save for the lingering light, airy scent of Kat. She smells like citrus and a crisp breeze off the ocean. It’s become my crack. I can’t get enough of it and it may end up killing me.
Back in the bedroom the bed is made and my shit it picked up and put where it should be. She still takes care of me, or she hates that I’m a slob and curses me while she picks up my shit. I prefer the former.
As I descend the stairs, I can hear the jubilation that follows the boys wherever they roam. Kat’s bellowing laughter is what catches my ear though. Her fucking masks keep this sound from me. I pause on the stairs and cherish the sound before continuing on my path. When I enter the room I find Kat at the stove. The smells enveloping my nose tell me she’s whipping up some French toast.
“Morning,” I say in my I-haven’t-had-enough-coffee voice.
“Morning,” the boys respond in unison.
Jake nods his chin toward Kat, silently asking if things are better. I return with a slight shake of the head before pouring myself a mug of coffee. Jake hasn’t asked me what’s going on. Not even when we’re kicking the crap out of each other in the basement. He knows. He’s completely aware that something is off. He’s not a pusher though, much like Kat. He’ll wait until something needs to be said and then we’ll have to listen.
“What’s the plan for today?” I ask the boys while plopping down at the head of the kitchen table.
“Aunt Kay’s threatening haircuts,” Dane responds with huge honey-hued eyes begging me to make that request go away.
“I didn’t say a haircut, Dane. I said a trim,” Kat playfully interjects. I miss that.
“Uh, scissors plus hair equals haircut,” Dane argues.
“I just want your hair outta your eyes for the pictures,” Kat urges, sliding a plate of French toast, bacon and eggs in front of me.
I take my opportunity. This is a fucked up thing to do, but it’s the only way I get what I want from Kat.
I slide my arm around her waist and pull her into my lap. She willingly falls against me with a glowing smile on her face. I know it’s fake. I fucking hate that it’s fake. So I pretend it’s real. I had the shot at real, but I let Agent Nick Cooper fuck it up. I pretend right along with her.
“Compromise?” I ask with my brow raised.
She rolls her eyes dramatically before turning in my lap to face the boys. Her ass feels so good against my dick I miss the first half of the discussion.
“…can take you to practice driving later this week. How’s that, Nicky?” Kat finishes rotating in my lap again to look at me. Her hazel eyes shift from warm and soft to blank when they lock with mine. She shuts down so easily I’m impressed. I’m gutted that I did this, but it’s extraordinary to witness.
“Sounds like a good compromise,” I lie. I have no idea what I’m agreeing to.
“Badass! Can we drive the em six?” Cole questions excitedly.
The M6? Why are we discussing the boys driving my sports car? I shift my gaze to Kat and I see the pleased look on her face. She did this shit on purpose. Sliding around in my lap was a calculated move to distract me so I wouldn’t hear her offering up driving lessons in return for haircuts. I told you she’s good at her job.
Kat hops off my lap announcing, “It’ll have to be your car, Nicky. I’ve got a lot goin’ on this week.”
“Is that so?”
“Uh huh,” she dismisses me and starts cleaning the kitchen.
I glance over at Jake who has a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. Kat just gave him a master class in misdirection techniques and I was the mark. Great.
“How much hair are we talkin’, Aunt Kay?” Sawyer yells into the kitchen, lovingly petting his black locks.
“As much as I want!”
“Shit,” he mutters under his breath.
Kat pokes her head around the corner and innocently asks, “What was that?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Sawyer lies.
“Liar,” she says with a knowing look. “Careful, I’ll shave you bald in your sleep if you’re not nice.”
She could too. These boys sleep like the dead.
After we finish our breakfast with Kat unsurprisingly missing from the table, she appears at my side.
“I’m off to collect corsages. I’ll be back in an hour or so and then I’ll take you boys to get haircuts,” she says brightly.
“You said a trim,” Dane grumbles.
“Did I say that? I don’t remember.”
“Aunt Kay,” Cole whines.
“Oh stop. I’m just playing with you. Be good while I’m gone.”
With that she presses a soft kiss to my forehead and I again take the advantage, pulling her face lower before brushing my lips across hers.
“Bye, Sunshine,” I murmur against her lips.
Her fat lips turn up in a grin before she gifts me another kiss.
“Bye, Nicky,” she says in a breathy voice.
The sound tricks me and I look up into her eyes to find them as blank as they’ve been since the last time I caused them to be hot and ravenous. What I wouldn’t give to see that again.
I release her with two pats on her ass and she floats out of the house swinging those damn hips with every step.
“Aunt Kay’s more like a mom to me than my own mom has been, but she’s still fuckin’ hot as hell,” Dane announces before draining his orange juice, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Cole and Sawyer nod in agreement while Jake glares at his boys.
“What?” Dane questions ingenuously.
Jake rolls his eyes and shakes his head without co
mment. The boys love Kat. I don’t question it one bit, but Jake really does see Kat as his mom. He doesn’t want anyone talking about her like she’s a piece of meat. I don’t either, frankly. Dane’s not being crude when he says shit like that though. He’s just admiring the woman and I can’t fault him. He just needs some lessons in tact. I’m not the one to teach him those lessons. I think Jake’s the man for that job.
“When you wanna pay a woman a compliment, don’t say anything you wouldn’t confidently say to her face. And if you think women wanna hear shit like you just said, you’re wrong. Tell Aunt Kay she’s beautiful, gorgeous, hot as hell or whatever else you think, but say that shit from your heart. Not your dick. Do it again and I’ll beat your ass.”
“Yes, Sensei,” Dane retorts. “You’re the master of the ladies. I have much to learn.”
Sawyer and Cole burst into laughter and Dane follows suit. Jake holds out as long as he can and then he joins his boys. That’s all it takes to break the tension in the room and I release a few chuckles along with them. These boys are good for my soul. If it weren’t for them right now I’d be in a dark place. I’m in the dim jail cell Kat’s imprisoned me in, but these boys offer me the sunshine missing from my days. I’m thankful for teenagers. Stranger things have happened.
Nick
“No ties?” I ask as the boys come into the family room just before their dates are set to arrive. The four of them look almost identical in suits and button down shirts.
“No,” Dane scoffs as if that’s the stupidest question he’s ever heard.
“Nervous?” I question them while climbing to my feet, switching off the TV.
“No,” they all grumble, telling me they are.
“It’ll be a fun night, boys. Be the gentlemen I know you are and you’ll have the time of your lives,” Kat encourages as she strides into the room. Her make-up is darker for the evening and her hair looks freshly primped, flowing curls cascading around her face. Her dress looks even better with high heels that surely cost an arm and a leg. A large diamond pendant hangs just above her cleavage drawing my eyes to her perfect tits. It’s always a great view in Maybelle.
“You look gorgeous, Sunshine,” I compliment, moving to wrap her in my arms.
Her arms enfold around my neck as I burrow my face into hers. I kiss her succulent skin and she dutifully giggles. I hate that sound as much as I love it.
“You look pretty delicious yourself, Nicky,” she says in a fake husky voice, blank hazel eyes meeting mine.
“I was right about the haircuts, wasn’t I?” Kat asks the boys moving away from my grasp. I take a calming breath before facing the group.
“You know you were. Quit askin’,” Cole teases.
The doorbell sounds, alerting us to the ladies’ arrival and I lead the parade to the front door. When I pull it open I remember this feeling, the excited nervousness that accompanies formal dances. The girls all look the part in short pretty dresses, none showing or covering too much.
I don’t pay much attention to the girls or their parents, preferring to keep my distance. I don’t know how many pictures are normally taken on nights like this, but I have the feeling we’re working on a world record.
The boys loosen up through the process, their usual jokes and banter making their dates giggle. Kat beams like a beacon within the group. Her smile should surely be causing her cheeks to cramp, but it never leaves her face. She’s happy and full of pride as the boys load into the limo with retina damage from flashes going off for an hour. Jake’s the last to fold into the car and I offer him a wink as he disappears with a two finger wave in return. He’ll keep everyone safe tonight. I have no worries. After the kids leave, Kat invites the other parents in the house for coffee, and I dutifully sit and converse with strangers about New England’s chances this season.
As always, I watch Kat out of the corner of my eye. She moves around the kitchen without effort, filling glasses and mugs, offering food and pleasant smiles as she goes. These people have no idea the dazzling performance they’re witnessing, which makes it even more impressive. Kat catches my gaze and blows me a big kiss before tipping her head back and laughing at something one of the women says. Why was it that I pushed Kat away?
I wanted her to feel powerful and in control. I didn’t want her to feel attacked by a horny man yet again on an op. If I’d had the balls to tell her that maybe I wouldn’t be watching her from afar right now, getting glimpses of what I’m missing. She’s sweet with the men here, a few of them lingering too long around her. But her kindness with them seems to have a limit that they all acknowledge. She’s a taken woman. My woman. If only that could be true.
She ran from me that day in the bathroom. While this self-imposed sentence is irritating, Kat constantly hiding behind her masks is infuriating. How am I supposed to open up to her, when she always shuts down on me? Kat uses her talents as craftily as I use weapons. I can’t take this where I want just to be another mark to her. That’s all I am at this point and it’s torture. If we started a physical relationship, I’d lose my mind. I don’t work like this.
I need her…all of her. Kat’s never shown me she’s capable of that. Before I met her, I wasn’t sure I was capable of that. I am now, with her. I won’t take anything less. I can live in this prison because it allows me the façade I’ve grown used to in the DCA. Anything beyond this has to be on my terms. All or nothing.
The evening with the other parents winds down after a few hours of coffee, wine and conversation. Kat and I usher the crowd to our door, promising to do this again soon. I hope not. When the door closes, leaving Kat and me alone, I feel it. The emptiness of our op settles like a heavy fog between us.
“I’m gonna head down to the gym,” I mutter as I climb the stairs.
She doesn’t respond. So I push.
“You can continue to be pissed at me, but I’d appreciate it if you’d respond when I speak to you,” I demand.
“I’m sorry, Nicky. Enjoy your workout. I’ll be in the family room reading,” she says in the appropriate tone and inflection, her eyes hauntingly devoid of the emotion her voice just offered.
I think the lack of speech was better. I nod in response and she floats away to read. I wonder if she reads books about men that sweep women off their feet in romantic overtures and is waiting for me to be that man. She’ll wait a lifetime if that’s the case. I’ll snoop around in her Kindle tomorrow just to see what I’m up against.
Dripping with sweat, I climb the stairs from the basement, well and truly exhausted. I went at it harder tonight than I have any other. My arms are like jelly and my mind can barely produce a coherent thought.
When I reach the kitchen, I find the space clean and empty. I silently glide into the family room to find Kat curled up in a ball in her favorite cream reading chair asleep. I make a snap decision to carry her to bed, knowing I could end up assaulted and unmanned. It’s worth the risk. I promised the first time we fought I’d be kind to her and I’m a man of my word.
I lift her with ease and pause for any indication she’s playing opossum. Her breathing continues to tickle my neck at the same rate and her soft body remains limp in my arms. I take measured steps so as not to disturb her. Climbing the stairs after my workout was one thing. Carrying another person is testing my reserves. I do it though. I’m happy to have her relaxed in my arms. If she’d give me this all the time, this could be our reality. I guess it’s not meant to be.
“Thank you, Nicky,” she murmurs as I slide her between our sheets.
“You’re welcome, Sunshine,” I mumble into her hair, placing a kiss there.
I pull back hoping to find warm inviting eyes, only to be hit with the serenity of her sleeping face. I hold onto the sweetness of her voice and imagine this is the life I deserve. If only for a little while, I bask in the glow of the fairy tale before I have to move back into the blackness of my reality. Alone.
The boys rode on the high of homecoming night right into a week later when
Halloween came around. There was a big party at a guy’s house that all the boys and girls went to together. I was sure we’d end up getting drunk phone calls and having to set some real punishments and boundaries, but we didn’t get any calls or any drunk boys. They had a blast dressing up as some boy band that was a huge hit with all the ladies.
The surveillance is in place in the law firm and streaming to the DCA. So far nothing but a lot of boring ass shit is going on; I feel bad for our intel monitors having to watch it. I have to hope that it’ll shake something our way soon.
Tonight’s poker night and the boys are at some school play. Kat and I are currently eating a silent meal that she also prepared in silence. It’s been two and a half weeks since homecoming. Nothing’s changed and nothing’s gotten worse. We’re just going through the motions like we would on any other op. It’s depressing.
“I’ve got a late meeting tomorrow. I’ll meet you at the school for the game,” I inform Kat.
Jake made the basketball team easily and is gaining even more popularity because he’s in the starting lineup. Cole made the team too, but isn’t starting…yet. Sawyer and Dane are so proud of their friends. It’s refreshing to see teenagers supporting each other instead of fighting to see who can stab the next in the back the fastest.
“All right,” Kat responds in the appropriate inflection and timing with nothing in her eyes.
“I’m gonna head out. I’ll try not to be too late,” I say standing from the table.
“Enjoy your evening,” she says in the same tone that haunts me at this point. I’m sorry I ever asked for it.
I drop my head in defeat and go to the front door, with a few grand in my navy pea coat I move out into the cold night air.
Tony greets me at his door and ushers me down to the basement playing room where all the guys are setting up around the table. There’s a new guy that I don’t recognize, but think nothing of it.
“Nick, this is Phil Ganesly. He’s been out of the country on business since your family moved in,” Tony introduces the man.
Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4) Page 11
