by Lynn Collins
“Ahem, I am dressed.” Lizzie stood at the door of the bathroom and examining her tank top and jeans.
“You’re not wearing that, are you?”
“Why wouldn’t I wear jeans and a tank to a parade? You want me in my prom dress? I think it still fits.”
“Smart ass. No, you need something with a little more pow. Maybe show a little leg. Wait a minute, I have something perfect.” Barb disappeared into her bedroom. When she returned, she carried a sapphire blue sundress.
“You want me to wear a dress?” Lizzie shook her head. “It’s a parade. A rodeo parade. Not a tea party.”
“And these.” Barb held out some gladiator sandals. “You’ll look great.”
At least the shoes were flats and not the hooker heels Barb usually wore. “And why do I want to look great?”
Barb shoved the dress and shoes into Lizzie’s arms. “To make James sorry he ever left town.”
Lizzie had told Barb about dating Cash. Barb was supportive, but not for the reason Lizzie hoped. As far as Barb was concerned, every move needed to be about making James jealous.
Maybe, Lizzie thought honestly, it was. Because just when she thought she’d erased all the old scripts from when the three of them ran together in high school, the man showed up and it was like he’d only been gone a week the way she reacted.
“Fine, I’ll wear the dress. But not because of James, I’m wearing it because it’s going to be hot outside.” She turned and headed to her bedroom.
“Whatever you have to tell yourself to make you happy,” Barb called after her.
The woman knew her too well. Lizzie glanced at her cell. No call yet from JR or Dad. Where were they? Dad had said he planned to fix a leak in one of the pipes running water from the hot springs to the baths. He should have been done by now. She reached for the phone and tried one more time. Same result. The answering machine.
She’d have to resign herself to the fact that JR was coming into town. And she had to find James and tell him the truth. Before someone else did.
Glancing at herself in the mirror, she smoothed down the sapphire skirt. It had been years since she’d dressed up for anything. God, she didn’t even think she had a dress in her closet. She brushed back her hair, curling it around her ear. Maybe she’d let it grow a little. Chin length would give her more chance to change things up than her current severe cut. Smiling at her reflection, she headed out to the living room.
James had no idea what was coming. And payback was hell.
Standing on the crowded streets, James scanned the crowd, looking for Lizzie. Hell, he could lie to himself, but that’s what he was doing. Jesse had disappeared after lunch without a word. Meeting up with someone probably. James had long ago stopped keeping track of the string of girls Jesse went through in the course of a rodeo season.
His eyes fell on a little boy standing alone on the sidewalk. JR. Why was the kid alone? The streets were crowded with out-of-towners and the only adult he’d seen with the boy was his grandfather. ’Course, maybe he was visiting his grandparents for rodeo weekend while his parents were at home.
Or in the bar.
He walked over and knelt down. “There’s a couple of seats over on the stands, front row.”
JR startled then grinned. “Hey James. I told you I’d see you here. Grandpa says everyone from town comes to the parade. It’s a law.”
“Well, I don’t want to break any laws around here.” James smiled and nodded at the stands. “Do you want to sit with me until your grandpa comes back?”
JR bit his lip, considering James’s offer, then nodded. “I can do that. It’s not like you’re a stranger, we met before.”
“Good thought, though. You shouldn’t go anywhere with a stranger.” James stood up and walked to the risers. “Where is your grandpa?”
JR nodded at the River’s End. “He’s in there talking to Mr. Davis about fish. Only grownups are allowed in there. It’s a law.”
Anger rose with the memory of how many times James’s own father had left him and Jesse alone outside a bar. Maybe James should call child protection or something. “You’re right. It’s a law. Were you scared, being alone?”
“Heck, I wasn’t alone.” JR scanned the crowd and pointed to a woman nearby. “There’s Mrs. Henson, she’s my Sunday school teacher. And right there’s Mr. Fields. He’s the principal at my school. And Alice works at the grocery store. The whole street is full of people I know.”
“I guess you’re right.” James grinned. The kid had his head on straight, he’d give him that.
“And then I saw you, my newest friend.” JR smiled up at him.
“I’m pleased you think of me as a friend.”
“My mom says I should never feel alone because someone I know is always close by, ready to help if I need them.”
“Your mom sounds like a smart woman. Is she working today?” James planned on making a visit to the woman to let her know her kid was left alone outside a bar. JR might feel safe in a town where he knew everyone, but this wasn’t 1960 and even longtime friends weren’t always who or what they seemed. And then there were the rodeo crowds that filled the street this weekend. Anything could happen.
“Nope. She’s having a girl’s weekend with her friend. I’m not allowed to call until Sunday. Then we’ll go to the rodeo together.” JR paused. “But when she sees me ride, she’ll call me, right?”
“Maybe we’ll call her before you ride to make sure she’s watching.” Great, the woman was out partying and the man she left to babysit was sitting in a bar. More flashbacks from his childhood filtered through James’s mind. Yep, he was definitely calling child protection. Sooner than later. He glanced down at the kid. He didn’t even know JR’s last name.
“Okay. When the parade starts, we can go back to the edge of the sidewalk, right?” JR glanced up at him. “I don’t think I’ll get much candy back here.”
“Yes, we’ll go back to the sidewalk when the parade starts. We’re resting here.”
JR stared at his boots. “My gramps rests a lot. My mom does the chores. She even lets me help sometimes.”
James was amazed at how much information he’d gotten by being a little friendly. No wonder kids were taken so easily. Trust was too easily given at this age. He needed to protect this little boy. “So, JR, what’s your last name?”
But JR wasn’t listening. He stood up and climbed up on the riser. He waved his arm. “There she is. There’s my mom. I’m going to tell her to watch for me.”
James looked across the street and froze. It couldn’t be.
Lizzie scanned the streets for JR and her dad. No luck yet. Maybe the pipe fix had taken longer and the pair wouldn’t make the parade or the rodeo. A girl could only hope.
She and Barb kept walking.
“We’re almost at the end of the parade route. Where would your dad go?” Barb asked.
“River’s End. But if he took JR into the bar, I’m going to skin him alive. I don’t ask him to do much.” She glanced across at the parade stands where she and Barb had sat right before the world shifted and James had walked back into her life.
A small hand waving caught her eye. Relief flooded through her. JR. Smiling, she waved back and started to cross the street—then froze. James sat beside JR and they were both staring at her.
A horn blared and she skirted across the road. As she stepped onto the sidewalk, JR ran to her and hugged her legs. She leaned down and smoothed his hair, her eyes never leaving James’s face.
“Mommy, you look like a girl.”
She smiled and glanced down at her son. The love of her life. “Thanks, JR. Where’s your grandpa?”
“He’s in there talking to Mr. Davis. I’m waiting for the parade with James. Come meet him.” JR took her by the hand and led her over to the metal risers. “James, this is my mom. Mom, this is James.”
James studied her silently. Finally, he stood. “Actually, JR, your mom and I went to high school together.”
JR grinned. “See? I knew you weren’t a stranger.”
A million thoughts went through Lizzie’s head. Discarding one after another, her stomach tightened. She had her opening. She could blurt it out. ‘JR, this is your dad.’ Or ‘James, meet your son’. Or even, ‘what a nice day for the parade’. What finally came out of her mouth was lame. Even she knew she was being a coward. “We need to talk.”
James grimaced. “That’s an understatement. Did you know he was out here alone?”
Lizzie sighed. “My dad. He tries, but he has issues.”
“So you leave your kid with a drunk in order to party with Barb?” James bit out, belatedly looking to make sure JR wasn’t listening only to see the little boy had walked to the sidewalk to watch for the start of the parade.
“I see the flags! It’s coming. The parade is coming.” JR danced around in a circle. “Come watch with me.”
“James and I are right here,” Lizzie called back. “You stay on the sidewalk. One step off and I’ll take away all the candy you get and give it to a little boy who listens.”
“Jeez, Mom, I know.” JR turned and sat on the sidewalk curb protecting his space for the parade.
She turned to James. “You have no right questioning the way I’m raising him.”
“Look, I’m sorry that came out wrong. He’s so young. It reminded me of when my dad used to leave me and Jesse to go into River’s End.” He sat down and held his head in his hands. “It’s only been overnight and this weekend has already been an emotional wreck. First, Jesse’s playing coy with me about the summer schedule then I run into you again and now all my dad issues are slapping me in the face.”
And the ride’s not over yet, Lizzie thought sadly.
Her heart ached. James didn’t deserve this. She should have told him the moment she’d felt JR’s first kick. But she couldn’t rewrite history. All she could do was go forward and hope she was doing what was best for all of them. That meant telling James and JR the truth. She reached for James’s hand. “I need to tell you something.”
The marching band arrived at the stands where they sat. The band played a brass filled version of Thriller. JR danced on the sidewalk. Lizzie had taught him the steps during a power outage last winter when the ice storm made it too cold to play outside.
James nodded to the impromptu dance audition. “He’s good. You always nailed that dance.”
“Listen James, this is important.” Lizzie turned his face towards her.
“You’re missing the parade,” JR yelled from the sidewalk. “Come over here.”
“We’ll be there in a second.” Lizzie focused on James. “Aren’t you wondering who JR’s dad is? How old he is?”
“I figured it wasn’t my business, especially since he’s not here.”
“JR’s dad is here, James. JR’s five.” Lizzie waiting for comprehension, but only saw confusion.
“Then why isn’t he here watching JR? Why do you have to rely on your dad?” James peered from her to JR and back. “Wait, he’s five?”
“Six next February.”
“We’ve been gone five years.” Uncertainty crossed his face.
Lizzie sighed. She would have to say it. “James, JR is your son. I was pregnant when you left town with Jesse.”
“Mom, come on.” JR called again from the sidewalk.
Lizzie stood up and headed toward her son. “I should have told you, but at first I didn’t know for sure.”
“And waiting five years is so much better.” James rose and walked with her.
“Can we not talk about this in front of him?” Lizzie pleaded.
“When are we telling him? When he’s ten?”
“I won’t tell him anything if you can’t be there for him,” she said bluntly. “I mean, all these years, I didn’t even have a number to call so I could tell you. When you left you were gone. But if you can tell me you can commit to being there any time, he needs you…” She hesitated. “Then we can tell him after the parade. We’ll go over to the park and I’ll tell him.”
Lizzie had imagined this day for years. Now the time was here, she dreaded it. How would JR react? He seemed to like James, but in less than an hour, he’d have a father and an uncle. His family tree doubled with one sentence. ‘JR, James is your father.’
Lizzie prayed James would do the right thing. Her head rang with questions and she felt like she throwing up. In all the times she’d imagined this scene, it had never been like this: wondering if James could manage to be part of JR’s life even if he hated her. This morning he’d asked to get to know her again. Part of her life now was JR. Could he handle two for the price of one?
Instantly she regretted telling him. Regretted not knowing which way the wind would blow for her or her son no matter what James said now.
A hand tugged at her arm. “Mom, look, it’s the Rodeo Queen. She’s pretty, but not as pretty as you are.”
She leaned down and hugged her son. “Thanks, buddy.”
James leaned over JR and whispered, “He’s right. You’re the best looking girl here.”
She glanced at him, tears filling her eyes. “You’re not mad?”
“Oh, I’m mad, confused, determined, and downright angry. But it doesn’t change my feelings for you.” He looked down at JR, back at her. “I told you if you needed anything to call me and I meant it. I still do in spades, but I need to wrap my head around what happens next.”
Emotions in a knot, Lizzie turned back to the parade. That was the question. What happened now? The world had shifted this weekend and she didn’t like instability. She stood at the edge of the sidewalk, watching the parade pass by and wondered when the next earthquake would strike.
4
The three of them sat at a picnic table at the park—the same picnic table they’d claimed last night. Families milled around them having impromptu picnics while kids chased balls and dogs followed, barking. It was a scene from a Norman Rockwell painting. Including their table. She had to admit, they looked like a family even if they were only tied by blood.
Lizzie had popped her head into River’s End to let her dad know she had JR. He’d invited her in for a quick drink. Though she’d wanted to yell at him about leaving JR on his own, she’d simply waved and left. If the pattern he’d developed over the last year held true, he wouldn’t be home until Sunday night or Monday morning. Lizzie would cut her girls’ weekend short and head home after today’s rodeo.
JR finished the ice cream bar provided by the local dairy farm at the end of the parade each year. James had turned his down and Lizzie had scarfed down hers. What could she say, queen of emotional eating.
She took a deep breath, glanced at James for support then said, “JR, I need to tell you something.”
JR watched a dog playing Frisbee with his owner. “Okay, but can I have a dog like that one?”
“Maybe. Listen, you know how I told you your dad loved you but he was traveling and couldn’t be here?”
“Yeah.” JR’s tone turned low. “Sandy says that’s code for he didn’t want me.”
“Well, Sandy’s wrong.” Unable to stop himself, James jumped into the conversation. “Who is Sandy anyway?”
“Sandy’s my best friend from Sunday School. He says—”
“Nothing you need to listen to.” Lizzie forcibly took back the reins of the conversation before it went way off track. “Because James is right, Sandy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
As usual.
Sandy was a thorn in her side, always getting JR in trouble. The last stunt had cost Lizzie a new toilet for the church when the two had torn apart the insides of one during service to see how it worked.
“Jeez Mom, you don’t have to be mad about it.”
“I’m not mad. Can you stop talking for a second while I tell you something?”
JR slumped and crossed his arms. “O…k…a…y.”
This wasn’t going well. She’d thought about this day for five years, but now it was here
, she was messing it up. Totally.
“Your dad does travel a lot. But he’s here today.”
“He is?” JR sat up and inspected the entire park, before focusing back on his mom. “Where?”
“Right here, buddy,” James said carefully. “I’m your dad.”
JR looked at Lizzie for confirmation.
“It’s true.” Heart pounding, she nodded. Breath held, she watched JR’s face for some kind of reaction.
“So why haven’t you been here? Don’t you like kids?” JR examined James. “Were you in prison?”
“What? No, I wasn’t in prison.” James raised his eyebrows at Lizzie for guidance.
“Why would you ask about prison?” Lizzie, too, was surprised at the question. She’d never said anything to lead JR into thinking James was a felon. Had she?
“Sandy said if my dad didn’t show up it would be one of two reasons. He was dead or in prison,” JR responded.
“You really need to stop hanging around Sandy.” Lizzie sighed. “James wasn’t around when you were little because—”
“Because I was helping your uncle win his bull riding championships,” James broke in. “Your mom and I had a misunderstanding and I didn’t realize how important it would be to you and her for me to be here.” He glanced up at Lizzie. “But now I’ve met you, so I’ll be here a lot more often.”
JR considered James’s explanation. “You’ll take me fishing, right? And teach me to play baseball?”
James laughed. “I guess I can do that. I haven’t fished for a while though. You might already know more than I do.”
“I’m a pretty good fisherman. Maybe I can help you.” JR swung his legs back and forth.
“I’m sure your dad would love that,” Lizzie assured him. She eyed James. “Before it happens James and I will need to talk and make some decisions on when you’ll see each other and stuff like that.”
