by Lynn Collins
JR’s voice came from the table. “I thought we were working on the pumps then going to the rodeo tomorrow.”
Lizzie grinned and lightly pushed James away, patting his arm.
Leave it to JR.
“You’re right, but I think your dad was talking about the future, not just tomorrow.” She took her cup and sat down at the table with JR. James followed her lead.
“Like how he’s not going to travel so I can teach him to fish?” JR reached for a second cookie, the first already gone.
Lizzie sucked a painful breath and shut her eyes. “Maybe. We’ll see. And that’s your last one. You’ll be hyped on sugar and never get to sleep.” Lizzie brushed the hair out of her son’s eyes. He was growing up too fast.
James grinned at JR. “I’m a fan of your mom’s chocolate chip cookies, too. In fact, they’re why I started dating her.”
“If I remember right, my mom’s apple pie cinched the deal.” Lizzie recalled the first night James had shown up for dinner at the house. The menu had seemed more like a Sunday supper: mashed potatoes, fried chicken, bacon–green beans, and an apple pie for dessert. Her mom had gone all out for Lizzie’s first steady beau.
“We have to reel him in good, Elizabeth.” Her mom had smiled when Lizzie commented on the spread.
“I’m not fishing here, Mom,” Lizzie had complained. “We’re just dating.”
“From what I’ve heard he’s a good boy. You could do a lot worse. Like dating his wild brother.”
Lizzie had bitten back a laugh. Dating James meant dating Jesse, too, since he was always around.
Her mom had brushed Lizzie’s bangs out of her eyes. “You’re growing up so fast.”
Lizzie hadn’t known what her mom was talking about then. She did now. Looking up, she realized both James and JR were watching her.
“What?”
“Earth to Lizzie, where did you go?” James reached for her hand.
“I’ve been right here, why?”
JR jumped in. “We asked you a question, twice.”
“You caught me. I was thinking about Grandma.” She straightened. “What did you ask?”
“JR wanted to know how long we dated.” James squeezed her hand. “I told him I loved you from the minute we met, in what, fourth grade?”
“Seriously, James, I had my eye on you long before that. Remember Mrs. Taylor in first grade?” Lizzie smiled at JR. “We didn’t have kindergarten back then. We were thrown straight into the hard stuff.”
“I remember Mrs. Taylor.” James nodded. “She looked like a grandma. She used to read to us every day right after lunch.”
“Story time. I think it helped calm everyone down from recess.”
James seemed surprised. “You were in Mrs. Taylor’s class? Why don’t I remember you?”
“Because I was quiet and scared and you were hanging with Annie.”
“I remember Annie. She let me see her…”
“James!” Lizzie interrupted. “There’s a child at the table.”
“I was going to say, she let me see her lasso. Her dad had a miniature one made just for her. Where is your mind, Liz?” James nodded at JR. “Besides, I think he’s out for the night.”
JR leaned against the table, his head in his hands, his eyes closed. A gentle snore came out of his mouth, proving James right.
Lizzie stood and walked over to pick up her son. “It’s been a long day. He’s tuckered out.”
James appeared at her side. “Let me take him.”
Lizzie nodded. “His bedroom’s this way.”
They headed up the narrow stairs to the top floor. “After we get him to bed, I’ll tell you what else Annie showed me. Or maybe I’ll show you?”
“Hang onto that thought, stud. I think we have more important things to talk about than exhibitionist Annie. You know she became a stripper down in Vegas, right?”
“No way. I thought one of those girls seemed familiar when Jesse and I were there last year.” James laid the sleeping JR on his bed and pulled off his cowboy boots. “You got some pajamas for him? Or is he more of an au naturel kind of kid?”
“Let’s say he starts in jammies.” Lizzie pulled cowboy themed sleepers from the chipped wooden chest of drawers.
“He’s sounding more like his old man.” James grinned. “I would get hot at night. By the time breakfast came, I’d stripped down to my skivvies. Mom would go haywire when I’d walk into the kitchen. After she left, Dad never even noticed.”
“Oh James, I didn’t realize how hard it was.” Lizzie thought about the months after losing her own mom. “Until now I guess.”
James took the sleepwear. “I’ve got this. You go down and finish your mocha. I’ll be there in a sec.”
“You sure?”
“This is the first time I get to put him to bed, Lizzie. I want to do it.”
Lizzie walked out of the room and then stopped in the hallway, listening to James talk to their sleeping son while he pulled off the dusty cowboy outfit and put him into soft, warm flannel. It was clear at the moment that James wanted to be part of JR’s life. Now she had to figure out what adding him to the mix meant for all of them.
Down in the kitchen, she put JR’s plate and cup in the sink. Running water into the cup, she looked out the window for a glimpse of the rental cabins. If James meant what he said about helping—and stayed to follow through—maybe she could open them again by the end of May. Aside from cleaning and possibly some minor refurbishing, all it would take was updating the website—and maybe hanging flyers in town at the general store and possibly Cash’s place. If she could get the heat back on in the cabins and pull in hikers as well as fall and winter hunters, she might be able to pull off a season profitable enough get her and JR off welfare.
And if the season really went well, maybe she could hire some help, stop depending upon her dad for maintenance when she couldn’t even talk to him anymore.
Take control of her life.
However, she did it, she needed to do something to erase the look of pity she’d seen in James’s face when she’d told him how she and JR were surviving. She couldn’t afford to be ashamed of what she’d done. When the world didn’t do your bidding, you had to step up and turn lemons into lemonade, as her mom would say.
She mixed up another cup of mocha, refilled James’s mug, and grabbed a notebook to start her to do list. Heck, if James could really take care of the hot springs pump for her and Dad’s mind stopped wandering long enough to keep JR occupied for a few days, she might be able have a cabin ready to rent by the end of the week. If. If-if-if. There were always a few of those.
Head down, she listed all the chores she needed to finish for one cabin.
One step at a time, Suzie Q.
Dealing with her mom’s illness and death while running the cabins and raising JR had taught her one thing: organization was the key to success. Turning a page, she wrote ‘Marketing’ at the top. Since the cabins were each equipped with a microwave, small refrigerator and toaster, there was no reason to offer a full day’s food service. That would bring her reopening costs down immediately. She chewed the top of her pen. On the other hand, she could whip up amazing breakfast at little cost to the business while tacking on a surcharge for doing so. And her private grove of huckleberries were just coming in. Until they were ready, she could make do with the few bags left in the freezer from last year’s harvest. Plus, there was the jam she’d already made and the bread and occasional pie she could make.
The more she wrote, the more excited she got.
“I hope that list isn’t all the angry things you wanted to say to me, but never have,” James said from the kitchen doorway.
Lizzie jumped. “No, it’s an idea I had for reopening the cabins. If you really do mean to help out tomorrow, I could probably do it by the end of the month. Sooner with a bit of luck.”
“What can I do?” James pulled a chair close to Lizzie and sat down. He glanced over the list. “You forgot landscapin
g. You need to clean up the outside, maybe power wash the exterior. Let me handle that tomorrow.”
“But the rodeo? Won’t Jesse need you?”
“We’ll get there in time to see him ride. But if he can’t get his butt out of bed and dressed on his own by now, we’ve got another problem.” James grinned. “Let me help you.”
“Okay. Just remember you volunteered. I don’t want to hear any whining.” Lizzie could feel James’s body heat so close. She wanted to touch him. No, she wanted to rip off his clothes and run her hands across his chest.
Stop thinking about sex. He’s only here to help.
“Missy, I don’t whine.” James took a sip of his coffee. “Now, let’s talk about your idea. When are you thinking about opening? What about supplies?”
Lizzie pulled her mind out of the things she wanted to do to James and focused on the things she needed to do to the cabins. “Well, I thought that since the cabins are equipped with mini-kitchens, maybe I don’t have to serve food. At least not all day. And if the pump is working well, and the Jacuzzis are gone over to make sure they’re in shape, and the spa area sparkles, and…”
“Wow, you don’t want much, do you.” James laughed outright. Then he sobered. “We don’t have to leave for the next rodeo until Tuesday night. So you have one extra set of hands until then.” He was quiet for a moment. “Honestly, Lizzie, I didn’t know what you were up against with all this. I can’t promise, but depending on where we’re going next, I might be able to be here a couple days a week. Until you get everything squared away.”
We’re both dancing around a future here. Not willing to jump in and realize the pool is empty.
“Let’s see where we are Tuesday night when you leave. We might knock the majority of the work out before then.” Lizzie started reading out the list. James added items when he thought of them.
Two hours later, they had a plan. Not only for cleaning up the cabins, but a shopping list. She had linens for the cabins, but needed new pillows. And it never hurt to have extra towels for the spa baths.
“I’ll give you my credit card and you can run into Boise and pick up your supplies at the warehouse store after I’m gone.”
“And how will you get back your card?” Lizzie dumped the dregs from her cup into the sink and rinsed the cup.
“I told you I’d be back next week.” James came up behind her and put his head on her shoulder, his body melding into hers. “Don’t you listen, woman? Or don’t you believe me?”
Her breath caught as she tried hard not to melt into his arms. “James, you can have all the intentions of coming back, but like you even said, it depends on where Jesse’s riding. You can’t be two places at once.”
“A man may not be able to serve two masters,” James said, pulling away from her to get his cup off the table, “but he can do everything in his power to be dependable both on the job and with his family.” He set the mug in the sink. “Do you mind if I crash on your couch? I don’t think I can keep my eyes open long enough to drive back to town.”
Kiss him. Take him back up to your room. Show him why he should choose you this time.
Ignoring mind and body, Lizzie headed to the linen closet in the laundry room. She returned with a set of sheets, a quilt, and a pillow. She thrust the pile into James’s arms. “I can’t tell you it’s very comfortable, but you won’t be cold.”
“Thanks, Lizzie, for everything.”
James reached for her, but Lizzie turned away. If he touched her, she was a goner.
“I’ll see you in the morning. You still like ham and cheese omelets?” She headed up the stairs.
“Whatever you fix is fine with me.”
Lizzie waited until she reached the top of the stairs before sprinting to her room and closing the door. She leaned it closed, her heart beating faster.
“Calm down, Liz. He’s only here for JR. Remember that.”
Lizzie got into her cotton nightdress and slipped between the sheets of her queen size bed. She bunched up a pillow and stared at it. Words she’d wanted to say for years floated through her mind. But every time she thought of the best way to tell James how she still felt him, a vision of him and Jesse walking away to the next rodeo intruded.
Restlessly she tossed and turned, wanting to blame the coffee for her inability to sleep. And knowing if she did it would be a lie.
“I give up. Do you hear me, God? I give up.” Lizzie rolled over and closed her eyes.
It took forever, but sleep finally came.
6
James woke to the smell of baking bread. Banana bread? Lizzie must be up. He lifted his head and gazed right into JR’s eyes. He sat on the coffee table, his legs crossed, his chin in his hands, watching James.
“Hey, buddy. Did you sleep good?” James stretched and pulled back the quilt.
“I guess. Why are you sleeping on the couch?”
“It was late when Mommy and me finished talking so I slept over. Hand me my jeans.” James pointed at the Wranglers lying to one side of the table.
“Here.” JR gave him the pants. He furrowed his eyebrows at James.
“Is it okay I stayed?” James pulled on the pants, hopping to get the long legs straight.
“Yeah, but…” JR hesitated.
“But what?” James needed to hit the bathroom, but didn’t want to walk away when JR clearly was concerned about something.
“Why didn’t you sleep with Mommy? Don’t mommies and daddies sleep together?”
“JR!” Lizzie stood in the kitchen door, her silhouette outlined by the sunshine streaming into the kitchen. “It’s rude to ask so many questions. Now leave your dad alone so he can get dressed.”
“Sorry.” JR walked toward her. “Can I have bacon?”
“We’ll see. Get in there and sit down. James, are you ready for breakfast?” Lizzie didn’t meet his eyes. He thought he’d seen her checking out his abs but he wasn’t sure.
“Let me get washed up. I’ll be right in.” He watched her disappear into the kitchen.
Are things going to be this tense all day?
He ran out to the truck and grabbed the overnight bag he’d packed before leaving the hotel last night. He’d thought it might be wishful thinking, but now he was glad for a change of clothes.
Inside, James padded barefooted to the bathroom where he found toothpaste and a new toothbrush, a washcloth and a towel laid out for him. A disposable razor and travel size container of shaving cream sat on the counter. The woman thought of everything. He hadn’t been this well taken care of since, well, since he and Lizzie had broken up.
He turned on the shower and popped in for a quick wake up. Today was his second day as a dad. He prayed he wouldn’t mess it up.
Fifteen minutes later, he was clean-shaven, fresh, and ready for the world. He tucked the overnight bag under the sink. Standing up he caught sight of his face in the mirror. Did he look like a dad? Or did he look like the driftless bum he felt like? He needed to make a decision. JR needed more time with him than just a few days in the middle of random weeks. A part-time dad. James didn’t think Jesse could handle the business end of things, but maybe he could turn daily management over to someone like Barb. They got on well together and Jesse might listen better to someone who wasn’t family.
“Yeah, that’s gotta be what’s best for everyone.” James regarded the mirror, aware he didn’t look convinced. “I’ll talk to him tonight after the ride. No use upsetting before he competes.”
A small knock echoed in the bathroom.
“Dad?” JR’s voice came up from the crack between the door and the floor.
“Yes, JR?” He’d have to get use to this constant attention. Of course being with Jesse had kind of prepared him for life with a five-year-old.
“Who’s in there with you?”
James slowly cracked open the door to find his son lying on the floor. JR shot upright instantly. “There’s no one in the bathroom with me. Why?”
“I heard you talking
to someone.” JR peered around him, checking.
“Well, as you can see, there’s no one there. I was talking to myself. Don’t you do that sometimes?” James reached down and pulled JR to his feet.
“Not since Grampa said only loonies talk to themselves. Like Mr. Dunn in town.” JR’s voice went down to a whisper, “He doesn’t have a home to shower in so he always stinks, but we aren’t supposed to talk about it. It’s rude.”
“Well, yes, that would be rude and probably hurt his feelings, knowing you were talking about him. But your Grampa is wrong. Sometimes even people who aren’t crazy talk out problems with themselves. At least I do.”
“You have a problem? What is it? Maybe I can fix it. Mom says I’m very helpful. I even saved Martha’s cat from a wolf last month.”
“You did?” James tried to steer the conversation away from himself. How could he tell a five-year-old his father was trying to choose between being with him or taking care of his grown uncle? The choice should be clear.
“Yep. Fluffy was stuck in a tree and the wolf circled, teasing him Gramps said.” JR’s eyes widen with memory.
“What did you do?” James didn’t like where this was heading. Who watched JR? Did he run wild all the time?
“I ran and told Gramps and he took out his shotgun.” JR put his hand on James’s arm. “Don’t worry, he didn’t shoot the wolf. He shot up in the air and it ran away. Lickety-split, he was gone. I held Fluffy for the entire robot movie she loves and she still shook at the end.”
“You were pretty brave.” James felt bad for jumping to conclusions about JR’s safety again. Then he realized he didn’t know Fluffy’s owner. “Who’s Martha?
JR peeked toward the kitchen to see if Lizzie was listening. “Grandpa’s girlfriend. I saw them kissing last week. On the lips.”
James leaned closer. “Why are we whispering?”
“Because Mom doesn’t know. She’d be sad.” JR glanced again at the kitchen. “Oh, I forgot, Mom said to come get you for breakfast.”
