Audrey tells me the movie is really good even though I don’t show my ass, and I just shake my head, reminding her she can see my ass whenever she wants. We walk hand in hand to the gym where the after party, aka the prom, is taking place. It’s a masquerade ball, just like it was back then, and I help her put on the rhinestone butterfly mask I bought her before slipping on my plain black one.
“Oh wow. This looks just like the pictures I saw, but better.”
“I told you that was the plan.”
“How did you do all of this? The extra premiere, and everything?”
“Dance with me, and I’ll tell you everything.”
“I’d love to dance with you, but no one’s out there yet. Are you sure you want people to see your two left feet. I don’t care, but you know people and their pesky camera phones.”
“Actually, I’ve been taking lessons while I’ve been on tour.”
“Really?”
“Yep. I hired someone from one of the dance shows to help me. I can probably even hold my own with Swing.”
“Then lead me to the dance floor and show me what you’ve got.”
I’ve got more than dancing to show her, and I can’t wait to see her face. As we take our places in the middle of the dance floor, I nod to the band on the stage. They’re in shadows so Audrey hasn’t seen them yet. Once they step into the light, I hear her gasp.
“Oh my God. Is that?”
“All-4-One and Storyside? Yes. Your mom told me you used to dance around with your dress to I Could Love You Like That. I don’t remember dancing to it at prom, but I won’t forget it tonight. Especially not with Stella’s boyfriend and his band joining in. I’m pretty sure this is going to be epic.”
“You are epic. Now spill. I get how you did the music, but I want to know about everything else.”
“Hold on a sec,” I tell her as Kace takes the microphone.
“Hey everyone, I’m Kace and this is my band, Storyside. We’re totally stoked to be playing with All-4-One tonight on this first song. It’s a song that’s special to one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met in my life. This one’s for you, Audrey Sanchez.”
Audrey blows him a kiss, he winks at her, and then the music starts. “What do you want to know exactly?” I ask, trying to stall.
“Everything.”
“Of course you do.” Here goes nothing. “I gave up my backend percentage of the film’s earnings, and did that extra week of promoting in exchange for being allowed to do this tonight. As for the press, we didn’t tell any of them this was happening until today. It was a condition of my giving up the money. I don’t know how Misha even found out about it. One of the rags must’ve called her.”
“That’s millions of dollars. And your time that you gave up is worth a lot, too.”
“It is, but how many millions do I really need?”
“Blake,” she says, her eyes filling with tears.
“I love you, Audrey. The money and the time are insignificant compared to that.”
“I love you, too. This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me in my life. It’s the best thing I’ve ever been bought, too. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“I’m happy to make all of your fantasies come true.”
“If we’re talking fantasies, I always wanted to make-out under the bleachers with you.”
“I think that can be arranged.”
“Best Baby Daddy ever.”
She kisses me before I can complain, and after a few minutes, I forget why I even wanted to complain in the first place. I know how lucky I am to have her back in my life, and I’ll spend the rest of it proving that to her. All the way to the nursing home, and beyond.
Read on for the Prologue and Chapter 1 of
Loving My SECRET, Reina and Matt’s book.
For this book, the prologue isn’t the beginning,
it’s a snippet of what’s to come…
Prologue
Reina
“Help,” I scream, “someone please help us!”
I clutch the sheet to myself as I crawl over to Matt. He’s covered in more blood than I am, but what’s on me isn’t mine. It belongs to the men I killed in order to stop them as they shot the man I love. The man who came for me, even when I thought he wouldn’t.
I try to stop the blood—the life—from seeping out of him, but it’s not stopping for me. There are too many wounds, he was shot too many times. “Don’t die on me, Matthew Corrigan. Don’t you dare die on me.”
“Reina? Oh fuck,” Nate says from behind me.
“Help me. We have to stop the bleeding.”
“Rei,” Aiden says softly, and when I turn to him, I see he’s given up on Matt already. Nate has the same look in his eyes.
“No. He’s not dead. He may be dying, but he’s not dead. He would never give up on either of you, so you fucking better not give up on him. Help me!”
They’re immediately next to me on the ground, tearing off their t-shirts as I tear the sheet that’s covering me. I don’t care about being naked underneath the small piece that’s left. I don’t care about anything, except for keeping Matt alive. If he dies, then the old me will die along with him. I’ll come back to this place, and this time, it will be for real.
The paramedics come in and push us out of the way. And then they stop and shake their heads. “He’s alive.” They just look at me like I’m crazy, and right now, I probably am. I pick up a gun and check it for bullets before pointing it at them. “He. Is. Alive.”
They spring into action and start taking care of him. As they pull the gurney away, I start to follow them. The local police stop me when they see the gun in my hand, so I drop it and explain myself. I see the ambulance pulling away, and try to run after it, but I’m too late.
“Come on, Rei, we’ll get you there,” Nate says.
“We have something for you, too,” Aiden tells me.
“No. Not yet, Aid.”
“Yes, Nate. It’s time.”
“The fuck it is. He’s going to live. Matt won’t give up, and I’m not giving up on him.”
“We have to be realistic. Even if he lives, it won’t be the same.”
“He will live, but now you better give me whatever it is you think I need,” I say, finally speaking up.
Nate looks at Aiden with a glare. “You give her yours, because I’m not having that on me when he wakes up pissed.”
“She deserves it,” Aiden says, pulling his wallet out and extracting a tiny envelope.
He hands it to me, and I see the word “Princess” in Matt’s handwriting. Leave it to him to insult me even in written form. I open it as I get into the backseat of the Jeep Nate leads us to.
Reina,
If you’re reading this, I’m either dead, or close enough to it that Nate or Aiden felt it was the right time to give this to you. I wish I was brave enough to tell you the things you’re about to read, but I’m not. My two biggest regrets in life are pushing you away all those years ago, and doing the thing that made me push you away. What you’ll read will either make you hate me more, or love me more. Either way, I need you to understand something. I love you. More than any person on this Earth has ever loved another. I’ll love you even after I take my last breath because life and death have no power over the love I feel for you. Hopefully, what you find here will show you that:
Email address: [email protected]
Password: the date we first met
Yours forever,
Matt
“Give me a phone.”
“We may not have service,” Nate says.
“Stop stalling me and give me a god damn phone or I’ll jump out of this Jeep and find someone else who will help me.”
Aiden shares a look with Nate, and then hands me his phone. I bring up the browser and almost cry when I see the two bars. I click on Google, log Aiden out, and then log into the account Matt gave me. What I see brings those tears I was trying to
hold back—thousands of emails, the last one dated yesterday. I go to the oldest page and see that the first one is from over eleven years ago. On the day that Matt broke my heart for the first time. I take a deep breath, and click on it, both hopeful and scared of what I’m about to learn.
Chapter 1
Reina,
I did something today. Something I don’t think I can live with. It was an accident, but that makes it even worse. I was with my unit when we were attacked, and I started shooting at everything, everywhere. And I hit him—I shot an innocent man. A man who has a family, a wife and two small children. I don’t know why he walked into that intersection where he must have heard the guns. Maybe he thought he could help, even though he didn’t have a weapon. His wife said that he was a good man, one who was opposed to the war. I went to see her and promised to provide for her and their children for the rest of their lives. I know it can’t make up for what I did, but I had to do something. She said she doesn’t blame me, but how can that be true? I killed her husband. I KILLED him. My C.O. says I need to stay quiet about it, that it would be bad press if it got out, but that’s not right. People should know. You should know. I can’t tell you, though. Not ever. I wouldn’t survive having you look at me like the monster I know I am. I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive living the rest of my life without you, but I have to. I can’t have you anymore. I don’t deserve happiness, and everything about you makes me happy. I’m going to break up with you. It’s going to break me, but I have no choice. I’ll never be able to call you My Beautiful Queen again, and I’ll never get to hold you or make love to you. Someone else will get to do those things while I stay away and love you from afar. There will be no one else for me, because I’ve already had the best.
I love you,
Matt
* * *
I can’t wait to get home and check my email. Today is the day I get my email from Matt. He never misses a week, and I live for those words from him. I can’t wait until he can come home again—I’m going crazy waiting for him. Reading his emails and knowing he’s missing me, too, is what keeps me going.
I rush through the door to the apartment Jane Corrigan put me in, and turn on my computer. I could’ve used one at the Foundation, but I like to be alone when I read the words of love Matt sends me. We don’t write anything scandalous, but our words are still intimate, meant only for each other.
I bring up my email and smile when I see the notification from him. The smile falls from my face as I read the words he’s written. No. This isn’t right. Matt loves me. He told me he loves me, and he’s said it in every email since he left. He wouldn’t want to see other women. He couldn’t. But it’s there on my screen, the letters blurring as I view them through my tears. No matter how many times I read them, they still say the same thing.
I think we should see other people. I’m sorry, Reina. It’s really not you. Take care of yourself, Matt.
I straighten my spine, and force myself to stop crying. I’m not some silly girl anymore. I’m a member of the Society, and I can get through this. Even though I know I’ll have to see Matt because of Jane, I’ll survive. If I mean so little to him, then I’ll make him mean nothing to me. I don’t know how, but I will
* * *
Three days ago
Reina
I’m practically skipping as I enter the Corrigan & Co. building. Last night, Matt finally admitted that he loves me. We made love for hours after that, and he let me sleep in while he got up to go into work. I should be able to catch him for lunch if I hurry.
One of the security guards stops me before I get on the elevator. “Mrs. Corrigan, your husband asked me to have you meet him in his office the minute you arrived.”
“Thank you,” I tell him with a smile.
I take the elevator up, straightening my white sweater dress a little. It’s got a cowl neck and a long skirt, and I feel pretty and feminine in it. I usually dress to intimidate, but today I just wanted to dress like a wife. A wife who’s loved.
Matt’s secretary waves me through, and I walk in, prepared to molest my husband. That plan goes out the door when I see that he’s not alone. One of the Corrigan attorneys is standing at the side of his desk.
“Hi,” I say to the man while I look at Matt, who won’t look back at me.
“Hello, Reina. Are you ready to sign your life away, literally?”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s been one year today. I have the divorce papers ready for you to sign. Matt’s done his part already.”
“You signed them?” I ask Matt. He doesn’t answer me, but I see it on his face. He did it. “You signed them.”
“Of course he signed them. This was a marriage of convenience after all. Here’s your pen.”
I don’t remember my legs moving, but I’m all of a sudden standing next to him, holding my hand out. Convenient? No. Nothing about this past year has been convenient. Frustrating, hopeful, sad, fun, and sexy, but not convenient.
I take the pen and sign all the places he tells me to. “Congratulations. I just need to file these, and then there’s the waiting period, but you’ll be officially free of each other soon.”
I drop the pen onto the floor and walk out. I hear people greeting me, and I force myself to answer as I make my way to the Foundation. I manage to smile for Alex to tell her I need a little time alone to go over some files. I walk at a normal pace to my office, but once I close the door, it’s all over.
I use voice controls to turn off the cameras and listening devices, and then I sink to the floor. I scream and cry, and then I destroy. I throw our wedding picture into the wall, and then go to work on everything else. Everything but my desk. I need my computer, but the rest of the office looks like a tornado came through. It’s not enough.
I’m not enough, and now I know that I never will be. It’s time to do the only thing I can—take on the mission that will end my life. I’d never kill myself, but nothing’s stopping me from taking the one assignment that I should never even get close to. I was asked for help, but even the person asking knew I couldn’t personally help without putting myself at risk. Which is why it’s perfect for me now.
I email her and then put everything in place. I’ll have one hour to get out of town before everyone realizes what I’ve done. I’m going to miss my friends, but I can’t stay here any longer. I can’t be here, watching Matt parade his women in front of me again. I let him fool me twice, and now I have no one to blame but myself.
I put that smile back on as I seal my office, telling Alex I have an unexpected appointment. She doesn’t question the sunglasses on my face, even though I can tell she wants to. I make it out of the building and into my car without any problem, and then I drive to the private airfield. It’s time for the end to begin, once and for all.
* * *
Matt
I’m on my third glass of Scotch when the alarm on my desk goes off. It’s a distress signal from the Society, one I’ve never heard before, so I know it’s bad. I’m running for the door before it ends its chime. I make it into the Foundation offices and find chaos. I follow Alex into the conference room, but notice that Reina isn’t there. My grandmother is in her place at the head of the table, and my stomach drops.
“Where is Reina?”
“She’s gone. That’s what the alarm is for.”
Oh God no. No. “How can she be gone? She’s in charge.”
“She deactivated herself. She had it on a delayed timer, so it didn’t take effect until she was already far enough away for anyone to go after her,” Ainsley says.
“You have to know where she was when it deactivated.”
“Yes. She was in the air. My team is trying to find the plane, and they’re also trying to recover what they can from what’s left of her hard drive.”
“She destroyed her computer?”
“She destroyed her whole office. She broke everything that wasn’t bolted to the floor,” Faith tells me.
“We�
�ve got something,” Ainsley says before I can ask any more questions. She’s looking down at her tablet, and all of a sudden there’s an email up on the screen.
It seems straightforward. A nun is asking for help because her convent is being threatened by a trafficker. Audrey stands up so fast that her chair topples over, which tells me there’s more to it than just a normal mission.
“No. Jane…no. She didn’t. Why did she go? Oh my God.”
“I don’t know, Audrey.”
“What is it? What’s wrong with Reina going on a mission? I know she’s out of practice, but she’s still tough.”
My grandmother practically collapses into her chair before answering. “What’s wrong is that the man who’s terrorizing the convent is the man we saved Reina from over eleven years ago.”
“Saved her? What the hell are you talking about?”
It’s Audrey who answers. “I had just been recruited into what would later become the Society when I met a woman on the bus. She was crying, and something drew me to her. I took her to a diner, and after getting her some food, she told me about her daughter. A beautiful girl who was taken by the Coyote who helped the family cross the border. They had paid him, but once he saw Reina, he wanted a different kind of payment.”
“Son of a bitch.”
My grandmother speaks up to finish the story. “Yes he was. And is. Reina was the first official Society mission, and we got her out. She would never tell us if he raped her—.”
“He didn’t,” I blurt out. “I was her first.”
“I guess I needed to know that, but then again, I really didn’t.”
“Sorry, Gram.”
“As I was saying, we got her out, but without killing him.”
“That’s my fault. I couldn’t do it. I should’ve done it,” Audrey says, looking like she’s going to break down.
Playing in SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 9) Page 19
